CHEN LAY STILL AND disorientated on the bed he'd taken to at 6:55 p.m. that evening, he tried reflecting on why he felt so ill, so weak. It had all started earlier that evening. First it was the onset of a blinding headache, progressing to spasms of paralysis to all of his major limbs, each spasmodic attack of this paralysis leaving him weaker and weaker.
Chen felt vulnerable and helpless but strangely intoxicated and inquisitive. It was as if something or someone was manipulating him outside of his own control. When and as the spasms stopped, his entire body became subjected to a pulsating sensation within around and through him. It seemed as if an outer force were trying to literally drag his very soul from within.
I must regain control,' thought Chen. He now realised that not only did he no longer have control over his own limbs, he could no longer focus his vision properly.
The ornate lampshade that had been the focal point of his concentration was now no more than a hazy mass before him.
'If I could just move my head, or my hands, thought Chen. 'Then maybe this nightmare will end.'
As he summoned up every ounce of strength, he concentrated on turning his head toward the clock, it was to no avail. The beads of sweat began trickling down his temples cooling as they reached his ears. Realisation now dawned on Chen that this was no nightmare, it was all too real. All physical feelings had now left him to be replaced by a deep sense of foreboding as it flooded his very being. The hairs on the back of his neck rose involuntarily, he now knew and accepted that he had no control whatsoever over his own body.
He gazed down along his form to see his own finely muscled body. A body so perfectly conditioned and honed, to be the perfect fighting machine. It was Chen alone that had driven his body to the very limits of human endurance. Pure animal aggression coupled with an in depth knowledge of all aspects of training techniques and conditioning had moulded him into the man he'd become.
As he afforded himself this rare moment he was smiling inwardly at the finished product, he shook himself out of this state of self praise as he asked, 'What's wrong with me?'
He was now becoming more and more agitated. As this thought came, so did his grasp of reality dwindle. Consciousness came and drifted away from Chen as the time moved slowly on. It was in a fleeting moment of clarity that he rallied his remaining inner strength. Concentrating, he focused on the task of turning his head towards the clock demanding a response from his weakened body his one thought,
'I ask only one small task, to turn and see the clock face.'
It was then Chen realised he could still hear, also hiseyesight seemed to be returning. As his concentration increased so did his hopes rise and then the feelings to his body began returning, Chen silently rejoiced.
When these thoughts entered his mind, he also realised his neck and head was turning towards the clock, with this new sensation, elation washed over him. Chen focused hard on the clock face, the time swam into focus, it was 8:51 p.m. The elation that appeared so soon, was shattered even faster as a horrifying realisation dawned on him. For as Chen had finally managed to turn around and see the clock face, all feelings had suddenly returned to his body. His eyes now saw with alarming clarity, but what his eyes beheld was the most alarming and frightening sight anyone could have imagined. For as he gazed at the clock face, his whole body just carried on turning. Now he was floating several inches above the bed facing down, surveying his own body, lying motionless below him.
While he stared down at his own body, his first thought was, 'I must be dead.'
It was then he noticed his own body was still breathing, weakly but still noticeable. It was at this point a sense of well being and peacefulness seemed to enter into him. He tried to pull away from his own self lying peacefully on the bed but found he could not. Stopping this separation was a see through gossamer like umbilical cord, no more than twelve inches long which spanned from one abdomen to the other. Chen now accepted that death, or some form of transition was imminent.
The body below him looked peaceful, lying not more than twelve inches away. He reached out and tried to touch the face of the other self lying below on the bed, but his hand had no mass and therefore seemed to pass right through. While digesting this new experience Chen once again lost consciousness.
On awakening Chen saw his own body being wheeled on a stretcher down a corridor, he knew somehow, that it was a hospital. Now he was viewing this sight from a vantage point above and was now floating some six feet above his other self. He was still attached to it by the umbilical cord, though now much thinner and certainly much more delicate.
On looking down he could see doctors and nurses working frantically but professionally on his unresponsive body. They were moving with a sense of urgency he had never witnessed before. He felt no alarm, only feelings of respect and admiration. To this he silently congratulated them, dedication and professionalism was the same no matter what field they were practiced in. It was at this point he noticed his wife Madison she was standing alone; silent and worried, frightened and vulnerable.
Chen's mind raced back to their very first meeting, it was at his Kung-Fu club in Los Angeles Chinatown. He recalled his own mixed feelings when he first saw Madison. This was all back in the spring of 1966, but it was only on meeting her face to face and speaking with her that really triggered off his fascination. Even then he knew she would be the girl he would eventually marry. His emotions were then as now, mixed.
'For what now does the future hold for my Madison, Ethan and Riley?'It was now the full gravity of the situation descended on him. It felt like the guilt of the damned had been placed on his shoulders. The tears of sadness welled in his eyes, and he reached instinctively to wipe them, there were none there. On looking down, he noticed his other self on the stretcher was silently weeping.
The doctors and nurses seemed not to notice, and though this act was involuntary on the part of the medical staff, it seemed to infuriate the part of Chen floating above. Chen screamed long and loud, but no one could hear the heart rending scream of a soul in torment. Chen was now floating several feet above his other self. His eyes flitted from his body, to the machines attached to it. The emergency unit seemed calm, quiet. The heart monitor was beeping irregular and weakly. While he watched the scene below, he prayed silently. 'Please don't let me die, I'm not yet ready.'
He knew no one below could answer his plea he was appealing to something much higher than anyone who dwells on this earth. When he returned his attention to the drama below him, he watched as the umbilical cord grew longer and weaker. The inevitable Chen accepted, was drawing even closer still.
The doctors worked even more frantically as the life force was rapidly slipping away. Chen glanced at the clock and noticed the time was 10:14 p.m. He returned his attention to the doctors, still working still hoping to bring his other self round. It was then the heart machine's pulse line faltered and levelled out. In the same instance Chen realised and accepted that his body was now dead.
The umbilical cord disintegrated before his eyes, and then he seemed to be pulled upwards at an incredible and exhilarating speed. Spinning and twisting through clouds of iridescent cumulus interspersed with bursts of fluorescent and psychedelic light. He felt warmed and comforted. He relaxed, speeding onto and into the unknown. Being drawn on inexorably to a brilliant white light never experienced by earthbound man. Chen seemed unable to resist a force incalculable and as he sped on to whatever, his thoughts were still of unfinished business. Of a debt of honour that was still outstanding. Then of dreams and ambitions that remained unfulfilled. These thoughts promoted confusion and anger and as these thoughts flooded Chen's very being, he seemed to slow and eventually stop on his headlong journey into the unknown.
Chen was no longer in the strange cumulus mist of many colours, twisting and eddying into the light. The environment he now found himself in was of absolute nothingness.
All movement had stopped, he was now still. When he tried to look around he could not establish up or down, light or dark, heat nor cold. There was no fear as Chen waited, only a curious feeling of 'What next?"
While he waited the realization came to him that this 'journey' into the unknown, had been interrupted. He also somehow knew that it was his own will, of not wanting to complete this journey that had somehow stopped this transition from life to whatever lay through this emanating light.
The time seemed to pass slowly; Chen was now becoming more and more agitated and impatient. He tried calculating the time he had been in this state of nothingness. It was then he heard a voice, gentle and soothing, asking.
'Why have you interrupted your journey, Little Orphan?"
Chen was startled by this sudden invasion of this nothingness also it was the first time a question had been asked of him since the onset of the fatal illness. Indeed it was the first contact that had been made since the time of his death. Chen replied to whom or what he was speaking to he didn't know,
'It's because I have been cheated of life."
'Little Orphan, you still have your spirit therefore you still have life, only now you must start a new existence,' came the reply.
Chen then stated the obvious and asked,
'Then if I'm dead in one sense, but not in another, how can I begin a new existence when I have not found contentment in my last?'
'Continue your journey and then you will know all things,' replied the voice.
As Chen digested this last statement he asked rather flippantly,
'Are you God?'
The answer came back tinged with mirth and a slight hint of sarcasm.
'No I am not God, are you?'
Chen now regretted this last remark and apologised,
'Please forgive me as I'm very confused.'
"There is no need for apologies Little Orphan,' said the voice, then continued,'Be at peace and continue your journey. Only then will you find true contentment, and know all things.'
Chen again asked,
'But how can I find contentment, when I still have unfulfilled ambitions and unfinished tasks in life?'
'All of this is now unimportant, you must now move on and embrace your destiny,' replied the voice.
Frustration and anger now welled up inside of Chen as he retorted,
'I cannot go on as I feel unworthy; I will not enter on this journey until I have a rightful place in my destiny.'
Now there was an absolute silence, to Chen it seemed as if he was alone again and a feeling of despondency began to descend on him. After a while it was the voice that spoke first,
'Then I can do no more, but to ask once more for you to complete your journey and if you choose not, then you must sleep in oblivion with no thoughts or dreams.'
'Do you mean I will die?' asked Chen nervously.
'No, but only when the time is right for you to
continue will you be awoken,' came the reply. 'Then I choose to sleep instead of an existence of self doubt,' said Chen.
The voice felt saddened and very disturbed by this last and final statement from Chen.
The spirit of the voice gazed down on Chen. He sensed a pride and strength rarely known from a puzzled and unready spirit, but then he spoke.
'Then sleep Little Orphan, sleep the Sleep of the Ancients and maybe sometime in the future you may find whatever it is you seek.'It was then that Chen Li ceased to exist in any form, either in body or spirit, but only for now.