Chapter 18: The wrong kind of love
Miracles's Pov
R18: the following chapter might trigger...please skip if sensitive or underage, otherwise, let me know how it goes!
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"Stevie..."
"Hush, sweetness…I would get to it"
Hmm, I swallowed hard, I had no idea what he was planning to get to but the car was small and it didn't leave a lot of room for stretching or real romance.
He grazed the sensitive place that made me jump. He gave an excited half-laugh, mistaking my discomfort for enjoyment.
"It's my first time, Stevie. Can we do this at home?" I asked him.
He kissed my nose, the first good feeling I had since this event started.
"I have waited for months for you, Ira. Let me have this…let me have you. I can't wait anymore"
His voice was feverish and gruff like he was speaking from his heart.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for you, girlie. Waiting to take you but all you do is push me away and choose more losers over me"
What the hell was he talking about?
What losers!
He was Steve Jackson, how on earth would I ever choose someone else over him.
He was my all…my everything.
"I would never choose anyone over you, Stevie ... .never, I love you too much" I told him to correct his misguided statement.
"Hush now then" he said, like hearing my voice push him over the edge.
His body was broad as he lowered himself until my legs stiffly bracketed his. He groped between us, unzipping his jeans, using both hands to accomplish some hurried task.
I heard the sound of crackling plastic - condom probably and felt him pulling at something, arranging it, and then there was the unfamiliar bobbing length of him against my inner thigh ... .this was Stevie I tried to tell myself but girl, was I terrified out of my mind!
He pushed my shirt and bra up higher, freeing my breast from its secured place. His mouth was at my breast, pulling tightly.
It felt more like him punishing me than love making.
I wanted to stop but I thought we had probably gone too far to stop, that I had no right to say no at this point. I wished it was over, that he would finish soon.
Even as that thought crossed my mind, the pressure between my legs became maddening.
I tensed even more and gritted my teeth, and looked up at his face.
He didn't look back at me. He was focused on the act itself, not on me. I had become nothing more than the instrument by which he would gain relief.
He shoved harder, harder into my resistant flesh, and a pained sound broke from my lips like an injured animal.
I shut my eyes tightly.
It only took a few searing thrusts, the condom turning slick from blood, and then he was shuddering against me. groaning in his throat.
"Oh, baby, that was so good. You are so sweet"
I kept my arms around him. A ripple of revulsion ran through me as I felt him kiss my neck, his breath like hot steam on my skin.
"Yes, this is it, girlie. The stuff of legends"
Girlie?
There he went calling me that name again, it was oddly the only thing soft about him.
Then he stopped moving and I was thankful.
It was enough of him— I needed to belong to myself again. I was relieved beyond measure when he lifted away, my flesh raw and hurting.
We dressed ourselves silently, he didn't say anything and I was too shocked to say something too.
I must have held all my muscles so tightly that when I finally relaxed, they began to tremble from the strain. I trembled all over until even my teeth chattered.
Stevie drew me against him. patting my back like one would a race horse.
"Are you sorry? " he asked me.
What was I supposed to say?
No?
It didn't seem like the right thing he wanted to hear, so I forced a smile instead but I didn't answer.
He came closer and kissed my cheek.
I barely stopped myself from recoiling at his touch.
I forced myself to be still, he can't hurt me again so soon now, can he?
"Don't worry, sweetness. With time, you would learn how to participate and pleasure me as I have pleasured you" He said in a low voice that displayed how understanding he thought he was being with me
I remember my hands trembling a bit before he took it on his own and we went back to his party like the place between my legs wasn't as sore as hell.
Maybe then I should have noticed it…maybe then I should have realized that something was inherently wrong with our love but I didn't.