--
After harvesting some fruits and vegetables, the three of them headed to Vincent's friends to buy some meat. It was just 2 in the afternoon, and as they ride on the wagon, Yael can't help but noticed that Solanne has become more quiet after their conversation.
Her eyes seemed to be in daze as Yael softly tug her shirt and she look up. He was just sitting close to her. Still, there was a few inches distance. Someone who looked at them from a distance will think that they're both a child. They appeared so small.
It took a while for Yael to gather her words as he asked in a whisper, afraid that Vincent would notice. "Are you okay?"
Solanne nodded, her eyes seemed to be quite in daze. "Yes. I'm just thinking."
Despite of her assurance, Yael knew that there was something wrong. Right at the moment they arrived, Vincent climbed down the horse, and he looked at Yael. "Yael, wanna come? Help me some things. They're quite heavy."
Yael and Vincent stared at each other for a second.
Yael was skeptical at first as he feels like he cannot just leave Solanne alone but Vincent walked towards him and whispered something, "She needs to be alone," Vincent said to him as if he knew what Solanne was thinking and going through.
Yael took a glance at her again. Solanne was hugging her knees, and she was looking down. Yael nodded. Thinking that Vincent was right. She needs space. And that he needs to think too.
Both of them turned their backs and enter a two-story house. Vincent's friend, Marcus, who was as thin as Vincent wearing a nice black shirt and apron was already there waiting for Vincent and his company. "It's been a while, Vincent" Marcus greeted.
Marcus was tan, and from the looks of his body, he seemed to be lifting some weights.
Vincent scoffed. Which surprised Yael as this was the first time he had acted like this.
"It's just a few weeks."
Yael watched them talk still, he can't help but we worried because Solanne was left there all alone.
--
The moment Vincent and Yael's figure was gone in front of her, that was the time Solanne can finally let all of her guard down. She needs to walk and smell the fresh air to calm her nerves down because she knew to herself that she was angry.
No, she wasn't angry at Yael or to anyone right now, the source of her hatred and anger was herself.
The thing that was stuck in hear mind since earlier was what Yael has talked about. How the two dreams perhaps were telling them to look at their selves.
She had looked at herself in those dreams countless of times and that she had concluded that in those dreams and thoughts, she had blamed herself every time. She was angry at herself. And that she had nothing but words that hurt purposely throwing at herself.
She wasn't like this before.
She wasn't like this!
How did she ever feel like this and how to get out of the situation she was in?
The fears of her dreams.
The fears of her future.
The fear of trying and yet, frustrated that she hasn't tried anything. Not one bit.
The frustration of being stuck at her own bubble yet she was afraid to take the first step.
What should she do?
What to even do?
She scoffed at herself mocking as she had the audacity to lecture Vincent about his fears and moving forward yet, she was the one who can't do it.
She was plague of all of these things and the more she doesn't try and move forward the more hate she feels about herself.
She doesn't know what to do, no, Solanne knew for the fact that she knows what she needed to do. She stayed there, wondering, thinking, feeling frustrated and desperate. She just stayed there, analyzing her emotions, feeling like a loser.
It's a matter of choice. What she wanted and needed to do.
As Solanne was looking at the plains and the view in front of her, she felt her tears rolled down on her eyes, as she desperately told herself, "I need to move forward or I'll kill myself."
That was the desperate truth she was afraid to even admit. She was killing herself from the inside.
Solanne knew to herself that she has deep trauma involving those people whom she had trusted before. These people resurface on her mind whenever she let her guard down, and every time, she feels like she'll also drag herself down for them to realize and feel sorry for what she had become.
Yet, it was almost years since then. No apology was given and she just dragged herself to destruction.
She clenched her jaw. She swallowed so hard as she heaved a sigh. "Be kind to yourself for once," she mumbled between her lips. Afraid of all of the possibilities and the things that were uncertain yet she has no choice.
She needs to move forward.
--
Solanne was already back in the wagon, and 30 minutes had passed. Soon enough she saw Yael and Vincent carrying kilos of meat on their way to the wagon. She immediately climbed down and help them but the two of them refused to hand her over a bag, even if it was just one kilogram.
Solanne smiled at them.
Kindness. She was new to these acts of kindness and that she feared she'll be spoiled.
Yael saw Solanne's eyes were red signifying, telling him, that she cried, yet no one asked about that as she was trying her best to appear normal in front of them.
Yael traced back his words. Perhaps, just like before, he had uttered, said something that hurt her.
Their wagon ride was quite just like before. This time, their travel was a good hour as Vincent had taken the road back to their cabin.
Solanne, because of her tears, and how exhausted she was has fallen asleep, arms and knees tuck together.
"She seemed tired," Vincent commented. "I feel sorry for making her work."
"Don't be. She was having fun." Yael then added, "We talked earlier. I feel like I told something that might have offended her."
Vincent shook his head. "I feel like it's the opposite."
"How can you say that?" For some reason, Yael did not like how familiar Vincent to her. He talks as if he knows who she really was. What were the complicated things and feelings she even refused to tell him.
"We adults sometimes complicates matter. After a few words and conversation, we exchange, Solanne was pressured by time and the things she wanted in life. People said that when you're in twenties, you'll be able to live freely, yet, it's not really that way. Twenties are the years people around you demands result. They give pressure. And they crush you with that. Solanne has a few complicated matters she doesn't want to share."
"Then,"
"All we can do is wait for her to open her heart. And when that time comes, Yael," Vincent glanced at Yael. He was looking at Solanne.
"When that time comes, hear her out without any prejudice."
--
As soon as they arrived, Solanne woke up with a blanket over her. She thanked Yael as she folded the blanket. Yael and Vincent didn't spare time as they carry all of the groceries, well technically, food they harvested inside the cabin.
Just as they were finished, Solanne smiled at Vincent. "I am really thankful." Solanne expressed from the bottom of her heart. All the memories and experience, she'll forever treasure it. The feelings she felt, like a child, as if she was back on the days with no worries, she wants to keep it safe and put in a treasure box.
To admire. To open when times get rough for her.
Vincent pats her head. "It's the pandemic, Solanne," Solanne was confused when Vincent said that. He grinned at her. His eyes sparkled with mischievousness. "You can do anything you want. Do not limit yourself."
His words once again had left something inside her that she could not understand.
She laughed. Cheeks turning red as she shook her head. She remembered the words of the older ladies. She said in a jest, "I hope you find someone. I feel like you'll become a great partner even a great lover."
Vincent smiled at her eyes glinted with mysteriousness. "I'm waiting for a woman."
Solanne's eyes widen in disbelief. Excitement rising through her. "Where is she now?"
"Traveling. Taking her time."
Solanne wanted to pry more about the details yet, Vincent had already closed the conversation and hopped on the horse. "See you next month. You can always call me if your food supplies ran out."
Solanne nodded and Yael waved at him goodbye.
Just as they were waited for Vincent's figure to disappear, Yael opened his mouth, "If there's anything I said that offended you,"
Solanne looked at him in a puzzled expression.
He continued, "I want to apologize. I'm sorry."