Realizing what he had done, Yael took a step back, braced himself, acted normal, and returned to his seat. In times like this, he was thankful for all those acting that he did as he could mask and maintain his expression.
Solanne, who didn't find any fault at what just happened, continued enumerating why Slow Burn romance was the best of all the romance tropes and genres she had ever read, besides Enemies to Lovers, where there's angst and all of the tension.
As Yael sat down, he felt the night breeze calming to the skin as if his heart was lifted by the wind a little bit, and he could think rationally once again. Perhaps it was because he was already that comfortable with her thinking of her as a friend. He's usually caring with his friends, and Solanne is no exception.
Solanne stared at Yael for a moment, her voice tone down. She seemed to be preoccupied by her thoughts, Confused by his actions.
Taking comfort in his conclusion, Yael sighed in relief and looked back at Solanne, who was now focused on the chicken. It smelled so good that their stomachs were now grumbling. Yael set the table up, and Solanne put down the chicken and prepared the plates.
Soon enough, they enjoyed a nice barbeque with rice under the starry night, feeling the calm night breeze.
Looking at this scene right now, Solanne can't help but contemplate, "It's so peaceful," she muttered, which Yael heard. Solanne looked at the sky, her right hand holding a chicken leg as she swallowed the rice.
Seeing this, Yael couldn't help but smile as he commented, "Right. It's so different from the city with all the cars and noises coming from outside."
Solanne chuckled, nodding in agreement. Then, she also realized, "It's also quiet there. There's the pandemic."
Yael paused for a few seconds, stuffing some rice into his mouth. The night wind blew; it was comforting. "We're so isolated that I feel like we are just having a normal holiday."
"For me, it's a blessing in disguise," Solanne added, yet there was a bit of sadness in her tone. "But I know there's a lot of people out there suffering, and I feel so privileged in experiencing like this."
Both of them fell silent, not knowing what to add next; the air turned heavy. Solanne, not wanting to let the comfortable atmosphere die, added another question, "What do you wish to accomplish in this time?" She asked, not looking at Yael. She was busy tearing the leg apart.
A paused. Yael glanced at Solanne before deeply thinking, "Rest." He answered. Solanne raised her gaze. "Rest?" she asked back.
"Yes. All of my life, I was working. I feel like I need this." Yael sighed dreamily. "What about you?"
This time, it was Solanne's turn to contemplate. "Well," her words drifted. "A lesson? A silver lining? A chance to change?" She muttered one by one, and her eyes looked confused as she couldn't decide.
Yael was puzzled by her choice of response. "Why?"
Solanne shrugged. "Well, I don't know about you, but there's just something inside me that tells me that this was what I was waiting for and that I needed to move all along. Yet, I can't understand what that means. It's just, that's just how I feel, and I feel lost, so I don't really know." Solanne chuckled as she dismissed, "Perhaps I'll also find the answer along the way."
"You like adventures, are you?" Yael raised another question, biting the chicken leg with some rice.
"Who doesn't?"
"Introverts?" Yael casually replied. Solanne laughs out loud, thinking that he's most probably right.
"Well, I'm also an introvert. Back in the city, I don't usually go out. I often only go out for work, to go to cafes, or to run errands. Besides that, my little brother was mostly out. He's still in college, and he's enjoying his life."
Solanne grabbed some sauce, mixing it with her rice, and skillfully
"Right," Yael "You have a brother, do you?" He added that he remembered when he had caught a glimpse of their conversation on Solanne's phone. Tracing back, Yael had already concluded that they were really that close to each other.
"Yes." A smile was evident on her face.
"His name?"
"Why are you curious?"
"Just curious." Yael simply answered.
"It's Sebastian. I call him Sebby for short, and he doesn't like it. Both of our names start with the letter S from our Mother."
"Your mother's name?"
Solanne grinned at him. "Why so noisy?" She joked.
"It's okay if you don't want to answer." Yael dismissed, eyes on his food, ears were pink.
Solanne laughed, noticing the tiny details he did. A grin on her lips was visible. "It's just a joke. Our mother's name is Samantha."
"What's your childhood with her?"
"Hmmm… well, I—" Solanne's words drifted as she bitterly smiled, catching Yael off guard. "Would it be odd if I told you that I don't actually remember?" before Yael could process her answer, Solanne added, "What's it like with your childhood? Your parents?"
This time, it was Yael's turn to think. "Well, most of my childhood, all I can remember was the camera. However, I also remember my mother in the background, with a wide smile, and her eyes seemed so proud of me. She's always there to support me, so I feel lucky despite the pressure."
Solanne smiled. "Are there any memories you also remember?"
Yael nodded. "Right, school for the first time was frightening for me. But my older brother was there to comfort me."
"Brother? You have an older brother?"
Yael chuckled. "Yes. From the father's side."
Hearing that, Solanne paused. She felt she needed to take a few steps back as she added, "It's okay if you don't want to share."
"Why do you think so?" Solanne stared and tried to understand Yael's expression for a moment. He had this playful smile. He seemed and looked comfortable. Is she just overthinking things? At the same time, Yael added, "Is it because I told you he's my half-brother?"
"Well, I mean, there are certain topics and issues you might think uncomfortable sharing with others."
Yael smiled, "It's not uncomfortable. I just want to share it since most of my group members also don't know about this."
Hearing this, Solanne was taken aback. "And you are telling me this? Why?"
"Can't I?" Yael asked back. He seemed to have decided to tell Solanne about this matter.
"I— of course you can. If you want to."
Yael smiled, "Well," he drank some water before continuing his story. "My brother and I were close, so there's really no family drama." Solanne was relieved to hear that. "He was also adopted by my mother, so even less family drama. He has his own work, and he's very passionate."
"How old is your older brother?"
"He's 28 this year. He loves literature, by the way."
Solanne was surprised to know that. "What kind of lit?"
"History. Fiction. Anything he finds fancy. He has this whole library," Solanne leaned forward, acting more interested.
"Go on," there was a smile on her face. Yael noticed how attentive Solanne was.
"Wait, what's with your reaction?"
"What?" Solanne grabbed her phone and opened the camera to look at her face. "I look normal, though."
"The smile," Yael frowned.
"What do you mean smile?" Solanne laughs nervously. "I just think your older brother is very interesting."
"Interesting, like what?"
Solanne playfully smiles. "I feel like we'll agree on to some things that might find our fancy. After the pandemic, why not introduce me to him—"
"No," Yael dismissed without any second thoughts. Solanne rolled her eyes as she finished eating. Yael was also almost finished.
Solanne leaned on the chair, admiring the night sky.
"Just saying. You don't have to be so possessive of him."
"I'm possessive?" Yael asked confusingly. His own index finger pointing at him. He never really thought about that. Besides, no one ever said those kinds of words to him. It's just too puzzling for him at this point.
"Look at your face. You look like a child afraid of someone stealing your precious toy. I'm just interested. I'm not going to eat him, well—" Solanne coughed and smiled knowingly before grabbing the can of juice. "Didn't know you have a brother com—"
"You are just teasing me at this point," Yael scoffed. "Are you having fun?" He sarcastically remarked.
Solanne laughed, teasing him further. "No, of course not."
"What a disgusting liar."
Solanne chuckled. "Just saying, you look quite happy talking about your brother."
Yael stared at her. He leaned to the chair, opening a can of juice. "Well, you're also like that. Just your smile tells me everything."
"I do miss my brother. Perhaps I should call him later," Solanne casually answered. Eyes still looking up. "Yael,"
"Hmmm?"
"Tell me more stories."
Yael frowned. "Stories about what?"
"Your experiences. Aspirations. Inspirations. Tell me more about humanity. Complex situations. Tell me more about life and its lessons." Solanne answered dreamily. Yael couldn't see her expression as her eyes were looking up, but for some odd reason, he saw her eyes glistened watching the stars.
"Why?" Yael answered back, feeling the soft, cold breeze.
"I want to become a writer so bad."
"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"
"I'm afraid."
"Of your dreams?"
Solanne sarcastically chuckled. "Of being a wasted potential. I feel like I'm so far behind in life, I wanna die."
"Do you seriously think of that?"
A paused. Solanne sighed before standing up. "It's getting late. Should we pack up?"
Yael watched her actions. Her ways of avoiding his gaze. He smiled. "You're running."
"Of course I am," Solanne undoubtedly answered.
"Are you that afraid?"
"Yes. Very. Do I look like a coward?"
Yael shook his head. "No."
"Then what am I?"
"A scared child."
"A what?"
Yael laughed while helping Solanne fix the table. "A child scared of the big world. That's what you look to me. And guess what?"
"What?" This time, it was Solanne who looked at Yael with a confused expression. Eyes eager to ask for answers.
Yael sighed.
"A child can be scared. They had the right to be scared."
Right after hearing that, Solanne, who felt like she had been swallowed by fears, stood still. Her head was preoccupied with thoughts. She smiled bitterly, feeling a wave of emotions rush through her stomach and from her heart.
It's too much.
'How unfair when she should be the one to say such things.