Batman remembered his initial question, "Am I sick?"
Batman snapped out of his thought and looked at Shiller, asking, "...Am I sick?"
Shiller, who was in the middle of his meal, was caught off guard. He slowly turned his head to look at Batman. The fork hanging in mid-air, he didn't know whether to lift it up or put it down, so it just hung there, frozen.
This question from Batman threw Shiller off. So, he reacted like a parent who's unsure how to help their bullied child at school, pretending to continue eating nonchalantly, then asked, "Who said something to you?"
Seeing Shiller's reaction, Batman narrowed his eyes. As Shiller kept cutting the meat in his plate, he gave a universal answer, "You're normal; we're very similar."
"It seems I really am sick." Batman declared straightforwardly. Shiller paused his hand movement and said, "If it were any other student, I would let him describe his symptoms. But I don't expect that from you."
After saying this, he put down his cutlery, wiped his mouth with a napkin, and looked at Batman, saying, "Although I have a license to practice psychology, I've never formally diagnosed you. That's because I'm genuinely concerned that after I give you the diagnosis, you'll start questioning the roots of the terms."
Batman, of course, detected the sarcasm in Shiller's tone. Just as he was about to speak, Shiller held up a hand to stop him. He rubbed his forehead and said, "Hold on, I can't do this. I'm a doctor. I need to be patient with my patients..."
"All right, I'm a licensed psychologist, you can trust my professional judgment. If you have time now, you might want to hear my advice..."
To Shiller's surprise, Batman really straightened his back, leaned against the chair, and appeared ready to listen. Shiller shook his head and said, "You need to relax. Just in time, the roast is ready. We can chat while eating..."
Having said that, he ordered the demon to put some roast meat on Batman's plate. Batman picked up his utensils but showed no intention of eating. He was staring into Shiller's eyes, tense like a student anxiously waiting to receive his exam paper.
"Don't be nervous. I'm a psychologist. I won't give you a critical illness notice. In fact, I'm relieved to be diagnosing you now. If it were four years ago, just pathologic analysis would have cramped my hand."
Shiller seemed much more relaxed than usual, exuding casualness and leisure. He started speaking, "If you didn't show any abnormalities in your childhood and didn't undergo diagnosis, you might not be a spectrum patient, which means you're not like me, you don't have autism."
"Genetically sound, traumatised later in life; post-traumatic stress disorder is an inevitable topic; your symptoms have been clear, especially re-experiencing symptoms. For all these years, you have never managed to escape the shadow of the alley."
"Next is Delusional Disorder. I believe you should be familiar with its definition, but it's linked to the initial psychological stimulation you received and the subsequent display of symptoms."
Shiller lightly tapped his plate with a fork and said, "After you were psychologically stimulated, you spent a long time in an aloof state. In this state, you had too many urgent matters to deal with, namely your revenge plan."
"But at that time, due to your young age, there weren't many actions you could take, and you had very few people to interact with. Being immersed in an imaginary world for an extended period can lead to certain thinking patterns, which can then trigger subsequent delusions."
"Among the Delusional Disorders, in my opinion, you fall between persecutory delusional disorder and grandiose delusional disorder."
"Firstly, you overestimate people's malice. You're filled with inexplicable anxieties about extremely malicious events that can't happen just yet."
"Secondly, you overestimate your own capacity, believing that you're energetic, quick-thinking and capable of anything."
"Of course, to some extent, both your worries and confidence do make sense. But, if it goes past a limit and keeps progressing, this could lead to brain and nerve disorders, which you certainly don't want."
"Of course, there's also Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which I suffer from as well." When Shiller said this, Batman raised an eyebrow. Shiller seemed to know what he was about to say and preemptively said:
"You think anxiety disorder is just accelerated heart rate, nervous tension, and breaking out in cold sweat. But actually, the most obvious symptom you're showing is heightened alertness, which manifests as being sensitive to external stimuli, easily startled."
"Of course, because your IQ is inherently high, and the logic module suppresses the emotion, which leads to ambiguous emotional representation, so there aren't enough external expressions. But there are still some."
"This situation might also be caused by Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, that is, excessive focus on surrounding environments."
"Simply put, because of Delusional Disorder, you often feel that certain malignant events, which can't happen under current circumstances, might happen at any time. This triggers your Anxiety Disorder, making you more alert. Meanwhile, the excessive attention to the environment caused by Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder makes you notice the slightest movement around you and question the reality of the surroundings, causing delusions of persecution and forming a cycle."
"At the same time, symptoms of grandiose delusions make you believe that you have the capability to handle extreme events imagined in your head, so you would think in-depth about solving similar incidents."
"Being trapped in these thoughts for a long time can lead to thinking inertia and cognitive shifts, worsening the symptoms."
After hearing all this, Batman was silent for a moment then said, "My willpower passed the Green Lantern ring test. And while I'm not saying that it's the only standard, I believe my willpower is above average..."
"This brings us back to the cognitive theory you're most interested in." Shiller patiently explained, "If your cognition is constantly wrong, then the stronger your will, the more rapidly your symptoms will worsen."
"I feel that I can't experience certain emotions." Batman described his symptoms as accurately as possible, "My rationality tells me I should be happy or sad, but I don't have that kind of feeling. It's like a car without an engine..."
Shiller paused as if thinking, and then said, "I take back my previous conclusion. You may indeed have some spectrum traits, but perhaps because of your high IQ, you've compensated for the impact of such symptoms, so it wasn't detected in time."
"Simply put, your rationality can theorize what emotions the other person should be experiencing and what emotions you should be feeling, so you can express those emotions through acting, right?"
Batman recalled and then said, "When I was a child, my parents encouraged me to play with other children. I thought I should be their leader. So, I acted really excited during the chase and extremely happy after the victory, but actually, I didn't feel anything."
"It seems like that indeed," Shiller nodded, "I'm the same, but the difference is, my own emotions are weak, but I can perceive others' emotions very sensitively. That's why I can be a therapist."
"Actually, if you can act convincingly, there is no need to treat autism. Because the process of treating autism is to teach you how to play a normal person. You can already do this, and you do it well. That's not a priority."
"I suggest you first address your long-term nervous excitement and abnormal behavior caused by delusional disorders. Otherwise, this could interfere with your ability to express emotions." Shiller looked at Batman and asked, "The weight is on illusion and light on reality, which doesn't matter if you have no worries. But do you truly not have any?"
"Let's not even talk about the various realities faced saving Gotham, the education of Aisha and Dick is an insurmountable challenge."
"You can't always think that someday someone may harm them or that they may face big troubles in the future, then conjecture from the results of the paranoia, what you should teach them."
"Real education should focus on the present. What do they need now? What are they expressing? What emotions are they conveying? Respond to these emotions and actions. This can help them establish a stable personality."
"If you only focus on their future and don't give any feedback to the emotions they are currently expressing, it is easy to cause personality defects. No matter how many survival skills or techniques you teach them, they will eventually be ruined by the irrational decisions caused by personality defects."
After hearing these words, Batman remained silent for a long time, recalling his parents, especially his mother.
Thomas would occasionally talk to him about the future, encouraging him to study hard, master various survival skills, and become an excellent person. Martha, on the other hand, hardly talked about these things. She just responded to his every small action.
Batman didn't know what he missed more - his parents, or the responses and understanding he could get for his every look, expression, and action before those two gunshots.
There was never anything like that again after that.
To some extent, Batman is misunderstood. However, this does not mean that his obstinate choices are, in fact, precisely these incomprehensible choices that are understood by his friends.
Gordon understands his justice, Harvey comprehends his philosophy, Alfred grasps his hatred, but the understanding needed by the human race is not just on these large aspects. The subtle emotional feedback is the most important source of a sense of security.
Batman did not respond to these diagnoses, seemingly accepting them. But Shiller felt that was a good start. Delusional disorder's primary symptom is lack of self-awareness. If Batman isn't objecting, it implies that he's starting to recover.
At this point, however, Shiller said, "Batman, do you know? You make me very unhappy."
Batman looked at Shiller, confused by his comment. Shiller put down his cutlery, wiped his mouth with a napkin, and said, "I invited you to dinner, but you haven't eaten anything. Isn't that impolite?"
Batman instinctively looked at the food in his plate and the Rotting Heart General hanging on the hook. His rationality told him it was a demon, no different from the animals he ate regularly.
However, the Rotting Heart General was a very typical humanoid demon, so Batman felt a physiological revulsion towards the explicit joint structure in his plate.
Seeing Shiller's threatening gaze, Batman didn't move, allowing Shiller's behavior, which for him had already crossed the line.
The next second, Batman's throat was gripped, a strange demon pinned Batman's neck with his elbow. Batman struggled unsuccessfully and was thrown to the ground together with the chair.
After a "clang," Batman felt he was hit on the head. As his vision gradually darkened, he saw the reflection on the dress shoes beneath the suit trousers.
The last thing in his sight was Shiller, who squatted down, the approaching fork, and the meat entering his mouth.
The last thing he heard was Shiller's voice, laced with laughter,
"You've eaten enough of the workers' meat, now taste the flavor of your own bourgeoisie class."