A Waltz In Autumn

How I've missed the bright lights and marbled shining floors of a marvelous ballroom, filled with the wondrously dressed guests.

Royals and nobles sporting their best robes and gowns tailored to the gods they presumed to be.

Magnificently carved ice structures in shapes of mythical birds. Fountains springing with rose colored water, surrounded by the laughter of guests.

I marvel at the sight of everything, nostalgia slipping its way into my memories.

My first ball, I remember it dearly. Le Autumn Ball; the celebration of the change in the color of leaves, and the wind turning crisp. How could I forget when you were my first dance that night, many years ago.

Tonight is the celebration of this year's Le Autumn Ball, falling during the coldening days. The glamor of the celebration never ceased to amaze me.

Recovering from the bittersweet memories, they announce your name, a name I felt I had heard barely yesterday, when in reality it had been years… nearly two decades.

The steward announced your title,"Duke Carlisle Saevill of Tangerine"

`Everyone turned their necks to face you, including myself. My oh my, how the years have gone by, as you walked down those stairs. Your silkened long, once pitch black hair now riddled with white streaks most likely gained from stress, tied back. You're wearing black trousers and a button-up with a velvety black dress coat sewn accompanied with gold embroidery along the seams. It goes without saying that certainly, the role of Duke is no simple matter. 

Maybe it was my eyes deceiving me, as you looked straight towards me for a split moment.

You reach the marbled floor, and walk towards the crowd, beginning to converse with other noblemen whilst people stare at you.

I am talking to the noble women, sharing my adventures during the time I was away.. Nonetheless, the tailor work I am so well known for seems to never become a lost theme to discuss amongst even the royals. That is how I am able to stand where I am now in this era's more affluent society.

As I debate the new trends with the lavish ladies, it seems not everyone is in approval of my craft, nor of my background.

"My my, Mademoiselle Bissett, don't you think it's a bit chilled here?"

"Oh thank you, however I am quite comfortable at the moment."

"I am glad to hear that… I suppose growing up young without a roof over your head tends to strengthen you up?" A wrinkled old woman, wearing a light green gown discourteously comments,"Had it not been for Duke Saevill, heavens knows what may have come of you."

Some of the women in the group agree, "It would have been a real shame had it not been for him,"they say, grinning ear to ear.

I bitterly giggle and respond,"Indeed, I am quite fortunate to have been given the opportunity long ago."

A different duchess comments,"I guess that it goes to show how your common days do not reflect the designs you have made, coming from a simple background."

"Yes, I suppose how one looks does not define a person's rude character, no matter their influence." I smile curtly at the impoliteness of their comments, "Now if you will excuse me."

Backing away, I slightly bow to them and begin to walk towards the buffet to grab a petit four. It's sweet enough to wash away the sour taste my previous conversation left on my tongue

Slowly walking towards the window, looking up to the crescent moon and into the garden below. The Duke of Tangerine planted rows and rows of roses which were fully bloomed even through the cold fall.

I hear footsteps approach me and I turn around to face them. A Barron who's known to revel in liquor drunkenly steps by me and lifts an arm to lay around me. I step back quickly to avoid said arm.

"Oh Miss Bissett, wouldn't you want to join me with a drink tonight?" He slurs his words, holding a wine-filled glass.

"Thank you, however I'd have to politely decline that offer."

"Come off Bissett, don't be a prude, I am simply offering a drink." His voice-tone changes,"You should be grateful I'm offering my company to you, common wench."

The Baron smashes his glass to the ground and I flinch. The startling noise of it makes people turn their heads.

Answering calmly, "I am sorry Baron, but I have no interest in sharing a glass with you." I slightly glare at him.

"Is something the matter?"

You approached the scene with long strides and took place beside me.

Looking at your eyes, an inky black set looked back at my own. How I once yearned for those same eyes of yours to look at me just as I looked at you.

"No, nothing is the matter, Duke Saevill. I simply declined sharing a drink with the Baron."

"Is that so?" Glowering, you look at the man before us.

Guards appear next to the Baron, "Please take him to another room to rest for the night." You order while they take hold of the man while he shouts and struggles drunkenly.

I look on as the guards escort the Baron somewhere else, disappearing from the party. The room feels quite stuffier as people whisper about the Duke of Tangerine and the seamstress. Whispers of "How embarrassing" and "My, isn't that the seamstress?" And "Wasn't the Duke engaged?".

I hadn't yet heard of the last rumor. Even after all these years, even at my mature age, how my heart yearned for the love that you simply did not reciprocate. I wished your arms would have held me, for all the time I had been away from Tangerine instead of with you.

Once I found out you had no plans to marry anyone else then, I couldn't let myself suffer longer. Thus, in low dejection with tears in my eyes, I left without your knowledge. I grew and cultivated my seamwork and skill, all over the world. During those 18 years I've been able to scale up and up social ranks and earn my own recognition as a prominent seamstress. 

Returning because I felt I had unfinished business here, but couldn't pinpoint where. Well, maybe I consciously did know why.

The Irony in having left after hearing you had no plans to marry, only to come and gather you are already engaged.

Looking at you once again while I curtsy, "I am grateful, Duke Saevill," I voice,"If you will excuse me."

Turning and stepping away as people continue to whisper. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to return. Maybe this was all a mistake and I shouldn't have seen you after so long. Who am I to speak to you while you're already engaged?

A lump appears in my throat while walking out of the ballroom, out of the corridors with my heels clacking alongside every step I take. Out of large doors and down the stoned steps, into the garden I so greatly cared for. Long ago, I struggled to memorize the maze-like manor.

I stand amongst the roses. All different shades of pinks, reds and whites littered over the floor of the garden. I suppose this will be my last time here, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to visit anymore if you were to be married. Soon I'll have to go back to my own dwelling either way.

I look up to the smiling moon. I wish it were so full so as to somehow fill the hollowness my heart has borne for so many years. The hole that was no-one's fault but my own, for foolishly loving someone out of my own rank. An immense idiotic feeling that knawed at my chest. It hurt, it hurt deeply. Like a big wound, a wound that no matter what you did, would ever seem to heal. I desired for strength but it simply wouldn't come.

I just know rivers of tears are spilling down my cheeks and onto the skirt of my dress.

Of course, I just can't seem to be left alone for too long because before I know it you're a few yards behind me.

Refusing to turn around, I stay in place and look up to the sky. 

"I should never have come," Crumbling, and whispering,"You should have left me where you found me…" I finally decided to turn around and face you, who I've been avoiding for so long, "You should have left me in the cold. You should have left me to die, because this? This isn't living at all." Increasing the volume of my voice, it cracks and breaks. Maybe it is selfish and shallow of me, behaving like an ill-tempered child, but somehow I could not stop from feeling like a fragile glass.

Eighteen years ago, on a cold autumn day, you found me freezing inside a forest. I don't know why you did, but you took me at age 12, into your manor and had me well educated, even if I was a simple commoner. You were barely 13 as well. We shared 4 years of our lives together. I thought it was a blessing, a gift from above but only now do I pine for you having left me there instead.

Stomping towards you I begin to lament,"You never loved me, so why do I continue to care? Why do I still wish to come back when I know there is nothing for me here?" Standing right in front of you and staring right into your eyes. The moon light illuminates your pointed features and fair skin. Dropping my head low as moments pass by, and whispering, "But I know, I would have hurt your title. A seamstress, no matter their own opulence, is still just a seamstress… It would be impossible to marry a Duke. People would have disagreed either way…" I lift my head up,"I wish you congratulations on your engagement."and twist my body to turn.

"I am not engaged." Your smooth, deep voice replies.

"Well then I congratulate you for when you are." I responded sourly, the cold fall night fell over my wet face.

"I never wanted to marry."

"Yes, I figured that much out a long time ago."

"I never wanted to marry anyone… " You finally shout," Anyone other than you, Lorelei."

I stop mid-track, and you stride towards me, embracing me in your strong arms. I am left speechless, looking up to you with my mouth dropped open.

I swear, slapping a hand over my mouth,"Oh my god."

"I've always loved you, but at the time I held no power to wish for your hand in marriage. And when I had at last gained that power… you vanished." First nuzzling your face into my neck, then looking at me directly, "I didn't know where you went, you left no note, no letter, not a trace behind."

You continue to hold me and look directly at me, "For years I've searched every nook and crevice as far the world can stretch to, but it seemed you always slipped through my fingers every time I came close to reaching you." 

"But, you said you didn't plan to marry anyone… why now do you tell me?"

"People were after me, and the position I held. Bad people I never wanted you to know of. If they knew I cultivated a relationship with you, they would have hurt you." Your smooth voice seemed to slightly break, "Lorelei, I have always loved you. I did not want to risk your safety because of me." You look down and let go of me, "Now I look back and realize how brainless I had been to think you would have somehow known of my feelings."

Standing there, feeling the years catch up to me, I am stunned. I don't know what to think, say, or do.

Instead, I act on what I feel. Wrapping my arms and gently squeezing your strong torso, I look at your face and you look at mine.

"Please, Lorelei, don't deny me a kiss I ask from you."

"Never," I breathlessly respond.

After so many years of praying and dreaming, so many years of missed emotion, you finally kiss me. Pent up wishes finally come true as our lips meet. I feel completed, full of love and happiness and sorrow for those missed years we never had.

We separate, and I smile with tears flowing from my eyes.

Together we walk, my arm intertwined with yours back to the ballroom.

Entering together, people stare at us as we approach the center. I know they whisper but I have no care, all I can focus on is you and you alone.

The music plays and we dance just as we had eighteen years ago. We fit like puzzle pieces, like a finally completed harmony. Again, you take me to dance the night away just as you had done before. I laughed as you gently held and spun me.

"Don't ever let me go." I smile in your arms.

"Never will I let you slip away again." You squeeze me tightly.

And for years after, we would dance the night away for every ball that followed after.