It's been a hell of a ride these past months. When my parents knew what had happened, they flipped out of their minds. As days go by, I trye and stay strong but in my mind, I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do. It all goes back to the first day I met him. It was sophomore year, I wasn't really looking for someone. But there he was. He was funny, kind, cheeky and what not. He made me feel like I was special. What no one had ever achieved in my whole entire life. My parents were not the best. My mum was in her early thirties. I can sum up her whole lie and character with just two words, party-girl. She has been trying to be there recently but there are times I don't even know she's in town. My dad died about five years ago. I guess she was just too much for him. He was a typical middle-aged man out to earn a living. I guess he wasn't ready for all that. Now I have a step dad. I think you can guess where they met. I was 12 at the time. I lived with my nanny basically coz my mom was never there. But ever since she met Bill, she just...changed. Bill was a bearded, muscular man in his early 40's. he didn't really have a fixed source of income. I have never really known what he does up until now but as long as he can put food on the table, that's all that really matters. He helped me sneak out most of the time, the chillest dad in the world. I missed my dad very much though. He really helped me cope and burry that part of my life and move on. School was where his death really hit me. I was in middle-school, I stopped talking to basically everyone, skipping classes, going to parties. Yep. I was in a bad place. It was Hope who took me through the whole thing. She is still my best friend up until now. Yeah… so back to Greg. We had been talking almost daily for a long time now. I enjoyed his company as he did mine. When he asked me out, I was on the moon. I told Hope everything and we prepared for everything. But there was only one problem, it was a PARTY! I know you're thinking, why is that a bad thing. That's where the sad part comes in. I was a virgin. Most of my classmates had lost their virginities, some in front of my eyes, others just...Point is, I needed to same myself from embarrassment. I wasn't really sure if Greg was a virgin coz of his whole life transition gender thing. I didn't really mind that. Hope did at first but she realised how nice he was and stopped disturbing him really. It was 7, in the dress I stole from my mum. He picked me up and we were in a party. Up the stairs into a room – my body mass on top of his – left the party – in my room. Everything went on so fast. But I had never been that excited in my life. I felt like a whole new person. Every time I closed my eyes, his face mirrored in front of mine. I felt whole again. Kinda like the hole left by my Dad was filling up slowly. I didn't really care of what would happen next. All I knew is that, I was deep in love. Since it was summer break, days just went on as usual. I had wanted a job in the new mall as a sandwich make...got it. Started at around mid-day ended at three, got a wholesome amount from it. Its good to use of my time in my opinion. In about 2 weeks, I started feeling kinda off. Slight dizziness and vomiting. Assumed it was the flu and moved on with my life. When I persisted, that when I started getting paranoid. I was young but not stupid. I had the thought in my mind. I wanted to be sure. I set out to the small mart in our neighbourhood and got a pregnancy test. Yep. Didn't really think it would come a time in my life I would need it. I mean I'm only 16. What am I gonna tell my parents?! So, got it, went home and tested. TWO STRIPES!?! I was fucked. I ran around the house in circle. In confusion, anger, regret, pain. I mean the only one that came to my mind was Greg. I didn't really think twice, I ran all the way to his house. I was like 2 blocks away so it was manageable. And it was deep into the night so my folks were deep asleep. I was crying, threw a stone in Greg's window till he came out. I jumped into his arms the moment he came out. Broke the new to him as I broke down. At this point I didn't know what to do. In between his arms I felt some sort of tranquility. After we talked in the woods, he didn't really better my situation, but the fact that he was not mad was okay. "We'll talk." He said. I went back home trying to figure out what to do. I obviously wasn't gonna tell my parents. My mum especially. Ever since I was 14 she has been talking me to thses life choice sessions ever since I tried to kill myself. It wasn't really that serious. We had a fight with some other girl in the cafeteria, don't really remember her name. she had I think insulted my mum or something. I was a very active child and I had some anger issues. I punched her nose and she flooded me with all these facts about my bad and sad life. That was when it hit me, I went to the girl's washroom and began cutting myself as I cried. Yeah...I was in a bad place. But I mean I conquered it and I try to be stronger each day. You could guess the only person I told about my situation. She would come every evening to my house to 'study'. On the day I told her, she couldn't believe me. I'll admit that I was the least likely to get pregnant before graduation. She always told me to sit him down and try talk some sense into him. I didn't really know what to do. I went to him after like 2 weeks only to find that he had gone to Rehab. "Rehab!! Seriously!" I was pissed. I ran back home and just thought of driving a knife into my stomach to kill the creature growing in me. Is he trying to tell me that he is going through more than I am? I was just...LOST.
Eventually, my mom started becoming a little suspicious. When you vomit almost twice a day and have a high tendency of fainting, people tend to notice. She now had had it and insisted that I go and get checked up. I know that if I go through with it I would be fucked up. So I tried all I could but when Bill stepped in, it wasn't really a negotiation anymore. I loved him and all but I'll admit that he was pretty intimidating when he got angry. I knew it was all over when I heard "Madelyn Bose, please see the doctor" Well the day ended on a very low note. I have never seen Bill that upset. My mum kinda supported me but she didn't want it to look evident in front of him. When I arrived at the house, he persisted I tell him who did this to me. I mean, I thought of Greg first then although I was hella pissed at him, I couldn't let Bill release his anger on him. That was the longest night in my life. I didn't hear the end of it. It had been quite a while since Greg left for Rehab. To be honest, I didn't know when hell be back. My stomach had developed a little lump. The stress I had in me. The abortion factor didn't really seem right to do. I couldn't bare killing my own child, but what was I to do. In the afternoon, I found Bill in my room taking everything down. I didn't really know what he was looking for but I could guess. That's when I remembered I had some photos of him in my wardrobe. I don't really remember where I got them from but that didn't really matter. He burst out of the house holding his pictures. He knew him obviously. Back when we started dating, that's all I could talk about at home. He even started developing a liking towards him. But all that seemed to fade away when he told my mum and I to get in the car.