When Ezera had become a teacher, he'd had nothing.
When he saw the faces of all these teenagers who had stopped waiting for help, it was as though a door had opened to him. To a path that led to his true purpose.
Quickly enough, he became attached. That went without saying. He lived through different adventures with each and every one of them. And they had gotten attached to him too. Ezera had liked to tell his colleagues it was all thanks to his good job as a teacher.
But in actuality, Ezera had bonded with the twenty children on a superior level that was expected from a professor with his pupils. He had not failed to notice how personally he had bore their names in his heart, but he had convinced himself that he would reach the same level of trust with the next class he would be tasked to handle.
However, the more time passed the more Ezera felt the connexion strengthen, and the safer he felt, for some reason. Even though he could take a knife for one of them, he considered it normal. What wasn't there to love in those adorable children, after all?
Of course. It wasn't normal. Just like calling those children his children wasn't normal for a teacher. That would have been fine, too. Yet...
What if it's only me?
What if Ezera were the only one to feel that way? Of course this wasn't normal, Ezera knew he wasn't normal. So, obviously, like all students did, his pupils would one day leave his classroom never to come back, and they would soon forget all of him, only keeping the memory of the affection they'd had for this particular teacher that one would anecdotically speak about in family reunions ten years later.
That thought had made his heart clench painfully in his chest... And he convinced itself it couldn't be otherwise. Why? Because the opposite was perhaps more frigtening, of course! Ezera who had nothing, suddenly had two dozens children who loved him dearly as he loved them. It was an overwhelming idea. One that Ezera hadn't been able to bear.
So he clang to that role, to that title. He was 'Professor Gemstone'. He was not 'Father' or 'Dad' or 'Big brother' or even 'Uncle' or... Or heck, just 'that person who's a dear friend to me even though they're fifteen years older than me'. Because Ezera was a man of rules, he could not be.
And he ended up believing that those relationships he forged only existed because of his duties as a teacher. He let himself pretend that these relationships were his duties, that it was only a responsibility.
It was his job to worry, and it was his job to do something about it... Except those children, they treated him as though he wasn't all that needed anymore, yet at the same time keeping him close. Shattering his illusion.
Could he really love them... As Ezera? Not just 'Professor Gemstone'?
Was it allowed?
It was out of the realm of the rules, and the conventions. Ezera wasn't good with children, but Gemstone was. Or something.
If it weren't his role... Then perhaps he could...
"Hey, Professor!"
Shaken out of his thoughts, Ezera looked up.
He had been resting in a quiet shaded place, in the courtyard, on the very side away from the main tiled yard. Now that he looked, he realized he wasn't alone anymore.
"Alan? What are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you, actually. I met a man on my way who told me you'd be here. I thought he was your friend but uh..."
Ezera smiled.
"If he looked extra gorgeous and cold then yes, he's a friend of mine. So what did you want to talk about?"
Alan cleared his throat.
"Yes, about that... Could I have one of my coins back?"
Ezera's eyebrows rose to his hairline.
"Oh. Do you miss them?" he teased with a straight face.
"Of course not! That monney here is as useful as horse in a kitchen. But I've heard from Alexandra that you'd modified them... And you know."
Ezera's eyebrows rose higher.
"Are you sure? I didn't expect any of you to go asking for those."
"I'm sure."
Ezera hummed, retrieving one of the scrying lenses from his pocket before spinning it in his fingers. He was contemplative.
"Why, though?"
Ezera expected a straight answer for this one, maybe a boisterous claim of some kind, he was even ready for Alan claiming jealousy or wanting to try.
Instead, he was met with an embarassed boy who turned away to hide his face.
"Well... I just think it'll be a good idea."
That was no answer at all. Ezera narrowed his eyes.
"You are aware of what it does, right?"
"Yes, yes!" Alan hastily assured him once more. "Alexandra told me and I confirmed with Ilun afterward. That allows you to see what we're doing, right? When you're not there? I just thought... Well..." he fidgeted, which was unusual coming from him. "It's be nice... You know."
"I don't know."
Alan groaned in frustration.
"Damn, you're going to make me spell it out, aren't you?"
"Language."
"Argh!"
Yes, Ezera was having fun.
Jokes left aside, Alan passed a hand through his hair, appearing somewhat uncomfortable... But not in a bad way. He looked shy.
"We're growing pretty independant, and it's a really cool feeling but... It's nice to know you're still around, even if you're not here. It's like having your number and knowing I can call you if I have a problem. So, I thought I'd ask."
Ezera was surprised.
He also felt very fond, all of a sudden.
"Catch."
Ezera threw the lens at the boy, who fumbled a bit with it before it landed in the palms of his hands. Alan smiled as he saw what Ezera had thrown at him.
Ezera smiled, and immediately started teasing him again.
"I can't believe you kids. You're already so old, how could you still need this old man?"
Alan grinned at him.
"What are you saying, prof'? We'll always need you! Thanks, bye!"
Just like that, the boy ran off.
Ezera sighed.
"Maybe I was wrong," he thought aloud, with a hesitant smile.
"About what?"
Ezera turned to Ilya, not nearly as surprised as the previous time.
"Nothing. So you met Alan, I heard? He's a nice kid, right?"
Ilya nodded soberly.
"I heard they all are," he replied, impassive.
Ezera laughed.