Ethan
Honestly, it felt somewhat therapeutic screaming and wishing for the meteor to miss us or for it to break apart into harmless pieces. But looking at Riley, I finally understood why he didn't want to talk about Dani. He felt guilty that he wasn't there when she needed him. But something else was bothering him. I could always tell with him.
After we were finished, we decided to turn in and get some sleep. Riley was the only one who stayed behind. He didn't move or look at anyone. He just kept looking at the fire.
"Should we…" Jonathan asked but I just shook my head before he could finish the sentence.
Aaron and Jonathan were fast asleep and I stood by the window, observing Riley as he stayed out there by the fire.
Riley
With only a few days left, I found myself looking back at everything I had done in my life. Doing so, opened a Pandora's box full of dark thoughts and emotions that I thought were gone. But no, they were always there. Meeting Ethan freed me from them but I never had to face them until Dani's death.
As a child, I was always exceptional at everything I did, I had to be for my family's expectations. My father was the governor, and my mother was his second wife. But the details of their marriage was the reason why my mother was disowned by her family. Despite that, she always had a smile for me. She would even go so far as to lie to me about how they wanted to see me and be a proper family.
I never met my mother's family, but I overheard a conversation she had over the phone. I discovered that I was the product of a forbidden love. She and my father were having an affair while he was married to his first wife. When my mother was pregnant with me, my father divorced his wife and married my mother. When he was elected, we were the perfect family on the surface. My father ensured that I and Robert, my brother, always had an image to maintain.
When college came around, my father decided what college I went to, even though I was accepted into Stanford. But he wanted me to attend a college closer to home and he set the terms of my education and tuition. I couldn't pursue my dreams or do what I wanted. That is until Ethan.
After my dad died, I revealed to Dani that I was bisexual, even though she didn't believe me at first.
"Seriously," She asked. "I have only seen you with girls. How many guys have you been with?"
"Plenty." I answered. "But none for the past few years."
I showed Dani my phone and opened my private folder marked Ethan.
"This was the last guy you were with?"
I nodded. "We were together for six months."
"Wow" was all she said. "You mean to tell me that this guy was your longest relationship? Not what I expected. He looks kinda plain and dull compared to the models and actresses you've gone out with.."
"Why is it hard to believe?" I asked, taking back my phone. "If you look closely, he's actually very cute."
"The way your eyes light up like that says that he's the one, and the fact that you still have his pictures means you still love him."
I didn't answer her but she giggled and said, "Am I right?"
"Yeah, you're right." I said as I poured myself a glass of wine.
"Why did you two break up?" she asked. The one question that still hurts thinking about it.
"I cheated on him." I said as I sipped my wine.
"Liar!" Dani said, "I've known you long enough to know when you lie. You fidget nervously like you're embarrassed about something. So what's the real reason?"
I just remained quiet and Dani picked up on that I didn't want to talk about it.
"Fine," she said, concedingly, "Don't tell me. But you should try to look him up."
"What?"
"Yeah," said Dani, "C'mon, it'll be fun. You two can reconnect and maybe get back together."
"No way," I replied, "Besides, he probably hates me."
"You never know. There's always hope." she said.
"Well, he changed his number, and the friends we had I don't talk to anymore." I was ready to give up and accept it.
"What about social media?" she asked. "Almost everyone has some sort of social media account."
Taking Dani's advice, I searched for Ethan but every Ethan Matthews I found was not him. But I did find a familiar face. Hector. I sent him a friend request and a message asking that we all should go out to eat to catch up.
Hector accepted and replied asking when and where. I gave him the information and excitedly prepared myself in the hopes to see Ethan and hopefully reconcile with him. Or at least get his contact information from Hector or Steve.
I arrived first and waited for the rest of them to show. Hector arrived and made his way to the table.
"Hey Hector," I stood up to greet him. "You're looking good."
"Save it." He said, "I know why you called to meet."
"What do you mean?"
"I know about you and Ethan." He answered, "You want him back and you think that I or Steve will let that happen. Do you have any idea what he was like when you two broke up?"
I shook my head and before I could say anything, he continued.
""You weren't there to pick up the pieces, I was. So let me paint a picture of how you left him. He was completely broken. I'm talking physically, emotionally, and mentally. He had to be hospitalized twice. Once because he got so sick he almost died. And second, he had to be put on lockdown because I feared for his safety. He had to quit school because his financial aid was tapped out and he had to find a job. And that job stressed him to the breaking point that I had to move in with him to take care of him. It was hard seeing him like that. And here you are, wanting to put him through that again?"
"It's not like that." I said.
"I don't care," he replied, "I'm going to protect him from you because I'm sure you're the last person he wants to see. Do us both a favor and disappear. Don't contact me again." And just like that Hector left.
I had no idea how bad Ethan suffered because of our break up. It was then that I wanted to kill myself. I made the man I love go through hell. A worse hell than what I had experienced. Had I known this would happen to him, I would've found another way.
And with Dani gone, I didn't want to continue. I bought the drug and found Aaron, and the rest is history. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the last dose of the death drug.
"Who would've thought," I said to myself. "You'd still be at that apartment. I should've visited sooner."
Tears stream down my face as I come to realize my past mistakes and the regret I felt not dealing with it sooner.
"I'm sorry, Ethan." I say to myself." But I'm going first." I break open the seal and put the pill in my mouth. Before I could swallow the damn thing, I'm tackled to the ground.
Ethan
I silently watched Riley as he spoke to himself. I saw he took the drug out and was going to take it. You're not doing this to me again you bastard.
I tackled him to the ground and immediately started forcing him to spit out the pill.
"Spit it out." I say frantically, "Spit it out dammit. You hear me?! SPIT IT OUT!!!!"
"I did," Riley said. "Look." he pointed to a spot on the ground and sure enough, the pill was on the grassy floor.
"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" I cried out. "What the hell do you mean that you're going first? ANSWER ME!"
"Ethan, calm down."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Take some responsibility for your actions, you fucking coward. Do you want to die so badly? Then die. You hear me? JUST FUCKING DIE!!" As I say this I could not fight back the tears, and just break down as I pin Riley down on the ground.
"Ethan, just calm down okay?"
"SHUT UP! Stop pretending that you care about me. You don't give a shit about me at all. Did you ever consider what would happen to me if you were suddenly gone?"
"Ethan," Riley said. "I didn't want to leave you." As he said this, his eyes were wet too. He pulled me close and said, "I'm sorry, Ethan. I never wanted to leave you."
"But you did." I answered, "You left me and you want to leave me again."
"I don't," he replied, "I can't live with myself knowing how bad I hurt you. That's why I bought the drug. After Hector told me what you went through after I left, I wanted to die. Believe me, I never wanted to leave you."
"Then why did you?" I asked. I needed closure on this. If Riley didn't want to leave, then why did he let me suffer for ten years.
"It was the only way to protect you," he answered.