The despair of losing someone whom you love is unquestionably unlike any other. That despair is an emotion you can only feel through personal experience and is impossible to empathize with otherwise.
However, even as I watched the captain wail like a child on his knees, despite having experienced the reality of my parent's death, I did not feel anything other than a mild rage. My heartbeat is eerily normal, and my mind clear, even while witnessing this man's raw and unmistakable cries of grief towards the loss of his sister.
It's as if my heart has been numbed, my mind a fog of thoughts about my goals. My emotions are dulled, and I feel little. I wasn't always like this; I was a very expressive and emotional child with no qualms about showing my feelings to my parents.
This suppression has been worrying me for some time now since I killed those thieves in Edensville without a single emotion. I can't help but wonder about this situation as my mind begins to race about the numerous possibilities for this.
Could this be the result of stress? My father always spoke about the importance of taking a break and how stress can harm the body. My mother always made sure we took breaks between training sessions and took time out to pray towards the world tree at night, and my father instilled in me the importance of good food and sleep.
Then again, I don't feel stressed, so that shouldn't be the case. I haven't been in any rush lately, and I haven't encountered any problem I couldn't face with relative ease, as worrying as that is. That is even more concerning: How have I not struggled in any fights yet? Even against the monster, I knew exactly the route to take as if I were an experienced warrior with decades of experience. This lack of struggle, this unnatural ease in battle, is a source of my concern. It's as if I'm not truly engaging in the fight, but merely following a predetermined path. And while this could be attributed to my training with my father and mother, I know my father only taught me the basics of close combat and the importance of training.
What could be the cause of my sudden gain of combat experience and my lack of extreme emotion?
The shard of Yggdrasil.
The tree my mother told me would protect me has likely magically prepared me for this world in a very drastic manner.
That is the only Pheasable conclusion I can come to, as I haven't come across any other reasons for my current mental state.
There is more evidence to this theory: My lack of emotions upon erupting from the tree in triumph, only for my excitement to become suppressed quickly and my mind to move towards action. Looking back, I acted almost robotically, with unrealistic purpose and a lack of emotion. Any child would react to finding their home destroyed with despair and would respond to the memories of their parents' deaths with extreme negativity, something that I strangely did not experience.
I can't continue like this. I don't want to be a mere shell, devoid of emotions! I want my feelings back! I can't truly live like this! No matter the cause, I will find the reason for this extreme lack of feeling in my heart.
I must confide in someone who can help me resolve this issue because I am incapable of doing so alone. I lack the necessary knowledge and resources.
Who does? The princess standing right in front of me! Ailla is likely some type of druid, considering the name of the ritual she had to perform tonight. If the problem is magical, then she could just solve it herself, but if she can't, then as the princess of the elven dynasty, she surely has the resources to solve my problem.
So, with a small breath to steady myself, I turn to the sorrowful princess and ask her a simple question, "Ailla, may I discuss something of great importance to me?" She raises her head and meets my gaze, her vibrant eyes filled with curiosity, before nodding in agreement. I offer her a faint smile and lead her a few steps away from the captain and Oriella.
"What is it?" She asks, clearly taking this conversation seriously, considering the context of my question.
"I believe my emotions are being magically suppressed, and this current situation only provides more evidence to my belief. I feel very little emotion, even while speaking of my own mother's death, and I believe it has something to do with my encounter with a shard of the world tree. Do you-" As I explained my situation, the princess's emotions quickly changed from serious to surprise before she interrupted me.
"You had an encounter with the shard of the world tree! How is that even possible?! Yggdrasil is a deity and is extremely rare to have a physical or mental encounter with! If you are being emotionally suppressed, that can only mean the world tree has placed a boon upon you! Have you been experiencing an increase in mental clarity or maybe amnesia?"
"Yes, both. My symptoms include mental clarity, an inexplicable increase in battle experience, suppressed emotions, and amnesia. Can you do something about this? I don't want to live like a robot."
Ailla listened closely to my explanation and quickly became immersed in her thoughts. She closed her silver eyes and, in concentration, grabbed a small strand of hair hanging over her left eye. I stood still and waited, occasionally looking over at the now-recovering Captain Chantei.
Soon enough, Ailla came up with a solution and explained the process to me. It was long and confusing, and I had yet to learn what half of her words meant. Luckily, having now joined our conversation and seeing my confusion, Oriella spoke up to clarify what Ailla was saying, "In lamens terms, we are going to ask the elders to perform a curse removal ceremony on your soul after determining the level of boon you have been given. The elders are overwhelmingly powerful, being thousands of years old and all, and each has been studying magic and divine power all their lives. If anyone can find a way to remove that boon, it's the elders."
"You couldn't just say that?" I asked Ailla, who scoffed at me in annoyance.
"It's not my fault that you can't understand me! Go read a book, dweeb!" She practically yelled before walking towards the now-standing Chantei.
After briefly discussing the specifics of removing my boon, we sauntered towards the Dynast's mansion, the mood of our group having soured considerably from the previous conversation. The walk was mostly silent, with Oriella sporadically pointing out locations of interest in a hushed tone, the captain having not spoken at all.
The walk passed quickly; we had arrived at the mansion sooner than I had expected. As soon as we came into view of the gate guards, they bowed towards the princess and greeted her properly. They did their job properly and asked me for my name so they could inform the Dynast of our arrival, to which I obliged.
It took another 5 minutes before the mansion came into view, as the pathway was long and covered by yellow flowered trees. Once the mansion came into view, I was astounded by not only the size of the building but also the architectural beauty that made up its exterior. The building itself was imposing and truly emphasized the word' power,' with its massive white marble pillars and iridescent stained windows depicting several deities, including the Yggdrasil and a few others I didn't recognize. The building was multistoried, with dark wooden shutters on every window and meticulously designed gargoyles over every window. In front of the mansion stood a life-sized statue of similar design to the one in the temple, except it stood tall over a fountain surrounded by a flower garden. The dark forest and the artificial lighting provided a very awe-inspiring atmosphere when viewing the mansion, and they almost commanded respect to be given.
The princess looked over at me and began describing the history of the mansion itself, most of which I wasn't particularly interested in, so I decided to just nod and pretend to listen to her as I looked around at the many sights in the courtyard.
Soon enough, we arrived at the mansion's doors, which had already been opened, and it felt as though the temperature had drastically changed.
"The temperature inside the mansion is controlled by runes covering the walls, always set to a comfortable temperature. Actually, your mother is the one who brought the dwarves who carved the runes, yet another thing we thank her for daily," said the captain, who had finally spoken since I dropped that bomb on him. The look on his face was a strange mixture of pride and sorrow, and I couldn't help but wonder how close their relationship was.
We walked through the mansion, following a butler named Orthus, who introduced himself to me briefly before turning to guide us to the Dynast. The inside was just as gorgeous as the outside, with numerous sculptures and art pieces lining the walls and elaborate designs carved into the half-pillars on either side of the walls. The ceilings are a minimum of 20 feet high, giving an open and vast feeling to the hall we are walking through. Not even 2 minutes after the butler greeted us, we arrived at the door to what I can only assume is the throne room. The door is just as beautiful and elaborate as the rest of the building, with an archway design that is nearly as tall as the ceiling and a design that tells some sort of story that I can't follow. The butler whispers something to the guards posted at the double door before the guards meet at the center of the door after some elaborate movements and push open the door.
"NOW ENTERING, The third princess, Her Highness Ailla Everwood, followed by the Captain of the Royal Guard, Andrew Chantei, followed the princess's personal guard, and finally, esteemed guest Magni Gunvaldsen!" the guard shouted into the room, announcing our presence dramatically. Once the doors were completely open, we were greeted by the sight of a room of people with flowing robes and expensive dresses. Upon seeing these clearly wealthy people and their manner of dress, I instantly felt underdressed for the occasion, but seeing the calm expression on Ailla's face seemed to cool my nerves. If she's not worried, I won't be either.
Then, another look at the room ahead of me made me slightly nervous once again: the image of the Dynast and his wife. The Dynast sits on a simple yet strong throne with a heavy theme of nature and abundance, a large white tree-like sculpture encompassing both the Dynast's and the Empress's thrones. The ceiling was covered with some sort of illusion that made it seem as though the sky was inside the building, making the room feel like it was open and grander than it was.
The Dynast, or Emperor, himself is dressed in simple yet high-quality robes that almost seem to glow, the seams of the robes producing a dim light that makes the rest of his outfit pop. The Empress's robes are similar in style, yet have a green design as opposed to his red robes. They both have very discreet crowns on their heads, less elaborate than I would've expected. The Emperor seemed more interested in his daughter, even smiling a bit. In contrast, the Empress seemed more interested in me than anyone else, even seeming to smile a little, but it was such a slight expression that I could be mistaken.
"My daughter, it seems your ritual was a success, I see? I'm proud of you, and I think a family member has such talent for the healing arts that you would be blessed by Yggdrasil itself. This deserves a celebration!" The Dynast spoke proudly, even lifting his chin a little and smiling without apprehension. The Empress smiled proudly as well before moving to speak.
"Ailla, I am so glad that the ritual went as we hoped, but more importantly, I am glad you are safe. Those rituals occasionally attract monsters, so I'm glad you came back safe and sound." The Empress said while looking at her before turning towards me, "But I do wonder who this human is you brought back, Magni Gunvaldsen? That name reminds me of Valleria's Husband, Thϋr Gunvaldsen. You wouldn't happen to be related, would you?" The Empress questioned calmly, clearly already knowing the answer.
"Yes Empress, this is Magni Gunvaldsen, Son of Valleria and Thϋr Gunvaldsen. He saved the lives me and my personal guard from a minotaur that came after I had just finished the nature-binding ritual. I am not sure his intentions for being here, but I am confident he isn't malicious." Ailla responded calmly to me, earning her mother and father a smile.
"I see, well, this is a very welcome surprise. I personally knew Valleria, and I can confidently say she was my best friend. I was sad when she decided to leave with Thϋr, but I ultimately congratulated her on her marriage. Tell me, how is she? I hope she is well," the Empress said, hope evident in her sparkling silver eyes, the same as her daughter's.
"Empress, I don't think that to be a discussion to be had with the court in session," Ailla responded carefully, staring into the Empress's eyes with a strange expression I couldn't quite pin down. The Empress nodded and looked over at the Emperor, who nodded back and waved his hands to dismiss the rest of the court. After a few minutes, the Dynast and his wife walked down from the throne and walked up to us. We had been kneeling out of respect, so they had us stand.
"Now that the rest of the extras are gone, we can talk freely; what happened with Vel?" the Empress asked seriously, her trembling hands crossing in front of her.
"I apologize for bringing you this news, Your Majesty, but my mother is dead. Same with my father. They were both murdered by an assassin dressed in black from Gulven." Upon hearing the news, the Empress's face lost all composure, and her eyes leaked tears uncontrollably. The Emperor quickly embraced the distraught Empress, who would likely be inconsolable for quite a while. Her eyes were blank, and she made no noise. She broke down, not even able to muster a cry of sorrow.
Her look of despair was even worse than the captain's. It seemed she also loved the amazing woman known as Valleria, my mother.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Magni. I need to console the Empress, so we will be retiring for the night, but with my magical eye, I can see you need assistance. The curse placed upon you is powerful but not unremovable. I'm sure the Elders can help you, you have my permission to see them." As the Emperor was embracing the Empress, he spoke to me softly but sternly, and once he was finished, he began walking out of the throne room.
As soon as they exited the throne room, the Empress's wails exploded through the double doors.
"Well, now that we have permission to visit the Elders, let's go there as soon as possible. Even my father was able to see your issue at a glance, so I'm sure the Elders will have no issue removing the curse. Let's go." Ailla said, clearly trying to ignore her mother's wails of despair that could still be heard throughout the mansion.
We all agreed with her decision.
We began moving to the door behind the throne, which led to the elder council. The walk wasn't very long, not even two minutes, but it was tense nonetheless. Every step towards the elders' council room elicited feelings of fear and anticipation that I didn't even know I could feel. The air grew heavy and damp, even despite the temperature-controlling runes.
Stepping through the inconspicuous door to the elder chamber was like stepping into a swamp. The pressure of being released passively was suffocating and extremely limiting. I panned my vision through the circular chamber, observing each of the seven elven elders, who stared at me with varying expressions. Some were curious, some were impassive, and some were clearly upset.
"Boy," One of the elders spoke, the one directly in front of me. His voice echoed through my soul, and I felt like he could see through my entire being, "You are the child Valleria Gunvaldsen, our collective student. Your memories are disturbing. It seems that your parents are dead, which we all find extremely upsetting."
My mind raced, and I felt an emotion I didn't know I could feel—pure terror.
"It also seems that you have been given a boon from the world tree, one that is put in place so you can adapt to this world quickly without having to deal with your lack of emotional maturity. We will remove this curse, but in return, you will seek training from the captain of the guard. You will use this training to take your revenge against Gulven for us. We can already see your desire for this revenge, so we do not need to give you more motivation, but we will advise you. You cannot remove the corruption of gulven alone, nor can you do so with the captain of the guard's training alone. You must obtain more experience, as well as obtain power from nature. We have given our advice. Now go," As the elder stopped speaking, I was suddenly launched from the council room and slammed into the ground outside. After I hit the ground, I could feel something come undone around my heart.
That's when everything came undone all at once.
My emotions slammed into me like an avalanche.
As I felt my despair, happiness, and a multitude of other emotions smother my mind, I couldn't take it all at once and quickly fainted.