This house was empty… but only of people. The building was actually full of furniture, and decorated. There were rugs, paintings, chests and shelves… all full and looking as if a large family lived here. There was a strange scent in the air, but it didn't bother me too much and… and honestly, it was a little cold. I needed to start a fire.
Heading down the only hallway, I found the stairs. Then I found the kitchen, and the bathroom just beyond that. The bathroom had another large door, which looked to exit to the backyard. Or whatever one would call the small square type place around it.
Although I wanted to hurry upstairs and look around, I chose to return to Vim. He was standing before a small table near the door.
Stepping up to him, I studied the little open book that lay upon the table. There was an ink pot next to it, with a pen.
"What is it?" I asked him. I recognized most of the letters written on it, but there were some I didn't.
It almost looked like it was just a list of names and dates…
"A log. The last one to stay here were was Oplar. Seems we missed her by only a few weeks," Vim said, pointing at the bottom of the right page.
"Oh?" I found that interesting. It felt almost like we were following her steps, somehow.
"Want to sign for us?" Vim asked me as he picked up the pen.
"Can I?" I asked, and I felt my tail wiggle beneath my pants.
"Hm," he offered me the pen and I happily took it.
I couldn't help but smile as I carefully dipped the pen into the ink pot, and found the spot where I could write our names in.
Before I went to writing I scanned the two open pages.
Vim's name was often written… and usually, except for only a couple times, was written alone. Oplar's name was also one that came and went.
I wasn't too surprised that I didn't recognize any of the other names… but I tried to memorize them. I stopped trying, and decided I'd just do so later.
I'd need to write carefully, since I knew people… other society members especially, would read it…
"Is it safe to write this stuff?" I asked.
"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked as I wrote his name first.
Trying to copy his own writing, I realized it was nearly impossible. He kind of just scratched it; his name wasn't very long as it was…
After his I wrote my own… and once done, I felt an immeasurable joy at seeing the two names together.
"I uh… don't know the date. Just put before the new year," Vim said as he stepped away, no longer interested.
Although a little disappointing to see him not care much for what was happening, I decided to let just let it be. I was happy over it, and for now that was all that mattered.
Putting the date, I smiled and nodded at my handiwork.
It almost looked like it belonged there.
I placed the pen back down, and went to ask Vim a question.
He was kneeling near a box, and pulling out wood pieces. He was going to start a fire.
"Truthfully this is a little weird. I feel like we're stealing someone's home," I said as I studied the nearby shelf. There were books and trinkets upon it.
"For as long as we're here, it's our home. So don't feel weird about it," Vim said as he carried the wood to the nearby fireplace.
It wasn't that big, but it looked made of marble. Based off the location of it, something told me it ran up to the second floor and into the bedroom.
Bedroom…
While Vim started the fire I went upstairs. Walking up a well made stairwell, I found a small hallway upstairs. One with only three doors.
The first door on the right was the only door on that wall. It was double-door and… sure enough was the main bedroom.
Before stepping in to examine it, I checked the other two doors. Likewise they were also bedrooms, although smaller in size. One of them had three beds within it.
Since the smaller bedrooms were rather bare, except for a few chests and dressers, I went back to the main bedroom.
There was a single bed in the large room, which was a little odd. I had expected this place to have as many beds as possible… but maybe there was never an instance where more beds were needed.
The room smelled a little… like a scented candle. As if someone had lit one here not too long ago. Maybe someone came in and cleaned this place occasionally.
The large bed was big enough for two, and there was a table with two chairs. There was a balcony, which had a large bench, and in one corner of the room there was…
Standing before the large wall mirror, I gulped at my own reflection.
I'd seen mirrors before. But only small ones. Things that fit into one's hand. And even then they hadn't been very…
Raising my hand, I grabbed my hat and slowly removed it. The few pins that held it in place latched away rather easily, and my ears were revealed.
A strange sound filled the empty air as I took a deep breath.
My ears were that big?
Tossing my hat onto the bed, alongside my bag, I hurriedly returned to the mirror. Touching my ears, I studied the way they moved and twitched.
I'd seen myself before. I've seen myself reflected in water. On certain plates and metal… but…
Usually when the images were blurry, or without detail. This mirror was pristine… and looked almost perfect. I could just barely make out a slight alteration near the edges, if I stood too far away from the front my body started morphing in shape. Becoming longer, and taller.
My frowning face distracted me as I glared at my huge ears. Why were they so big? They were basically as big as my head! No wonder people always looked at me funny…
Lomi's hadn't been half the size… nor had Porka's…
The smell of burning wood filled the air, and for some reason it made my nose itch.
Realizing something important, I hurriedly pulled my tail out too.
The moment it slipped free of my pants, I groaned as I realized that was huge too.
Stepping back a step, to try and see my whole frame and the tail as well… I realized it was impossible.
My tail was as long as me…
For a long moment I stood there, staring at myself.
I could ignore the dirt and grime. Vim and I have been on the road for weeks now. Months, if we included even the few baths I've had… like at Rapti's place or with Kaley. I could also ignore the… worn down clothes. Although new, purchased by the man who was downstairs… it seemed I had already worn them down. My pants had rips in a few places, my shirt faded.
Going closer to the mirror, I groaned at the sight of my pupils. They were a little… too unshapely. A little too wide in the middle, and thin at the top.
Not human looking at all…
Opening my mouth, I quickly closed it. Putting a finger into my mouth, I felt the familiar teeth and wondered if they were really as sharp as they looked.
"I'm a beast," I whispered.
As I whispered, I realized my fingernails were also very long too.
I'd cut them here.
Other than them… there was nothing I could change, however.
"Renn," Vim called me from below, and I noted how gently he had done so… maybe he thought I had laid down to sleep.
"Coming!" I called back so he knew I hadn't fallen asleep.
Stepping away from the mirror, I spared one last glare at myself.
I hadn't realized how… un-comely I looked.
Porka had been beautiful. Lilly had impressed me too. Rapti, also was pretty in my head.
Kaley had been the most attractive of them all… but I had thought maybe, just maybe, I was the same. Maybe not to her level, but…
"Fool," I chastised myself for thinking I was special, just because I wasn't human.
Hurrying out of the room, I made sure to grab my hat just in case Vim wanted to leave.
Maybe we were going to get food.
I was in the mood to eat now. Maybe a good meal would make me forgive myself for looking so…
Finding Vim sitting at the table, I hesitated as he crossed his arms and looked at me oddly.
"What…?" I asked, and looked around. Did something happen?
The fire was going strong… but nothing else seemed different.
"First thing you do is stare at yourself in the mirror. You really are a cat," he said.
My blood rushed to my face and I stepped back, as if I could actually run away from him. "I couldn't help it! It's… that was the first one I've ever seen like that!" I said, defending myself.
"I'm sure."
Had he actually seen me, or did he just hear me? His hearing was as good as mine, if not better, after all.
I grumbled as I walked to the table and sat down across from him. With a huff I crossed my arms, mimicking him.
"Do I get to meet Hands now?" I asked.
"Tomorrow. I want to go listen to the nightly sermon first," he said.
"Sermon?" I asked. Really? Vim did?
He nodded.
"You're suddenly religious?" I asked. He hadn't been before.
"No. I want to see if they've changed the way they preach yet," he said with a small frown.
Changed… "Why would they change it?" I asked him.
For the first time in a long while, I realized I had asked a question Vim didn't want to answer. He suddenly frowned a little harder, and his crossed arms tightened a little.
"Okay. Can I come with you? I like listening to them," I said quickly.
He blinked and relaxed… and his soft smile as he nodded told me he was thankful for me allowing him to avoid answering that question. "You can. But you'll need to change… upstairs in the dresser should be a clergy outfit, for nuns or something. Find one that fits you," he said.
"Oh! Sure," I nodded, that sounded neat. I hadn't been able to wear Nory's. Not only had it not fit me at all, she would have ripped it off me had I tried to put it on.
"Wait… am I allowed to wear it though?" I asked, hesitating.
"Why couldn't you?" he asked.
"I'm not a nun," I said, obviously.
"You wore robes in Nevi didn't you? You didn't say anything then," Vim said with a tilt of his head.
"That was just a headdress. This would be an entire outfit," I gestured with my arms to get him to understand, but he simply shook his head in indifference. He didn't seem to care, which told me I probably shouldn't either.
Yet... I did. For some reason. Why was that?
I decided to ponder it as I got changed. I stood from my seat, and was about to head upstairs.
"It's not right now. It'll start in a few hours. Afterward we'll get something to eat too," Vim said, stopping me from hurrying upstairs.
"Oh… okay. Is it close?" I asked.
"Near the chronicler," he nodded.
Not far at all… that meant a lot of humans would be nearby soon, which was odd.
My tail tapped the ground, and I glanced at it. It was swaying a little… too much. I got it under control, and wondered if I was simply happy or if I was upset.
Happy, for sure.
Still, I did my best to get it under control.
No matter how happy I was… I didn't want Vim getting upset with me. I didn't want him to have to tell me to control myself.
I may look beastly, but that didn't mean I was one.
"It's okay to be happy, Renn."
For a small moment, I didn't really understand what he had just said.
Looking away from my tail, I studied the man who had uncrossed his arms and placed them onto the table, holding his hands together calmly. He nodded at me, "It's okay. Especially here. That's the entire point of this house. Of this place," he said further.
Clenching my jaw, I wondered what to say. How did I respond to this?
"Did you think I'd yell at you for being happy…?" Vim asked softly.
"Well… for good reason…" I answered, just as softly.
Vim shifted in his seat, suddenly looking uncomfortable.
A little ashamed at making him feel so, I realized he probably… didn't realize what I thought of him.
Not just my feelings, but what I expected from him. What I expected him to be like.
But… maybe that was my fault. No… it was…
"I figured you'd tell me to keep it contained, as to not endanger us once we left," I said.
"Ah… I can see that. I'm many things Renn, but I'd never tell someone not to be happy. That's kind of the entire point of my existence you know? To protect such emotions," he said gently.
The odd tone in his voice told me he was being completely genuine. He was hurt. Hurt that I had even implied that he would do such a thing. Not just to me, but to anyone. To any of our members.
Now that I thought about it… he had always let Lomi do whatever she wished. No matter how loud she had gotten. No matter how silly it had been…
That hadn't been just because she was a child after all.
"I am happy. This is… wonderful. Everything I hoped for, in a way… and I look forward to meeting all the other members. I counted seventeen names I didn't recognize on that book," I said and glanced at the logbook near the door. Vim's eyes didn't leave me, but I did look around at the house as I continued. "This place is neat. I look forward to staying here for awhile. I look forward to spending time with you… and I hope I can get used to the crowds and noises by the time the festival starts, so I can enjoy it." He kept silent as I continued even further, "And that mirror was neat. I can't believe I've gone almost two hundred years without ever actually seeing what I looked like. It's… astonishing. I want to sit in front of that thing for days. Yet, sitting here with you right now is more important I think. Let alone everything out there," I said with a gesture to the door.
"It is a big town, and bigger world, out there," Vim said.
I nodded. "I want to see it all, if I can," I said.
I hadn't before. With Nory… I had been so happy to just stay with her, hidden away…
Now though…
"To be honest… I was a little upset, too," I said to him.
He blinked twice, and then tilted his head. He wanted me to explain.
"I'm… a little ugly," I said, and immediately regretted it.
For the smallest moment I saw Vim's expression change… but I looked away before his thought could be read on his face. I didn't want to see him thinking how stupid I was… Even if it was true, I didn't want to know he thought so. Him of all people especially.
"What makes you say that? What'd you see in the mirror?" he asked.
I gulped, but kept my eyes on the table. Slowly sitting back down in the chair I had been sitting in, I decided to focus even harder on the table. In fact there was a nice little spot, near the center… which had a small gouge in the wood, probably from a knife or something long ago. It was perfect to study.
"I'm uh… rather inhuman, if you look closely. My ears and teeth. My eyes too, and my tail is real big," I rambled off the small list I had noticed already. Each thing I spoke of however only made me even more embarrassed.
I needed to change the conversation, and fast… before I started to cry.
"Hm…"
After a moment of silence I dared a look up at him. He had rested his head on a curled fist, and was smiling softly at me.
"This is where you tell me I'm stupid, and I'm actually very beautiful," I said, trying to make the air a little less heavy.
Vim held my gaze, and every moment that passed with him remaining silent… made me more and more anxious.
Vim didn't lie.
Which meant…
Tears welled up, and I realized I had dug my own grave. I had willingly put him on the spot, and now…
"Did the chronicler tell you what you are?" Vim then asked.
My breath caught for a moment, and a tiny little crack erupted in my heart. He was going to ignore my statement. He was going to change the conversation for me.
Maybe it was for the best…
"A… a uh…" I had to blink, and I felt ridiculous as I wracked my brain. What had she called me? I had heard it clearly. It had been… "A jaguar," I remembered.
"I figured. Do you know what that is?" Vim asked.
I shook my head as my heart started to hurt. Each time it thumped, and it was thumping quickly, a pain shot through my chest and up my neck.
"They're very beautiful. One of the prettiest cats to walk the planet," Vim said.
My breath caught, and I stared into the man's eyes as he nodded.
"You have spots. Next time you're in front of the mirror, when it's high noon, open the shutters for the sun and look at your ears and tail in the light. You ever notice them?" he asked me.
I nodded. "My parent's spots were… very visible." It was theirs that I remembered the most. Mine were faded and only visible at certain angles.
"Your ears work great. I don't mind your teeth, and I didn't mind it when you rested your tail on me either. Though I do suppose I'd like you to be a tad shorter. With your ears you're nearly my height, which would be fine if you didn't look so young. Makes it hard for me to pretend to be your father, which means I have to be your husband."
"What's wrong with pretending to be my husband?" I asked. A little too quickly.
Vim smirked, and it made me almost forget the tone I had just used. Almost. "You're too pretty to be my wife. It makes it hard for people to believe the story," he then said.
My tail twisted around the leg of the chair I sat on, and I squirmed a little.
Vim broke out into a laugh, obviously from seeing the blush that was quickly forming on my face… yet I refused to hide it.
After a few moments of squirming in embarrassment… I started to laugh too.
His laughter died down, but the moment I began he started to chuckle again.
Laughing at him, who was chuckling at me, I couldn't help but admit once again that I loved him.
For a small moment life was perfect.
Which really made me happy… but also frightened me.
Since at any moment this could end.
And I wasn't sure if my heart was going to be able to survive the day it did.
It was so terrifyingly fragile, after all.