Wulari Ghetto
"I'd rather be killed by my unborn child than to present a fatherless bastard to my father. No, I won't allow that to happen" Ammi spoke to Rana out of fear of violating family norms.
Ammi and Rana had grown up together in the bustling ghetto of Wulari. Their friendship has withstood the test of time, and they were inseparable, sharing everything from laughter to heartache.
Despite the societal expectations that dictated a division between them, they had always been there for each other. Their bond was unbreakable, until a dark cloud loomed over Ammi's life.
She had fallen in love with Doya, a handsome smooth-talking charmer who promised her the world. Ammi had believed him wholeheartedly, and their relationship became the talk of town. Their love was the envy of all, or so it seemed.
As the sun was setting on the horizon, casting an eerie glow over Maiduguri, Ammi waited anxiously for Rana to arrive at their favorite spot under a neem tree in the farm near the outskirts of Wulari ghetto, mostly surrounded by ground nut farms of serving police wives.
When he finally arrived, she could see the concern in his eyes. "What's wrong? You look troubled!" Rana inquired, his voice crowned with worry. "It's Doya, Rana, He's been seeing someone else… behind my back!" Ammi's voice trembled with the weight of betrayal.
"I told you he was no good, Ammi! I warned you about him but you wouldn't listen." Rana's frustration boiled over as she clenched his fists.
"I know, Rana, I know!" Ammi's voice cracked in despair. "I don't know what to do... I feel so lost. Rana, I can't believe it. Doya said he'd take me away from all of this, and I believed him. I thought he was different, that our love could conquer anything."
Rana listened with a sense of worry, then said, "Ammi, I know it hurts, but you have me. I'll always be here for you. I've seen through Doya's smooth words from the start. I never wanted to see you hurt like this."
Ammi nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. "I know, Rana. You've always been there for me. But I thought I found something different with Doya. I never expected this betrayal." "I understand Ammi," but we'll get through this together. You're not alone in this. I will be here for you, through ups and downs. We'll get over this, I promise." Rana assured her.
Ammi wiped her tears and managed to make a weak smile. "Thank you. Rana, I don't know what I can do without you. Our bond is unbreakable, isn't it?"
"Rana placed a comforting hand on her shoulders, offering a semblance of solace in her darkest hour as he replied with confidence, "Always, Ammi, always!"
In that moment, they both felt no matter what, their friendship would endure. But Ammi was deeply wounded from inside of her. After departing Rana, she began to see her world unraveled in the wake of Doya's betrayal. Ammi's once vibrant spirit dimmed, shrouded by the veil of heartache and desolation.
Driven by heartbreak, lost and drowned in sorrow day by day, Ammi sought solace in the arms of strangers. She thought it would heal her pain, but it only numbed her temporarily. The endless nights of debauchery turned into a nightmare when she realized she was pregnant with no clue who was responsible for her pregnancy. so, she called the only person she can confide in, Rana.
Ring, ring, the shrill ring of Rana's phone pierced through the air, prompting him to answer with exuberance, "What's up, Ammi?"
Ammi's voice, usually filled with warmth, now carried a weariness that dampened Rana's lively spirit. "Rana, where are you? I need your help. Can we talk? Please?"
"Sure, anything for you! What's it? I hope it's not about Doya again; you told me you've moved on." Rana responded swiftly, trying to gauge the situation.
"Yes… No… It's not about him. Rana, I am pregnant," Ammi said, her words heavy with gravity. Despite the seriousness in her tone, Rana found it hard to believe. "You never change, Ammi. You've started those pranks again." He teased, thinking it was another installment of Ammi's favorite game.
Ammi's desperation crept into her voice as she insisted, "Rana, it's not a joke this time." The weight of her words settled in as they chat. And, Rana was acutely aware of his mother's proximity in the compound, forcing him to speak carefully, knowing that every word carried a weight that if extended beyond their private conversation could cause a great familial unrest. So, he demanded to meet with Ammi at the groundnut farm, far away from all ears.
At the secluded setting of the farm, the sun dipped low in the sky, casting long shadows across the groundnuts. Under the sheltering branches of a neem tree, Rana appeared, his impatience evident in the furrowed lines on his forehead. He had been waiting for Ammi, expecting her to arrive before him. The passage of time had turned anticipation into weariness, and, at one point, he almost considered leaving.
Just as he started to rise, a distant voice, carried by breeze, called out, "Rana… I am sorry!" It was Ammi, finally making her way to the meeting spot. Rana couldn't help but sigh, a mixture of relief and mild irritation at her tardiness. "No need for apologies, women will always be women!" He teased, attempting to lighten the mood.
Ammi, however, was in no mood for banter. She knew Rana had waited for her for a long time, and with the weight of her revelation hanging in the air, she chose to address the matter at hand. "Rana, this is serious. Let's talk!" She implored, aware that time was a luxury neither of them could afford at the moment. Ama, the matriarch of the family, would soon demand Ammi's presence at home for the annual December new year's preparation, a time-consuming affair that traditionally spanned weeks before Christmas, leading up to the end of the year.
Today, Rana and Ammi's meeting started with a melancholic silence. The air held a weight of unspoken emotions until Ammi realized the impact of her delay, spread her hands wide in a gesture of apology. "Okay, Rana, I say I am sorry. I..." she began, admitting fault with a somber tone.
But Rana cut in, in a divided tone, questioning Ammi: "Tell me, Ammi, How could you be pregnant without knowing the father of your baby? How could you be so careless?" His words weren't carefully chosen to boost Ammi's resilience; instead, they cut through the air, revealing his genuine concern.
Instantly, unspoken words of tears welled up in Ammi's eyes. With her face buried in her palms, she began to sob. The feeble words escaped her lips, "It's okay, Rana... thank you for showing concern." The raw vulnerability in her response hung heavy in the air.
Ammi, grappling with the emotions of the moment, turned to leave. That was when Rana realized he was over reacting. The words he used were not carefully chosen; he wanted Ammi to stay. Remorsefully, he reached for her hand, stumbling over his words, "I... I... You, you know I didn't mean that. I... I'm sorry, Ammi! Let's find a way to help you out of this trouble."
Ammi's lips sealed with pain as emotional silence enveloped them for some agonizing minutes. Alone in the farm till late evening, they grappled with the unspoken turmoil swirling between them. The fading sunlight cast a golden glow over the neem trees, its leaves rustling in the gentle breeze as if echoing the weight of the situation.
Ammi's predicament became evident as she revealed her decision to get rid of the baby. Rana however, saw it as a perilous path, considering the risks she would subject herself to. A heavy discussion ensued, fraught with conflicting emotions and unspoken fears.
Ammi explained her rationale with a clarity that cut through the quiet evening air. The stigma of her situation would render her without a place in the family. Her father, burdened by societal norms, could not bear the weight of the shame that would follow.
Ammi's understanding of her father remained elusive until recently, with rare sightings during both daylight and nighttime. His demanding profession consistently distanced him from the family. Known as 'Baba, her father adhered to a routine, departing the house at 4:30am while the household still slept and returning around 12:00 or 1:00am, long after everyone had succumbed to slumber. Ammi's recollection of her father was marked by the indelible impression left by Ama's ominous warnings when she transgressed: "Baba will flog you until you urinate in your clothes today." Additionally, she could vividly recall being awakened at dawn by the anguished cries of her elder brothers undergoing corporal punishment, only to be informed as a matter-of-fact by Ama, that it was Baba punishing them for being strong-headed.
Rana earnestly pleaded with Ammi, imploring her to consider alternative paths. His voice, a gentle cadence in the hushed atmosphere, carried a genuine concern. "Ammi, there must be another way to do this without risking everything. We can't let fear dictate our decisions."
Ammi eyes reflecting a turbulent mix of emotions, stood firm in her resolution. "I'd rather be killed by my unborn child than to present a fatherless bastard to my father. No, I won't allow that to happen!"
Rana felt it wasn't a debate he could win. He sighed, conceding, "I understand, Ammi. May you find the strength to face whatever lies ahead." Desperation clung to Ammi's words as she whispered, "honestly, I don't know... Rana I don't. But I just know it is something I must do."
After a brief moment of contemplation, Rana offered to help. "Ammi, I have a classmate, Hanne, in nursing school now. Maybe she can help us out of this.
Hope flickered in Ammi's eyes as she hastily excused Rana to make a call. He dialed Hanne's mobile number. Ring, ring, – the first attempt was marred by a poor network, leaving Rana frustrated. However, determination fueled the second attempt, and when Hanne's voice finally resonated through the phone, Rana eagerly informed Ammi to prepare for a meeting with Hanne scheduled to hold the next day.
On that day, Rana introduced Ammi to Hanne, a young nursing school student in her second year of diploma program. Ammi, without a second thought requested Hanne to help her terminate the baby. Hanne cautioned her for keeping the pregnancy to the period of 3 months and prescribed some drugs for abortion, assuring Rana and Ammi that it was not a big deal.
That same day, at night Rana received Ammi's call, from the toilet, breathing hard on the sink. "Rana, it worked, but I will die. Fire is burning in my womb." Then a thick ball of blood fell into the toilet sink and she had a little relief. Ammi shuttle in pain between the toilet and her room throughout that night. While Rana had a nightmare that Ammi was gone.
The relentless flow of the blood persisted, tormenting Ammi's existence. Two weeks of waking up in a crimson pool had taken its toll. And today, with less than 30 minutes of restless sleep, Ammi found herself roused from slumber by Ama's insistent knock at her door, signaling the beginning of another demanding day. Groggily, she maneuvered through the morning's biting cold, stumbling to the kitchen where a broom awaited her weary hands.
As she stooped to sweep, an ominous darkness eclipsed her vision, causing her to crumple, landing on the cold floor with a thud. Ama, concerned, swiftly approached, lifting Ammi up with a gentle touch. "Ammi, are you okay?" She inquired, genuine worry etched across her face.
In a feeble attempt to deflect attention from her deteriorating health, Ammi replied with forced assurance, "Oh, yes, I'm fine!" But the facade was transparent; her once plump cheeks now sagged, and the vitality in her bold eyes began to wane, as if retreating into the depths of their sockets.
Initially, Ammi seemed indifferent, consumed by the urgency of concealing her predicament. However, as time passed, on that day, nervousness consumed her, driving her in desperation to Rana's home.
"Bam, bam," Ammi's knocks echoed through the door, each one a plea for solace. Moments stretched as she waited, and it appeared the house was deserted. Just as she contemplated leaving, a creaking sound emanated from the door handle in the courtyard. Startled, Ammi turned, locking eyes with a woman.
"Oh, Ammi, dear, come inside," Rana's mother warmly invited. Ammi, having caught off guard, stammered, "I... Ma, I... is Rana around?" The unpreparedness was evident in her words, but the woman insisted, "Don't be shy. Anyway, how is your health now? You haven't been here lately. Rana mentioned you've been unwell."
As they stepped into the compound, Rana's mother continued chatting, unaware of the secret Ammi harbored. Abruptly, the entrance door swung open once more, revealing Rana returning home, his eyes purposefully caught Ammi's, communicating urgency as he pointed to a bloodstain on the back of her clothing. As expected, Ammi understood the gesture in the blink of an eye and swiftly covered it with her handbag, concealing the evidence from prying eyes.
"Hey, Ammi, you're here?" Rana gently guided her to a more secluded area, his eyes filled with genuine concern. As they found a private spot, Ammi began sharing her anguish in hushed tone. "Rana, it's been two weeks, and it's still flowing. Hanne mentioned...!" But Rana cut her off mid-sentence, his tone laced with urgency, "Here, take this. It will stop. Hanne sent me to give you." He extended two tablets of medication, the small white pills contrasting sharply with the gravity of the situation. Ammi hesitated for a moment, her eyes reflecting a mix of gratitude and desperation.
"What is it?" she asked, scrutinizing the medication in her palm. Rana sighed, a heavy weight in his words, "It's something to help with the bleeding. Hanne thinks it might work. You need to take it, Ammi." His eyes conveyed a silent plea, urging her to trust in the remedy.
Ammi took the tablets with slight trembling fingers. "I can't go on like this, Rana. It's ruining everything," she confessed, her voice carrying the weight of the weeks of torment. Rana nodded understandingly, his empathy palpable. "We'll figure this out together, Ammi. You're not alone in this," he reassured her like he always do.
Rana continued, "Hanne's been worried, and so have I. Let's make sure you take these as directed, and we'll monitor how it goes." He offered a small, encouraging smile, attempting to inject a glimmer of hope into the somber moment. Ammi nodded with a mixture of emotions played across her face – a cocktail of fear, gratitude, and the slightest hint of optimism. At that moment, the tablets in her hand symbolized a lifeline, a tentative solution to the relentless ordeal she had faced. With a deep breath, she pocketed the medication, knowing that this small act might bring about a turning point in her struggle.
Upon her return, Ammi carried the weight of restlessness, her mind burdened by the insidious thoughts of her blood's lingering shadow that kept haunting her like an oppressive ghost. She hastily sought refuge in the bathroom with the medications Rana entrusted to her, forgotten in the confines of her securely fastened shorts.
Focused solely on cleansing herself from the relentless stain, Ammi, lost in thought, neglected to free the medicinal lifeline that could offer solace. As she lifted the folds of her wide blouse in a fervent attempt to rid herself of the invisible mark, the medications took flight, propelled into the air in a cruel ballet before falling into the grimy dripping water beside the toilet sink. "Ahhh... Ah...!" Ammi's anguished cry pierced the solitude of the bathroom, a guttural expression of despair.
Alone in this confined space, she confronted the stark reality of her predicament, her face a canvas painted with the raw emotions of anguish. The drugs, once a symbol of potential relief, the propeller of hope, now rested in the murky waters, mirroring the turmoil within her."
In the aftermath of that unsettling night, Ammi, burdened by weariness, stirred reluctantly from her uneasy sleep, slowly ascended from her bed, navigating the labyrinth of her thoughts. A resolute decision lingered in her gaze as she staggered dizzily towards the solace of her room, an unspoken commitment not to divulge the harrowing truth about the drugs to Rana. But to her incredulous amazement, the ominous traces of blood, haunting from the previous night, had vanished like a dissipating nightmare, and the flow ceased. Ammi's initial disbelief gave way to cautious hope, and she found herself tracing the contours of her reality, seeking tactile confirmation. The absence of stain and the cessation of blood were both a mystery and a relief that defied the bounds of comprehension.
Ammi, half-expecting to be ensnared in a lingering dream, sought tactile confirmation. She extended hands, testing the solidity of her surroundings, her tentative fingers exploring the cool surfaces of the walls. The touch, far from a figment of a dream, affirmed the corporeal reality of the night's mysterious transformation. As if the universe conspired to enhance the miracles.
She impulsively flung open the casement of her room, greeted not only by the warm caress of the sunlight, but also by a rush of fresh, untainted air. A profound exhale from the depths of relief, escaped Ammi's lips. Yet, her eyes betrayed the unspoken complexity of emotions as tears, seemingly born of surprise, welled up. "Hmm, hmm!" she breathed, the sound a raw expression of the astonishment and vulnerability that echoed within her.