Do you know this feeling where it seemed like you knew what was going to happen but have no recollection of it ever happening (yet) nor why you even knew it was going to happen in the first place? Kousuke-niisama said it was deja vu; a peculiar sensation where you feel like you've experienced something before, but actually hadn't. He was probably right.
This vague sense of familiarity and this inexplicable feeling that I knew how this story starts and how this ends has been bothering me for quite some time now; though instead of having personally experienced it, it was more like I was a casual observer?
Subconsciously, I knew the script, the cast, when and where the curtains were drawn…but I'm not a part of it.
Like the faceless audience in the play, situated far, far from the stage.
In short, an outsider.
This strange feeling? phenomenon? followed through the years, and it was only recently that I learned the cause.
When I regained the memories of my previous life.
Three days ago, my Kousuke-niisama celebrated his tenth birthday. As the heir of the prestigious Mifune Family, it was obviously a huge and ostentatious affair. Smartly dressed business men and their equally fashionably dressed wives attended the party together with their dapper sons and lovely daughters. There were a lot of formalities and whatnot involved among the adults, that at times, it seemed like a serious business meeting and not a children's party. Not that I spared a thought about it at the time; I was a child, and all good children knew not to interfere in adult matters.
Well, that, and I had other things that needed my attention. Namely, sweets.
Before I got my memories back, I admit, I had been quite a spoiled brat. I was the second child and only daughter of the Mifune Family, one of the Four Great Families that control all of Japan. I've been conditioned to take pride in my lineage and always strive for the top. Naturally, this did not include looking down at those beneath us, but a spoiled child of merely six (that would inevitably grow to become an evil villainess had I not gotten my memories back) thought they were pretty much the same.
The countless times I threw a tantrum and bullied the maids just because I didn't get my way…
I threw a tantrum then, at Nii-sama's birthday party. Okaa-sama had forbidden me to eat sweets since a recent visit to the dentist warned her that I was at risk of getting cavities, and had ordered the maids to keep me away from the dessert table at all costs, no matter how much I kicked and screamed. Obviously, I didn't take this lying down.
I wasn't muddled enough to cause a scene at my older brother's party, but nothing could have stopped me when I wanted something.
The second they took their eyes off me, I gathered the hem of my dress in my small fists and ran towards where the group of children were gathered and mingled with them to lose my pursuers, before dashing straight towards the desserts table.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Okaa-sama nearby, engrossed in an animated discussion with some of the wives. Which was bad, because Okaa-sama has hawk-like eyes that could spot her prey from miles away. If she caught me eating sweets when I wasn't supposed to, I'll be ripped into pieces by those sharp talons of hers.
But those chocolates really looked delicious…I snuck another glance at my mother. Consequences be damned, I thought, and took a piece of chocolate, stuffing it immediately in my mouth. The sweet treat immediately melted on my tongue. I closed my eyes in bliss. This is heaven, I gushed inwardly. How did I ever go through those days without having a single taste? I grabbed another piece of chocolate and shoved it into my mouth, chewing on it absentmindedly as I took out the small sack I prepared beforehand. My eyes sparkled when I saw the variety of sweets placed artfully in their individual trays. I wasted no time snatching whatever I could get my hands on and shoving them into the sack. The ones I couldn't finish, I'll hide in my treasure box under my bed so I could eat them after lights out.
…was the plan, but a boy's voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Ah! Thief!"
I turned my head and saw a boy around my age, looking at me in smug derision. His eyes traveled from my face down to the sack of sweets I was clutching. I followed his gaze, somewhat still lost in a trance, before realization kicked in and my cheeks warmed in embarrassment.
I moved to get away, to run, before the other children or grown-ups noticed, but it was too late.
All of them displayed shock at my outrageous behavior. The ladies covered their mouth with a dainty hand, while the men just looked at me blankly. The children ceased whatever they're doing in favor of staring at me in curiosity. Amidst the crowd, I could pick out Okaa-sama, whose countenance had stiffened and whose face had darkened like the sky on doomsday.
If looks could kill, I'd be dead on the spot.
I turned to run, but sheer embarrassment made my movements clumsier, causing me to trip on the hem of my dress and tumble ungracefully on the ground. My forehead bumped against the slab of rock that happened to be sticking on the path, and it was then that the memories of my past life came rushing in.
Blood was trickling down my face, but I was only vaguely aware of it. The panicked screams and shouts that had erupted upon my fall became a distant noise until they eventually faded away. Before I completely lost consciousness, I could feel someone's arms wrapping around my form and hoisting me up.
And it was then, that I knew no more.
~o~o~o~
When I woke up, the party was long since over. I was scolded by Okaa-sama who had been sitting at my bedside ever since I fell unconscious, her face stern as she regarded the band-aid plastered on my forehead.
Her eyes immediately narrowed to slits when she noticed I was finally awake.
"Now, Akemi," she said slowly through gritted teeth, a menacing smile on her lips. "Tell me what possessed you to create that shameful debacle in front of all our esteemed guests earlier…"
I gulped, bracing myself for the lecture that would inevitably follow…
An eternity and a lengthy lecture about my lack of etiquette and impropriety later, Okaa-sama left my room, leaving behind a bouquet of flowers on my nightstand.
'Hideki-kun came by earlier to drop these for you,' she'd said. 'And to think you made a fool out of yourself in front of him…'
I reached out to touch it. My mind flashed to the smug kid who embarrassed me in front of so many people. True, it was mostly my fault for being so greedy and disobeying my mother's orders, but I still couldn't help but feel upset. Perhaps this was my bratty six year old self talking, but I really, really want to throttle that brat.
I sighed. Well, setting aside the fact that I embarrassed my family by how 'shameless and disgraceful I am' (Okaa-sama's words) at least something good came out of it.
I got my previous life's memories back.
Perhaps, I do have to thank that kid for startling me so much I ended up regaining my memories back, since now I'm very much painfully aware of how perilous the path I'm currently trekking.
And finally, I was now able to figure out the cause of this strange feeling that's been plaguing me for years.
But wait, what did Okaa-sama say his name was again?
Hideki…Hideki?
A cold shiver slithered down my spine. There was no way. Surely, this must be just a coincidence.
It couldn't be that Hideki, right?