That day, I learned about Makoto's horrific past. It had erased all guilt from my mind. All I could think about was Makoto. I cried and hugged her tightly. This was truly terrifying. Makoto must have suffered much more than me. After all, I didn't feel what she did, but Makoto experienced it repeatedly and had accepted it as normal. It was really hard to believe. My mind couldn't bear this much painful news at once. I held Makoto tighter. She smiled at me. She seemed relieved. She told me to relax, that all of this was in the past. She asked me to promise. This story would stay between us. I nodded. I wouldn't tell anyone. Makoto's story helped me understand the truth better. This was truly a cruel place. I looked at Larry and tried to lift him up. Makoto supported me. She was glad that I decided to go home with her. I had strange feelings towards Larry on my back. He had saved us, but at the same time, he had taken the lives of many innocent children. What should I feel about him? I couldn't answer that at that moment. After all, I was just a child. The inability to answer this question was the beginning of the story that would separate our paths. When we got home, I just lay down on the bed. These were really terrible days. I was hungry. What Catie had fed us wasn't bad, but it was not enough. I was filled with both relief and a kind of storm inside. The light that entered my eyes after weeks was like medicine; the images of the dead children were like bacteria resisting that medicine. Makoto lay down beside me. She apologized to me again. After all, this was her plan, but I couldn't blame her. Was it because I loved her, or because she really didn't have any guilt? I still didn't know. I told her she wasn't guilty, that no one could have predicted how things would unfold. She smiled and hugged me. I had really missed Makoto. In that dark room, I had been completely engulfed in loneliness. Nightmares wouldn't leave me; they always made me search for my mom and Makoto. It was really terrible. Makoto said it was time for us to sleep. She was right. I nodded and wrapped my arms around her, sniffing her scent. The feeling of peace that filled me was wonderful. This peace continued until I fell asleep. As I drifted into sleep, the dead children, the living children, the sense of guilt overwhelmed me. I had left them alone, a hero couldn't be like this, I couldn't be the hero Amy wanted. "I'm sorry, Mom..." The children kept coming after me. Had my desire to be a hero weakened me, or was I already weak, powerless? But I had chosen to accept the truth and become a hero accordingly. Maybe I had never overcome the desire to be my mom's hero. I was crying, inside my nightmare where no one could hear me. The children kept coming after me, and I did nothing. I couldn't. I had surrendered to them. I was not a hero. After a while, the presence of the children surrounding me began to disappear one by one. It was strange. Eventually, I found myself in a completely different place. I opened my eyes. The person sitting across from me was like my copy. "You..." I recognized him. He smiled at me. "I will protect you, Kenshin," he said. He was someone I could trust. He had protected me from my father. I remembered. "You don't have to suffer anymore..." This area was much more relieving than where those damn kids were. "Give me your hand, Kenshin." He reached out to me. I was aware of what would happen if I gave him my hand, but I wanted to get rid of these feelings. I was no longer a hero, all my purposes were gone. The only thing on my mind was Makoto. "Relax." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Rest a bit. Don't worry, Makoto will be waiting for you when you come back." His voice really calmed me down. I wanted to rest a little. I started to reach out to him. "Kenshin... Kenshin... are you okay?" Everything disappeared from my mind as Makoto shook me. Before I could hold her hand, my eyes opened to reality. Makoto had been worried about me. She had noticed my crying. She was really my other true angel after my mom. After comforting Makoto and falling asleep again, I didn't encounter her again. Nightmares had come back. I felt terrible when I woke up in the morning. Makoto was aware of this. She did her best to comfort me, but even though it was her doing these things, my feelings inside wouldn't leave me alone. Makoto couldn't even help me overcome them. Days passed horribly like this. It was time for a new task, and Makoto didn't want to involve me in our new job, but I was determined. I had a promise to Makoto. We scouted around the shop together. Larry hadn't spoken to us since that day. At that time, I hadn't had time to understand him. I was struggling with the guilt inside me. Our mission had failed miserably. I couldn't do it. I felt guilty again, just like at the beginning. I was starting to lose touch with reality. Larry had also messed up his job similarly. Our mistake had led the man to catch us. We fled quickly; I felt strange. It was our first failed theft. When we got home, I apologized to Makoto. She said it was not a problem as long as I felt better. I wanted that too, but I couldn't achieve it. Makoto went out to find another place where we could find food. I was alone with Larry. Should I say something to him? Honestly, I didn't really want to talk to him. I had an important issue with Larry. We both waited silently for Makoto. After a while, Makoto came in slowly. She didn't look very happy. She told me she had found a new place and said she wouldn't involve me in this job if I didn't want to. I couldn't do that. I didn't want to send her alone. She sighed and hugged me tightly. I could feel it. She felt sorry for me. The new mission led to even more tragic results for me. This time, I was the one who killed an innocent. I leaned against the wall, frozen with the bloody knife in my hand. "Larry..." Larry had made me do this. Our mission was simple at first. Makoto had said we could find something nice from the dirty woman's shop, but when it came to robbing the shop, an unexpected factor emerged. The woman had a daughter. So we decided not to kill the woman. The plan turned from an execution robbery to just a robbery. When the woman left the shop, we went inside, and there was only the girl. While I was keeping the girl busy, Larry and Makoto were taking care of business from behind. Everything was going smoothly until the woman returned to the shop. Larry and Makoto had been caught red-handed. We had all really messed up our performance. It was our second failure. The woman didn't hesitate to reach for her gun. We quickly took cover behind the shelves to hide from the gunfire. The woman was shooting without thinking about her daughter. The girl was looking at me with a shocked expression. She wasn't afraid; her gaze stunned me. While I was lost in thought, suddenly the gunshots stopped. When I looked to see what was going on, Larry was stabbing the woman repeatedly. At that moment, I wondered what would happen to the girl. When I looked at the girl, I saw her crying. Her mother was lying lifeless on the ground. Makoto looked at me. Her face was strange. It was clear that she was jealous of the girl. Larry came to my side. He wanted me to kill the girl. She couldn't live without her mother. It seemed justified, but I couldn't do it. She approached me and looked into my eyes. Larry, who hadn't spoken for so long, seemed to be sending messages directly to my brain. I started to tremble. I offered my opinion about taking the girl with us. He refused. When I looked at Makoto, she didn't seem pleased either. They had left the decision about what to do with the girl up to me. I looked at the girl; she still wasn't afraid of me and continued to cry for her mother. I couldn't leave her alone, I couldn't take her with us, but I couldn't take her to her mother either. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill her. Larry forcefully placed the knife in my hand. He pointed to the girl. What was Larry really planning? I couldn't do it. The knife kept slipping from my hand. Larry kept giving it back to me. I guess he wanted me to face reality. But I couldn't think about these things. Finally, he grabbed both of my hands and forced the knife into the girl. My teeth started to chatter. I had really done it. I hadn't seen any fear on the girl's face yet. As soon as I recovered from the shock, I quickly backed away and hit the wall. I had stabbed the girl. No matter how much Larry forced my hand and made me do it, I couldn't stop him. I was completely shattered now. Makoto grabbed my hand and brought me home. These feelings were now preventing me from doing anything. Makoto didn't leave my side. She was constantly trying to calm me down, but I couldn't even feel her anymore. Every time I fell asleep, I wanted to meet the boy who had become my copy, but he didn't come. Makoto would hear my cries in every nightmare and wake me up immediately. She was really sad for me. After a few days, when I was completely at the mercy of my emotions, he came back. He reached out his hand without saying anything. He was crying. Without saying anything, I squeezed his hand.
I woke up to find Makoto embracing me. She really loved Kenshin. Still, I couldn't love her back. She had taken over my role. I was Kenshin's true protector. As soon as Makoto realized I had woken up, she opened her eyes. "Kenshin-" She recognized me immediately. "It's you." There was no escape now. I nodded. She asked me many questions, but I left them all unanswered. I couldn't deal with Makoto. I stood up and looked at Larry. There was anger in my eyes. I should kill him, but at the same time, I felt sorry for him. I understood why this was happening. After all, I had watched everything through Kenshin's eyes. Was I right in deciding to kill him on the first day he arrived? I didn't know, but I had sensed that he would pose a danger to us, and I was right. Now I couldn't succumb to trivial feelings. I had to kill him. Again, Makoto and again, failure. Makoto had thwarted me once more. Her gaze was sharp. She abandoned all previous questions and asked this: "Where is Kenshin?" I didn't react as I did to the other questions. But this time, she really wanted the answer. She pushed me against the wall and cornered me. If Kenshin hadn't loved her, I would have gotten rid of her a long time ago, but he did. I had to give an answer. "He's resting right now," I said. With the answer she received, she asked a new question. "When will he be back?" I indicated that I didn't know. She squeezed my shoulder angrily. With her grip, I fell to the ground in pain. I was trembling. What was this? This was definitely Kazou's doing. Makoto had brought back the things I was trying to forget. The feeling of being squeezed on my shoulder was terrible. Makoto recoiled in shock. She apologized to me. She was smart enough to understand the reason for what had happened. When I returned to normal, she reached out her hand to me. I didn't take her hand. I stood up on my own. Until Kenshin was well, I would stay in this body. Days passed with Makoto questioning me and us gathering supplies from the dead woman's shop. The result was worse than expected. The others had quickly looted the empty shop. We only had enough for a few days. Makoto went out sadly to find a new place. She missed Kenshin. Should I have killed Larry while he was gone? I couldn't. That feeling inside me was gone. When Makoto returned, she described a place where a group of men were located. They had a small cabin like ours; she was reluctant to take on this mission without Kenshin; I was there. My eyes turned red when we reached the men. Their belts, pants, everything reminded me of that man. I hunted them all down using all the knives I had on me. I was laughing; it felt good. Both Makoto and Larry looked at me in shock. I had jumped into the situation without a plan. I couldn't understand what it was, but after two weeks, I understood everything. "Hahaha, I'll kill everyone," my eyes were shining. Two people lay under me, whom I had just brought down. I couldn't bear to see these people. Kenshin didn't have these feelings in his eyes, but when consciousness was in control, I couldn't hold back. This hatred was spontaneous. Larry began to fear me. Makoto, on the other hand, kept asking about Kenshin, even though I had forgotten him. Forgetting my mission weighed heavily on me. Makoto couldn't hold back anymore. She yelled at Larry to step away. Larry left our side. Makoto walked towards me. She grabbed me by the collar. "Kenshin would never do this... YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HIS PROTECTOR." Makoto reminded me of my forgotten mission. Before I could say anything, she knocked me to the ground and pressed down on both of my shoulders. "I GAVE YOU A CHANCE, I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND YOU, I LET YOU PROTECT KENSHIN, BUT YOU FORGOT YOUR OWN DUTY. YOU DON'T DESERVE KENSHIN. I'LL PROTECT HIM." I groaned in pain. I couldn't do anything. Makoto was right, I had forgotten my mission. I couldn't say anything to her. The pain wouldn't let me go. "GIVE KENSHIN BACK TO ME." No, no, no, I couldn't do that. I had to protect Kenshin. I couldn't allow this. As I resisted, Makoto squeezed harder. My whole body was burning with pain. That man was passing through my mind every second. Even though I didn't want to give up, I had to. I was sad for both reasons, both for trying to bring Kenshin back and for forgetting my duty...
When I opened my eyes, Makoto greeted me with tears. "Ken-chan, you're finally awake." She hugged me. Ken? It was the first time Makoto had addressed me like that. I felt like I had woken up from a long sleep. While I was still bewildered, Makoto kept calling me Ken. After a long sleep, guilt began to slowly envelop me again. But Makoto continued to call me Ken in a meaningless way. The days were passing strangely; Makoto was behaving oddly. She kept insisting that I was innocent, that I had done everything right, that I was a real hero, and that I was a calm person. I was too exhausted to say anything to her, but calm? I didn't think of myself that way. I wasn't, and I wouldn't be. Over time, Makoto began to influence my weak mind with her words. Her effect on me was truly immense. She managed to suppress the guilt inside me this time. "Goodnight, Kenshin... I'm so sorry." She closed my eyelids with her hands. I had no complaints. I loved her. "Hello, Ken-chan..."
When I woke up, I looked at Makoto. She was watching me with curiosity. I asked what was going on. She hugged me tightly. It was a meaningless hug, but I didn't question the reason, after all, Makoto loved me. I got up and asked her about our food situation. She quickly told me everything. We needed to do another robbery. I went to Larry's and woke him up, telling him to get ready. He looked at me with a surprised expression when I gave him orders. What was he surprised about, I didn't think about it. I told Makoto to research and find a place for us. She happily nodded and left through the door. Larry was confused. I didn't understand why he was so surprised. When Makoto returned, I quickly asked her to tell me the place she found on the way. We needed to be fast. Our mission was successfully completed. Many missions had been successfully completed under my leadership. Larry seemed tired of my condition, but that wasn't important. What mattered was the success. I was successful. In the past few days, Larry had started searching instead of Makoto. Despite not finding a place constantly, he insisted that he would find one himself. Makoto allowed him. I didn't say much about it. After all, we had enough food for now. Finally, Larry said he found a place. His eyes were sparkling with joy. I quickly asked him where it was. He said it was the house of a very bad couple. I nodded. Two people needed to be taken down. I observed the house and made a plan, then we entered. We could hear noises from the basement of the house. I thought they were probably downstairs. Larry had mentioned that the man and woman were doing very bad things. So, cautiously, we started to descend the stairs to deal with the man and the woman. Makoto was right behind me, and Larry was a bit behind us. I thought it was quite a big basement. The stairs seemed endless. Finally, we reached an area like a balcony. We couldn't see below. Makoto looked at me. There was definitely something wrong with this. It was too late to realize it, I had made a mistake. Before we could turn around, Larry pushed us into the darkness. Makoto and I fell down. "Well done, my friend," said a voice. It was a kind of woman's voice. We couldn't see our surroundings. There were so many unanswered questions. Suddenly, the surroundings lit up. There was a man and a woman in front of us. I froze as soon as I saw them. What was this? I couldn't understand. Why was I so scared? "We caught them, Kesh," the man addressed the woman. "Exactly, Gor," the woman replied with a big smile on her face. "Let's put the prey in the cage, Gor." The man nodded and pulled the hanging rope below. Suddenly, Makoto and I were surrounded by iron bars. Makoto was watching me without doing anything. When I looked at her, she was crying. She seemed to be upset about something. "Well, our job is done here, heheheee." The woman and the man jumped up and headed towards the stairs. I was still filled with fear for reasons I didn't understand. Makoto hugged me, trying to reassure me. She was saying we would escape from here, as usual, that we would find a way out. She was right, we could find it, but I was filled with fear. How would we find it? Makoto started to examine the surroundings. She pointed at the rope to me. Then she followed the mechanism that the rope was attached to with her finger. She asked me to hand her the knives. She would cut the ropes holding the iron bars in the air. I gave her the knives. She threw one knife, but the result was unsuccessful. She missed the rope. She held my hands and told me that I could do this. I couldn't. Then she threw another one. She missed again. She told me that I was the only one who could do this. I tried to overcome my fears. She was right, I could do this. I threw one knife, but I also failed. She squeezed my shoulders and told me that I could do it. I felt a strange feeling. My fear was gone. I smiled at Makoto and asked her to support me. I started to climb the bars. When I reached the top, I asked Makoto to throw me a knife. At first, she hesitated, but I told her she needed to trust me. She threw it, and I caught it. I carefully passed my arm through the upper iron bars and grabbed the rope. I started to cut it slowly with the knife. I jumped down to avoid being affected by the falling iron bars. We were free. We started to walk calmly towards the house together. Larry had betrayed us. When we arrived home, the traitor was standing in front of us. Without saying anything to him, I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside. I took Larry down in an alley and started to fill his body with scratches using the knife. At that moment, I wasn't thinking about anything else. All I could think of was that Larry needed to be punished. I cut many parts of his body: his face, chest, arms, legs. He didn't react at all. It was as if he had accepted this situation. Finally, I got up from the lifeless, breathless body and started to walk home with Makoto. This was how Ken was born.