I tried to sleep a little but couldn't, the thought of my parents' house burning down haunted me for the rest of the night.
The only comfort were the memories, perhaps because I knew the ending of the story and therefore lulled myself into remembering the happy ending.
I only realized it was morning when Sofia woke up, when I heard her get out of bed through the walkie talkie.
<< Have a good trip old man, I'll see you this evening >> I said to Simurg without knowing if he was still there with me or if he had already taken off.
<< Good morning love, did you sleep well? >> Sofia asked giving me a kiss on the cheek;
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He grabbed me by the pram and once in the kitchen he made coffee, heating up some croissants left there from the previous morning.
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<< Sunday >>;
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After picking me up, we went to the bedroom, got dressed and waited for the arrival of my dear friend who, as usual, loaded me into the van.
Once it was well fixed we went to mass in the village in the church of San Rocco and once we arrived the parish priest, Don Andrea, welcomed us warmly.
He was a rather older and stocky man in his seventies, no more than five feet tall, he had short white hair, square features and always looked cheerful.
He was able to put anyone in a good mood, even the gloomiest people, however that day he couldn't cheer me up.
<< I finally see you again, how are you? >> he asked us;
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I wasn't much in the mood for pleasantries and yet I had to put on a good face, I was there for the function and not to make conversation.
<< Dear Wolfgang, our Lord welcomes you back to his home >> added the priest, turning to myself;
<< Thank him for me >>;
<< Sorry father, you didn't sleep last night >> Sofia justified herself.
Once inside we sat among the last benches, Sofia knew that I didn't want to stand too far forward so as not to attract attention.
The first part of the function went smoothly and then it was time for Don Andrea's sermon.
<< Dear brothers and sisters, on this day we reflect on the words of the gospel and the meaning of the journey... >> he began to say.
At those words my memory lit up like a light bulb that had just been reached by the electric current, upon hearing the word "journey" I went back to my past memories when I was intent on reaching Sofia in Venice.
In less than a second I found myself standing in the Florence train station watching Gerd purchase tickets with the final destination being the city of the Doges.
<< All done, we can go >> he said once he returned to me.
We got on the carriage and, having found our seats, we sat down on very comfortable chairs which, however, did not manage to calm my soul.
Suddenly I was struck by an atrocious doubt that twisted my stomach to the point of forcing me to get up, I felt the irrepressible impulse to want to return to Vienna.
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<< Coming here was a mistake, if Sofia decided to go to Venice it's because she isn't interested in me, otherwise she would have stayed in Florence >> I replied with my voice suffocated by anxiety.
When I finished speaking I realized what a huge effort I had had to make to utter those words, I was overwhelmed by an immense tiredness that pushed me to return to my seat.
Once I sat down I burst into tears, I felt so humiliated, not even when I was a kid had I had this attitude.
Only now did I realize how difficult life was and I simply wasn't strong enough to face it.
Unlike Gerd, I did not belong to the world but only to Vienna, the only place where I would be safe.
<< You're completely crazy, look, the world doesn't revolve around you. If I was right then why did she bother to come all the way to my house to tell you, can you explain it to me?
If he really didn't care he would have let you know through me instead he notified you in person because he wanted to have a face-to-face meeting with you.
Life is not a descent, on the contrary, if you want to reach your goal you have to climb up the mountain with your bare hands and without protection.
Only when you get to the top do you understand that it was worth it >> said Gerd.
That speech managed to cheer me up, at least I stopped crying like a fountain and slowly regained a certain composure.
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<< Absolutely yes so now let's relax and enjoy the trip, once in Venice we will find accommodation for the night and tomorrow morning we will go to Sofia >>.
I didn't know if he was right but what options did I have? Being with him made me feel safe, he always knew how to get by so I decided to listen to him.
The train left the station moving slowly like a snake lazily emerging from its lair in search of food.
I thought back to when I left Vienna full of enthusiasm for the adventure and now I found myself in the grip of fear, however Gerd was right, I couldn't give up, I had to fight if I wanted to get to the top of the mountain.
During the trip I told him what life in Vienna was like without him and I realized that, once I lost my adventurer friend, I was the usual Wolfgang again.
I had stopped going to bars, I no longer went to the nightlife area, I had taken refuge in the memory of myself, forgetting to live.
When we arrived in Venice we were lucky to find a free taxi and once on board, thanks to Gerd's knowledge of Italian, we reached the city.
He and the driver, a woman in her forties with brown hair and a strange accent that didn't seem to be Italian, argued for a while while I didn't understand a single word of what they were saying.
"Where are we going now? >>;
<< Don't worry, the taxi driver recommended me a bed & breakfast where we can stay for the night. In your opinion he should have a free room >> she replied.
From the place where the taxi driver dropped us off at the B&B we walked about six hundred meters or more.
When we arrived at our accommodation, to our great surprise we found the same taxi driver who had picked us up at the station behind the entrance counter.
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Once registered we went up to the room, a quite welcoming double room with sea green walls and a gondola depicted in the centre.
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<< Speak for yourself, I've been there many times so I know exactly where he works. Now relax and let me sleep >>.
It was the worst night of my life, I writhed in bed like a circus performer and yet I couldn't fall asleep so I was relieved when I saw the sun rise over the horizon.
We had a quick breakfast and then left to go to Sofia, my heart was in my mouth and I didn't know what I would say to her once there.
The Doge's Palace in Venice was not very far from our accommodation so we were able to reach it easily.
<< Since I have been to Venice many times for reasons…, …well…, …let's say personal, let me give you a couple of tips on what we are seeing.
Before your eyes you can admire the Doge's Palace of Venice, a majestic building in Venetian Gothic style.
We are in the monumental area of Piazza San Marco, adjacent to the basilica of the same name.
The palace was the ancient seat of the doge, spread over three wings around the sides of a large central porticoed courtyard whose fourth side is made up of the lateral body of the St. Mark's Basilica, an ancient palatine chapel >> Gerd explained to me, gesticulating conspicuously.
He was talking but I wasn't listening to him, the only thing that really interested me was seeing Sofia again but I still didn't know what I was going to say to her.
<< How will we justify our presence here? >> I asked starting to sweat;
<< Don't worry, we'll figure something out. Now let's go in >>.
The interior of the palace was equally majestic and lavish, so large that I wondered how we would find my beloved.
Anti-college " room >> added Gerd.
We climbed various stairs and when we reached our destination we entered at a slow pace, once inside I couldn't help but notice the presence of various masterpieces.
Among the many I recognized "Minerva drives away Mars" by Tintoretto and "The Return of Jacob" by Bassano, I finally saw her, intent on juggling some paintings.
We went towards her with Gerd to mark the pace and I was right behind, I was sweating rapidly and my heart was beating like crazy, I felt almost faint and yet I had to resist.
<< Hi Sofia, how are you? >> Gerd began speaking in English so that I could understand;
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Our eyes met and I couldn't help but notice a certain blush on his cheeks, I hoped with all my heart that it was due to the pleasure of seeing me again.
<< We came for a trip to Venice, Wolfgang had never been there before and I also have a note ..., ...er, I wanted to say a personal commitment so here we are >> said Gerd laughing;
<< Hi Sofia >> I whispered, raising my hand.
<< If you want we can go to lunch together, I'll cut off at 12.30. In the meantime you could take a look around >> proposed Sofia;
<< I'm busy but Wolfgang will certainly keep you company >> Gerd retorted, elbowing me in the ribs;
<< Of course, I'm completely free >> I replied blushing.
<< I am "very free". Seriously Wolfgang? What the hell is on your mind? >> I thought looking into her eyes;
<< See you at the entrance at 12.30. In the meantime you can take a tour of the palace >> Sofia greeted us.
When we were far enough away that we couldn't be heard, Gerd grabbed my arm and cornered me.
<< Please don't ruin everything, stay calm and things will go well >> Gerd recommended to me and in doing so he gave me a couple of hundred;
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<< Believe me when I tell you that you will need them >> he cut short, squeezing them in my hand.
12.30 arrived very quickly so all three of us met at the entrance to the building and at that point Gerd took leave of us.
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We went to a restaurant overlooking the canal, there was a magnificent view and the food was excellent.
I realized that Gerd was right, without his hundreds I wouldn't have been able to pay the bill, luckily I had taken his money.
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<< Stunning >> I replied looking at her face;
<< I was referring to the channel >>;
<< Of course…, … I …, … here…, … yes >> I stammered confused.
My God, how clumsy I was, if I couldn't even put together a meaningful sentence, how could I hope to conquer that fallen angel from heaven?
<< May I know why you are here? Does Gerd really have a date? >> he suddenly asked me, taking me by surprise;
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I hadn't thought about that possibility, now what should I do? Where was Gerd when I needed him most? I remained silent without answering her but I'm sure I blushed like a pepper and it wasn't a pretty sight.
The waiter took care of saving me and, at that very moment, brought us two splendid chocolate cakes with a soft dark centre.
Once we finished lunch we took a long walk along the entire canal, it was an ideal day for walking and we didn't miss the opportunity.
Without warning he put his arm through mine, catching me off guard, making my heart jump out of my chest.
I couldn't believe that something like this was happening to me, so I had a hope of conquering her.
After the wedding he revealed to me that he had understood the real reason for that trip, however he didn't want to ruin everything so he decided to take things slowly.
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<< Do you have a good memory? >>;
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I didn't know Venice so I decided to ask Gerd where to find it but at that moment I just wanted to enjoy his company.
He accompanied me back to the b&b and once I got back to the room I found Gerd sleeping peacefully but I couldn't wait to be happy so I woke him up and told him everything.
I was keen to know where Sofia's accommodation was and to my surprise I discovered that it was not very far from where we were staying.
Sofia lived in an apartment made available to her by the municipality of Venice, right next to Piazza San Marco.
<> I said to Gerd;
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When I explained the idea to him he woke up with a start as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him.
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That evening I prepared fully and once night came we put the plan into action, I just had to hope that everything went well.
We went under Sofia's window against which we threw some pebbles so as to wake her up to get her to come down.
We had to be careful because we were alone in the square so we shouldn't create alarm, it was almost 6 in the morning and the sun was about to rise.
Sofia looked out and from her look I realized that she was scared, she wasn't expecting that surprise and when she heard the noise at the window I think she thought it was a thief.
<< Get out >> I told her in a strangled voice.
She made a gesture with her hand as if to say I was crazy but I couldn't understand it well, however I had no intention of giving up.
<< Come down >> I said a second time in a stronger tone.
When he realized I wasn't going to leave he moved away from the window and soon joined us downstairs, at which point Gerd left us alone.
<< Do you know what time it is? >>;
<< Come with me >>.
I grabbed her hand, leading her to the center of the square just as the sun rose over the horizon, starting to illuminate the entire space.
The day before I had noticed that an artist had covered the square with a myriad of gold-colored confetti.
An artistic installation which, illuminated by the sun's rays, gave the impression of walking on a golden background.
At dawn the peak of suggestion was reached so at that moment I made my move and once in the center of the square, immersed in the golden frame illuminated by the first rays of the sun, I tried everything hoping it would go well.
<< I have to make a confession >> I began but I think Sofia had already guessed what I was about to say;
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I remember having butterflies in my stomach, my head spinning and my legs shaking with emotion and yet I was there with the only woman with whom I would have wanted to share such a moment in my life.
When our lips touched we were transported to an ethereal and abstract place where only she and I could enter, two passionate lovers holding each other and abandoning themselves in an intense kiss.
Sofia was abandoned in the embrace, with her eyes closed and had assumed an ecstatic position, while I held her head delicately, reaching out towards her as a sign of protection and genuine affection.
We emanated a light of our own which the gold-paved floor highlighted, giving us an almost divine whiteness.
<< I'll take that as a yes >> I told her after having separated my lips from hers;
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Hand in hand we watched the sun rise as the first bartenders arrived to set up the tables outside.
We stayed there for an hour and then had breakfast in a place that had just opened and that cream croissant was the best of my life.
I accompanied her to work and once I was alone I returned to the b&b , having a good memory I remembered the route to take perfectly.
Gerd was waiting for me at the entrance and once he arrived we toured the city during which I told him about the success of the plan.
<< Well done my Wolfgang, you have now taken flight >>;
<< I couldn't have done it without you >> I replied smiling;
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<< Have you already decided when you will see each other again? Now you can consider yourselves a couple, what will you do with your work in Vienna? >>.
Until then I hadn't thought about all those things but she was right, I had forgotten to give her a new appointment and I also had to start planning for the future.
<> I thought.
In the following days I saw her often but Gerd decided to return to Florence as he felt like the third wheel and it made him uncomfortable.
We spent many hours perched on the gondolas like two lovers but time flew by and eventually the time came to return to Vienna.
My holidays were about to end and I had to return to the Belvedere otherwise I risked losing my job.
<< Vienna is not that far away >> I said greeting her at the train station;
<< I will come to visit you as soon as the job in Venice gives me the opportunity >>.
We kissed intensely after which I returned home, once on the train I saw her moving away towards the horizon, gradually becoming smaller and smaller.
Suddenly anxiety took over my mind again: what would I do if he had forgotten me? He could have met someone better than me and at that point I would have received the sack but I was helpless in the face of that eventuality.
<< I have to stay calm, Sofia has been very clear about her feelings towards me so I have nothing to fear >> I thought numerous times.
The journey from Venice to Vienna was a via crucis, my soul was tormented as never before, prey to anguish and desperation.
I wanted to see my beloved again as soon as possible but I knew I had to wait and it killed me because every second spent away from her could mean condemnation to forgetfulness.
When I got home my parents were waiting for me but, unlike what I feared, they weren't angry with me.
My father had understood very well the reason for my sudden departure, mollifying my mother about it.
I told them every detail of that experience because they were not only my parents but also my best friends together with Gerd and when they heard about Sofia they breathed a sigh of relief.
<< Why do you do this? >> I asked;
<< Honestly son, we were afraid that you would never be able to find a mate or a partner, it makes no difference to us.
We always saw you alone and this left us with doubts about your ability to accompany yourself with someone in life but we were wrong >> my mother explained;
<< It's not nice of you >> I replied piqued;
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I didn't answer because I knew they were right, since I started working at the Belvedere I hadn't thought about anything else and I had completely forgotten about my private life.
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"We're looking forward to it," my mother replied.
The period in which Sofia and I were apart was really difficult, at work I couldn't concentrate and Mr. Heinz himself noticed a drop in my performance so one day he took me aside to understand what was wrong.
At the beginning I didn't want to reveal the truth to him, we had known each other for a long time, he was first of all my employer so I didn't know how he would take it however I decided to trust him.
<< Matters of the heart, I understand very well >> he replied after I had spilled the beans;
<< Are you really saying this? >> I asked surprised;
< When I came to work I got up to all sorts of things, think that once I risked dropping Klimt's "The Kiss". That day I understood that life goes on and we must not think about the past but about the future otherwise we risk being trapped in memories. You are lucky Mr Wolfgang because, from what I understand, this Miss Sofia seems to be very fond of you so, if you want, I can ask the museum if there is a vacancy so I can have her here to work >>. I was speechless, it would have been perfect, a dream come true but then I had a doubt: would Sofia have agreed to leave her homeland for me? If it was too much and he rejected the offer it would be the end of my dream of love and I didn't want that to happen. <>; << It means she's not the right one. Trust me Mr Wolfgang, there comes a moment in life when you need to have certainties, you cannot live constantly in doubt otherwise you end up remaining suspended in a sort of Dante-like limbo >> he replied, interrupting me. Mr. Heinz turned out to be much wiser than I thought and also understanding , his face exuded a strange aura of confidence and in the end he convinced me to propose to Sofia. << I will write to you this very evening >>; << Very good, I will make sure that the Belvedere offers you a job suited to your abilities >> he replied winking at me. That evening I took the computer, turned it on and prepared the email to send to Sofia but when it was time to press the "send" button my hand trembled. Was it really the right thing to do? The doubts were coming back to attack me but Heinz was right, I would know if it was the right one so I jumped in and pressed the button. I waited for a response all night but I was deeply disappointed and even the following day I knew nothing. I wanted to call her but I would have seemed too anxious so I decided to wait, she had responded to all my emails so far and there was no reason why she wouldn't this time too. The following evening my patience was rewarded, checking my email inbox I found his response. << Here we go, now or never >> I thought. I opened her message and to my great relief she said she was enthusiastic about what I was proposing to her, she was waiting to receive a job offer from Belvedere but above all she couldn't wait to see me again. How happy I was with those words, I was over the moon so much so that I wanted to go out to get drunk but in the end I decided not to so I limited myself to swallowing the Sacher cake left in the fridge at home from the previous evening. The following day Mr. Heinz spoke to Sofia, in no time at all things were sorted out so I could organize the trip. Two weeks later she was coming to Vienna but she certainly couldn't stay with me and my parents so I decided to find an apartment so we could be alone. My father was decisive in the success of the plan, a colleague of his had one not far from the center and had wanted to get rid of it for some time due to taxes so in the end we bought it, the negotiation was very quick. I wanted to surprise my beloved but, to make sure she wasn't unpleasant, I wrote her by email warning her of my intention, receiving an unexpected green light from her. In the two weeks of waiting I took care of the move, I ran like crazy from my parents' house to work to the apartment which luckily was already furnished but I wanted to make it as welcoming as possible. It was quite large with two bedrooms, an "open space " with kitchen and living room, a very spacious bathroom and a terrace from which you could enjoy a wonderful view of the city. I was sure that Sofia would appreciate it very much, I had done my utmost to make it suitable for a couple, so much so that I also took advantage of some of my mother's advice. Finally the day came to pick her up at the station, I remember that it was raining even though we were still in the summer. Once at the station I positioned myself in the space dedicated to people waiting for someone but the train couldn't decide to arrive. Some delays were reported due to bad weather, several trips were even canceled due to poor visibility. Every time the speaker spoke I had a pang in my heart, I feared that in the end my dreams would shatter against the wall of destiny. << Come on God don't do this to me, not today. I beg you >> I repeated over and over in my mind as I watched the people arrive but Sofia wasn't there. He was at least thirty minutes late and the anxiety was soon replaced by fear, perhaps he had second thoughts or perhaps his train had not left Italy in the end. Why are we waiting so long to hear the verdict? I was wearing myself out so much that I was on the verge of collapsing right there in the middle of the waiting room when suddenly his angelic face appeared in the crowd, come to save me from human misery. I ran towards her drunk with happiness and once I reached her I held her in my arms, I remember well that a tear ran down my face. < << I missed you very much, you can't imagine how much >> I replied kissing her. We went to the apartment I had bought with my father's help and I was relieved to know that she liked it. She was particularly struck by the view that could be enjoyed from the balcony, it was truly a gem and, especially at night, very suggestive. < < < < I grabbed her legs and with a lot of effort managed to carry her into the bedroom. I wasn't completely myself, I was acting purely on instinct. <> he said, his face blushing. It was my first time so I did my best, I don't know if I lived up to his expectations but the way things went, I must have done well. That evening we had dinner by candlelight on the balcony, it was still hot so I set up the table, arranged it completely and when the time came we had our first meal as engaged couples with the city in the background. Vienna observed us, illuminating our faces with its lights, for the occasion she had worn the best dress, giving us a magical atmosphere, giving us goosebumps. The following day we went together to the Belvedere and then to my parents, I couldn't wait to introduce her to my family. My mother welcomed her warmly and while the two women talked my father took me aside so as not to be heard. < << Very >>; < << I would say yes but if you are alluding to the wedding you will have to wait. We've only known each other for a short time and things went too quickly so I don't want to cook too much meat, I don't know if you know what I mean >>; << I understand but if I were you I wouldn't let it slip away. Such a beautiful and talented woman will never happen to you again in your life, remember this well >>; "I'm aware of it," I reassured him. Autumn arrived and before I knew it, the months flew away like dry leaves left to the mercy of the wind. The relationship with Sofia was going well, she felt very comfortable in Vienna and had immediately appreciated almost everything about it, from the food to the climate. One of the things he loved about the city was the chance to cultivate his passion for photography. Vienna offered her countless ideas for her shots so often, during our free days, we went around taking photos as if we were tourists. The city was very hospitable and romantic, nothing was missing and yet my father's sentences about marriage buzzed in my head like flies on honey. I didn't want to bite off more than I can chew, if I had proposed to her and she had rejected me I would have been destroyed, after all we already lived together and we were getting better and better with each passing day so why not try?! Sofia had decided to leave her position at the Uffizi to move indefinitely to the Belvedere museum whose management had decided to offer her a rich contract after an initial trial period, recognizing her unique skills in the art world. One day I told Mr. Heinz about Sofia's passion for photography and he had a brilliant idea that would come in handy later. << Bring us some of these photos and who knows, maybe we could organize an exhibition here at the Belvedere, on the other hand photography is a form of art and we are a museum. Today there are more and more enthusiasts of the sector, an exhibition of this kind could help us increase the flow of visitors >> he proposed to me during a lunch break; << I'll talk about it with Sofia and if it's okay with her I'll send her the material >>. I knew she was very shy about it and exhibiting her shots at the Belvedere might make her nervous but it was a great opportunity. When I returned home I waited for her and during dinner I explained Mr. Heinz's idea to her, I was very cautious and chose my words carefully so as not to scare her. <> she told me thoughtfully; << In my opinion you should try, after all life is short >>. He didn't say anything else, we didn't talk about it for the rest of the evening but the next day something surprising happened. When I woke up I saw her already standing and to my great pleasure I realized that she had spent the night creating a collection of her best shots. < << I've thought about it and you're right, you have to try your luck so here's a collection of my best shots. Take them to Heinz >> he replied, surprising me. The following day I delivered the collection to Heinz who took it, gave it a first look and then disappeared into thin air without saying a word. In the following days we didn't talk about the event and every time I tried to mention the topic he evaded it by changing the subject of the conversation or putting an end to it. I found it very strange behavior, I thought he didn't want to displease me by telling me that Sofia wasn't good enough, however it had been his idea so he owed me an answer, positive or negative. One day in mid-December I decided to face him, when I arrived at the museum I went to look for him but I couldn't find him so I asked for him at the entrance and they told me that he was in the ground floor room of the upper Belvedere, the same one where years before I had set up the Klimt exhibition . When I got there I was speechless: in front of me were Sofia's photographs carefully displayed in the room. << Good morning Mr. Wolfgang, you're late >> said Heinz; < << Your girlfriend is talented, I had some experts evaluate the photographs and they told me that they deserved to be exhibited in a prestigious museum like ours. I took the liberty of personally curating the exhibition, I hope you didn't mind >> he replied, hinting at a smile; << Absolutely not >> I replied, still surprised. Sofia arrived at the museum shortly after and was amazed to see what a great job Heinz had done in arranging her photographs. << I'm happy that you like it, here at Belvedere we always give shelter to the talent that deserves it. I want to underline the merits of her boyfriend, he made a great contribution >> Heinz said congratulating Sofia; << Is it the truth? >> he asked me; << More or less >>; << I love you Wolfgang >> Sofia said kissing me. In the following days the exhibition was a great success, however those words continued to echo in my brain, "I love you Wolfgang". I couldn't get them out of my head and with Christmas just around the corner I realized it was time to take the big step. << Wolfgang, Wolfgang, are you there? Take the communion that Don Andrea is offering you >> I heard a familiar voice say while hands shook my shoulders. I shook my head, returning to the present, someone grabbed my arms and stretched them forward, immediately afterwards my hands touched something round. "Put it in your mouth," the voice continued to tell me. I obeyed without a word and then I felt myself moving, turning left and right I felt something metallic and then I understood. I was back in the present.