Upon my 99th death, a cacophony of emotions raged within me, a tempest caused by the never-ending cycle of existence. Each transmigration awakened me to a new vessel, entangled in the deadly dance of mortality, challenging the unfathomable cycle of my ever-changing existence. The continual undercurrent of misery and pain left me longing for serenity, a haven in a world that frequently felt overwhelming.
In a little moment of respite, a sweet voice broke through the chaos, saying, "Open your eyes, child." The soothing words replaced the upheaval in my emotions with peaceful tranquility. The swelling fury and anguish subsided, leaving me in a beautiful tranquility that enveloped my entire body.
As my eyes opened, I was mesmerized by the timeless beauty. The deity's stare drew me in like a siren's call. Twin pools of eternity held the secrets of endless eras, and wisps of inky, dark hair fell over her face like a waterfall of shadows. Her ethereal beauty radiated a timeless charm that left an unforgettable impression on my soul.
Regaining my senses, I inquired indifferently, "Who are you?" My look reflected a lifeless body as if the depths of my eyes contained more questions than the words I spoke.
With a tiny giggle, the God of Death said, her voice resonating with a calm yet mysterious air: "I am the one who granted you vessels to live 99 lives in different worlds." Her words weighed a deep discovery that reverberated through the ages, hanging in the atmosphere.
There was a deep, reflective stillness as the realization of her identity dawned on me. The creator of my life was none other than the god in charge of the world of death. Her declaration was met with a giggle that alluded to the cosmic game being played out throughout the fabric of my numerous lifetimes.
I felt a range of feelings, including fear, wonder, and a growing comprehension of the complex dance between life and death. The story the gods had built went beyond the realm of simple mortality, and I was drawn into a plan designed by the same god that welcomed people to the afterlife. My blood shot straight to the point of murder as her words sank me. I glared, "Why?" as the images of my innumerable previous incarnations came before my eyes.
The question weighed heavily in the air—a question of comprehension more than revenge.
"I've granted you the extraordinary gift of 99 lives, each unfolding in a different world—a chance few ever receive," the gods replied in a tone of celestial serenity. However, I can't help but feel that there is a strong undertone of animosity in your behavior. Why?"
Her question weighed heavily on me, and when the stillness fell, I felt compelled to confront my internal conflict. "You claim you gave me a chance, but the life you've given me has been completely horrific. Every time I transmigrate, I end up alone, without a family, and subjected to relentless pain, which ends in my eternal suffering."
"I became upset with my inherent weakness and, as a result, embarked on a never-ending quest for self-improvement. I became a fearsome and lonely force, annihilating everybody who sought my downfall. Regardless of my might, each life ends in a horrific death at the hands of an unknown adversary."
"Even attempting to take my own life causes tremendous anguish, leaving me with the awful decision of enduring eternal suffering as a weak individual or dying a miserable death despite my strength. The never-ending fight traps me in the anguish of an everlasting loop.
As my words echoed through the heavenly expanse, I waited for her reaction, hoping for clarity and resolution to the mystery of my existence. The weight of my experiences pulled heavily on the question that lingered between us, demanding the gods to reveal the complexities of the fate they had weaved for me.
God responds with an apathetic tone, shrouded in an aura of wisdom, "In your first existence, you craved seclusion, which I granted. Now, why accuse when you've got exactly what you desired?"
"In the first chapter of your life, I gave you the blessing of a loving and content family. Your parents dedicated themselves to you, pouring their hearts out for your upbringing. However, the true worth of their sacrifices appeared to slip through your fingers. Instead of recognizing their efforts, a tinge of bitterness developed within you, motivated by a desire for worldly gain that overshadowed the warmth of their devotion."
"Your parents worked tirelessly with unflinching dedication, but you chose a different route. The quest for a comfortable existence drove you away from the virtue of hard work, instead opting for shortcuts that left a hole in your notion of true fulfillment. Unfortunately, the love they offered was overshadowed by a growing animosity for your own family."
"In the warmth of familial relationships, a chilly hatred festered within you. The very family members who cared for your well-being became the subject of your resentment. In the deep corners of your heart, you wished for solitude and prosperity, considering an escape from life's complications, a decision fraught with dread."
"In the ceaseless pursuit of more, humans often overlook the treasures within their grasp. In the aftermath of loss, they turn their grievances toward the divine, accusing it of desires once fervently sought."
"Now, your expression portrays the dramatic contrast between the past and present. It captures the issue of undervaluing familial affection in the first incarnation, as well as the irony of blaming the divine for fulfilling the desire for solitude and prosperity in the present existence."
As her words echoed, a stunning revelation struck me. I recognized the tremendous depth of my loss, realizing that everything I craved now had been there from the start. Unfortunately, I failed to recognize the true value it possessed. In an ironic twist, I am now blaming God for the life I once desired.
Throughout my life, I've avoided thoughts of my earlier existence, as if I'd purposefully scrubbed the memories from the canvas of my awareness. Tears welled in my eyes as memories of my old existence returned, revealing the bittersweet truth of my path.
At that point, all I could produce was a heartfelt apology for unfairly blaming my family and God. I recognized that no amount of apologetic words could genuinely compare to the weight of my erroneous charges.
In that moment of introspection, I considered the complexities of my previous lives, understanding that describing them as punishment did not adequately capture the breadth of my experiences. Each life served as a reminder of the losses I've experienced. Pain, hardship, and ephemeral happiness all become chapters in a story of resilience and the never-ending desire for understanding. It wasn't just punishment. It was a journey of recognizing and dealing with great losses that molded who I am today.
If presented with an opportunity to reshape my life alongside my family, I'd commit to learning from past mistakes. Every effort would be geared towards creating meaningful moments, working tirelessly to build a life filled with joy even amidst looming threats. Yet, the stark reality is that securing a fresh start appears implausible for someone with a history like mine.
As I prepared for the inevitable consequences, she surprisingly proclaimed, 'I'll give you another chance at life.' The weight of feared retribution was lifted, and replaced by an unexpected offer of salvation. As her words reverberated, a flood of optimism swept through me, but the optimist in me couldn't ignore the reality that there is no free ride in this world. I carried the lessons from my previous incarnations, knowing that every opportunity comes at a cost.