Miracle's Pov
"Hey baby"
I jumped, startled.
The voice came from behind me. I turned around quickly.
"Grandma?" I stopped, frozen to the spot. "Am I dead?" I asked her.
"Not yet but you will be soon if you linger" she answered.
"Grandma...I have missed you*
Dead or not I was so damn happy to see her.
I fled into her embrace.
My turbulent heart finding the rest, it needed.
I took a shaky breath and held on to her, She felt like home.
"You have no idea how much I've missed you, Gran" I buried my face in her neck and I let myself inhale her scent.
She didn't have one. Dead people don't have a scent.
"And I have missed you tremendously too, sweetheart but you know I can't let you stay" she told me, I could feel her smile.
I propped up my head to ask her a question I already know the answer to
"Not even a little bit?" I asked her and I tried to hide my shaking hands.
"Not even a little" she shook her head.
I pulled away and tried to smile, I failed at it miserably.
"You know I was named after you, right? The only difference in our name is the middle one. I am Ira Eloise and you are Miracle Alana…"
"Your name is Miracle Eloise Cole" she interrupted me by saying.
I chuckled sadly then it turned into a big heartbreaking laugh that lasted a few seconds.
"I haven't been Miracle Cole in a long time, grandma; I go by Ira White now. Did nobody tell you? Oh right…I forgot, you are dead and I reckon, if I stay here long enough, I will be too"
She grabbed my hand tightly and the smile disappeared from her face instantly.
"Go back!" she yelled at me.
"No"
"It wasn't a request, child"
"Don't make me. It's easier here, Gran. Everything is so less... complicated. Don't worry, I doubt anyone would miss me. So, I am staying"
"That's not true, Miracle…You have a lot of love waiting for you baby"
"No, not really" I wiped my face with my palms and I exhaled to stop the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes. It didn't help.
I looked at her, my eyes brimming with unshed tears, my heart picking up another pace just like that!
"Sweetie..."
"I am tired...I am exhausted. I got nothing left... nothing. I'm empty"
"Baby, that's not true" she said.
"He wasn't even sorry" I told her. "I am Ira and he is Steve Jackson. We are fated lovers and he didn't even flinch, Gran"
I felt tears run down my face and I wiped it off with my palm.
" I shattered and he didn't even flinch… It...hurts, Gran" I clutched my stomach in an effort to stop the shooting pain. "It really... really hurt!"
"Sweetheart..." She wiped off the tears but it kept coming.
"My inside feels liquified and hot like tar" I continued through my gritted teeth, my breathing getting worse by the second "And I can't catch my fucking breathe! Why does everyone chose someone else over me! W-why am I the girl that gets left behind?! Why am I the 'almost' girl...." I yelled " almost chosen, almost loved, almost picked!"
I watched her, my chest moved up and down in rapid succession as I struggled to breathe.
"I am tired of being the second c-choice! I'm tired of being left behind. I'm tired of being the girl that gets dumped at the beginning of a movie, the girl who endure trials just so the male lead can figure out she's the one!"
I watched my grandmother, her flawless face and her worried countenance and I blinked back tears.
"When do I get to be someone's first choice, gran... someone's only choice because It hurts! Make it stop hurting... I'm so exhausted"
"Miracle..."she pulled me in and latched on.
"Why am I different from everyone else? Why is it so damn hard to find someone to love me unconditionally? Am I damaged goods, Gran?"
"No. You are perfect baby but it sounds like it wasn't love.... between you and Steve, it doesn't sound like love, sweetheart" Gran said.
"I am so tired, Gran. I gave him everything I have" I wiped my face. "I mean I am a Cole. I know what love is! I fucking grew up in it. I know the feeling and I know the sacrifices one must make for love. I know the joy and I know the pain and I know the in-between too!"
"He didn't love back, I am sorry, baby. But you have to fight. Stand up and fight" Gran said.
"I'm too tired...too tired"
I turned to her and I blinked to keep the tears at bay but they came flooding anyway.
"No, sweetheart...no"
"I don't know who I am without him. Have you ever loved someone so long that you can't imagine life without them. I mean I am literally dying!" I told her. "Please, let me stay"