Xavier's POV
'Fuck this shit' he said and stood up dropping her cloth so hard that if it was to be a glass it would shatter into uncountable pieces.
I think it was when mom realized something.
All this while, she had been the only one hurting and it was unbearable. The look on Dad's face when she told him she regretted meeting him was pure hatred, the heart stabbing, vicious and malicious kind. He went into the bathroom and I could hear him tearing away his wet clothes and leaving them on the floor. His breathing was rugged and fast, very laborious. Then I heard him in the shower.
For the first time in eighteen years of my life I heard him cry. The shower muffled most of the sound of his sobbing but I knew without anyone telling me that he had been holding in so much anger and pain without mom pushing him over the edge.
I could tell her that devoid of something soothing and useful to say to my hurting parents, I turned and fled back inside my room.
We never talked about what happened on that fateful day, even a few weeks later, it was like it never happened, almost like a bad dream.
All I remember was Dad became a perfect stranger– polite and courteous to her. He looked at her with those polite eyes and his lips twitched into a polite smile.
Hell. I hated it, I wished he would yell or curse her out, anything but the arm's length he kept her….he kept us.
I could tell Miracle that she broke his heart so much, he became cautious around his other children.
I almost quit school because I wanted to stay close and stop our parents from becoming polite strangers.
The day I moved back home from the college dorm, we chatted as a family, teasing and laughing but after we got home and I got down from the car, they realized they had nothing to say to each other.
Dad played music while mom looked out the window but when the silence became unbearable, she had to say something.
'What would you like for Dinner?'
'We always have pasta for dinner on Fridays'
'I know…I am sorry, I just wanted to break the silence' she said.
'So, how is the blog?' he asked her.
'It's been a while…apparently I have nothing to say'
'Just give it time, you are Emily and everyone knows when it comes to writing you're a force to be reckoned with'
She smiled at him and he smiled back, the first genuine smile in weeks.
'Are we okay?' she asked him
'What do you mean?' he asked
'We've not really talked about what happened few weeks ago'
'There is really nothing to talk about' Dad said.
'I am so sorry…there is no justification for what I said to you'
'The truth always comes out in the heat of an argument, Emily'
'No…no I didn't mean what I said, how can I mean that? You are my life'
I remember the look in his eyes. I remember holding my breath from behind the door I was standing, I remember saying a little prayer.
'You are not the woman I married, not anymore' Dad declared.
Who could blame him?
I didn't.
'Please don't say that' she murmured.
I could hear the sadness in her voice.
'God knows I am crazy about you' he looked at her with those sad eyes and she smiled at him hoping things were okay between them 'But I also hate you' he stepped down and banged the car door and a very shocked Mom followed suit.
'Waylen…'
'No you don't get to look at me with those sad eyes and shocked face; I hate you for making me question my love for my daughter, I hate you for even thinking for a second that marriage to me was a mistake when you are the best thing to happen to me…ever and finally I hate you for making me capable of hating you' Dad was boiling with anger
'I am so sorry' she was crying already.
"I hate you so much…. damn too much! But I am not built to hate you, Emily! Can't you see that?! I hate that I hate you because I love you! And I am hurting so damn much but I can't share it with the woman I love because she hates me too and thinks I drove our daughter away!"
"I don't hate you…I am incapable of hating you but our daughter left and I felt alone in my grief and it was too much Waylen, it was really too much"
He came closer and touched her face.
"You are not alone, baby. My heart is broken, Emily. A piece of me is missing and I have no idea where she is or if I would ever see her again but I can't dwell on that because I have two perfect kids here and I need to focus on them. So, you figure out if you want to keep taking out your crap on me then decide for yourself what you want to do because I am done being your punching bag. I'm done"
He started to walk inside.
I remember whispering over and over again.
Say something, Mom…come on, say something damn it!
'Waylen…'
'Yes…'
'I love you'
'I love you too, I am sorry I yelled at you' he reached her in two steps and enveloped her.
Those were the parents I remember.
*
I turned and I looked at Miracle, at her split lips and her bandage head and I knew exactly what I had to do.
"I am sorry" I whispered to her.
She blinked.
Her big eyes trying to hide the world of hurt she was carrying. I wanted to comfort her but couldn't.
God! How did two years turn my vibrant headstrong sister into something that needed to be cradled.
Did Steve do this?
Did he turn her into this?!
"Why are you sorry, Xav?" She asked me
"I am sorry because I can't let you be the thing that breaks Dad and Mom…not again. Not ever. So, I am making this decision for them"
"I won't! I swear! I just want to go home" She grabbed my hand tightly.
I watched her.
My better half…she was literally half of me and I am about to throw her into the deep end without any form of life jacket.
"We are here, Sis" I said without looking at her because I know if I did, I wouldn't go through with it.
"Where is here, Xav?" She sounded confused.
"Recruitment center…all you have to do is get on a bus and six months later, get off and everything returns to normal or the new version of it"
She blinked. She looked confused.
"What's going on?" She asked.
"I…hm…I…" I was losing my nerve.
"Use your words, Xavier!"
"I signed you up for Military. Your bus leaves in an hour"