[2019- March 21]
*Four Years Ago*
At the age of fifteen, I found myself thrust into a world that seemed determined to break me. It was a day etched in sorrow, as I stood in the presence of my father's final resting place. The air hung heavy with grief as the mourners solemnly lowered his casket into the cold, unforgiving earth. In that haunting moment, the weight of my helplessness crashed down upon me like a tidal wave. With trembling hands and a heart shattered into a million pieces, I could do nothing but clench my fists tightly, my knuckles turning white, as tears cascaded down my face, mingling with the raindrops that fell from the heavens above.
at such a young age, I learned that humans is powerless, just like any other kid out there. I had become an orphan when my father passed away due to a heart attack.
I thought I was done for. The feeling of helplessness overwhelmed me, knowing that my father had left me all alone in this world. However, at the exact moment my father has been buried, someone approached me, "Alright..." Gently placing his hand on my shoulder as he lowered his depot hat "I am Arnold Schwazenger. You could call me Uncle Arnold from now on."
I thought I had found a new hope and a new family who would treat me like my old man did. Little did I know that considering that hope would not even be possible if I knew what awaited me in my new home at that time.
...
[2019- April 28]
One day, as I quietly wandered the dimly lit halls of my aunt and uncle's home, I overheard their voices drifting from a nearby room. The tones of their conversation were strained, filled with an underlying tension that sent a shiver down my spine.
"Hey, are we seriously going to keep feeding that man's son, Arnold?" my aunt's voice wavered with frustration, her words biting. "Ah right, he's not even his real so--" Before she could finish her sentence, my uncle's hand shot out to cover her mouth, muffling her words.
"Hush, Carla," he urged in a hushed tone, his eyes darting around anxiously as if afraid someone might overhear. "We already talked about this. I promised John, his father, that I would take care of him, and don't just try to say that, that kid might have heard us."
Their argument hung in the air, unresolved tension crackling like electricity between them. I strained to listen, my young ears picking up bits and pieces of their conversation.
"I know, but he's becoming a burden on us," Carla persisted, her voice barely above a whisper. "Why did you even make that promise with your best friend in the first place?"
"Carla..." My uncle's voice trailed off.
"Can't you find his relatives or someth--?"
But before the conversation could delve further into the abyss of their disagreements, my uncle abruptly ended it with a heavy sigh. "Let's stop talking about this. We're not getting anywhere."
After that conversation, Uncle Arnold left the house, and his absence cast a shadow over our already troubled family dynamic. The days that followed were filled with an unspoken tension, and my life with them took a dark turn, a nightmare that seemed to have no end.
***
[2019- May 13]
One night, my Aunt Carla came home from work looking particularly stressed. She didn't even greet me as usual and went straight to the kitchen to look for dinner. I could sense that something was wrong, but I didn't dare to ask her.
As we sat down to eat, she suddenly turned to me and started yelling, "What's wrong with this food? It's tasteless! Can't you even do something right?"
I was taken aback by her sudden outburst,
"I.. I'm so-" before I could even answer, she slapped me hard across the face.
"You're so useless! You can't even cook a decent meal!" She continued to hit me, and I tried to protect myself with my arms, but it was no use. Her anger was uncontrollable. She hit me many times with her belt and poured curses words on me.
As she finally stopped and went to her room, I sat there trembling and holding back my tears. This was not the first time she had hit me, but it was the worst one yet.
Later that night, I overheard her talking to someone on the phone. "I can't stand that kid anymore, he's so useless and doesn't do anything right. I have to take out my frustrations on him," she said with a laugh.
That night, after Aunt Carla's relentless fury, a knot of resentment coiled within me. I couldn't help but feel a growing bitterness towards women, fueled by her unrelenting anger. Her words and actions had etched a painful mark on my heart, leaving me with a lingering distrust that simmered beneath the surface.
***
[2019- June 03]
By the time I entered junior high, I had lost all motivation to do anything. However, one day, one of my classmates, a girl approached me.
"Hello?"
I couldn't help but be captivated by her stunning beauty. Her unique hair, silky and white, swayed as she waved her hand and pulled a chair to sit in front of me, her eyes fixed on me.
I was taken aback, not used to anyone approaching me like this.
"Uh, h-hello," I stammered, feeling a rush of heat creeping up my cheeks.
"It's been a long time," she said with a warm smile.
"It's... it's been a long time?" I stumbled over my words, confused by her statement. We had never spoken before.
"Eh? Did you already forget about me?" she asked, sounding slightly surprised.
"Huh?" Did she mistake me for someone else?
"I think you may have mistaken me for someone else," I added, trying to make sense of the situation.
Her eyes wandered, and I couldn't help but feel her gaze briefly on my chest pocket. Instinctively, I glanced down and noticed my ID hanging askew. Without thinking, I reached out to fix it.
"Uh right, sorry, Matsuki,bI'm not mistaking you for someone else, I just forgot your name, that's all. Sorry, sorry." She apologized.
"So what did you mean by 'it's been a long time?'" I asked, confused by what she said as this was the first time we met.
"Eh... I was just referring to the first day ceremony. I guess I was the only one who knew you. I didn't come to introduce myself. You're the guy who was standing beside me," she explained.
"Yeah..." I replied, still unsure of where this conversation was going.
"Uh right. My name is Takumi Mori..." she introduced herself.
"...I'm sorry if I'm being too forward, but I noticed you seem kind of down lately. Is everything okay?"
I shrugged noncommittally, not wanting to discuss my personal problems with a stranger. "It's nothing," I said, hoping she would take the hint and leave me alone.
But to my surprise, she didn't. Instead, she sat down next to me and started chatting about insignificant stuff, completely ignoring my cold demeanor. Over the next few days, she continued to approach me and talk to me, gradually making me feel more comfortable around her.
[2019- June 26]
It wasn't until one day, when I came to school with a fresh bruise on my face, that she finally confronted me. "What happened?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in concern.
I tried to brush it off, not wanting to talk about it, but she persisted. "Please, you can trust me," she said softly, taking my hand in hers.
And for some reason, I found myself opening up to her. I told her about what had been happening in my life, about my abusive aunt, and about the pain and suffering I had endured. She listened intently, never once judging me or making me feel ashamed. When I finished, she made me feel better by encouraging me with these words: "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be alright," she smiled.
Everything will be fine..."
".... Everything will..." she paused and looked down at the ground. In those few moments, her cheerful, bright eyes suddenly darkened, as if a shadow had passed over them.
"More importantly, let's get our lunch and start eating. And let's have an Ice cream, it will make your bitter day become sweeter."
It was in that moment that I realized that maybe not all girls were bad. Maybe there were some who could understand and empathize with my pain. And as I looked into her kind, caring eyes, I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time.
***
[2019- September 06]
It had been almost half a year since Takumi and I became friends, and she was still as stunning as ever. As we sat together, enjoying our meal in the classroom, we couldn't help but attract attention. Jealous glances were cast our way, but I remained focused on my feelings for her. Being with Takumi made me want to be with her all the time. She was the reason I continued going to school, to continued to hang out together.
After that class, the two of us walked home together. As we strolled side by side, I gathered my courage, determined to finally express my true feelings to her.
"Takumi..." I hesitated for a moment, nervously swallowing the lump in my throat. "There's something I've been wanting to tell you," I managed to say, my heart pounding with a mix of excitement and nervousness.
"What is it, Matsuki?" she asked, as she turn and looked back at me.
"I...I really like... you--your hair, Takumi!" I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I wasn't able to tell her my true feelings... It might, after all, ruin our relationship.
She came to a halt, her face a blend of bewilderment and astonishment as she focused her gaze on me.
"R...really?." Scratching her cheeks as if she wasn't expecting it." thanks,"
"Uhm..me too, I like your hair, too," she added.
"Thanks?"
A heavy, enigmatic atmosphere enveloped us, leaving me on the verge of fleeing from the awkwardness. But just as I took a step back, in a moment of unexpected intervention, Takumi swiftly reached out and caught hold of my sleeve, bringing me to an abrupt stop.
For a moment, my heart dropped, unsure of how she would respond. But then she looked at me with a small smile on her face. Her smile, combined with her petite and adorable face, my heart skipped a beat, and my mouth opened without thinking
'Love...' I reached out for her hand and gently held it.
'I....I love you, Takumi!'
"Uh? I said it...." I paused briefly, gathering my thoughts.
Sigh, it had come to this, and I might as well go through with it.
"Eh..." Her eyes widened, and her mouth began to open, but no words came out.
In that moment, the road we walked upon fell into a hushed silence, as if the entire world had conspired to grant us this precious moment. The ambient sounds faded away, and a serene stillness enveloped our surroundings
"Matsuki-kun... I... me too," Takumi finally spoke, her voice trembling with a hint of hesitation. She lowered her head, her hand that I was holding tightening, but her grip felt slightly unsure. "I... I think I might love you too, but I'm..." She paused, her gaze shifting between our intertwined hands and my eyes. "Okay" she smiled. "Let's go out then."
In that moment, a wave of relief and happiness washed over me as I heard her response.
And from that day on, Takumi and I officially became a couple. As we embarked on this new chapter, we began to grow more intimate with each other, gradually breaking down the barriers of awkwardness that once stood between us. I vividly remember the first time I finally held her hand without feeling self-conscious. It may have seemed like a small victory, but it brought me an overwhelming sense of happiness.
However, Takumi was always cautious about taking things further. "We're still young, let's take it slow," she would say with a gentle smile. I respected her decision and agreed, even though a part of me yearned for more. Deep down, I understood the importance of patience and allowing our relationship to naturally evolve.
Despite the pace we set, I was still in complete bliss. Every moment spent with Takumi filled me with a sense of purpose and motivation. The love I felt for her became a driving force, propelling me forward in all aspects of my life.
Those days were filled with joy and contentment, but as with all things, they didn't last forever. Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges.
***
[2019- September 08]
"Is everything alright, Takumi? You don't look okay," I asked, feeling concerned as I noticed that Takumi's face looked different from her usual self.
"It's nothing, don't worry about it," she replied with a forced smile.
I didn't want to pry, but I could sense that something was off. Still, I couldn't ignore the nagging feeling in my gut. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you," I said reassuringly, hoping to offer some solace.
"Thanks, Matsuki. But don't worry, everything is fine," she reassured me, her eyes lighting up slightly.
The rest of the conversation remained casual and light, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was bothering Takumi. It lingered in the air like an unspoken secret, leaving me with a sense of unease.
...
[2019- September 10]
Despite my happiness with Takumi, the painful reality of my aunt's physical abuse continued to haunt me. The scars and bruises she inflicted upon me served as a constant reminder of the torment I endured. There were moments when I yearned to fight back, but I was in no position to fight to do so.
Yet, even in the midst of this darkness, I held on to my love for Takumi. She was my guiding light, my source of strength. With her by my side, I believed that I could overcome any obstacle that life threw my way.
That was what I truly believed until one one day when my aunt asked me to run an errand. Eager to complete the task quickly, I decided to take a shortcut through an alley. Little did I know that what awaited me there would shake me to my core. It was the last thing I could have ever expected to see in that moment, no, it was the last thing I could have ever expected to happen in my life.
...
As I walked down the dark alley, I saw two figures in the distance. As I got closer, a girl and a guy were there like a couple. They were standing close to each other, and the guy's hands were wandering over the girl's body.
I just brushed them off and continued to walk as if I couldn't see them, However, as they turned around, I caught a glimpse of their faces. The guy had her hands held tightly together, as if he was attempting something.
"Huh?..ehm...Matsuki," a familiar voice called out.
Feeling confused, I wondered how she knew my name. I looked at them from afar and saw them. The man was touching her inappropriately while some part of her body was being reveal, but that's not what shocked me the most.
The girl who was being held by the man was no other than the girl of my life, Takumi.