Daniella did not like that compromise. Thinking back in hindsight, I should not have made that comment.
"Dad," Lumi had muttered to me one night. She tugged the side of my shirt, her little cheeks whimpering, her voice hoarse. "Sister Ella is scary. Not dying and ghosts scary, but fierce and demanding scary."
I swiveled around the chair and picked her up into my lap. "I know, dumpling. Believe me, I know."
I gave her comforting pats and we snuggled together for a moment. Then I put her down, turning around, beginning to work again. My eyes peeled to the screen of the new Pineapple notebook as I continued to scroll away and jot down notes.
Research.
It has been a week since I had that talk with Daniella about the plans and expectations for Lumi's debut.
While Daniella trained away Lumi like a machine working overtime, I was caught up in the task of research. A lot of research about all the potentialities for opportunities, which included a wide variety:
Suitable streets for busking. It had to have lots of foot traffic of our target demographics and also be somewhere nice and clean.
Social media. It had to be a platform with the greatest chance of going viral as well as accessible to our target audience. It was also preferable to be something in the medium of short-term videos that would help cultivate mystery and attention for repetitive consumption.
And last but not least, the record labels themselves. These were by far the most important. The labels had to be a small or not overly large company, such that Lumi would be the sole focus for their developmental and resources. They also needed to have connections within the industry to help make for Lumi's inevitable smooth transition into stardom.
This was our three-step plan. It was the first out of many for Lumi's ultimate superstar in-making plan, so I dedicated it with my best efforts. One hundred and ten percent, even more.
But Lumi did not understand that. Her voice that was a little shy became a grumble.
"I... I miss your teasing," she said, her head bowed in a blush. "You're busy all the time now."
I turned around and faced her, my expression falling. Two palms handing on top of her head, I gave her hair a light tussle. "Silly dumpling. This is all for you."
"... I'm not ready for the big day tomorrow."
"Sister Ella has been taking you outside to the park every day, right? Didn't you say you were more comfortable around strangers?"
Lumi rattled her head before she bowed it again. "It's not that. Sister Ella has taught me so much. There's so much to keep in mind... I don't think I can do it all."
I chuckled. "She's a demanding one, isn't she? I don't know how she has so many sides to her."
"I do! I do! She was forced to be somebody she did want, and because that was an emotional experience, she lost her sense of identity. These different sides are only her trying to find herself."
"You're so sensitive and considerate, dumpling. It makes me so proud."
"I inferred from your thoughts, heh~ Sister Ella is also pushing me to put more emotions into my singing, but it's hard. It's hard to be true to yourself. The more I think about it, the more I realize I don't know myself."
I hugged her, dear and tight. "You don't need to look at my memories for psychology of self, dumpling. These abstract concepts are still far and beyond you. Your brain is still developing, after all."
Lumi nudged herself away and blinked at me. Her eyes were not without firm determination, but traces of distress as well.
"But I need to find out in order to improve my singing. I can't think of anything."
Moisture bubbled in my eyes. I found the proudness in my heart which formed because of her maturity ebb into sorrow. I saw a reflection of myself in her and I could not handle that.
"You don't need to prove yourself to the world, dumpling. Look at Dad. You don't need to get ahead of yourself. He wanted to beat his addictions so badly and regain the respect he lost from the world, so he made goals that became more and more impossible. But because he tried so hard to fulfill them, the pain and the hurt of failure hurt even harder. Alas, he fell back time and time again. He became the very thing he swore to destroy."
I gripped her shoulders and hoped my eyes could convey the reassurance I wanted them to convey.
"Sometimes taking a step back is the best thing you can do for yourself in these situations. Finding and building your sense of self is a hard task. You can't think hard and will hard for the answer. They happen... naturally, as you experience the world."
"Your Sister Ella may be a half-a-professional, but she can't read your mind and understand you like Dad does. He knows you inside and out, so let him tell you this, okay? You do know everything Sister Ella expects of you. You are an amazing singer already. But no matter how good or bad you sing tomorrow, as long as you sing, you're being true to yourself. You are Dad's little superstar dumpling who loves to sing."
Lumi was still in my arms for a moment before she dived into my chest. Though the small gesture warmed up my entire body, her sweet milky soft smooth light angelic voice that floated into my ears after melted me.
"Thanks, Dad."
"Say that again. Now."
Lumi slipped right out of embrace and dashed out the study. "I'd better get practicing!"
I leaned back against the chair, my melted heart a bit foggy from her comment of thanks. Another week had passed, but it felt like years already. There was a time ago where she was afraid to use her voice, afraid to even speak to me. She was growing so fast.
I knew for a fact that it was not only our shared telepathy that pushed these changes. It was her innocence, her kindness, her silliness. It was because she was willing to put her faith in me, in my decisions.
I would not let her down.