It's 4 am in the morning, I'm in the bedroom of my newlywed mate, and I'm in pain.
I hadn't slept since yesterday, after the wedding processions.
I tried to get up and have a drink of water, but I found I am lacking the strength to do so.
So I just laid in this huge bed, beside an equally huge wolf.
This was my first time, and as opposed to what I read in books, or what Rosemary had told me.
It doesn't feel like bliss, it just hurts.
He didn't even try to be gentle with me, he just treated me like some object he could use, and when he was done, he tossed me aside, and went to bed.
This...this is not how I had fantasized my first time would be.
Aside from pain, I feel nothing, just emptiness.
This was supposed to be my true mate's honor, I was supposed to give myself to him body and soul.
But yet, here I am.
Not to mention, I still feel his pull, now stronger than ever.
So much so that I am restless.
I fear for what this could mean.
It's either a reaction of my body because of what I had just done with Darius, or my true mate is close, very close.
It can't be the last option, it just can't.
My true mate can't be here, else... what would Darius do to him?
I don't want to think about it.
I force past all the aching and make my way to the edge of the bed.
After I force myself to my feet, I head out for either a breath of fresh air or a glass of water.
Just, anything to get my mind off of these heinous thoughts, and this excessive craving.
But just two seconds into my walk, I nearly face plant the ground.
Had I not stretched out my arms, which absorbed the shock and impact.
Now my hands hurt.
I wish I could look back on this with a smile on my face, but I can't.
I force myself to stand erect, I take it easy and make my way out of the bedroom.
Darius' house is massive, just like everything else about him so far.
I'm not sure if wording it as a house is even appropriate, more like a castle, rather than anything else.
I was amazed the first time I stepped into this castle, stepped onto the marble tiles that lined the ground, to when I walked into the massive hall that was surrounded by pillars of intricate and detailed ornate carvings, to the golden and crystal chandeliers that hung above my head.
It was obvious this was no ordinary house, the word castle was the most appropriate term for it.
Even now, as I stroll through the hallway lined with glass doors on the left, giving me a good view of the garden outside, it all screams of majesty and magnificence.
Is all of this really just for one person?
I wonder to myself truly the sort of wealth the Leviakon pack possesses.
I keep my gaze steady on the tranquil garden, forgetting about all else.
The garden, being the first thing to really catch my eye in this castle.
Its beauty is truly worthy of this majesty of a house.
As I continue to peer at its magnificence, I freeze, and then, all of a sudden, the rush and hunger of my true mate pours into my everything and consumes me, so much so that I lose my footing, I fall to the ground, and I start to gasp desperately for air, as my heart rate rises into the sky.
"No." I say, I fright, because I know, for a fact.
He is here.
I turn to the left, looking past one of several glass doors that separate the house from the garden, and just above the wall, keeping the world out, I see him.
Standing against the shimmer of the moonlight, his physique in full view, as he descends the wall, and leaps onto the garden grounds.
His physique being in full view is an understatement, because upon closer inspection, I find him dawning nothing.
But at this moment, I don't care.
I stand with a strength I didn't know I possessed, and I dash out into the garden, making my way towards him.
When I am only fourteen feet away from him, I slow my pace, and inspect him.
He is covered in muscle, his hair shines with a brown hue, as it takes flight in the night's air, and he stands 6 foot 2 inches.
Almost as big as Darius.
His face is obscured by shadow, but through the darkness, I can see his deep blue eyes.
He walks towards me, keeping a steady stride.
When his face comes into view, I find a work of God himself.
Chiseled and perfect jawline, pink and strong lips, dark and brooding brows.
He looks as though one of my romance novels sprung its hot and attractive alpha males to life in front of me.
And though I try to keep myself with a little dignity, I can't help but dart my eyes below his waist, from time to time.
He doesn't stop walking toward me, and I don't approach him either, I just stand and wait.
Trying to keep myself from going crazy, as the closer he gets, the more intense my craving and hunger for him grows.
He is now two feet away from me when he stops, he looks into my eyes, without uttering a single word.
And before I know it, he bridges whatever little gap rests between us, he grabs onto the back of my head as gently as he can, and then he pulls me towards him, leading me into a kiss so wonderful it sends electricity through my every nerve.
It's him, my mate, he's here, he's...here.
I realize in an instant what I don't want from him right now, so against every wish in my bones, every ache for him, every desire, I force myself out of the kiss and push him away.
Confusion becomes him as I do so.
"My Luna, did I do something wrong?" His voice is the epitome of power and seductiveness.
It is gentle, strong, and sly.
"No, you didn't..." I find it hard to keep eye contact with him.
"Then..."
"I have been mated by another wolf." I blurt out, ripping the words out of my mouth like a painful wax sheet.
He says nothing, when I force myself to look into his eyes, I find pain and horror.
Which hurts me in ways I never knew existed.
"...wh..." His voice breaks. "Why?" Hurt fills his words.
"It..." I find myself faltering my words, now my throat turns horse. "It wasn't my choice." I finally say.
"It doesn't matter, I still want to be with you. We are mates, true mates." He reaches out for me, but I retract myself.
"I... I can't, I'm sorry." I force myself to say, now feeling my throat sore, and tears filling the edges of my eyes.
I see I have ripped his heart out of his chest, just like I have mine.
"I...I...I won't give you up."
"You have to." I say at once. "Or else my mate will harm you, and everyone you love."
I call Darius my mate, intending to hurt my true mate before me, whom I don't even know his name.
But by the look in his eyes, I can tell I achieved my goal.
He falls his gaze and clenches his fist.
Then he takes several steps backward.
As he continues his pace, his body starts to bulge, and then grow.
Fur starts to line his skin and before I know it, he transforms into an enormous humanoid werewolf, the wolf of an alpha.
He turns back and leaps onto the wall, grabbing on with his razor-sharp claws, and scaling its vertical height in but a few breaths.
When he is gone, my knees give out, and I crumble to the ground.
I hold onto my mouth, trying to silence the wail that is forcing its way out of me.
I thought I was in pain before, but what I am overcome with, is a planet crashing into my being.
I feel my soul shatter, and my heart tearing apart, with every bit and piece leaving me along with him.
I want it, I want what he offered, with every fiber of my being.
But how could I have ever taken it?
How could I just follow what I feel, instead of thinking about the outcome of my actions?
What hell Darius would rain down upon my pack, and the pack of my mate.
He would hunt us down till the ends of the earth, and it wouldn't take him long to find us.
This pain, this hurt, it's too much.
And...and it feels, it feels like when I lost them.
What have I done to deserve all of this?