"The fatigue I've been talking about is the feeling of helplessness after years of unspent intense emotions," Natasha shook her head, saying, "I don't know what the future holds. If I get better, can I still be an agent? Or should I retire and enjoy life as the young people do? Is that really a good idea?"
"Forgive my bluntness, Madam." Shiller gave a chuckle, "Nick probably wouldn't approve your retirement request, he'll have you work for another hundred years."
Natasha joined in the laughter, "You're being conservative, he'd happily have me work for him for ten thousand years."
"Let's get back to the original question, how do you feel now?"
"It's like a thread being slowly tightened and then suddenly loosened. I know, if I keep going as before, one day it will snap. Even if you've allowed me to relax now, it will slowly tighten again. But I can only say—yes, it feels good."
"The psychologist Shiller that you know insists on one point, psychologists do not relieve patients of pain because pain is inescapable. Our ultimate goal is to teach you to live in harmony with your pain."
"That doesn't sound very kind."
"I might be unprincipled, but I am not a quack." Shiller rose from his chair, "Then let's talk about my plan, the part concerning you is just to fulfill Greed's request. You might not believe this, but he's not very good at dealing with the opposite sex, so although he saw through your problem a long time ago, he hesitated."
"Then why has he suddenly changed his mind?"
Shiller turned and stood in front of Natasha, looked down at the female agent who was still seated, "If you knew your parents were definitely coming home but you still had at least half your homework undone, scared they'd find out, what would you do?"
"Definitely try to finish it before they get back." Natasha's eyes widened as she spoke, maybe because her soul body was present, her expression seemed even more lively and animated, seeming slightly girlish from her everyday facial expression.
"Yes, I'm the poor guy rushing to finish the homework." Shiller shrugged lightly, "Most male heroes' psychological problems have been solved, the ones that haven't are mostly because they don't want to solve them, but the psychological issues of female superheroes are just starting."
"Do you consider me a serious case?"
"You're the most serious." Shiller looked at Natasha, "Normally, people believe women are more emotional, but perhaps due to this, you've gotten used to the emotional turbulence, your heartstrings are more resilient, most are trivial life annoyances, easily resolved."
"I think Loki has bigger issues."
"She is not a woman in the traditional sense." Shiller shook his head, "I tried to help her find a perspective to anchor her own existence, find her a goal to keep her busy, but if it really doesn't work out, she can temporarily revert to being a man, to help me cope with the homework check."
Natasha let out a low laugh, "So where are the homework-checking parents? I must say, when you heard about it, I was quite surprised you didn't immediately go looking for that doctor."
"I'm not always stuck in the grief of losing my parents." Shiller shook his head, "Actually, I accepted that the doctor might still exist in some corner of the universe, enjoying his retirement. He would reminisce about me from time to time, and I him. But meeting again is not a necessity."
"You've made peace with it already?"
"Because there really isn't that much regret between us to make up for. When I chose to break away from the path he had planned for me, I made my own choice. And he won't feel sad about it, I know he wouldn't."
"That's nice," Natasha remarked.
"If I can't reconcile with my own self, how can I be a psychologist?" Shiller's tone lightened, "I have to be able to do it first, then I can persuade others to coexist with endless pain and troubles."
"I think you're a bit different from Doctor Shiller." Natasha got up from her chair, both of them stood in front of the church together, looking up at the massive statue of Jesus. Natasha continued, "Although Doctor Shiller appears to get along well with everyone, that's only because... just like what I said before, he's like nature. Everyone feels they are on good terms with nature just because it is so vast and unknowable."
"You're better at communicating, your words are tactful but pinpoint the crux, your methods are harsh but they convey warmth."
"Perhaps that's why he left these lovely ladies to me."
Natasha smiled, cleared her throat before continuing, "Talk about the parts of your plan that don't concern me. Why are we here and what are you going to do next?"
Just as Shiller was about to speak, a hazy halo flickered over the giant statue of Jesus, wrinkles and ripples appeared in the space in front of them. In a daze, Natasha saw that a long gash had been opened from the man's chest to his abdomen on the cross.
Entrails gushed out, blanketing the entire church. Like a fish drowning, Natasha struggled, and when she found she could breathe again, she found herself in a room.
Blood, blood everywhere, more and more blood.
Natasha turned and saw the equally blurred figure of Shiller, sitting by a blood-covered bed and lighting a cigarette, while on the bed lay a fish that had been gutted.
Natasha showed no surprise, she simply took a seat opposite him, curiously asking Shiller, "Who is she?"
"A sponsor." Seeing Natasha sit across from him, Shiller put down his cigarette, offered her one, and lit it for her.
Natasha took a puff on the cigarette, Shiller obscured by smoke mumbled, "In search of the next Cold War opponent, she sponsored the mysterious organization, hoping that the confrontational global situation can continue."
"What did she sell?"
"Preservative manufacturer."
Natasha looked up, her face revealing understanding, then said, "They're the ones who produce end of the world foods, right?"
Shiller nodded and said, "Not just that, they're also the primary manufacturers of food chemical additives. The idea is to get people to focus more on surviving rather than staying healthy."
They both fell silent for a while, then Natasha initiated, "Should we talk about that gun?"
"Your old boss, Nick, gave it to me, probably fearing that you might kill me." Shiller couldn't help but laugh at the end, his chuckle causing him to choke on his cigarette smoke.
"Oh, so he's actually expecting you to counterattack me with a gun." Natasha scoffed, exhaling smoke, "Did you confirm his mental state recently? How far is he from Alzheimer's disease?"
"He put a condom in the magazine."
"Cough, cough, cough!"
Natasha almost choked to death. She gasped for a breath and said in disbelief, "Then you should check whether he's suffering Alzheimer's or not. How can Black Widow still have the ability to reproduce? I'm also immune to most infectious diseases!"
"Normally, I'd take this as a kind of hint, something like 'Kid, don't let me down', a form of encouragement." Shiller shrugged lightly, continuing, "I took it out, and then put it in Thor's bedside table drawer, hoping that he wouldn't feel neglected by the human race."
"Cough, cough, cough..."
"Alright, I deliberately put the gun in the bedside table and led you to discover it, but I didn't expect you to react so quickly. Thankfully, your gun skills were accurate, madam. You let me breathe a sigh of relief."
"So, you're seeking death on your own, then why?"
"Because the Goddess of Death has blocked my possibility of committing suicide." Shiller started with a concise summation, then went on to explain in detail.
"Many people believe that their mode of death is predestined, but from my understanding, each person has many possibilities of death, the final outcome comes from a combination of countless lines of fate."
"Because previously, I went to extreme lengths to see death, often considering suicide. So, the Goddess of Death completely removed my suicide as a possibility of death, meaning, at least in this cosmos, I'm incapable of killing myself."
"But she didn't block the possibility of others killing you."
"Because she believed it was impossible."
Natasha was speechless, was it possible for anyone to kill Shiller? When Natasha first contemplated this question, the answer that surfaced in her mind was "impossible." Therefore, it wasn't strange that the Goddess of Death overlooked this.
"But she forgot you were an angler, you could willingly let a shark bite you to death."
"Exactly, Miss Shark, thank you for your assistance."
Natasha rolled her eyes and, seeing Shiller's smiling face, said, "Last question, why did you visit the Realm of Death again? You can't possibly be seeking trouble with Death again, can you?"
Although Natasha used a question, her mind was already filled with affirmatives, it was no secret that Shiller liked causing trouble for Death.
"No, this time, it's not for Death." Shiller's answer was beyond Natasha's expectations, then she heard Shiller say, "I've known the Goddess of Death for quite a while now, and I deeply respect her individual wishes. I would not invade her territory without an invitation."
"Yeah, you've changed from invading to smuggling, what's the point?"
"The point is, she doesn't know I'm in her home. Our Goddess of Death isn't as devoted to her job as you are. She prefers to spend her energy dating some strange creatures. Even though it's irresponsible for our cosmos, I think it's beneficial."
Shiller got up, walked past the bed to the window, and while watching bizarre fragments of light colliding, said, "Last time someone tricked me with Adam. If it wasn't for him holding back me and Steven, Adam wouldn't have had so much time to make a mess of New York."
Natasha didn't quite understand the situation. She raised her eyebrows and asked, "Who?"
"Oblivion and his harbinger, Whirlpool."
Natasha took a deep breath and said, "Why do you always clash with these conceptual deities?"
"Why don't you ask them why they always clash with me?"
"Alright, no one can win an argument against you." Natasha stood up from her chair, tossed the cigarette stub into a nearby waste bin, brushed her pants and asked, "What do you plan to do?"
"First, leave here."