Many days later, Lu Qi'an could dream of Fu Jia's pale face instantly when he explicitly rejected Fu Jia.
Like a young child, he grabbed the clothes on his chest with his hands and looked around, as if he couldn't believe it. He wanted to speak, but his lips trembled, and he couldn't utter a word for a long time.
Finally, he ran away.
The injury on his foot should not be fully healed, but when he came to see him, the shoes were in good condition. I probably couldn't take care of it when I was running, and it was obvious that one foot was uncomfortable.
He stood still and looked at Fu Jia's back, his blood seemed to be frozen. The feeling of this moment often appeared at the last moment of the dream, which made him wake up in a cold sweat.
It was the same tonight.
Lu Qi'an glanced at the clock, it was only three o'clock in the morning.
But he couldn't sleep anymore.
He sat up and opened the cabinet beside the bed, where he kept all the love letters written by Fu Jia for a week. The cabinet will be locked, and Aunt Miao cannot open it. Even if it is opened secretly, he can still see the traces.
He took out one and read it by the dim light of the bedside wall lamp. The light is not enough, but it doesn't matter, he has already memorized the content of the love letter by heart.
Each of Fu Jia's love letters is very similar. At the beginning, he greets Lu Qi'an, and the middle is full of sour love words that he doesn't know where he copied or rewritten. Lu Qi'an wrote it down while disgusting it.
The words and sentences at the end are probably written by Fu Jia himself.
Miss you, miss you, miss you.
wish you happy.
Lu Qi'an put the love letter away as usual, turned off the light, and lay back on the bed, but his fingers were trembling.
He should have endured the coldness and numbness of his fingers overnight.
Since his mother's death, Lu Qi'an has seldom been happy.
Losing a loved one is depressing, but that alone may not prevent Lu Qi'an from getting out of grief and facing life positively.
Because he doesn't know his mother well. Not only unfamiliar, Lu Qi'an also rejected her a little.
Qi Bing was ill before Lu Qi'an was sensible, and lived alone on the third floor of the villa. Lu Qi'an has been told by his father and aunt not to disturb Qi Bing's rest, and not to make noise in her room. Coupled with the fact that the servants and medical staff came and went with serious expressions, Lu Qi'an went up to the third floor less and less.
Being urged by grandma and grandpa, Lu Qi'an went there once a day, and since no one was watching, he went once a week.
But he never approached, just stood at the door, calling out in a low voice: "Mom."
At this time, Qi Bing would lift his head from the hospital bed with great difficulty, staring at him with wide eyes without blinking. Those eyes were too intense, as if they wanted to see through every organ in his body, making Lu Qi'an feel chills down his spine and wanting to escape.
Over time, the third floor where Qi Bing was located became the place Lu Qi'an was most afraid of in his childhood.
His mother passed away, and he followed his family to the funeral in a daze, without shedding a single tear.
The funeral was also the last time he saw his grandpa and grandma. Grandma was hugged by grandpa, and his uncle supported her hands and feet. But even if two people restrained her, she still leaned forward desperately, cursing hysterically:
You Lu family are all cold-blooded, you killed my daughter!
There were still a lot of vague curses that Lu Qi'an couldn't remember clearly.
Protected by his aunt, he hid behind his father, looked at his father's stiff back, and wondered why his father didn't deny it.
Until one night, the young Lu Qi'an hid in his room and peeked at Qi Bing's old photos, and found a photo of Qi Bing holding him in his arms and looking at him lovingly.
Qi Bing's eyes were as soft as water.
In an instant, Lu Qi'an suddenly realized.
Whenever he went to see Qi Bing, Qi Bing looked at him not to eat him, nor to beat him, she didn't mean to hurt her son, she just wanted to use her eyes to tell Lu Qi'an, come closer, come to her bed Be with her.
The husband doesn't love her, and he doesn't love her no matter how hard he tries; the sister-in-law doesn't like her either, no matter how hard he tries, he doesn't like her. She has only sons, and only one son.
She looked at her son and asked for nothing but to let him stay in her room for a while.
Facing Qi Bing like this, Lu Zhiyuan worked all day and rarely visited her; Lu Qi'an avoided her like a snake because of fear. The one who went the most was Lu Wanqing, but she kept Qi Bing away for ten years.
They are all murderers.
Among them, there is no doubt that he, Lu Qi'an, has a part.
All of a sudden, the world was turned upside down and the world collapsed. Heartbreaking is not enough to describe Lu Qi'an's pain.
He was too young to know how to deal with this pain, and he didn't dare to tell anyone. Every night he locked the door tightly, took out the old photo of his mother hidden in the pillow, held it in his arms and struggled for a long time before he could Lightly asleep.
Before dawn, he would wake up again, carefully hide the photo back in the pillow, and wait with his eyes open for the aunt who took care of him to wake him up.
He didn't feel sorry for himself, and he didn't intend to improve this bad state. He thought he was unforgivable, so it might be better to torture himself like this.
What changed everything was his encounter with Fu Jia.
The crying boy hiding in the grass made him feel interesting when he first met, and staring at him just because he gave a band-aid made him feel even more interesting.
A person becomes interested in another person, and this is often the beginning of everything between people.
After that day, Fu Jia began to peek at him from the window. The child didn't know how to cover up, and almost his whole body leaned out of the window. How could this be considered peeking? Fortunately, Lu Qi'an covered Lin Fengxun's sight with his body, and even put Lin Fengxun to sleep, so he hid it for Fu Jia.
What he didn't expect was that Fu Jia would come to him and ask him questions about what he said casually to coax Lin Feng to take medicine.
He didn't want to talk to him at first, but Fu Jia's eyes touched him very much.
Poor, determined, and longing.
It's a longing for him.
Just like that, Lu Qi'an was dragged off the cliff by Fu Jia.
From that day on, he used the excuse of playing with Lin Feng to come and go to the Lin family's villa more and more frequently, making noises in the courtyard to attract Fu Jia to come and see.
Fu Jia didn't know that Lu Qi'an could notice him, but Lu Qi'an knew that this was a two-way thing with communication. He enjoys Fu Jia's dependence on him and his needs, and he happens to be standing here, responding to Fu Jia.
As if in redemption.
It was also from this day that Lu Qi'an no longer needed a picture of his mother to fall asleep, and he no longer tossed and turned every night, having nightmares again and again.
After a few years like this, Lu Qi'an had a quarrel with Lu Zhiyuan on the anniversary of his mother's death. Lu Zhiyuan smashed a flower basket on his head, causing him to bleed profusely, even into his eyes.
The aunt cried in fright, and knelt in front of the grave and cried to Qi Bing. After a while, she broke down and asked her why she wanted to seek death and make their house like this.
Lu Qi'an's heart was numb, he didn't know who to hate, so he simply moved out of Lu's house and lived alone in the apartment. Early in the move, he returned to his previous poor sleep patterns, and this time even pictures of his mother didn't help. Later, before going to bed, he tried to imagine that Fu Jia was beside him, looking at him with dependent eyes, and he really fell asleep deeply and peacefully.
In the same year, Lu Qi'an made up his mind to bring Fu Jia out of the abyss.
He had already missed the chance to save his mother, and he must not watch Fu Jia sink, collapse, and finally die by his side.
He believed he could do it, and he did it well. When she became an adult, Fu Jia listened to his advice and left the Lin family villa. She also listened to his advice and studied hard. She transferred to No. 6 Middle School and never slacked off.
If…
if Fu Jia hadn't fallen in love with him, everything would have gone perfectly.
He will watch from a distance as Fu Jia is admitted to an excellent university, step by step farther and farther away from Lin and Lu's family, has close friends, lovers, and a successful career.
If he hadn't fallen in love with Fu Jia, everything would still be so perfect.
He will not be soft-hearted at every turn, help him, care about him, and will ruthlessly reject Fu Jia, making him break his mind. Going back further, he will not always show his strengths in the courtyard, like a male peacock courting a mate.
No matter how restrained and calm he is, he can't let what if become a reality.
It's ridiculous that he is so cowardly in the face of feelings. Whether it is study, sports, or social interaction, he has absolute confidence, but he does not have the confidence to take good care of his lover.
He is Lu Zhiyuan's son, and like him, he only has the advantages of family background and appearance, but has no advantages in character. They are neither gentle nor cheerful, gloomy like old men.
He wanted to bring Fu Jia out of the quagmire. If he chose to love Fu Jia, instead of saving him, he would push Fu Jia into a deeper abyss like Lu Zhiyuan did to Qi Bing, what should he do?
He can't do that.
Hold back.
With his eyes open, Lu Qi'an survived from three o'clock in the morning until sunrise.
He washed normally, put on his watch, and walked out of the room.
It was too early, and Aunt Miao hadn't left yet. She looked at Lu Qi'an in surprise and said, "Why did you get up so early today?"
Lu Qi'an raised his hand to look at his watch, only to realize that he had read the wrong time. He said: "It's okay, you continue." Then he went back to the room.
He sat in a chair, his whole body ached.
He can't.
But as expected, I still
miss you, miss you, miss you.