Talia's gaze was tightly following Shiller's face, her request made without a hint of hesitation, as it indeed addressed her most pressing issue at the moment.
Someone had drugged her, proving that her prior training in drug resistance did not work against such a type, indicating that it's an unknown and potent drug. Without a full understanding of its properties, Talia couldn't estimate when the drug's effect would wear off.
To navigate through Gotham under the influence of its hallucinogenic effects would be suicidal. Talia must find out whether she would continue to experience illusions and, if so, what they might be.
Shiller isn't the best person to ask for help, but Talia had no other choices. Instead, she believed she could use this to probe whether Shiller was really on Bruce's side.
Talia was 80% confident that she was experiencing hallucinations, and if this was a trap set by the master and apprentice duo, Shiller would undoubtedly cover up for Bruce. They could then jointly paralyze Talia and continuously manipulate her using these drugs.
This would be the real showdown, Talia thought. She couldn't let her guard down; she could only win.
"Excuse my forthrightness, miss. Some of your panicked states may be related to drug overdoses, but I'm afraid you'd have to get a blood test in a hospital to determine the exact cause," Shiller said from behind the table where he was reading, his hands on the table, peering at Talia. "A psychiatrist like me can analyze only your mental state. I can't get any accurate test result based on your descriptions."
"What I need is an analysis." Talia turned to face Shiller and said, "You will help me out, won't you?"
"Tell me about the illusions you've seen then."
Talia opened her mouth, finding it absurd. She was not certain that the 20% of her vision that was not a hallucination came from the man in front of her.
She saw him as a monster in human skin, yet she couldn't confidently say that this was a paranoid delusion caused by the drug-induced fear. Was he? Or was he not?
Talia didn't trust Shiller's analysis. Asking him was merely to probe; her judgment was what she trusted most. To determine whether she had hallucinated about Shiller, she must understand what kind of person Shiller really was.
Was there a beautiful yet dangerous feathered serpent hiding beneath this perfect human skin?
Talia's aggressive probing gaze usually revealing the disguise of most people could not even leave a trace on Shiller's perfect exterior.
Now, she decided to lift one corner of his human skin—an endeavor potentially fraught with danger, but Talia was always bewitched by danger.
"I saw you." Talia's gaze followed Shiller closely. She leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees, adopting a probing stance. "I saw you turn into the feathered serpent god with dazzling feathers, unfurling your wings, your mouth filled with sharp venomous fangs, and I, paralyzed by your gaze, unable to move."
Shiller seemed to have developed some interest in the topic. Fiddling with his pen, he said, "People always think that their hallucinations are random, woven by the brain in disarray, but in psychology, hallucinations often reflect subconscious needs."
"What need did you see in my hallucination?"
"You mentioned seeing the shadow of a mythical creature on me. Can you describe its appearance in more detail? What was your first impression of it?"
"It was enormous, like a sun."
Shiller pondered briefly before replying, "When people see religious imagery in their hallucinations, it's usually not due to an in-depth understanding of religious culture but an attempt to anchor their existence amidst a torrent of fluctuating thoughts. Therefore, they need to incorporate religious roles. When facing the feathered serpent god, what role were you playing?"
"A sacrifice."
"Interesting," Shiller remarked. After a moment of pause, he asked, "Have you had such hallucinations before?"
"I have slain many gods in my dreams."
"Quite courageous."
"Is it not madness?"
Shiller shook his head and said, "This proves that you are not one of those who need external validation of their existence. You perceive yourself as a victim of the gods. Why?"
"Shouldn't you be telling me that?"
"But I'm neither a prophet nor a priest; I can't stand in front of the altar and pronounce you guilty," Shiller responded.
"Exactly, because you are the evil god waiting behind the altar for the sacrifice."
"That's just your illusion, Miss Talia. We need to discuss why you experience such illusions. Have you encountered similar imagery before?"
Talia fell silent. She seemed to recall a memory but was uncertain whether to share it with Shiller. After a while, she finally spoke, "When I was 13 years old, I was sent to Central America for a mission. The imagery of the feathered serpent god frequently appeared in the decorations of the ancient city."
"I was too young then, and the mission didn't go smoothly. Perhaps my father intended it as a sort of training, pitting me against a powerful opponent. As I escaped with severe injuries and lay on the cold floor of the tomb, I heard the Mayans whispering."
"That ties the Feathered Serpent God with death for you." Shiller stood up from the chair again and walked to the side of the table. He laid the pen flat on the table, looked at Talya, and asked, "Answer me, Talya, what are the Mayans saying?"
Talya seemed dazed for a moment, the long-sealed memories rushed to the surface again. Her lips moved slightly, but no sound came out.
"Don't you understand?" Shiller continued to ask, "Otherwise, what do you think they are saying to you?"
"They asked me to lie down on the altar."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"I found it to be incredible."
"It is not fear, not panic, but shock - why is that?"
"Before the mission, I heard about the myth of the Feathered Serpent God from a local guide. It... does not resemble an evil god, and it does not accept any living sacrifices."
"So you were surprised by this. You were surprised that the Feathered Serpent God was different from the one in the myth?"
Talya bit her lip, somewhat stunned she said, "What surprised me was that I was chosen."
Then Talya fell silent for a long time. When she snapped back to reality, Shiller was standing by the side of the single-seater sofa, his hand resting on the back of the chair, looking out the window.
Seeing that Talya had come back to her senses, Shiller turned his head and said, "It's not that you were surprised that the Feathered Serpent God chose you, it's that you were surprised that only the Feathered Serpent God chose you. You realized that you were abandoned by your father."
"I had never been as close to death as I did that day." Talya's voice dwindled, and she continued, "And I realize that this was not a trial. He wouldn't come to save me if I failed the test — once dead, you're dead. He doesn't need a weak daughter."
"Was that the first time you became aware of that?"
"Maybe." Tilting her head slightly, Talya said, "There's always that moment when people realize that their childhood is over and nobody else wants to or can be held responsible for your foolish choices. So you must be strong, secure your life, and stay alive even when everyone else in the world is dead."
Shiller stood behind Talya. It gave her a sense of relaxation that she could feel his hand resting on the chair, but couldn't see his expression. For anyone, trying to analyze his psychological state through his demeanor was like trying to move mountains by brute effort.
"In many studies of mental illnesses attributed to emotions, we focus on the childhood trauma of the patients. Any abuse that a person suffers before their personality has fully developed will leave them with permanent mental scars."
Talya gave a resigned laugh, seemingly scoffing at the argument, but Shiller subtly changed the subject. "However, there is one type of people to whom this doesn't apply. They do not have a period of childhood."
Shiller slowly stepped towards the bench by the window and sat down, fully in Talya's field of view. She could not see his expressions against the light. He had no brightly colored feathers behind him, no sharp venomous fangs in his mouth, and his words were as soothing as the low notes on a piano.
"All the feelings of security in human childhood come from the parents. It is also from the parents that they receive education. The essence of education is practice: children make mistakes; parents give lessons and then punishments. All this is to establish a concept of rules for the children."
"But children never really pay for their mistakes. The chastisements and punishments they receive are all simulated by their parents within the limits of what they can accept. Parents are like a protective shield, filtering out all the prices that the children shouldn't pay, replacing them with gentle education. Childhood passes in such a cycle."
"However, just as you said, as they grow older, there will always be a mistake that makes the children realize that their parents are no longer willing or able to pay the real price for them. They have to shoulder the social responsibility for the first time, the protective shield disappears, and the children step out from the family into society."
"But for people like you and me, we have to pay our own price from the first mistake we make. We skip the whole process of family education. From the moment we are conscious, we are responsible for our own life safety, living conditions, and mental stability."
"This is not about suffering abuse in childhood, because abuse only occurs within the scope of protection: parents or others simulate a scene that's too cruel. One characteristic of child abuse is that parents control and abuse children by controlling the resources they need for survival."
"But for those who have no childhood, this is not the case. No one provides them with survival resources; everything depends on their own maintenance. As soon as they are able to act, they are responsible for themselves."
Shiller sighed softly and said, "But you are different from me. I was an orphan, so it was natural for me. Why are you like this?"
Talya became distant again. What Shiller said reminded her of the training she had received in her youth. She had battled with many different people and creatures, only getting medicine and food if she won—if she lost, she got nothing.
Talya was not born all-knowing. When she was young, she would make mistakes during combat. As her opponents were all much stronger than her, even a small mistake could lead to defeat. After failure, she would not receive punishment or reproaches—just nothing.
Now she understands the principle—what Ra's al Ghul did was not education.
All those battles and missions were not practices, not simulations of situations she might face when fighting alone in the future. They were not meant to let her understand the consequences of failure, taste the sweetness of victory, or polish her combat skills.
It was just to stop her from being a child, to let her, like an adult, pay for her own choices. This would free him from the need to pay for her.
"What did he say to you?" Talya slowly looked up at Shiller, who was standing on the other side of the coffee table. "My father said something to you over the phone, didn't he?"
"He said I could dispose of you at will."