Here's the revised passage with improved texture, incrheased length, and no repetition:
Reaching the tent, Aden's breath hitched. Eloisa and Seth lay sprawled on the ground, seemingly lifeless. Eloisa appeared far worse, her skin pale and clammy, a stark contrast to her fiery red hair. A cold dread coiled in Aden's gut. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.
"What the hell happened here?" he muttered, his voice thick with shock and a tremor of dread.
A chilling premonition snaked down his spine. Zeph's voice echoed in his mind, confirming his worst fears. "[I have no idea... Aden, look at the ring!]"
Following Zeph's instruction, Aden's gaze darted to the corner beside Eloisa. His Here's the revised passage with improved texture, increased length, and no repetition:
