I feel odd.
Or, perhaps it's me being alone with my thoughts without my instincts control me 24/7 that feels odd.
But I suppose it's mainly because I've had Sin still stuck beside me, making any thoughts not my own.
My adventure up to now made me think about my role in this world and the fear consuming my mind. From seeing the abominations to feeling the pain inflicted on me by powerful foes that want me dead because of a mad royalty that took everything from everyone.
I first arrived to this world astounded by the magic and new laws of existence. The trees and the planets--everything. At one moment I imagined my life to be exactly like the ones main characters would end up having once they've entered the unfamiliar fantasy world. Forever changing reality as a hero bringing upon an age of harmony and peace.
Reality, this reality, isn't like that.
I don't feel safe.
I, a human, don't feel like a bigger being.
I don't feel like the main character.
So much for this being a land of pure fantasy where the life of heroism and greatness could become reality.
I'm just a weak human from a weak world without love for its inhabitants, walking on a planet of pure hostility.
Ridiculous is all I think as I look down at the warm water engulfing my strange body. Upon "my" body I see the skin covered in unfamiliar scars holding emotions and memories in which I took no part of. Imagine taking a stranger's body immediately after they died. It's like taking...
Great.
There, in the back of my mind, is something tiny coming to life which I allowed to dictate my life before.
A tiny stranger with its dark presence filling my subconscious.
I turn to my left, at the window, and stare at my foggy reflection.
"Tell me who you are." I beg weakly. With a chuckle, I answer my own question, "I'm..."
I can't even fake a response. What am I supposed to say?
Say something you idiot.
I press my hand flat against the window. The cold sharply climbing my arm.
Just say anything!
I never noticed how different temperatures feel now with this new hand and its new sensations.
Don't!
A lump forms within my throat.
Who am I now? Attam? Sin? Arsin?
I pound my arm against the window as harshly as I'm able to. Coming back with a fist this time to grab as many shards from it as I can.
IT'S NOT ME! IT'S NOT ME IT'S NOT ME!!!!
With trembling hands I gaze upon the shards of glass. Some painted blood and others not. Cupped in my unfamiliar hands to just gaze at the shards. It is like looking into a vortex actively sucking in everything around me. My desires, my capabilities...
Sin, what did I do to deserve this?
".....fine?" A voice pierces through my buzzing thoughts. But I pay no attention to it, until something presses against my back.
"What?" I call out, turning to see Dalyx glaring at me in concern.
"She didn't tell you, did she?" He sighs, pulling out a handkerchief of sorts onto my hands.
"Who tell me what?"
Dalyx picks up the shards of glass with caution and swiftness, despite his hand being large and clawed.
"Limbo when they put you in a new body." He then takes my numb hands and places the palms together. With closed eyes he chants something hushingly, the tone evoking tranquility to my clouded mind.
I shake my head and peer at my now clean hands with a sharp inhale. I feel at ease, and greatful for Dalyx's help yet I feel ashamed. To have a higher being take care of me like I'm some baby in diapers instead of an adult with equal standing. I'm only making myself more pathetic.
"They told me my ghost state was unnatural and needed to be fixed."
"Typical cryptic bastard." Dalyx snarls, taking steps back. "They were supposed to tell you the consequences of a soul being pushed into a corpse. Even if it's your own corpse. In this case, you being pushed into a corpse of a stranger with such an equally fractured mind."
"Wait what? Equally fractured?" I drop my eyes to the water. He means equally fractured as in just as mentally messed up as me, doesn't he?
Dalyx pats my shoulder quite suddenly. But I don't turn to face him. But I do yearn for an answer.
"What should I do?" I ask this with the doubt of my own self becoming heavier.
"Look at me." Dalyx commands and I obey. "Observe my face. My features. My breath."
I take the moment to do so.
Dalyx the dragon is rather handsome upon looking beyond the intimidating dragon features. I always imagine a being like him to look ethereal and feminine like an elf, or like Ezephyr. Instead he's sharp by face structure with protruding cheekbones and a defined jaw with dark blue lines from the bottom of his eyes to the corners of his mouth. Kind of like a scar, if not, a type of tattoo.
"My disguise, although very convincing, can still be revealed through sense of touch. Feel my skin and you won't find human skin, but rough scales."
I run my hands across his arm.
He's right. Although his fair skin looks human, I can feel rough patches of scales instead. And I can even see the disguise fading upon my touch to reveal the sight.
"I heard it's useful to feel the present moment through all senses whenever you feel distressed and lost." Dalyx explains and I nod.
"It works."
"I'm glad. Take your mind off everything. Off the pain and off the dread. I will dump everything on you once your mind has cleared. Even if it takes a while."
"I wonder, Dalyx. Why?"
"Hm?"
"You're a dragon that was locked up. Yet--"
"No." Dalyx interrupts, looking down at the now unveiled handkerchief with the shards of bloody glass. "I was locked up for a good reason. And I have served my time by reflecting on my life. When you found me, I took it as an opportunity to show them my growth. I chose to help you out of my newfound purpose. To help Caterina and all the others. To find the Gods before Sin and give you the power necessary to rewrite everything."
"How did you know I needed help?" Did I really appear that broken?
"Did you forget? I am a dragon. It is our nature to read the nature of others. That alone is what brought the Gods themselves to fear our kind." He tosses the handkerchief aside with a soft smile. "I don't see others externally but internally. All I see are complexities, not flesh. Especially you. When I touched your core, I saw someone who needed guidance. I did not see an opportunity to escape nor a means to an end. I saw redemption and someone that was merely lost like I was at a certain point."
I smile. "That's nice. Thanks." I say, all the doubt and heaviness slowly fading.
I have someone I can trust. Someone I met on my own.
"You may feel powerless sometimes, Art." Dalyx begins, now standing at the door. "But remember, within you lies great power. You know it because you've held it. Why else did Sin want you?"
I suspire in surprise. "You're right."
My dreams.
I nearly forgot, only because I was clouded by doubt and pain. I was convinced that it wasn't my power to begin with. Being tethered to Sin made me forget so much about myself. What made me, me and what was never there with me at the beginning.
I wrap up my time in the tub, emerging with a fresh mind. And there in our room Dalyx sits on his own bed with his eyes gazing out the window at the night sky filled with glistening stars and cosmic clouds of all colors.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dalyx breathes softly. "I only ever imagined the night sky through dreams and visions. But it never compared to the real deal."
"It is beautiful." I reply.
"But?"
I'm surprised he noticed my hesitance if he's asking for my full thought.
"But strange. The stars aren't in the same place as back on Earth and the moon isn't the same either."
"Creates more unfamiliarity, huh?"
"Yes." I breathe and then turn to face him. "Can you continue telling me about Limbo?"
"Sure. I am no death expert as much as the Limbo but I do have my experiences and knowledge." Dalyx announces as he snaps his finger to summon a flickering flame. It then takes the shape of two mini humans. "Limbo values order, believes it dictates all of reality and the way life and death functions in order not to fall to chaos. To Limbo, maintaining order is to sometimes use deception. They failed to tell you the consequences of tethering a lost soul to a strange body."
"So she lied to me..." I trail off. He means to tell me that Limbo deliberately lied to me to maintain order to reality at the cost of....me? "But they said I was compatible." At this point my mind is trying to understand. Maybe give Limbo the benefit of the doubt.
"Sure. As compatible as it can get for a few days, weeks, months and so on until the connection eventually..." Dalyx voice trails off.
Both of the human flames attempt to push together in a manner so grotesque. Even when they both became one, the body gives up. Collapsing in on itself leaving behind an orb.
"How much time do I have left?" I ask
"I am no soul weaver but an old friend of mine was and taught me most of what she knew."
"Don't." I grunt while making my way to the bed. "You've done so much for me already. I can't possibly ask you to do something like that."
Dalyx chuckles. "Okay then I'll do it when you least expect it."
"What?"
"Nothing. Nighty night!"
Dalyx waves me goodnight and I take the moment to smile to myself.
I wonder what I'll dream of tonight.
"Art..." A voice peeps from the darkness behind me.
I turn and find nothing but a shadow figure with no define features.
"Who are you?" I reply.
"Who do you think?" It snarls and without waiting for a reply, it lunges forward to grab my face. The same exact way as--
"You."
"Our connection is so weak, so I will only say this once; come back to me. Let us fix the wrongs of this wretched world."
"No no, I don't trust you. I don't trust your plans." I try to pry his hands off of me but he holds on tighter.
"You should trust me. Only I know what lies ahead. Wait, what's that?"
In my hand I hold out a sword. The same exact weapon from my dream before the Merge.
Right. This still has yet to be revealed. The same goes to the woman who was going to kill me. A friend, was it?
The sword suddenly burns my hand, forcing me to drop it.
And as soon as it hits the ground, a circle of fire appears around us, growing larger and aggressive until he's no longer there.
Just me and this red fire.