The apartment was quiet, the only sound the soft tapping of keys as Mai Hajima sat hunched over her laptop. Her small, modest one-bedroom apartment was functional—nothing extravagant, but comfortable in its simplicity. The furniture was sparse but well-kept: a soft, worn-out couch sat against the far wall, a small dining table in the corner, and a bookshelf filled with a mix of old novels, notebooks, and random trinkets from forgotten trips. The floor was covered with a cozy rug, its edges slightly frayed from years of use. Everything in the apartment had a lived-in feel, as if the space had grown into her over the years.
Miso, her cat, curled up lazily on the back of her chair, watching her with half-lidded eyes. He was the only constant in her life now, the only presence that didn't seem to demand anything from her. There were no roommates, no friends visiting—just the quiet hum of the city outside and the steady rhythm of her thoughts.
The November chill had already started to seep through the thin walls of her apartment, making the air feel damp and crisp. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and wrapped herself tighter in the warmth of her blanket, but it did little to ward off the weight in her chest. The city outside was muted by the fog, and the cold had taken hold of Tokyo's streets, reminding her that autumn was winding down. The trees outside, once full of color, were now barren, their skeletal branches swaying gently in the wind.
Mai's fingers hovered over the keyboard. She hadn't written a word in hours. The novel she was supposed to be working on sat open in front of her, but the words seemed foreign, like a language she'd forgotten how to speak. The fire of inspiration that had once fueled her creativity was nowhere to be found. The silence in the room was oppressive, and the only thing that seemed to break it was the occasional meow from Miso.
You should be grateful, she told herself. You've made it. You're Ai Tenshi, a bestselling erotica author. You've got everything you need—no one's bothering you. But even that title felt like a trap. It wasn't her. It was a persona she had built to escape, to hide behind. Ai Tenshi had everything, and Mai Hajima had... nothing.
She wasn't the woman who could write passionate stories anymore. She wasn't the woman who could feel.
The weight of that realization sank deeper into her chest.
Her phone buzzed on the desk beside her, and Mai absently glanced at it. A message from Sora, her book agent, flashed on the screen:
Sora: "Mai, I know you don't like this, but I'm coming over. You need groceries, and you need to step outside. It's been a year. We're not letting you waste away in there."
Mai rolled her eyes and typed back:
Mai: "I'm fine. Really."
The words felt hollow, even to her. She wasn't fine. She hadn't been fine for a long time. And she didn't know how to tell anyone that.
Her phone buzzed again.
Sora: "I'll be there in 30 minutes. Don't make me drag you out, because I will."
Mai groaned. She could already hear Sora's voice in her head—brash, forceful, but somehow caring in her own way. Kyo, her editor, would probably be there too, hovering behind Sora, his quiet concern as insistent as her agent's bluntness.
Mai sighed, leaning back in her chair. She wanted to ignore them. She wanted to stay in her apartment, in the safety of her isolation, where nothing could touch her.
But she knew they wouldn't let it slide this time. They'd been checking on her, trying to break through the walls she'd built. They didn't understand—couldn't understand—how deep those walls went. How many times had she opened up, only to be betrayed, gaslit, or abandoned? She wasn't sure she had the energy to try again.
The apartment felt even smaller as she thought about it, the quiet pressing in on her from all sides. She stood up, walking slowly to the door. Maybe just this once. Maybe if she gave in, Sora and Kyo would leave her alone for a while. Maybe.
Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang.
Mai opened the door to find Sora standing on the other side, her arms crossed, eyes narrowed, as if she had expected Mai to try and avoid her. Kyo stood a little behind her, his expression unreadable but soft with concern.
Sora didn't wait for an invitation. She pushed past Mai and stepped inside, looking around the apartment with a critical eye, her mouth set in a thin line.
"Still no change," she muttered under her breath, but loud enough for Mai to hear.
Kyo followed more quietly, his gaze lingering on Mai for a moment before he gave a small, resigned nod. "You're not getting away with this, Mai."
Mai folded her arms, feeling the familiar irritation rising in her chest. "I told you, I'm fine," she replied, trying to sound dismissive, but the words felt weak even to her.
"You're not fine," Kyo said gently, his voice steady but insistent. "You're shutting yourself in. It's time to step outside."
Mai opened her mouth to argue, but Sora's voice cut through. "Not today," she said, already walking toward the coat rack by the door. "You're coming with us, whether you like it or not."
She tossed a coat in Mai's direction. "Get dressed. We're not leaving you in here for another minute."
Mai stood still, the coat hanging limply from her hands. She could feel the familiar twinge of panic rising—did they have to do this now? Couldn't they just leave her be? But she wasn't strong enough to fight them this time, and part of her, buried deep beneath layers of anger and fear, wanted something different.
Something real.
"Fine," she said finally, her voice quiet. "I'll go. But just this once."
Sora grinned. "That's all we're asking."
Mai grabbed her jacket from the coat rack and pulled it on slowly, her movements stiff. She felt small in this apartment, in this moment—like she was being pulled in a direction she didn't want to go. The city outside was waiting, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to face it.
With a final glance at the apartment—the soft, familiar space that had been her refuge for so long—she stepped out the door.
The cold air hit her immediately, the November chill sweeping through the street, the wind biting at her skin. The streets of Tokyo were quiet, the usual bustle of the city muted by the gray fog settling in. It felt like the whole world was holding its breath, waiting for something to change.
Sora and Kyo walked ahead, their conversation a soft murmur, but Mai didn't listen. She kept her head down, the weight of the world pressing on her shoulders, the cold wrapping around her like a reminder of everything she had tried to shut out.
Sora's voice broke through her thoughts. "November's always a tough month," she said, glancing back at Mai. "The city's transitioning, just like you are. Cold and quiet, but something's coming. Something's about to shift."
Mai didn't respond. Her thoughts felt like a jumble—too much anger, too much fear. She wanted to pull away, to shut down, but something about the air, the silence, tugged at her. It was as if the city itself knew she needed to change.
And maybe, just maybe, it was time to let that happen.
"Let's just get this over with," Mai muttered under her breath.
Sora grinned, knowing full well that getting Mai to go anywhere was a victory. "We will," she said. "But only if you promise to breathe for once."
She adjusted her scarf around her neck, the thick fabric a barrier against the biting chill. The world beyond her front door felt like a different universe, one she hadn't touched in so long. She was Ai Tenshi, the successful erotica author who knew the rhythm of her laptop better than the pulse of the city. Her fans adored her stories, a world of forbidden passion and unspoken desires. Yet here, standing on the sidewalk, the only desire she felt was to run back inside, lock the door, and shut the world out once again.
But then Kyo's voice cut through her thoughts.
"Mai!" he called, turning back to her as he strode ahead, Sora close behind. "You're seriously not going to stand there and watch all day, are you?"
Mai rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her coat. "I'm fine," she muttered. "Just give me a minute."
It wasn't just the cold that made her hesitant. It was everything—the people, the noise, the expectations. It had taken so much to even leave her apartment this morning. A phone call from Sora, a few frantic texts, and now here she was, standing in the heart of Tokyo's relentless motion. She didn't belong here. Not anymore.
Sora, ever the cheerful one, walked over to her with a smirk. "You know, you could at least try to look like you're enjoying yourself."
Mai shot him a look, her voice flat. "I'm not built for enjoying this. You know that."
"You could be," Kyo said with a shrug. "If you'd just give it a shot."
She couldn't help the flicker of annoyance that surged in her chest. "I don't need to be like everyone else."
"You don't need to be like everyone else," Kyo agreed, his tone more thoughtful. "But maybe you could step outside your little bubble for once. Who knows? You might like it."
Mai didn't respond. She couldn't explain why she stayed shut away in her apartment, why she kept herself at a distance from everyone. People always told her it was unhealthy, but they didn't know what it was like—what it had been like—to give everything and get nothing in return.
The memories, the ones she couldn't fully escape, hovered just beneath the surface, ready to drag her under if she let them. She had learned the hard way not to trust anyone. It had always been safer to keep her distance, to stay locked away in the world she controlled—the one where only she and her words existed. Where nobody could hurt her.
"Come on, let's go." Sora tugged at her sleeve, a motion that seemed too casual, too familiar. "There's a market nearby. We'll grab some groceries and be done in no time."
Mai didn't want to. She didn't want to be part of their world, didn't want to engage in their normal, everyday life. But something—maybe it was the sharp edge of loneliness creeping in, or maybe it was the promise of returning to her apartment and escaping this strange, overwhelming feeling—pushed her forward.
She followed behind Kyo and Sora, her footsteps slow and reluctant. The city swallowed her up with its noise and chaos, the scent of food, the neon lights reflecting off the pavement, the strangers brushing past her without a care. Each step felt like it took her farther from the safety of her own space and deeper into the discomfort of a world that seemed to have no place for her.
The market appeared ahead, a maze of stalls bursting with color, fresh produce, and the chatter of customers haggling with vendors. Mai felt her chest tighten as they entered, the flood of people surrounding her like waves crashing against a fragile shore. She tugged her scarf tighter, instinctively drawing in on herself.
"You okay?" Kyo glanced back, his expression unreadable.
"I'm fine," Mai muttered again, trying to convince herself more than him. "Just—"
"Just what?" Sora cut in, sounding exasperated. "What's the point of all this if you're not going to engage at all?"
She didn't respond. What could she say? She didn't know how to engage, how to interact with the world in a way that didn't feel like she was drowning. It was easier to stay in her own space, to pour her heart into stories of passion and lust, where the emotions were raw but safely contained within the pages. The real world was too unpredictable, too painful.
Kyo and Sora were already haggling with a vendor, discussing the freshness of vegetables in a way that felt alien to Mai. She drifted further into the market, her gaze lost in the movement of people, the colors, the sounds.
For a moment, she was just a shadow, passing through. A blur among the people who had something she didn't—something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Purpose? Belonging? They moved with ease, like they belonged in this world. She didn't.
Her fingers brushed against a basket of apples, the cool, smooth surface of the fruit sending a ripple of something unfamiliar through her. It wasn't much—just a fleeting moment—but it unsettled her, the sensation of something real, of something more than the sterile, controlled environment of her apartment.
She quickly pulled her hand back, as if the apples were too much, too overwhelming. Her gaze flicked toward Kyo and Sora, who were still busy with the vendor. She didn't want to be here anymore. She wanted the silence, the comfort of her own thoughts, the refuge of her apartment where she could write, where she could create and control her own world.
But there was a shift—a slight crack in the wall she'd built around herself—and she didn't know what it meant. Maybe it meant nothing. Maybe it was just the result of being pulled out of her apartment against her will. But for the briefest of moments, she felt something stir inside her. A tiny pull toward something more than the isolation she'd allowed herself to settle into.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden bump, a small hand brushing against hers. She looked down to see a child rushing by, his hand fleetingly touching hers as he dashed past with his mother. The brief, accidental contact left her standing still, her heart beating just a little faster than it should have.
It was nothing. It meant nothing. She told herself that.
But it stayed with her as she followed Kyo and Sora deeper into the market, the feeling lingering like an itch she couldn't scratch. Maybe it was just the noise, the overwhelming crowd, or maybe it was the quiet ache inside her. The ache of not wanting to be so alone anymore, but not knowing how to change.
Sora glanced back at her, a slight frown on his face. "You sure you're alright?"
Mai nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure herself. "Fine," she said, the word tasting a little less certain than before.
As they continued, the warmth of the market surrounded her, but it wasn't enough to erase the coldness that still gripped her heart. It was as if she were walking on the edge of something she couldn't quite see but knew was there.