I often have nightmares, and when I do, they are incredibly detailed and frightening to the core. I have the same dream, not yet realized. I am standing in front of a mirror, and in the reflection I see myself. I start hitting the glass with my hands and it cracks. But, now, my doppelganger has a nasty smirk on his face, and his reflection is distorted.
- Where's our Makoto? Show me, show me!
I start making sounds that sound like the laughter of.... the devil? No, it's all nonsense. No, it wasn't human laughter, but could it be Satan's own laughter? The world begins to distort, my reflection becomes ethereal, intangible and almost invisible. My clone was no longer in the mirror, but as if beside me. Our souls seemed to merge into one.
- You should have made a choice a long time ago.
- What are you talking about?
- You'll find out soon enough.
I woke up in a cold sweat. Yeah, this can't go on much longer. Something has to change.
My name is Makoto, Makoto Rei. I'm 17 years old. I'm a student at Yugen University. I'm a persistent truant, even though I don't study as hard as others. In my free time, I read web novels and books, usually under the cover of night or when I'm on my way to the university. I'm not complaining about my life, I have many hobbies such as the aforementioned reading, art, and painting.
But... don't I deserve something more than the simple life of an amorphous teenager who couldn't even make social connections with his classmates? I really don't have any friends, and this problem has been eating away at me for the past 3 years.
The more you grow up, the more you realize that it's impossible to accept loneliness so easily. I don't believe the narcissistic idiots who say, "Friends are just a hindrance on the way to a higher goal", or "It's easy to get along alone, and being alone is much more enjoyable than having company"
Yes, I realize that having friends is real work. First of all, to make friends, you have to work on yourself. You have to be considerate, courteous, kind and of course, a good person.
I wasn't good in any areas, I wasn't good looking, I wasn't a born seducer, I couldn't lie to other people in their eyes. In fact, I wanted to appear better than I really was.
I'd really, uh. I'd like to start from scratch. Others say, "A losing streak can't last forever, you just need to stay positive and everything will come by itself."
But I don't understand. Are there really things in this world that you don't have to fight for and they just float into your hands? I don't think that if I continue to live like this, the things I'm looking for will come to me.
I have thought about suicide many times, but is that a universal solution? If life has little meaning, death has no meaning at all.
Watching isekai anime, I wanted to be as cool as the main characters I loved. To have an obliging harem, resources, to have magical powers, or to be omniscient in general. But no matter how ridiculous and stupid it is, I just have to live my life to the end, hoping I'll get something in the end.
I'm so pathetic. and it's so annoying. As I was walking down the sidewalk I suddenly heard the noise that trucks usually make. When I looked around, I saw one of the trucks coming right at me. I stood up. It's ironic. I think I'm going to die like the main character in that isekai. Maybe I'll be summoned to another world. No, I'm just going to die an obscure guy who's accomplished nothing in life except indulging his hobbies. That's fine. I don't think endless darkness is any worse than what I have now. A caustic laugh escaped my mouth and I was cleaved to pieces.