The moment I saw her, my chest tightened as if I'd been struck.
I felt a very tight grip around my heart.
It was painful.
Too painful.
I could die.
The world around me dissolved into static.
The laughter, the warmth of my friends, the faint chatter of the restaurant… it all faded into an oppressive silence.
I couldn't breathe.
My vision blurred.
My whole body was trembling.
My soul was screaming.
She was there, outside the window, walking so close I could almost reach out and stop her.
Ema.
My Ema.
Her vacant expression, the dullness in her eyes… That wasn't the girl I remembered.
And yet, there she was, smiling faintly as if the entire world hadn't collapsed around her.
She was smiling, like always.
Like nothing had happened.
Moreover… with another man.
My heart pounded erratically, and the room spun.
My fingers gripped the edge of the table, knuckles white, as a cold sweat broke over me.
I felt like I was going to pass out.
The young man was talking with Ema like he was her boyfriend.
Moreover, he usually adjusted her small scarf around her neck.
"Fumi? Are you okay?" Kazuha's voice cut through the haze, but it sounded distant.
I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came.
My throat closed up.
My breathing grew shallow and rapid.
I was on the verge of having a breakdown.
Panic surged, uncontrollable.
"Fumihiro!" Kazuha's voice was sharper now, pulling me back just enough.
She moved to my side, crouching slightly as her hand gently pressed against my back.
"Hey!!! Brother!! What is it?!!" Benjiro exclaimed, while leaning closer to me.
I remember that he touched my wrist to feel my heartbeat.
Suzuki and Evangeline were trying to talk to me, while a look of "fear" was printed on their faces.
They were saying random things…
I just remember that my ears actually stopped to hear any kind of sounds.
I saw only their lips moving.
But then, Kazuha did something unexpected.
She began to softly rub my back, slow, deliberate circles that seemed to ground me. Her hand was steady, reassuring.
She leaned in close, her voice soft and calming.
"It's okay. It's going to pass. Just breathe. My little hero, you're stronger than this," she whispered, her tone filled with a quiet certainty.
The words hit me like lightning.
"My little hero."
I haven't heard these words since a very long time.
Ema used to call me like this when we were little, to calm me down.
A fragmented memory flashed in my mind.
It was a blurry image of a girl kneeling beside me, her small hands brushing my back, her voice a soft echo of Kazuha's words.
Ema. It had to be her.
I remember that.
Hadn't she called me that once? When I'd scraped my knee on the playground? When she'd told me not to cry?
My head spun as I clung to the memory, but it didn't bring comfort.
It only deepened the ache in my chest.
But… a little sense of nostalgia washed over me.
Kazuha's hand remained steady on my back, and I focused on the rhythm of her touch, letting it pull me out of the spiral.
My eyes were open wide, trying to remember the moment I heard "My little hero".
I managed a shaky breath, then another.
It was probably Ema… but I started to wonder…
She looked… different.
Around me, the others had fallen silent, their concern palpable.
Benjiro looked like he was ready to storm outside, while Suzuki glanced between me and the window with a frown of disbelief.
"She didn't even notice him," Benjiro muttered, his jaw clenched.
Kazuha shot him a look, shaking her head slightly as if to tell him to back off.
I forced myself to look outside again, just as Ema and the man beside her turned the corner, disappearing into the night.
She hadn't even seen me.
Her eyes had passed over mine like I wasn't there.
Like I didn't exist.
I'd convinced myself that seeing her again would bring closure… or at least an explanation.
But now all I felt was hollow disbelief.
How could she have moved on so easily?
What the hell has happened?!?
Who was that guy?
But more than anger, I felt a crushing sadness.
The Ema I knew wouldn't have ignored me like this.
She wouldn't have walked away.
Or… was it me who didn't know her at all anymore?
Kazuha's hand rested on my shoulder now, her grip firm but comforting. "She's not the same, Fumi. You can see that, right?"
I nodded slowly, though the motion felt mechanical.
"Forget her," Benjiro said, his tone laced with frustration. "Whoever that guy is, they don't matter. You've got us."
I appreciated the sentiment, but his anger felt out of place.
"She didn't even recognize him," Suzuki said quietly, her gaze distant. "Something's wrong with her…"
They were talking like they already knew my story and my breakup.
The only person I talked to was Evangeline…
The words stung, though I knew she didn't mean them maliciously.
"Let's not jump to conclusions," Kazuha said firmly. Her hand moved to my arm, grounding me again. "Fumi, you don't have to talk about it now, but… we're here, okay? Whenever you're ready."
I nodded again, this time with more purpose.
For some reason, Kazuha's voice was reassuring and lovely, and it brought a sense of peace into my soul.
Then, the room slowly came back into focus… the warm lights, the clinking of silverware, the low hum of conversation.
I glanced at each of them.
Suzuki's furrowed brow, Benjiro's clenched fists, and Kazuha's steady, unwavering gaze.
Evangeline was ready to call some help.
She had a phone in her hand.
"I…" My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat, forcing myself to meet their eyes.
"I need to tell you guys some things." I said, as my soul started to calm down.
Once I snapped back to reality, my breath remained normal, and I could see that everyone in the restaurant was looking at me.
Even the waiters were worried.
"What an embarassing situation." I said to my self.
Kazuha was still gently rubbing my back, and her touch felt like a reassuring sensation.
I took a look at her and noticed her gentle expression.
She had a very warm smile, and her red eyes were sparkling with something that brought me a strange sense of nostalgia.
For that moment, i felt somehow connected to her.
I was sure that we had met before… or at least I thought.
My breath eventually returned to normal and, after some instants, my friends helped me to take a seat.
"I'm sorry… guys. I just had a panic attack." I said to them.
Kazuha sat next to me and grabbed my hand.
"It's okay. Are you feeling better?" She asked with a motherly tone of voice.
I nodded my head.
"Brother… you really made us worried here, you know?" Benjiro said with a sigh, while a waiter arrived with a glass of water.
It was finally time.
I had no choice but to tell them the truth.
And that's why I finally decided to speak.