Ryan
I sat by the edge of the bed, my heart in turmoil, as I watched Clarissa's unconscious form. The weight of the truth I had revealed earlier still hung heavy in the air, mingling with the tension that had been building between us over the last few days.
I had hoped that telling Clarissa the truth would take away, or at least reduce, the strain in our relationship, but seeing Clarissa like this made me realize just how much she hated to hear that I had already met my mate.
It also made me realize that I needed to think of a way to reassure her of our relationship so she wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she was getting replaced because that would never happen.
Gently, I reached out and brushed a lock of hair away from Clarissa's face, my fingers lingering against her skin. She looked so vulnerable at that moment, and guilt gnawed at my insides because I knew how fragile Clarissa was, and yet I still made the mistake of hurting her in the worst way possible.
I hadn't meant for any of this to happen, but fate had its own plans, and eventually, I'd had to tell her the truth.
As minutes turned into what felt like hours, Clarissa's eyelids fluttered, and she groaned softly. Her eyes slowly opened, and she blinked, trying to focus on her surroundings.
When her gaze landed on me, her expression shifted from confusion to realization, and it immediately seemed like the memory of our conversation came rushing back into her head.
Her eyes filled with a mixture of anger and hurt, and I could see the storm of emotions brewing within her. "Ryan," she said, her voice strained, "tell me what you said earlier was not true. Please tell me you were simply trying to pull my legs, and that what I heard wasn't it," she pleaded as soon as she pulled herself together.
I looked at her, my own emotions raw and exposed. "Clarissa, I wouldn't lie about something like this. It's the truth, and I'm sorry you're finding out like this," I replied, hating that I was hurting her feelings even more.
Clarissa's eyes welled up with tears, and she looked away, her fists clenched at her sides. "How could you? How could you keep something like this from me? How could you forget your promise that we'd always tell each other everything and wait until I caught you before telling me about something so important?" she retorted angrily.
I reached out, my hand hovering over hers before I pulled back, unsure if my touch would be welcome. "I didn't want to hurt you, Clarissa. I didn't know how to handle it myself, and it has all been very confusing," I explained, knowing how else to express myself.
Clarissa's gaze snapped back to mine, her tears giving her eyes a glint of anger. "So you thought it was better to just lie to me? To let me believe that everything was okay between us when in fact, you were already dealing with meeting your mate?"
I shook my head, my voice desperate. "No, Clarissa, it wasn't like that. I was confused, overwhelmed. I didn't know how to face this, how to face you."
Clarissa's expression wavered between anger and hurt. "And what about Rayna? Did you tell her the truth? The truth about us? Did you tell her she had no place in your life regardless of the mate bond?"
I took a deep breath, meeting her gaze with honesty. "Yes, I did. After I found out, I left, but she came looking for me, and we talked."
Clarissa's lips curled into a bitter smile. "Of course you did. I should have known that already, but it still doesn't change the fact that you had a private conversation, in a secluded area, with a woman who is supposed to be your mate. Did you not think of what could have transpired in that situation with her?" she asked, and I sighed.
"I needed answers, Clarissa. I needed to understand what this meant for both of us and to be honest, if she hadn't come to me, I would have gone to her just to clarify the situation with her," I explained, my voice pleading for her to understand.
Clarissa's anger hadn't subsided, but there was a hint of vulnerability in her eyes. "And what did Rayna say?"
I looked down, my thoughts scattered as I tried to find the right words. "She was surprised too, Clarissa. We both were at how things turned out to be. She didn't want this any more than I did, and we both expressed that we didn't think we were right for each other."
Clarissa's expression softened slightly, her anger mixing with a semblance of sympathy. "So, what happens now? Are you... with her now? Are you guys going to get together as the bond requires you to?" she asked.
I shook my head vehemently, the thought of being with anyone but Clarissa unimaginable. "No, Clarissa. I'm not with her. I'm here, with you, aren't I?" she points out.
Clarissa's eyes bore into mine, her voice wavering. "But you're mated to her, Ryan. What does that mean for us?"
My heart ached, the pain of the situation weighing heavily on my shoulders. "I don't know, Clarissa. I already mentioned the rejection ceremony to her as an option, but this matter involves two Packs, and we both know how humiliating the rejection ceremony is. It's like a stigma, and I don't want a situation where I'd condemn her to such shame," I explained, genuinely confused and concerned about the situation.
Even though I told Rayna earlier that we would have to reject each other, I wasn't particularly comfortable with the idea of rejecting her and subjecting her to such shame.
As much as I couldn't stand her, I knew how proud she was, and I could sense deep down that she didn't like the idea of going through the rejection ceremony.
"Listen, Clarissa, I honestly wished I had all the answers on how to resolve this without hurting anyone's feelings or creating a new enemy, but I don't have any what to do. What I do know is that I love you, and I don't want to lose you," I told her honestly.
Clarissa's tears spilled over, and she wiped them away with a frustrated swipe of her hand. "Love isn't enough, Ryan. We can't ignore the fact that you're mated to someone else. And she isn't even an ordinary person. Rejecting her could lead to a war, and knowing you, that would be the last thing you'd let happen."
I reached out, my fingers brushing against her cheek, trying to wipe away her tears. "I know it's complicated, Clarissa. I wish I could change what's happened, but I can't. All I can do is be honest with you and hope that you'll find a way to forgive me for lying to you and remain patient with me."
Clarissa's gaze wavered, torn between her anger and feelings for me. "This changes everything, Ryan. I don't know if I can pretend like it's okay knowing that you and your mate will be meeting each other often. I can't be okay with this at all," she responded.
I nodded, understanding where she was coming from. "I understand, Clarissa. I'm not asking you to pretend. I'm asking for a chance to make things right, to navigate this together, and come out of it still together."
Clarissa looked down, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "I need time, Ryan. Time to process everything, to figure out what I want, and determine if I really want to be a part of this," she expressed.
"I'll give you all the time you need," I promised, my voice sincere.
Clarissa's gaze met mine, a mixture of pain and longing in her eyes. "I don't know if we can go back to the way things were, Ryan. But I'm willing to try. For now, I just need to think."