On a misty Monday morning in late March, Albus Dumbledore was whistling merrily as he descended down the stone staircase that led from his quarters into his office, holding a steaming cup of freshly-brewed tea in his hand. He made his way over to his large desk and turned over a few papers.
He let out a quiet sigh. Alas, paperwork continued to be the bane of his otherwise happy existence. Dumbledore set his cup down and took a seat in his chair. He was surprised to notice a large envelope lying in the centre of his desk, underneath a few other papers. He had not seen it the night before. He took out his favourite letter-opener and slit open the envelope. Inside, he found a single large piece of parchment. It was completely blank.
Dumbledore unfolded the parchment and stared at it intensely. He had far too much experience with magic to think that it was simply a spare bit of parchment. After a few seconds, words began to appear. They were written in a vaguely familiar hand.
Messrs Moony, Padfoot and Prongs
wish to dedicate
this production of their new comedy
'Turnabout is Fair Play'
to their esteemed Professor,
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.
Enjoy!
Dumbledore frowned at the parchment, and then there was a sudden, blinding flash of light. When Dumbledore recovered his eyesight, his entire office was plastered with photographs of himself with Gellert Grindelwald, and the harsh music of Schwartz's 'March of the Warlocks' filled the air. Over the loud music, Dumbledore could make out disturbingly familiar voices reading words that he wished desperately he could forget.
'Dear Gellert,' recited Remus Lupin's voice. 'I was thinking about your idea of internment camps for Muggles, and I think you are quite right. Such camps will prove necessary on an interim basis, until we can cement the absolute dominance of wizards...'
Dumbledore went white. How could they possibly have found out about his youthful indiscretions?
'Oh Gellert!' Sirius Black read. 'I am so glad that we have met. I have never before found another wizard of such brilliance and ambition. I think we were fated to be together...'
As if this were not quite enough, there then followed a voice that Dumbledore had never imagined he would hear again in this lifetime.
'I find I am always thinking of him,' James Potter read from a journal that Dumbledore had believed to be lost. James – or rather, Dumbledore supposed, his portrait – used every ounce of that unique talent he had always possessed to make even the most serious matters sound utterly ridiculous. 'From cockcrow to sunset, and all through...'
'Finite Incantatem!' Dumbledore intoned, and everything stopped. The pictures vanished, the music ceased. The words on the parchment changed, and Dumbledore looked down to read them.
Dear Professor Dumbledore, the letter now read.
You should be aware that what you have just witnessed is only a tiny foretaste of what we are capable of doing. We don't care about the impact of our actions on your schemes or on any hypothetical future confrontation with Voldemort. For us, the only Greater Good is that of our family.
Our representative will be arriving shortly in order to discuss the terms of your surrender. Remember, you started this one.
Sincerely yours,
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black (and Associates)
There was a knock on the door.
'Come in,' Dumbledore said, and in walked Cassiopeia Black, escorted by Professor McGonagall.
'Miss Black would like to speak with you, Headmaster,' said McGonagall. Her tone was annoyed. She had never got on with Cassiopeia Black.
'Thank you, Minerva,' Dumbledore replied. 'You may leave.'
The Transfiguration mistress shut the door quietly, and the Headmaster turned his attention to Cassiopeia.
'Good morning, Miss Black,' he said. 'I trust you are the representative I've been told to expect.'
Cassiopeia smirked triumphantly, and Dumbledore resigned himself to a very painful series of negotiations.
.....
One bright morning, about a week later, Sirius swept into the dining room of number seventeen, Windermere Court. He ruffled Harry's hair and pecked Clytemnestra's and Cassiopeia's cheeks before sitting down at the head of the table. Mopsy brought him a steaming plate of eggs and sausages with a cup of tea, and the wizard dived in eagerly, humming to himself all the while. Harry, Cassiopeia and Clytemnestra all gave one another curious glances, and Harry smiled, a rare occurrence since Marius's death.
'You seem to be in a good mood, Dad,' he said.
'I am in an excellent mood,' Sirius replied. 'And why shouldn't I be? I live in a beautiful home with my strapping young son and my two lovely aunts,' – Harry and Clytemnestra blushed, but Cassiopeia only narrowed her eyes suspiciously – 'not to mention a very capable and hard-working house-elf.'
'Oh, Master Sirius is being too generous to his Mopsy,' the elf replied modestly.
'Furthermore,' Sirius went on, 'this morning I have received fresh proof that nothing is impossible if only one has enough nerve.' He flicked his wand, and three copies of The Daily Prophet appeared in front of his family members.
Cassiopeia nodded her approval as she glanced at the large headline. 'I was wondering when this would come out.'
'I arranged it for today,' Sirius said. 'The anniversary of his duel with Grindelwald. It seemed appropriate.'
The others carefully read the stunning article that dominated the front page:
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE RETIRES; NEW HOGWARTS STAFF APPOINTED
In an unexpected announcement, Albus Dumbledore, the widely revered vanquisher of the Dark wizard Grindelwald, has indicated that he plans to retire from his position as Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at the end of the current school year, writes Aloysius Prewett, Special Correspondent.
When asked to provide a reason for his surprising decision, Professor Dumbledore said simply that he has grown weary of the many administrative burdens attached to his position, and wishes to devote his remaining years to a quiet life of research. He will be succeeded by Professor Minerva McGonagall, long-time Deputy Headmistress, Transfiguration mistress and Head of Gryffindor House.
Whilst continuing to hold his important positions in the Wizengamot and the International Confederation of Wizards, Professor Dumbledore will also be moving to Devon and beginning the monumental task of organising the books and papers of his late friend, noted alchemist Nicolas Flamel. In addition, at the suggestion of school governor Cassiopeia Black, the Board of Governors have unanimously awarded Professor Dumbledore the title of Headmaster Emeritus, with the privilege of an ex officio seat on the Board of Governors and the right to nominate faculty candidates for the consideration of the Headmistress.
Professor Dumbledore proceeded to make full use of this privilege in order to nominate two new faculty members, both of whom were promptly confirmed by Headmistress McGonagall. The first of these new teachers is Mr Remus Lupin, who will be taking up the now-vacant post of Transfiguration master. An old Gryffindor, he will also take over the new Headmistress's former position as Head of that House. The second new faculty member is Mr Abraxas Malfoy, distinguished wizard and famous duelling champion, who has generously agreed to serve as Visiting Lecturer in Defence Against the Dark Arts during the upcoming school year.
'How did this happen?' Harry asked, just a hint of curiosity in his voice. He didn't sound quite as excited as his dad would have hoped, but Harry rarely got excited about anything these days.
Sirius grinned widely. 'Let's just say, it doesn't pay to muck about with the Blacks.'
The boy's eyes went wide. 'You did this?'
'Well, to be perfectly fair,' Sirius said, 'it was more of a family effort. We couldn't have managed anything without Aunt Cassie's Little Black Book.'
Harry raised an eyebrow. 'What's that?'
'Don't worry,' Aunt Cassie said. 'I'll show you when you're older. Besides, your father is being far too modest. He's the one who raised this whole affair from a rather boring case of blackmail to a true work of art. I still can't figure out how you Charmed that parchment to have so many simultaneous effects.'
Sirius laughed. 'Come now, Aunt Cassie. You know that a Marauder never reveals his secrets.'
.....
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