This small get-together wasn't particularly small - the door to the Nosh House had been left blatantly open. I wondered for their safety, however, you could already hear people inside talking, laughing, and having fun.
As I cautiously entered the house, King greeted me with open arms. I had a moment of self-realization as he greeted me - he looked drunk already. I smiled and greeted him with a pat on the back.
"Help yourself to anything - mi casa es su casa," I smiled big and wide. Was I smiling too much?
"We'll be back after getting some grub, you want anything?!" he said that with the most honest reaction.
"I'm okay, thanks," I said not wanting any further trouble.
Out of my peripheral vision Eddy appeared, with a bouncy bright attitude, I could tell he was having a good time.
"Ace!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. I sure hope that doesn't catch on - I wouldn't want anyone else calling me that.
"Glad you made it," he also hugged me and patted me on the back. With tons of people, I don't think he would act any differently.
"Hey, I brought drinks!" I said awkwardly showing the soft alcoholic beverages I had brought.
Worst of all - they were pink.
"Dam, can I have one of those later?!" Eddy questioned.
Eddy didn't sound drunk, but I could already smell the devil's ganja from his clothes as he embraced me. It was loud. This conversation was happening as he was heading to the door. He'll be back soon - but I wanted to sit down and talk to him. I guess I can wait a little bit.
"Sure - I'll save you one," I said smiling.
"You're the best!" he shouted and headed outside meeting up with King bouncing with bright energy. He was like a little ray of sunlight. He always got like this at any type of function.
I entered the rest of the house, and people I knew were already mingling. Some I knew very little - others I knew by heart and soul.
The people I usually hang out with were outside smoking a cigarette and having a deep chat. I grabbed one of my pink drinks and headed outside. There were some people I waved hello to but were too engrossed in playing Smash Bros - or a card game in the other corner.
I wasn't expecting a response, yet some of them actually looked up at me and waved back.
They knew who I was and why I was here. Even though these parties tend to be only for those inside the animation career. I was sort of adopted by them. Some of them knew my situation, others didn't.
Outside were the people I adored.
Maria and Amanda were chit-chatting and gossiping about tribal stuff.
The party continued without a hitch.
After some time Eddy, King and the rest of them came back and sat down to eat their food. I looked back keeping tabs on Eddy. I wasn't so sure he was keeping tabs on me, but at some point, I would like to socialize with him.
"Why don't you just say something?!" asked Amanda with her quick wit. Maria agreed.
"You should say something-anything!" she shouted. I just put my head down and dawdled.
I was feeling a mix of emotions at that moment - it was different with Maria and Amanda, they both knew about each other being gay before meeting.
With Eddy - I wasn't even sure he was Bisexual.
"Guys - come on! I don't even know if he would be into me like that," I said exasperated. It was only us smoking on the patio, and the noise from inside would prevent any type of awkward secondhand listening.
"How do you know, have you asked him?" said Maria not missing a beat.
"I mean - not yet," I said shyly.
"See - so how would you even know? You need to say this thing," said Amanda pushing me to go for it.
"He likes you as a friend - so why not take the risk?" said Amanda leaning on Maria. Maria was sitting on a bench overlooking a giant tree. Who arched into the next house.
"But what if he's not into me ?" I mumbled.
"What if he is!" they both said at the same time.
I took a deep sigh, and before I knew it, the conversation had changed topic.
Even though I felt like I wanted to talk about it more.
I could feel the word vomit coming on.
I knew that I wanted to talk about him, and how he was the prettiest boy in the whole world.
Eddy's silky black hair with a tinge of blond as the sun hit just in the right places. His honey dew amber hazel eyes. And that little well-kept beard, thin enough to be blotchy in some spots. His somewhat long hair that he could part into a small man-bun. His slanted eyes just screamed sex. And razor-sharp small voluptuous lips.
I knew this crush was more than just that.
The fact he was skinny - but had just a pinch of a belly. His constant use of black jeans or deep blue, and his drip, he always wore interesting clothes.
The lanyard that hung from his pocket, and his abnormally small feet.
Was he perfect?
Or just exactly my type.
His bright bubbly attitude with a hint of sadness that could be uncovered like a treasure trove.
The fact he uses plaid a lot of the time.
He might just be perfe-
"Hello, Earth to Aiden?!" I was snapped back from my contemplation by Amanda.
"Where you thinking sexy thoughts?" said Maria.
I was flabbergasted by this comment.
"Nuh-uh!" I said, they both laughed at me and giggled like a bunch of school girls.
"You were - you were thinking sexy thoughts!" said Amanda trying to push my buttons both metaphorical and physical as she started poking my gut.
"Oh shit, his abs are rock hard!" said Amanda as she started gripping me. Maria followed suit as they both were amazed by my abdomen. Me on the other hand was red as a sea urchin!
"Guys, please!"
People started coming out onto the patio, Eddy included. Maria and Amanda had backed me up into a corner.
"King, come here, you have to see this," said Amanda like a sly cat.
"What is it?" he said like such a man. Eddy hanged in the background, following King.
Amanda knew exactly what she was doing.
She nudged King to touch my stomach as well.
"Dam Aiden!" said King.
Without saying a word Eddy followed suit. My stomach was fully visible now, and I was dying internally. King had poked me, but Eddy made full contact with his hand and swirled it up and down.
His hand was soft and cold to the touch, but my levels of pain only grew as his touch always felt different. And he put his hand on me with such grace it was almost hard not to feel the bristles on his skin from lifting weights.
After a couple of seconds passed, Eddy moved his hand away, and finally, the moment had passed.
I was about to start hyperventilating - but managed to control my breathing. Everyone just enjoyed how my face turned red.
"That's impressive!" finally Eddy spoke breaking the silence. I came back from delusion and Maria and Amanda were looking at me like 'I told you so'
They were the worst.
People changed topics and the party continued like normal, the boys started doing arm wrestling and shooting shots. While me and the rest of the girls cheered them on.
After a couple of hours, the party dwindled to only a couple of people. King was hammered and ready to pass out - Amanda and Maria had done an Irish exit, but not before waving goodbye to me.
Eddy and I had the TV to ourselves and played some Mario Kart, and watched weird Youtube videos while we talked about other things.
After it was only just a couple of people - Eddy was about ready to go home. And I offered him my shadow, I had parked near his house anyway, on purpose of course.
After we said our goodbyes - I walked the streets with Eddy. I too was feeling a buzz from the drinks, this much exercise kept me lightweight.
Our conversation was dull - with silences in between - but any time I could spend with him was well worth it.
There was a moment of silence between the two, and then my brain let slip the worst possible sentence.
"You know I've been keeping a secret from you," I said as we walked the night streets.
"Oh yeah? Was it?" he asked with a gentle voice.
"I can't tell you - it's a secret," the booze had me feeling brave.
"Is it something bad?" Eddy mumbled curiously.
"No - I don't think so," I smirked.
"Did something bad happen with your parents?" he piped.
"Nothing out of the ordinary," I pestered.
There was a beat and he thought about it for a moment.
"Is it something about me then?" he noted as we continued walking forward. We were almost at his house.
"You could say so yes-" I tempted.
"Well now you have to tell me -" he said.
"Oh, so you're gonna make this hard then?" I stormed with a smile.
"Ah! Me? You're the one who started 21 questions!" he sassed me.
"I know - it's' just -" We were at his house now, managing to barely make eye contact. I stood there, as he headed for the stairs to reach his apartment. My smile disappeared, and it looked like I wanted to cry.
I looked at him, and his expression screamed like he already knew what I was about to say.
There was some disgust in there too.
I took my surprise.
But my deranged chuckle - just made me want to say it even more.
"The thing is - I might have a crush on you," I followed what Maria and Amanda had to say tonight.
Even though I knew I shouldn't.
On the other hand, you only live once.
I took another glance, his face was deadpan now.
At that moment - I realized I had made a wrong choice.
There was a beat where I expected an answer and he wasn't giving one.
"What do you mean?" he finally spoke breaking the silence.
"I like you - I love you - " I was getting desperate.
"Shit - no, I mean it's just a crush," I tried to fix it.
"You love me?!" he said.
"No - I didn't mean to say that - "
"But you said it!"
"I mean - it's just - people say stuff about you, you know," I was shitting on the wall and plastering all over it like some kind of weird mural art.
"What! What does that have to do - okay, so what - what do they say about me?" he spoke.
"Like, you only care about you - you know," I sang. How did we even get here, to this exact moment?
"Who would say that - I - you know what - whatever - It's not like I can return your feelings anyway," Eddy scoffed.
"Oh," my heart was began to break, into tiny little pieces, small enough that I felt like my heart was made of glass and Eddy was shattering with a hammer.
The high was mixing with my current state.
"I'm sorry - " was the only word I could mutter.
My heart sank, and I felt like running away.
An awkward moment between the two of us - he scratched his head like I was annoying him.
"I have to go now," I said and started running towards my car.
"Aiden!" I heard him shout once. I didn't turn back - tears started streaming down my face.
"Ace!" he still used our nickname, even though I had burdened him so badly.
I scoffed before I heard steps up a stair and a door lock.
I wasn't going to look back.
Finally reached my car and started driving - I couldn't help it, but the tears just came on their own.
Somehow - I didn't crash and reached my house.
The tears just flowed out and started hyperventilating when I locked the door.
Apollo hadn't shown himself until just now - my crying and sobbing were terrible and ugly.
[I'm here]
Apollo spoke, making his presence known.
His magic circle flowed into itself like a blanket and gently pried into my body.
Apollo embraced me and kept me warm.
Something inside of me broke.
I made it to my room - and cried until I fell asleep.
Apollo pushed the suicide thoughts away.
I could feel him scrambling in my brain, fighting the monsters away.
It wasn't that I hated Eddy or blamed him for my mistake - it was the fact I knew our friendship was ruined. Lost forever. And it was all my fault.
I hated myself.
School on Monday was going to be a drag.