Pointedly avoiding my question, Hael cleared his throat. "Brush your teeth, and we'll get going." He sauntered around the horse, intending to gather the little supplies left scattered beside where I'd slept, but I caught his wrist gently when he tried to brush past me. Hael's throat bobbed on a swallow, and when he looked at me, I could see how much of a struggle it was for him to maintain his indifferent gaze. My touch affected him in some way. It always seemed to.
I searched his eyes, softening my voice to mush to ask, "Why did you restore my clothes, Hael?"
Hael exhaled, and I felt a slight trembling course through him at the voice of his name from my lips. Did it bother him when I used it? Delight him?
"They are the only reminder you have left of home. I only thought…you might want to keep them," he confessed softly—a bit timidly, as though nervous of how I'd react to the gesture.
I released him quickly and faced the horse. My cheeks were shamelessly saturated and warm from his consideration, my body foolishly recognizing his service as something wonderful. It was not. Hael hadn't restored my clothes to please me but to diminish the possible guilt he felt for incinerating my home and capturing me. Yes, that was it.
However, regardless of his true motives, I'd been raised with manners, and discreetly, I was overjoyed to have my original clothes. All my beloved doctor's assistants wore similar garments to mine, but he'd picked these out for me himself.
So quickly, I muttered, "Thank you."
****
Another two days of traveling passed, and my condition hadn't improved. Whenever we had not been on the move, we'd been settled in a quiet forest, me falling in and out of consciousness while Hael tended to me. It had been unpleasant, but secretly, I was at least glad he'd never once left me to fend for myself.
We were on the move again, to where, I still did not know. Hael was always careful not to disclose anything to me. On his horse, I sat behind him this time, sitting as straight as I possibly could despite the nausea rolling around my stomach. The stubborn pride in me wanted to prove I did not need to rely on him to remain upright, even as my hands clutched the fabric above his firm waist to keep me stable.
He guided the chestnut through a packed and desert-resembling village. The sun wasn't blistering, but it was eager and persistent, chasing even the skin I attempted to hide behind my hair. The air felt like sand as I inhaled it, and it scratched my throat as it tumbled into my lungs. This unbearably dry environment only aided the severity of my illness. Truly, I would not be able to hold out much longer. It took mountains of willpower and the remaining ripples of my strength not to press my face into Hael's shoulder like I desired to, if only for a moment of reprieve for my stiff back and turning stomach.
"If it is your intention to keep me hidden, you'll fail if someone recognizes me," I told him quietly, failing to keep the strain from my voice.
Hael turned his head slightly, not quite looking over his shoulder, but I was faced with a quarter of his profile and greeted by a whiff of his hair. It smelled slightly of ground cinnamon and polished leather. A complicated mix that almost fascinated me.
"No one will recognize you. This is a rogue nation," he said.
I tensed behind him, my hands absently palming the sides of his waist and clutching desperately. And forward, I leaned, only enough that my nose was tickled by his silky hair, and my chin almost brushed his shoulder. Perhaps it would be better if no one recognized me, then. Rogues harbored resentment towards royalty and the wealthy. It was not like I couldn't empathize, for I'd also been on the receiving end of ill-treatment from those who'd been better off than me, forced to endure abuse because there was nothing a poor boy could do to counter someone of a higher class. However, that didn't inspire a murderous rage in me for them.
Hael's head turned again, and I pulled away when his face swayed too close. Noticing my hesitation, his full lips twitched into a small smile that had sensitive emotion prickling the skin along my arms. Hael turned forward. "Don't worry, I've been here before. This is a well-off community, so the crime rate is low."
"You've been here before?" I echoed, seizing that token of information. "Where are you originally from?" I also wanted to ask which territory this village belonged to—if we were still in Avalon, although deep down, I doubted it and feared his answer. The land out here was too brittle and dry, like it did not rain often. Too desert-like and bleak, contradicting the bountiful colors and nature in the Avalon Kingdom.
"Nice try," Hael chuckled, rich and gentle and singing to my ears.
The melodious sound should not have resonated with me, should not have had me seeing sparks of green and pink behind my vision. And my covered skin should not have felt warmer—it was summer between my body and the barrier of my clothes.
Hael guided the horse to a stop outside a cramped-looking building, the exterior decrepit and plain—dull, tattered curtains dancing along the sandy wind. I was quick to follow Hael off the chestnut, and I faltered on my feet. Hael watched me closely, his hands twitching at his sides like he wanted to reach over and balance me but knew it'd be better if I could stand on my own.
"Okay?" he asked me, his soft words cutting through the fog in my head, and I nodded carefully. His hand came to my back anyway, tender as it guided me inside, and I shamefully felt a surge of comfort from it.
My head had nearly cleared in surprise when I realized Hael had brought me to a doctor. A physician, specifically, and the kind of doctor I aspired most to be like. The aged man scrutinized my garments with caution for uncomfortable moments until Hael took it upon himself to explain my condition. I could only blink, dumbfounded that he had paid close enough attention to know something had been wrong with me.
Then I quickly chastised myself for the thought since anyone with two eyes surely would have noticed. But why Hael had cared enough to deliver me to a clinic would remain the question of the hour. For the doctor's services, Hael paid him a large sum of money that had my mind stuttering in confusion, wondering how he'd achieved that amount. He must've stolen it. It wasn't like stealing was beneath him, and I doubted his organization was structured with salary benefits.
The doctor inspected my wound and my body's mobility, ultimately declaring that I was lucky to have come to him when I had, so I could take a quick dose of medication that would have my fever dissipating in only a couple short hours. According to him, bacteria had entered my wound, likely by unclean hands tending to it, and the infection I'd noticed was only—and fortunately—in its beginning stages and easy to flush out with the right medication.
I needed severe rest, those being his exact words, and to avoid being too active on my feet for the next week. Disappointment cradled me after hearing that since all I'd done was rest the past few days. The doctor then gave me a portion of tablets that I was to take twice a day for the next thirty days, assuring me that I should feel better well before I'd finished them. I had almost asked him for the ingredients of this specific drug, curious if I could scour forests for herbs and roots to replicate it, but something about the doctor's apathetic countenance convinced me I'd only be a nuisance for doing so.
"Thank you for your help," I told him sincerely.
The doctor only shrugged. "Your friend there paid me. Wasn't like I did it for free." His eyes fell on me again, targeting my clothing, which I adjusted. "You aren't from around here, young man. I can tell. No one dresses like that here."
My cheeks burned at the recognition. How much could I reveal without angering Hael in the corner, his eyes tracing my every move?
"It's my first time coming around," I gave truthfully, deciding to leave out the details of where I'd come from. "Perhaps you could point me to a clothing shop so I could blend in better?"
After giving me directions for so, I thanked him kindly and headed for the exit. The hairs dusting my nape stood at the staticky presence of Hael at my back.
"That was your opportunity to tell him who you were. Why didn't you?" he asked, his knuckles brushing my back as if they'd been playing in my hair.
You're the one who claimed no one knows me here. I sighed. "He seemed apathetic, and I didn't want to cause him trouble. What could he have done for me anyway? It isn't like he would have sent for the government to retrieve me."
"Perhaps you're right."
"Perhaps I'll take advantage of the next opportunity I get," I responded dryly.
Outside now, the dusty air was increasing my thirst. I used to be able to go a whole day without fresh water as it had always been a hassle to draw from the well in the center of our village or filter the salt water from the lake neighboring my home. As a boy, I'd been too lazy to fetch my own water because I had not the conscience to get some for myself and exclude the rest of my family. And now, a few hours without the taste of clean water had me feeling severely dehydrated and lifeless. It was unfortunate how spoiled I'd gotten.
A pub resided to our right with splintered tables and chairs beneath a shaded tent. It wasn't hot today, but the sun was smiling passionately, making it hard to see and uncomfortable to stand idly. I ambled towards Hael's horse, eager to move on from this village after we found me something to wear that wasn't as striking as what I had on. I could also argue that Hael's attire was as pristine and well-groomed as mine.
Hael's hand returned to my back, this time with urgency gluing his fingers to me.
I tensed and looked over at him. "What is it—"
"Quiet," he warned in a whisper, steering me back into the clinic where he left me, exiting through the sliding front doors to return to the outside he'd seemed adamant about hiding me from.
I walked alongside the wall, stepping around unused beds and seated people to peer out the windows. My eyes tracked Hael's rigid strides to the pub beside us, outside of the window's gaze, and I could only catch glimpses of him as he moved.
Then—screams. Shoulders tensing and a violent shiver tossing my limbs, I stood frozen as an all-too-familiar horror anchored my feet to the hardwood floor. My reasonable mind encouraged me to stay where it was safe, but my heart jerked restlessly, making a brutal effort to convince me to venture through those front doors to seek out anyone who might have needed my help. I had been brave once. And I longed to be that version of myself again.
So, I abandoned the clinic, pulling violently at the doors and racing through them. A splash of red tickled my peripheral, and I turned my gaze, saturated terror bleeding through me at the sight of blood…so much blood spreading across the cracked earth, gluing wooden chairs and table legs to the ground.