[ Twelve Years Ago ]
Alora: Age 14
Reyin's wooden sword came barreling into my stomach with enough force to send me crashing onto my rear. Pain clung to my gasp, and I shuddered quietly.
Reyin and I had been sword fighting. He didn't like violence but always practiced with me anyway because he knew I wanted to be a swordsman like my late grandmother. He supported me. But swordsmen didn't kneel for distractions as often as I did, distractions like the lovable shimmer in a friend's eyes. Reyin had only smiled at me, his lake eyes curling into half-moon diamonds, and I'd been entranced.
I wouldn't tell him that, because Reyin would find a way to take the blame for being distracting. That was funny, wasn't it? That he would try to apologize for being so lovable that he'd distracted me.
The issue would always be with me. Never him.
Maybe it was strange that only a glance from him had me stumbling on my feet. That he needed only to smile at me, and my world would stop for him. Was it okay to feel as intensely for someone as I did him? My chest was constantly on fire around him—for him. And I wondered just how far this deeply rooted feeling traveled. Whether it was merely obsession or something else—something much stronger that held a burning match to my heart.
Reyin regarded us as brothers sometimes, but that could never describe how strongly I felt for him. My world would explode if he ever referred to us as soulmates. Because he was that to me. Whenever I looked at my friend, I was sure I loved him more than my own mother, whom I loved very much.
I also loved him more than I loved myself, whom I didn't love at all.
Reyin's gaze rounded in panic. He threw his sword and came sliding through the dirt to reach me. Our mothers would scold him for ruining his pants later, and I almost smiled at the thought of him clinging to me throughout it. I would be there for him, no matter what.
His warm hands were on me. So warm. On my shoulders, against my chest, cradling my face, and then back on my shoulders again. "I'm so sorry." His pillowy voice quaked, and there were tears in his eyes, creating the lake his gaze had always resembled. "I-I thought you would d-dodge it. I didn't mean to hit you s-so hard." He was crying now, the tears running steadily down his reddened cheeks.
I tilted my head, a bit confused but also fascinated. I didn't know why Reyin was crying when I was the one who'd been hurt, but it made my chest loosen with warmth anyway. He was crying for me. His tears were for my sake. He didn't need to cry anymore. I would let him hurt me a hundred times. If he'd ever want to.
"I'm okay," I told him quietly, but my words didn't reach him over his soft cries, so I carefully grabbed his face. His cheeks were always so fluffy and warm in my hands. I loved how soft his skin was. Like a baby's stomach. "Look, dove. It doesn't hurt anymore."
Reyin's dark lashes fluttered with the weight of tears as he looked me over. He sniffled and brought his hands over mine, curling his fingers around my own. "Are you really okay?"
"Really," I confirmed.
To confirm for himself, Reyin inspected me further until he eventually realized I wasn't dying. He looked into my eyes and this time his hands were on my face, cradling my hollow cheeks. "This is why I don't like fighting. Someone can get hurt."
"You could never hurt me."
"But I did," he countered.
I frowned a little, feeling guilty to see him so sad. "I'm sorry I worried you."
He shook his head and sniffled again. A line of snot slipped from his nose and gathered above his top lip. He would find it gross the moment he realized, but I thought the mess was endearing. I would kiss it away for him if only he'd let me.
"I will always worry about you," Reyin admitted softly. With a frown of his own, he swept a dark brown curl away from my eye. "Precious flower. I need to protect you."
The determination in his eyes wounded me. Here I was, nearly three years older than him but smaller by a few inches, my hands small against his. I bruised easily and tripped over my own feet, and all these things made me weak. Reyin saw me as someone he needed to protect rather than someone he could rely on to protect him. I wished he'd see me the way I wanted him to.
Because with my life, I would protect him whenever.
I would protect him from anything. Even from myself.
"So beautiful," Reyin whispered, helping me to my feet. I let him because it made him feel good to help me, and I appreciated holding his hand.
Beautiful. He called me that sometimes. And I knew he always meant it because Reyin didn't lie to me. Ever. But I often wondered what encouraged him to make such a claim. What about my translucent skin and matted brown hair was beautiful to him? What about my stunted growth and small hands? What about my much too quiet voice and apathetic nature allured him?
I was curious. Genuinely curious as to why he dared to love me as much as I did him. No. I would always love him more than he could ever love me. I'd make sure of that.
Reyin cried a lot. He had scars across his appearance I hadn't been able to prevent, he was stupidly brave, sometimes, and too stubborn for his own good, and I loved him more for all these things.
He was perfect, always. My soulmate.
Reyin was still holding my hand when Calia came skipping over to us with a satchel across her chest. Her hazel eyes lit up at the sight of Reyin. I believed she liked him. No, it was obvious she did, and it wouldn't have bothered me as much if Reyin hadn't given her so much attention. I didn't like the possibility of him liking her back because that would mean he'd prefer her company over mine. And if at least Reyin didn't put me first in this world, no one else would.
It was impossible not to love a person like Reyin more than a person like me.
I selfishly longed that he at least loved me more than he loved himself.
Reyin didn't let my hand go, even as Calia approached, and my shoulders relaxed. Calia was a year younger than Reyin and lived across the village with her grandmother. Often, her grandmother gave her money to send the three of us to the city for errands since it was too difficult for her to travel far without the help of her sons, who traveled across the outskirts of the kingdom as carpenters. Calia's grandmother always sent her away with extra money so we could treat ourselves to something small, or she would have baked goods prepared for us once we returned.
"Little Calia, you look beautiful today," Reyin admired, petting her tightly coiled hair.
Calia beamed, the late morning sun glittering across her brown skin and giving her the appearance of joy personified. "Grandma gave us money for candy apples. We should leave quickly before they sell out."
Reyin released my hand to crouch so Calia could climb onto his back. My heart froze at the loss of his touch, but I kept my expression neutral. I liked Calia. She was sweet and always happy, often the one to raise someone's spirits. I did not like how she clung to Reyin, though, because it meant I couldn't. But then Reyin stood, and with one hand settled under Calia on his back, his other hand touched mine, and he intertwined our fingers.
And my world was whole again.
It was about an hour's walk to the nearest city. The environment was so vastly different from our quiet and spacious village. Everything was so loud here. So busy and tightly packed. The cobblestone streets rattled from the weight of speeding carriages, shop owners shouted out their open windows at potential customers, and people conversed loudly as they ambled down streets. The scent of burning wood and grilled food overwhelmed me. I hated busy atmospheres. Noise. But I knew Reyin enjoyed how lively it was here. He confided in me often about how nice it would be to work as a doctor and travel to the city sometimes.
The thin rolls of fabric Calia's grandmother had sent us to purchase were more expensive than she must've predicted because we'd had to spend all the money she gave us on them and had none left over for candy apples.
Calia seemed okay with it, just excited to be here, and I also couldn't find it in me to care much, but I could tell Reyin was trying hard not to let the disappointment show on his face. So, as we were making our way out of the city, I snatched a few pieces of candy from a street stall we passed. The wrappers were colorful, and I knew Reyin would keep them because he liked colorful things. Later, I would lie and say I had found the sweets on the ground so he wouldn't feel guilty eating them.
Reyin ambled ahead with Calia beside him, and I trailed just a few steps behind, staying vigilant because I knew they were too caught up in the sights of the city to look out for themselves. When an angry shout came from behind us, drawing the attention of people passing by, I stopped and turned. Only slightly.
"Hey! That kid just stole from me!"
Reyin and Calia whipped around in unison. Reyin looked around the crowded street—at all the eyes pointed at us. He tilted his head at the old man. "Me, sir? I apologize, but I didn't take anything from you."
The man huffed. "Not you, brat. Your friend there."
Reyin slid wide eyes over to me. I could see the question in his gaze melt into disappointment as he realized the accusation was likely true. If the man had only kept his mouth shut, I wouldn't have had to feel like I was dying inside at the receiving end of Reyin's disappointment.
My parents had always expressed how wrong it was to steal, but these people stole from us all the time. That was why we were poor and living in cabins that were too hot in the summer and freezing in the winter.
But even knowing I had likely stolen, Reyin stepped in front of me, refusing to buckle beneath the pressure of a thousand gazes on us. I was sure they were all wondering what a few poor kids were doing alone in the city.
"Excuse me, sir, but did you see my friend here slip anything into his pocket?"
The man scoffed. Even his long beard moved in anger. "I didn't need to. I had goods here on display, and the moment you brats walked past, they were gone. He was the closest to the table. I know it was him."
Reyin gave a placid smile, being the good boy he was and trying to appease the man's anger. "I don't believe that's enough to accuse him, do you? Anyone could have taken them. There are plenty of people here," he softly gave.
"You calling me a liar, boy?" the man bit out, getting ready to round the table. And at his movement, I roughly yanked Reyin behind me.
Then another man sighed loudly. He appeared indifferent as he stood holding a child's hand in a long line for the candy stall I had stolen from. Seemed this particular brand was popular. The man released his child's hand and stepped forward to address the shop owner plainly. "Look, how much was the candy?"
The old man slid his eyes over to the customer. "Seven mihnts."
He nodded. "I'll pay for it with my purchase." Then he looked over at us expectantly, and Reyin came from behind me to bow appreciatively. He quickly pulled Calia and me away after that.
The sun was still high in the sky when we returned to our village, so we skipped stones across the lake with Calia before taking her home and sharing the bean pie and peanuts her grandmother had prepared for us. Later that afternoon, Reyin and I walked along the lake's edge to return to our neighboring homes. Dinner would be held at my house tonight, so that was where we were headed.
Golden rays danced off the water's quiet ripples and touched Reyin's pale strands, giving them an almost blonde appearance.
"Alora," he whispered suddenly, releasing my hand.
My heart squeezed with panic, afraid Reyin would condemn or reject me for having stolen that candy earlier, but he did neither of those things.
Instead, he pulled me in for a warm embrace, his hair smelling like flowers and soap as it brushed my nose. "You were trying to do something nice for me earlier, weren't you? Thank you for that," he said quietly. "But that isn't how I want you to do it next time. I don't want you to get in trouble for me."
I pulled away only slightly so I could rub my cheek against his scarred one. It was how I told him I loved him. And I wanted to say I would endure anything for him, but knowing he wouldn't like it, I stayed quiet. Even when he pulled away and brushed his soft nose against mine how we always liked to. It made me smile, my panic from earlier retreating.
"Even good people make mistakes sometimes. Especially for the people they love," Reyin said with a radiant smile rivaling the sun, and he took my hand again. "That's what makes us human."
He was right. I did love him. But I failed to understand what about me had convinced him I was good.
I only ever felt human when I was with him.