Fuck fuck FUUUUUUCK!!!

This is boooooring. Everytime i am hoping for something good but it is always the same trash over and over again. Even if i find something good,author always find a way to make it impossible for me to read. Aaah! I just wanna die!! Pleaase just kill me and end my suffering!!

Every time the same shit: the heroines that feel as empty as my heart, heros who's either too stupid for the so called 'character development' or seems like smart because every other character is dumber than my sister.

And for fuck sake why is everyone so obsessed with dragons they are just a bunch of overgrown lizard with arrogance which is larger than an obese girl's appetite after a humiliation.

Such thoughts raged through my mind as i was lying on my bed hoping to find something enjoyable to read and getting disappointed again, just like usual, for the past couple of months.

You may be wondering who i am. As you might have guess, yes, i am a loser who wastes his life reading some fantasy novels from authors who couldn't even touch a woman's clothes let alone wooing them. Authors who has imagination level equal to a man who works as an accountant from 9 to 5, slaving his life away for the corporate.

Did you just said "If you know so much why don't you write one yourself?". Well i did write one and you know what it was terrible. Bleurgh! I don't wanna remember that disaster. It was a fucking catastrophe. It was so horrible you wouldn't even want your irreversible enemy to read it. You could read it to your children if you want to leave them with a lifelong travma.

While i was having an inner dialog with an imaginary audience, i heard my mother's voice screaming at me impatiently.

-H&%@/, come here and clean your shit. I'm not your maid you know. Everyday all you have been doing is just lying in your bed reading some stupid novels bla bla bla...

Well, i guess it was the third time she was screaming for the same thing if i don't go she is definitely gonna kill me this time.

-Yeah, i know mother i am coming.

I know i am a loser, i really know mom. You don't need to keep slapping it to my face. I know.

Well enough selfpity for today. While i am doing the chores my mother ask me to do let me introduce myself. My name is H&@%/. I am 26 and a university student. Its my second one and before you ask, no i didn't finish the first one. I have an annoying sister, a caring but kinda makes you crazy type of mom and responsible but can't remember how his voice was type of father. We are neither rich nor poor. As ordinary as it could get. For some it may be a family they always wished for but for me it is a pretty boring one.

I like to read novels, play games, watch videos, well, pretty much anything to keep my mind busy. I start working out occasionally when i feel like i need to get in shape and self-improvement feels necessary but it is always a short endeavor as i am an embodiment of sloth. I like daydreaming as well which is a wonderful way to cut your connection with reality which hurts my fragile soul. When you are hearing all this you may think of me as some fat, ugly, shut in nerd. On the contrary, though, i may not have sixpacks but i am still thin 85 kg 192 cm tall not so handsome not so ugly. Pretty average guy you will see outside. I hate talking with people but i have the necesseray social skills to get along just fine. I always had friends but never had a BFF type of stuff. Dated a few girls but never fell in love. Yes you guessed correctly i am as boring as a TV show made for 4 year olds.

-It ıs done mother. Can i go now?

-Yeah yeah just go ahead close yourself into your room just like usual. You should hurry lest someone sees you.

Ouch mom words hurt you know. Whatever let me smoke some cigarettes and sleep some more i guess. It is sunday so i have nothing to do. I was hoping i could find some good novels but i guess that's not happening. Anyway i get to the balcony as i took out my pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I sit on the chair which looks like it is about the break. Ahhh i only have left with a single cigarette. Fuck.... Whatever, future me don't forget to stock some at home later on. With a mental note i lighted my cigarette and closed my eyes. Sun is hitting my face. It is kinda annoying but also warm enough to eliminate the darknes that's slowly consuming me. As i was inhaling all the toxins in to my body like a thirsty man in a dessert and thought about the first time i started reading novels. I had a mysterious dream that day which is funny to call it mysterious when i don't even remember almost anything about it. Well i do vaguely remember the darkness which it felt like i was in it for eternity but surprisingly it had not felt boring. It was disturbingly peaceful. As i remembered, i was crying when i woke up from it. What a crybaby i am. Pathetic really. Honestly though i miss that darkness. I really miss it. I wish i could spend a few more eternity in its embrace.

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