He pauses for a moment to give people the chance to come forth.
I don't waste any time when I raise my hand, and even though tears are rolling down my face, I feel happiness in my heart. My heart skips a beat when he motions for me to follow him and one of the female youth group leaders. They invited me to take a seat next to them.
He clasps his hands together and looks as if he's saying a silent prayer to himself before encouraging me, "Bow your head and close your eyes, please."
I do what he says and then he continues, "and repeat after me."
I excitedly listen to him, and we pray, "Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my sins. I know in my heart that Jesus has died on the cross for my sins, and I accept him into my heart as my Lord and Savior. Amen."
As I am praying I feel the joy in my heart and for the first time in a long time I feel the unconditional love in my soul and I feel free. There's definitely a change in the way I feel. I even breathe differently. It's the feeling that I want more of.
Tears of joy stream down my face, I can see the joy in the pastor and youth pastors faces as they proudly lead me back to the group and they announce not only to everyone that I have accepted the lord into my heart as my Lord and Savior but they welcome me to the family and everyone cheers for me.
It throws me off guard because we have somewhat of a mini celebration. They say I'm reborn, so it sort of feels like my second birthday. People tell me short stories of their 'testimonies'. That's how they accepted the Lord into their hearts, and I really feel like a part of the family.
I'm relieved to hear that Irene's mom and dad pick up kids for church, with the parents' permission, of course. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear about a church on Sunday, but here I am making plans and I don't feel like the same person who walked into the door over an hour ago.
The lead youth pastor comes up to me and he asks, "Do you have a bible?"
I frown and shake my head no and he hands me one. "This tells you all about Jesus and God. The old testament is before Christ and the New Testament is during and after Jesus."
I hold the Bible to my heart and I'm filled with excitement and curiosity. Whispering out loud "Do I start at the beginning?"
He must have heard me because he forces a thrilled smile. suggesting, "As a newly born Christian I would start in Matthew because when Jesus came to the earth he changed the rules and laws that we live by. If you read the Old Testament first, you may find yourself confused."
I look up and cheerfully say, "Thank you, thank you!"
Excitement washes over me. In an instant, I run to find Irene.I don't have to look hard because Irene comes up behind me and spins me around and pulls me in for a giant hug. I can tell she's just as happy as I am by the way she laughs and giggles and squeals.
Enthusiastically approaching me, "Welcome to the family! Do you know that this means that we are sisters through Christ?"
It sounds like a question, but the look in Irene's eye tells me she is telling me we are now sisters. She looks as if she's waiting for me to object, but I won't because I'm OK with it. I smile at the thought that, She could be the sister I've always wanted but never got to have. I Don't mean to change the subject, but the heavyweight in my hand reminds me about my Bible and I just can't wait to tell her.
Next thing I know, I wave my bible out to her "I got my very own bible!"
For a split second she seems surprised at all my excitement, but that quickly melts and she seems to share my enthusiasm she claps both her hands together.
Shouting, "Yay! I remember my first bible! You look just as excited as I did when I got mine!"
I pull it into my chest and nod excitedly and Proclaiming, "I can't wait to read it!"
Irene holds her bible out and opens it up and holds it out to me and Suggesting, "You should start in Matthew!"
I laugh and nod, "That's what the youth pastor said!"
Irene nods and adds, "Did he also suggest that you should pray with your heart before you read so that the Lord will help you get what you need to get from it?"
I shake my head in confusion, so she elaborates, "Sometimes the Bible can be confusing, so I always pray before I read it. This way when I read it, it is between the Lord and I. He knows my heart and this way I make sure that I receive the message that I have!"
I smile big and pull her in for a hug because I am grateful for her advice. For the first time since we moved here, I'm actually excited to be home. When I enter the house, my mom is sitting at the counter sipping her tea in her robe. She looks me up and down and notices the Bible in my hands. She lets out an irritated sigh and quickly looks away. I'm expecting that to be the end of our conversation.
I'm surprised when she sarcastically asks "What yah got there?"
A part of me knows I should tread lightly as I watch her tilt her head and take another sip of her tea. I don't care though. I am so excited that I want to tell the world, "It's a Bible!"
My mom makes a sarcastic chuckle like a noise and mutters under her breath, "Last time you brought something similar to a bible home it didn't end well.."
I know what she's referring to, but this is not the same thing. I try to change the subject by Asking a question that I already know the answer too.
It comes out half heartedly, "Is dad home?"
Mom gives me a glare as she growls, "You already know he isn't. That's the only reason I am up so late waiting for him!"
I can tell that I upset her. I always seem to hit a nerve. Trying to defend myself never works, so instead I try to give her a side hug, but to no surprise of mine, she pulls away. I accept defeat and I choose to leave her and head to my room. I enter my room and close the door behind me. I sit on the edge of my bed and I open my Bible.
I trace my fingers across the name Matthew. Excitement soars through my veins as I read verse one. I get to chapter seventeen and I realize I am confused. This causes me to stop, and I remember Irene and her advice about praying before I try to read the Bible.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath and I pray, "Dear Lord?"
I pause Because a part of me feels silly, and it causes me to giggle and I continue, "I don't know how to pray so I guess I'll just put it out there.."
I pause it and look up to the ceiling and I continue, "I need your help. I'm trying to read the Bible but I don't understand who all these people are and why do I need to know these random names.."
I take a deep breath and I continue to read chapter 18 and I gasp and I whisper out loud, "Pregnant by the Holy Spirit? God got someone pregnant?"
I look back up at the ceiling, "How did you manage that?"
I laugh as realization hits, "This is where they got the idea of Demigods from.. is Jesus a Demigod?"
I laugh it off and lay on my back and pull my Bible up to my face and continue to read. My eyes go wide as I continue to read about all the drama that Jesus's mother had to go through.
My heart goes out to her, but I am not surprised that Joseph would want to divorce her. That would be like me getting pregnant and telling everybody that God did it. I'd be put in a psych ward so quickly. As I continue to read, I find it very sweet that he chooses to not make a big scene about it. Subconsciously, I sit up and my eyes go wide as I continue to read.
I ask out loud, "An angel visited him?"
I look up at the ceiling, "Can I see an angel?"
My head is filled with doubt, because I know that doesn't happen nowadays. I plop myself down on my bed and roll over so that I am laying on my stomach. I continue to read and Hope is filled back in my heart because the angel visited Joseph in a dream and that is more believable than an angel appearing on earth to visit someone. Maybe I can see an angel in my dreams. They say that with Jesus, anything is possible. I close my Bible and I lay it on my nightstand next to me.
I lay on my back in my bed, and I intertwine my hands together. I close my eyes and my mind goes over everything that I had just read. When I read something, I like to reminisce about what I've learned. Now I know that Jesus, his mother, is Mary and his stepfather is Joseph. I can't help but laugh when I put two and two together and I realize they were telling me who was related to who because they're all related to Joseph in the end.
I subconsciously shrug my shoulders. I'll just have to ask Irene who those people are and why is it so important that Joseph is related to them. I stare at my Bible on the nightstand and I am filled with impatience. I grab my house phone and I dial Irene's number that I have taped to it and it rings and rings and I frown because there's a good chance she's not home yet and I'll have to wait until tomorrow But I find myself upset with this because I don't want to wait!
I'm about to give up and hang up when she answers the phone. "Hello?"
I Realize that it's not Irene, it's mom, but I'm too excited. I ask anyway, "Is Irene there?"
Her mom sighs with passion and dismay as she replies, "Yes, but she's not allowed on the phone after seven."
I grunt, "But I have a biblical question and I need to speak to her now!"
I sound way more whiny than I expected and her mom Can't help but to laugh.
Her curiosity gets the best of her, "What is it I'm sure I can help?"
I want Irene but don't want to upset her mom so I explain, "In Matthew 1-16, it lists off a bunch of names of people and who they are related to and I don't know who they are or if it's important! I think Joseph is somehow related to them, but I don't know why it's so important that he is related to them!"
The desperation in my voice is very apparent, and it causes her mom to laugh.
Attempting to speak, "throughout the Old Testament are stories of people that worshiped God. Families that he led and helped and that list explains how Joseph is related to them and that's why Mary was chosen to be the mother. God has always blessed this family because they are the ones that have worshiped him for generations."
I smile and thank her and we end the call. I plop back down in my bed and As I think about all of this, I am slowly drifting through a deep sleep, and I sleep the best that I have in a long time.