The Batmen were welcomed with unimaginable fanfare.
Batman had always been good at reading people, and Nightwing was indeed a polite kid—it was apparent now that Damian had already scrambled onto the back of the Bat Tyrant Dragon.
"Wow, this is so cool!" Damian said, looking left and right with his head bowed, while the Bat Tyrant Dragon tilted its head back and roared. However, with its short little arms, it couldn't reach its own back, so it could only shake its head and wag its tail in an attempt to get rid of the thing on its back.
Red Hood was clearly more interested in the Batmonster Vehicle, which was actually quite large. It towered above Red Hood, with the gigantic tire almost reaching the top of his head, making Red Hood feel as if he was standing before a miniature black hole.
"Hehe, don't touch my tire, no, stay away from that screw, kid." The Batmonster Vehicle twisted its tire, trying to get away from Red Hood, but by then Red Robin had already climbed into the car through the door.
"My God, Jason, look," Red Robin shouted down, "there's actually a steering wheel here, and brakes too!"
The Batmonster Vehicle heaved a heavy sigh and said, "I'm a car, how could I not have a steering wheel and brakes? Or are you suggesting that the Batman in your universe controls his Batmobile with his mind?"
"I bet he's always wanted to do that." Red Robin started fiddling around in the cockpit, squirming as if there were pins in his bottom, eventually conceding, "Good Lord! Damian, you're right, this is so cool—a talking Batmobile!"
"I'll say it again, I'm not a talking Batmobile, I'm a Batmobile-shaped Batman!" The Batmonster Vehicle raised its tone, emphasizing its point.
Before bringing these Batmen back, the Prime Universe's Batman clearly hadn't introduced them to the Batman Family. In fact, he had no idea how to introduce them as it was too difficult to describe, so he merely said he'd bring some stuff back home.
This led to the Batman Family members assuming these strange things were oversized Batman merchandise, like a father returning home from a day's work and bringing back a pile of toys for his children. Otherwise, why would the entire Batman Family make an appearance, even Barbara?
What made matters worse was that Damian couldn't keep his mouth shut and, in his moment of pride, blabbered everything out, which then reached the ears of the Arkham Band. If there was anyone in the world who loved Batman merchandise more than the Batman Family, it had to be this bunch of lunatics from Arkham.
So this crowd didn't come because they were thrilled to welcome Batman back; it was the fanatic fans rushing over to snatch up the merchandise.
With a bang, Damian was knocked off the back of the Bat Tyrant Dragon by a large hammer, and Harley Quinn hopped onto the back of the Bat Tyrant Dragon, jumping up happily.
"Oohoo! I reminded Joker last night that he must come, but he still overslept, so this cute big toy is all mine. He shouldn't even think about taking it from me. Can you imagine? A Batman-themed giant dinosaur!"
"Get down! Get down! Get down from there!!" the Bat Tyrant Dragon roared, "I'm not a Batman-themed giant dinosaur, I'm the Bat Tyrant Dragon!"
Cull Obsidian knocked Harley Quinn off with a headbutt, but Damian leaped back on, clinging to the Bat Tyrant Dragon's head tenaciously, shouting to Red Robin on the side, "Come on, come on, we can take this dinosaur downtown for a spin, my classmates are going to be so jealous!!!"
"No, we're going by car!" Red Robin replied as he prepared to hotwire the vehicle, "Riding a dinosaur is too childish; racing cars is the real romance for men. Jason, go check how much fuel we have left in the tank—we might be able to take a spin along Gotham River!"
"Hello," Barbara was obviously more interested in Mechanical Batman, since the body had visibly mechanical modifications, with a mechanical arm extending from the left collarbone to the right waist, its circuitry patterns adorned with glowing lights, giving it a strong sci-fi vibe.
"Excuse me, but may I ask if this is an exoskeleton or..."
"This is a mechanical body."
"It's perfect," Barbara commented, "And the aesthetic is quite unique; it doesn't look like something Batman would build."
"That's because it indeed wasn't built by Batman." Mechanical Batman responded, "And I am not a mechanical product, I am Batman."
Of all the Batmen, the Doomsday Batman with his eye-catching appearance naturally became the object of interest for the other lunatics of Arkham.
When Doomsday Batman was still Batman, he faced these lunatics with dignity; back then, apart from a select few criminals, the majority would flee at the sight of him, their dominant emotion being fear. He had never seen a scene like this, being fervently surrounded by a legion of criminals who looked at him as if he were a piece of meat about to be carved.
Batwoman and Lightning Batman, because of their less outstanding designs, had a bit of peace; however, it seemed that the Batman Family took them to be Batman's new friends or possibly new members of the Batman Family, like Robin, new heroes who donned the uniform to join the fight against crime.
Nightwing believed that as the eldest in the Batman Family, he should express their welcoming attitude, so he stepped forward, shook hands with the two of them, and said, "Hello, welcome to Gotham."
Batwoman and Lightning Batman obviously wanted to say something, but in the end, they held back, finding it quite a novel experience to be told "welcome to Gotham."
Lightning Batman hadn't said anything yet, but Batwoman, adopting the leisurely spirit of someone who finds joy in childlike things even on a rainy day, played the role of a new hero very well.
"Hello, you're dressed like an agent, which department do you work in?"
"I am indeed an agent, but I don't think now is a good time to talk about work," he replied. "Alfred should have prepared a lavish welcome banquet in the manor by now, and I think we can head there now. Thomas and Martha might come back as well."
"I've already texted them." Batman remained silent for a long time without stopping the Batman Family's frolic because he was checking the roughly 999 unread messages that Thomas had sent him.
"They will be back for a meal at 10 o'clock in the morning," Batman continued. "We will have brunch in the garden restaurant, and then they will come to pick Damian up for the company."
"No, I won't go," Damian started to wail. "I want to take a day off and have fun! How could I leave a super cool big dinosaur alone and go check some real estate reports?"
Batman felt that Damian was becoming more and more childlike, which he should have been happy about because sometimes he really felt that Damian was more melancholic than himself, which he thought wasn't good.
But Damian's childishness came at such an inconvenient time. Batman wasn't sure if Thomas and Martha, after seeing a pile of bizarre versions of Batman, would still have the patience to deal with Damian's sudden rebellion, and if not, which of the 256 hidden spots in the garden would be better for him to hide in?
They finally started moving towards Wayne Manor in a grand procession, and Batman began to give the blissfully unaware Arkham Band a Death Stare, looking like they intended to join the feast.
"Hey, don't be like that, handsome," Harley Quinn started using her cajoling tactics. "We are working for you now, after all. Can't you treat us to a small brunch? Or we could take some souvenirs with us now. I just want one of the spikes from that big guy, come on, help me hold him down."
Usually, Batman's method of dealing with these folks' pestering was to knock them out with a punch and then throw them into Arkham Asylum, but right now he temporarily couldn't do that, mainly because the two major companies were busy with real estate and rebuilding Gotham, and they were short on manpower. These lunatics were pillars of the community; knocking them out would leave no one to do the work.
"Impossible," Batman answered. "I can't hold him down."
But these patients clearly had no intention of letting him off the hook, and they began to express their dissatisfaction, lamenting how they, as lunatics, had bravely taken on responsibility when Gotham needed them the most, staying at their posts despite their illnesses, yet not receiving even a small souvenir. Could this city ever recover?
Batman had no choice but to have Lightning Batman run at top speed to Wayne Manor to fetch a pile of Batman collectibles that he had bought during the Gotham Music Festival.
Yes, during the Gotham Music Festival, Batman also contributed his share to this year's GDP of Gotham, and it was a significant contribution.
One could say that given the chance to hoard, he could deplete his own stock to leave other fans with nothing, and with the identity of the world's richest man, he could buy out the entire production run of a product line. The high revenue reports that could excite Roy to the brink of a heart attack were only the tip of the iceberg of his capabilities, and the expenditure bills that could send Thomas's blood pressure soaring were just minor stumbling blocks on his path of passion.
Even the five-star general, Arkham Knight from the Arkham Knight Universe, didn't dream that after almost 30 years of living through death and resurrection, the first birthday present he would receive would be a giant Batman puppet stuffed by Batman himself.
After unpacking the well-prepared boxes of merchandise, the lunatics and Robins finally calmed down, but Batman soon regretted his decision.
Batman's number one fanatic was the Arkham Band and the members of the Batman Family, but the bat's number one fanatic was Batman himself. As soon as the box was opened, the lunatics and Robins hadn't reacted much, but a variety of bizarre Batman figures rushed forward first.
Batwoman stretched out her arms and dug out something from the gigantic box, patted off the dust on it, and appraised the adorably made Batman puppet that looked like a stuffed bun, saying, "I didn't expect you to be into this. What is it, a pillow?"
The Bat Tyrant Dragon shoved everyone aside with its head, Cull Obsidian used her superpower to continuously steal items from the box – puppets, pillows, action figures, notebooks, keychains, Batman-themed backpacks.
Doomsday Batman crouched beside the box, like a bear husking corn, picked up a collectible album to inspect and put it down, then eyed a whole set of stamps beside it.
The contents of a 1.5-meter sided cubic box were divvied up at a dizzying speed within a mere few seconds, with every Batman claiming a bountiful share.
And all that Batman felt was his heart bleeding. Batman knew Batman best; if he had Batman merchandise, there wouldn't be just this one box. The way they looked at him was increasingly like a piece of meat that was ripe for the cutting.