The rain was liberating.
There was something about the rain that mesmerized Kyunghee to a dangerous degree. Not only was the sound of rain calming as it pelted against the pavement, but the sensation of rain droplets hitting her burning skin was therapeutic. She loved the way it felt on her skin as it washed away every last piece of dirt on this corrupted body of hers. It made her feel pure and untainted. A lot of people wouldn't understand this addiction of hers, just like how people wouldn't understand the reasons for getting high on drugs. Running in the rain was her high, the escape from reality.
She lifted her palm upwards, so that the rain formed a small pool in the palm of her hand. Before she could think straight, Kyunghee's legs had already moved forward, leaving the shelter of the bus station. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head up and allowed the rainwater to soothe her face, running down her cheeks and along her jawline, caressing every inch of burning skin and tempestuous emotions underneath.
She opened her eyes as her sight landed across the street where the father and daughter duo exited the coffee shop. The pink raincoat hopping up and down in the puddles with joy.
Kyunghee's heart twisted in unspeakable pain. Why was it suddenly so hard to breathe? She couldn't quite understand, or rather she didn't want to understand.
Instead, she turned on her heels and began to run. Forget the bus, forget the rain, forget the quirky pink raincoat and ground puddles…She needed to run, desperately.
The sound of her sneakers smacking against the ground echoed into one ear and out the other. Kyunghee ran down the block, across the streets, and down some more blocks. She had no idea where she was headed, how far away she had gotten, and simply ran as if it was the only thing she knew. Shops and restaurants lined the side of the streets, but nothing mattered except for the unexplainable heaviness suppressed in her chest.
She didn't pay attention to the scenery. She was only focused on the running, the wind that cut through her skin, making her nose red and runny, the rainwater that poured down on her. The sound of her heart beating rapidly in her ears was beautiful and magical, like a drug addiction. Kyunghee could no longer feel emotional turmoil. Everything right now was pure physiology.
No memories. No feelings. Numbness.
She wasn't sure how many miles she had run or how long she had been running for, but eventually her legs started to slow down. The endorphins ebbed away, leaving her lungs and heart begging to stop, but she didn't listen to it. Her muscles were cramping, her thighs were sore and heavy as if someone had injected liquid mercury into it. She was dehydrated. At the corners of her eyes, Kyunghee saw colorful dots making an appearance. Still, she pushed herself even more, panting heavily until she couldn't run anymore. Her legs finally gave out.
"Argh!" Her knees dropped to the ground hard. She stopped herself from kissing the ground with hands outstretched. Her palms scraped against the unforgiving gravel sidewalk as she tried to catch her breaths. Her gasping was so loud she wouldn't be surprised that—if there were any passersby nearby—they would think she was having some kind of heart attack. Her head began to spin from the lack of oxygen. Everything was starry in her vision. Her heart felt as if it was ramming itself against the ribcage to escape and her lungs hurt with every gasp.
But it wasn't enough for Kyunghee. She wanted to run even more, so she tried to stand up, but her legs refused to budge. It couldn't move. It had reached its limit but mentally, she still had a long way to go. Mentally, she wasn't ready to give up. Mentally, she wanted to run until she could no longer feel her very existence.
"Damn it…" Kyunghee muttered as she felt something wet dropped onto the back of her hands. She couldn't tell if they were her tears or the rain.
No matter how much she demanded herself to stand back up, she had no strength to actually do it. The sound of her heart didn't sound so beautiful anymore, and the burn in the back of her eyes grew intense until tears fell endlessly. They fell pathetically onto the ground she was staring at. Why was she crying anyway? Why was it hurting so much? She wanted to run, to forget. She always ran to forget but right now, the running has made her remember the trauma all too vividly.
The anguish and grief were killing her, suffocating her, choking her. The pain was relentless and repetitive, killing her at all the right spots.
Even if it was imaginary, even if it was just a recollection of a past moment, she could hear her heart shattering. The heartbreak was too much. It began as a sniffle then it morphed into an uncontrollable sob. Her own cries sliced right through her chest, over and over again, marring her, damning her.
Kyunghee balled her hands into fists, scraping her knuckles against the ground as blood oozed out, but she didn't care. She needed release, any type of release from the unbearable anguish. She wanted to stop the painful prickling sensation plaguing every fiber of her being. She bit her lips, closed her eyes and tried to shut out the voice, shut in her tears, but nothing could ever erase the pain.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" she softly choked in sorrow.
"Hey! Miss, are you okay?"
Kyunghee was so consumed in her own grief and misery, everything around had ceased to exist until she felt a hand on her left shoulder, shaking her gently, trying to get her attention. A black umbrella covered her, shielding her against the unforgiving rain. Slowly Kyunghee lifted her head up from the ground into a pair of alluring light-brown eyes and handsome features. Through the tears mixed with rainwater, he appeared blurry but his eyes were striking, distinctly imprinting into her.
"Do you need help?" His eyebrows creased together with reluctant concern.
She couldn't find her voice to answer the man. Her mind was scattered by painful memories. As she stared at the man through tear-filled eyes, a part deep inside of her wanted to tell him how much she was hurting, how tired she was, how much she wanted to give up but she couldn't. In reality though, Kyunghee was simply bawling her heart out on the sidewalk like a crazy idiot to a stranger.
Suddenly, the man's gorgeous face started multiplying at such a rapid rate that she couldn't keep up with it. She closed her eyes, let the last bit of strength go as she dropped to the ground, and prepared to surrender herself into the deep, dark calling. Before she completely lost conscious, Kyunghee thought she heard the stranger frantically yelling her name, "Kyunghee!" But it had to be her deliria, because how could a man she didn't recognize knew her name?
* * * *
When Kyunghee came around, she was in an unfamiliar environment. Everything was white. There was a small window to the right with the curtains closed, but a bit of late afternoon light managed to penetrate through. Her nose twitched, picking up the stale scent of antiseptic mixed with anesthesia. This sickening smell of life dangling with death could only be from the hospital, Kyunghee concluded. IV tubes were hooked to her arms and there were bandages on her hands.
Her muscles were sore and aching. Her body felt as if it had been run over by a freight train. She swept her tongue over her dried lips, feeling a bit nauseous and to top it off, blessed with a minor headache. This was not a new experience to her, which meant she had over-exerted again. At the moment, she was vulnerable, like a lab rat, and she hated this sensation more than anything. Hospital beds were uncomfortable and it always seemed like an operation table instead.
Although being here was the last place she wanted to be, she couldn't always have the best of both worlds. This was a consequence of her reckless episode. Yet, there were just too many things she hated about the hospital. She hated how cold and clinical it was. There was never any warmth or joy, but mostly it was because people—the doctors and nurses in particular—talked as if they knew what was best for you when in fact they didn't. The clipboards and x-ray scans show nothing. Who were they to dictate you needed to go to therapy, cut down on your blood-sugar, stop playing your favorite sport because of chemo? Most importantly, who were they to say they had to abandon your baby so they could save you instead? What if she didn't want to be saved? What if she rather save her baby? Who were they to tell her it was a bad decision? They had no rights.
Clenching her teeth against the strain of muscles, Kyunghee sat up with difficulty precisely as a worried voice echoed into the room.
"You shouldn't move. You need more rest."
Kyunghee stopped in the process with elbows propped on the mattress and averted her gaze over to the doorway where an unfamiliar man stood. She nearly forgot how to breathe when her eyes landed on the man.
A gentle breeze blew in through the opened window. The curtains fluttered quietly.
Time seemed to have stopped as their eyes met across the room.
He stood tall at six-feet something, dressed in a neatly pressed black Gucci suit that clung to every inch of his physique powerfully. The dinner jacket was not buttoned up properly, exposing the white dress shirt underneath. His hair was stylized in a way that made his good looks more noticeable. He was a sinfully attractive man; the kind of handsome that turned heads without questions and easily made a woman blush crimson red, the kind of handsome that was currently making her still heart beat embarrassingly out of control.
"Doctor's words," he said with a slight upturn of the mouth and playful lilt in his voice. His interruption cut through the strange tension in the room.
Kyunghee steered her eyes away from the man, remaining calm and composed despite the teenage nerves inside. Instead, she focused on the task of sitting up. The man calmly strode over to her bedside, bringing with him a whiff of his impressionable scent. It was an audacious blend of aromatic wood and sensual sage with its masculine, spicy undertone. He smells so good that it momentarily scattered her ability to think. Without asking, he grabbed the pillow and fluffed it, placed it behind her back and took a hold of her arm to give support as Kyunghee pushed back against the pillow into a sitting position.
"Good?" he asked as she nodded her head in response. With the gap between them diminished, she noticed his left ear had four ear piercings. Three diamond studs on the outer conch and one helix ring. There was a sign of a neck tattoo, peeking out from underneath the unbutton collared shirt. Bad boy vibes in a good boy suit, Kyunghee's instinct told her so.
"Thank you," she said as he let go of her hand and stepped back. There was a strain in her vocal cord and the words came out softer and hoarser than she wanted it to. She promptly recalled sobbing on the sidewalk like a lunatic earlier, but that was all. "Um, how did I get here?"
The man stared at Kyunghee for full second, taking in her expression, before explaining, "I found you kneeling on the sidewalk and crying. I asked you a bunch of questions, but I don't think you heard me. The next thing I know you fainted on me. So I brought you to the hospital. You've been gone for a few hours now. The doctor said you had overexerted yourself, lack of sleep and that you were also severely dehydrated."
"Oh." She didn't know what else to say.
"Oh?" he repeated the word in disbelief. There were distinct changes in his emotions. He clenched his jaw, his stony eyes piercing into her. "That sounds a bit nonchalant, especially seeing that you're now in a hospital bed." His tone of voice was rather cold and disapproving.
Kyunghee frowned, getting defensively stubborn. Even though he helped her, but who was he to criticize her? "I was just going for a jog."
"To the point of passing out?"
She paused then argued, "I got carried away."
"You were bawling on the sidewalk."
"I was crying out of joy," she replied with dry humor.
His eyes narrowed in on her. "You think this is funny?"
"No, but why do you care so much?" Kyunghee retorted with irritation, looking straight into his alluring yet dangerous brown eyes. "I'm sorry you had to take a stranger to the hospital. I'm grateful you didn't leave me passed out on the streets, but at the end of the day, we're just strangers, aren't we? You're free to leave, Sir. You don't have to stay here with me."
He paused in thought for a moment before saying, "I found you on the sidewalk. You're my responsibility now."
Kyunghee looked at the man in disbelief. "You don't have to. I'm not holding you to anything. Even if you leave right this moment, I won't have money to sue you."
He crossed his arms over his chest, his stance was authoritative and full of domineering strength. This was a man who always got things done his way, she figured. "Ahn Kyunghee-sshi, do you not understand your predicament? Nobody in their right mind would run until they need to be hospitalized."
He caught her there. She didn't have anything sound to respond with.
Instead, she changed the topic. "How do you know my name?" She stared at him, guarded.
Uncrossing his arms, he shifted his weight onto one leg, looking relaxed. "From your ID, when I took you to the ER."
"Oh."
He pulled the bedside chair over and sat down, leaning back into the chair with his alluring eyes transfixed on her. His movement was comfortable and easy, but his strong presence filled up the entire room.
"My name is Jang Woosuk. Pleasure to meet you, Kyunghee-sshi."