JULIAN OLIVAREZ
This feeling is so....
Strange?...
That doesn't describe what I'm feeling right now.
I feel lucid but also unaware of what's going on. I feel weight free, almost like a flower petal floating atop deep,calm waters.
I try to force my eyes open but turns out I have no control over my senses. Each of them is a disfigured mess, so I decide to try and recollect everything that happened before I got into this limbo. I use my hearing to try and hear if any word is being said, but hear only a blurred voice.
So I turn to my sight, but no matter the effort I put in, I couldn't get to lift my eyelids. But I could feel my eyebrows frowning.
That's when I started feeling. I felt big,strong, yet gentle hands holding me. Every time they gently massaged my frowns away, the mild strokes in my hair and how those very hands massaged my scalp. I loved it.
I loved this feeling because it's from the one person I had learned to love and accept affections from; Adrien.
My Adrien.
I could feel how he took intervals to kiss my forehead,how his strong muscular arms wrapped around my waist and kept me close to his broad,ripped chest.
Then my sense of smell followed; I started feeling the heat of his body emanating through me,the way his oceanic scent covered me with love and how his masculine pheromones worked to soothe my distress.
Gradually,I slipped back into that subspace.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon tearing my eyelids apart,flashes of what had transpired the previous night came flooding back to my mind. A loud gasp tore from my throat as a vivid image of Adrien covered in teal blue scales and fins,his features sharper than they usually are,and lastly the way heterochromic eyes glowed like neon lights of grey and blue.
I stilled when I heard his voice echoing through my mind,"I am a Merman."
"I am a Merman." He had said. And that's where my recollection stops.
Panic started sipping into my nerves, I couldn't move anymore, not a much as crane my head back to look at the man who has his limbs entangled with mine.
I tried to regulate my breath so that I won't wake Adrien up yet before I'm certain of what to do with the information that had been handed to me on a silver platter.
I wanted to brush it off like it was nothing but I couldn't do as much. I couldn't bring myself to act as though it was nothing but a prank of some sort. It was believable and the fact that his transformation happened right before me.
I was sobber for God's sake!
"You're awake." Adrien's deep, raspy voice, embedded with a pinch of sexiness filled my ears. I stiffened in reaction to his voice when I realized what that meant.
It meant that we had to talk about what transpired last night. I would have to give him some sort of reply.
But I still had questions of my own yet to be answered.
Adrien kissed my temple and greeted me good morning with that same sexy voice that has me wanting to come undone. It prompts me to turn around and face him,now with a resolution in mind.
I studied his features carefully, from his black curly hair, reasonably sized forehead, thick eyebrows, down to his grey and blue eyes. I took my time looking into those eyes, trying to overlook the doubt and confusion etched into them. Then my eyes lowered to Adrien's sharp nose, the one so sharp that it could cut through a tree bark when in his other form. I lifted my hand and started tracing my fingers over the bridge of his nose and over his temples.
I tattooed the image of his ethereal facial features in my brain and heart with each gaze and caress.
My fingers slowly slid over his moisturized plum limps, then to his smooth beard.
Tears rolled out of my eyes, down my cheeks onto the bedsheets.
I had to do what I had decided to; no matter how much it broke my heart. I had to leave Adrien Morgan, the man I love.
I had to break up with him before I sank deeper into the abyss of love, before I lost myself even further for the sake of this creature I didn't know existed in real life until last night.
I had to leave while I could still walk away, before he pulled my heartstrings even more. Tears continued making trails on my face while Adrien wipes them away for me.
Relentlessly, I sit up and get out of bed to go and get out of this place and out of his life generally. He did not let me though.
Adrien grabbed my hand and pulled me back so I fell on the soft mattress. He kneeled down before me and hugged me tight.
"Please say something. Say something, anything, but please don't just walk away like that..." Adrien whispered. "At least curse at me or scold me as much as you wish, but please don't just walk away without saying a word."
I started feeling my resolution weakening as he begged me not to leave, to tell him something but what could it be? What could I say?
Admit that I'm a cowered who isn't ready or willing to accept that I met and fell in love with a mystical creature, accept that I don't think I will be able to accept this side of him.
Accept that I am a hypocrite who is afraid to make sacrifices for the man I love. The man who got into my life and turned it around, leaving no stone unturned. Changed the way I viewed the world around me, changed my view on love and taught me what it feels like to be loved.
I love Adrien.
I love him so much I could do anything to be with him for the rest of my life, but right now, all I need is time to wrap my head around everything.
I tore my blurry, tear filled, gaze from Adrien and looked at where our hands connected. I released a deep breath that was buried deep in my lungs and cleared my throat.
I returned my gaze to hold his own and decided to break the silence.
"We need to take a break.... I need time to wrap my head around everything you revealed to me. I need to think about each detail and I unfortunately can't do that here. I can't do that when we're still together... " My voice cracked when I saw the way his heart broke at my words.
"I don't want to do this, but we need to take this step. We need to be apart, no matter how much it hurts us both. I'm sorry, Adrien; but I must do this. It's for the best of us both. "
Adrien pulled me into a bone crashing hug,and I melted into it. I could not bring myself to fight his acts of passion. His embrace had turned into my home, it's what I know best, it had turned into a safe haven for me but I now had to tear away from it.
We had to go separate ways.
"Please Jules,don't do this." Adrien started crying. The meager sight of his broken face and tear stricken cheeks shuttered my heart. "Stay with me, Julian. Let us figure this out together, let's get through this together mi vida."
"I'm sorry I can't." I broke free from his hug and walked out of his room and house without looking back.
I asked Haella to call for me a taxi to drive me back to my condo and within a few more minutes of waiting,it arrived. I sat myself in the back seat and asked the driver to drive me home.