Walter looked glum as he sat down on the bar stool, he sighed heavily and repeated the same words, "I did it to protect you okay...after that night, things were never the same...".
It took a while for me to register what he was saying, I knew there was a reason for his disappearance, and my mind instantly went to Khalinda, did she perhaps threaten my life? I won't lie, I had suspected that she had something to do with it, I looked at Walter desperately, "Did it to protect me? From what? Khalinda?".
I was worried, could it be that she said something to him, did she say she would hurt me? That was the only thing that made sense. Walter just sat quietly making me even more anxious, "Walter...say something.."
He shook out of it, "Yes, it has something to do with Khalinda, but it is not what you think. She didn't make any threats or anything like that against you."
"Okay, so what were you protecting me from?" I asked even more confused, because if my life was not in danger, then why did I need protection? Everything I thought made sense suddenly became this huge messed-up puzzle and I didn't know how to piece it together.
Walter went quiet again but his face was becoming gloomier by the second and I was not taking it so well, "Wal-"
"Me....protection from me.", He yelled,
My heart dropped, "I am sorry- what did you just say?", at this point, I was beyond confused, why would I need protection from him? My mind instantly travelled back to that dreadful evening, "Walter what exactly happened that night?"
He stood up to pour a glass of water, "This is not how I wanted you to know, in fact, you were not supposed to know at all. " he gulped it down and poured a second glass, "The plan was simple, I disappear, you forget me, and move on..."
"What do you mean? Forget you ....did you bargain with Khalinda or something?", I was becoming frantic, I needed to understand what was happening because he was not making any sense, I thought I knew why he disappeared but it turned out, I was not in the loop. Besides that, he clearly underestimated my love for him if he assumed that I would just let him ghost me, especially after we confessed our love to each other.
I sighed just thinking about it, and the fact that he was not remorseful about it somehow made my heart ache, "You really wanted to disappear? Without even giving me a heads up and you are not even sorry about it, your cruel plan?". He quietly stared at the glass in front of him with eyes void of any guilt and that made my heart sink even more.
Tears began to well up in my eyes, I was not only disappointed but shattered as well, if he knew how the idea of finding him excited me, would he have had a different reaction? Would he apologize for even thinking like that?
I really wondered what he was thinking, "Wow! I wasn't hurt when I first discovered that you ghosted me because I thought for sure you had a great reason and you probably felt guilty, it would all make sense when I found you. But after hearing you say that..I-", without meaning to, a tear rolled down my face, and I chuckled in amazement, I never thought it would happen, cry in front of a man. I cried because of one, not in front of one, I wiped it with finger, " I guess you really are breaking my heart Walter..", I said staring at my wet finger with the same sad smile.
"Thandie...please", he pleaded
I didn't realize how his actions affected me until at that moment, I had this whole scenario in my head where I found him, and he explained to me what happened and it turned out to be a great reason that justified everything. We forgive each other then we finally give ourselves a fair chance, give our love a fair chance, so it hurt honestly because it was all just a dream, an illusion I created myself.
I silently wiped the tears that seemed to pour out with my permission, tried to keep myself together, and calmly asked, "So, what made you want to disappear? What happened that night?", I needed to know why he chose to break my heart like this.
His face darkened, and then strode back to his chair, "You need to know that it was not my intention to hurt you Thandie, I really thought it was the best way to protect you. Thing is...I thought I could do it you know...finally be in a relationship with you, I was certain that after my contract with Angela, it would finally be our turn, I was sure of it, I wanted it...I was excited to finally have you be mine. But I guess the universe hasn't forgiven me for what I did to my unborn child and grandmother", he took a sip of his water, then continued, "That thing with Angela reminded me that I am a curse and Khalinda is my karma. Anything beautiful in my life gets destroyed, my friendship with Angela, all my previous relationships, nothing ends naturally, not a single normal heartbreak. So when you confessed, I instantly got scared, I knew it would only be a matter of time before something bad happened to you. We were together once and look at what happened, you almost lost your career-"
I felt sorry for him, I instantly recalled how he said the same thing the night he disappeared. I don't know the reason but I felt the need to hold him and assure him that it wasn't like that and what happened to me back in Cape Town was not his fault, the same urge I had that night, "That was a long time Walter..."
He instantly rejected my comforting words sending swords to my already hurt heart, "No Thandie, not just you and Angela...there is my unborn baby, my grandmother, and oh my word, Rachel. All these are signs that I am not meant to be loved or to love. Your love is only going to cause you pain..". Well, he wasn't lying about that part because I was breaking in front of him.
He took my hand, and his face suddenly showed pain, "Thandie, look at what happened to you, because of me..."
Once again, I tried to comfort him, "This is not your fault Wal-"
"No, it is ...you fell in love with me, the worst person you could ever love. Me. Khalinda was right", and there it was- the Khalinda effect.
I sighed and let him narrate his story, "I am nothing but a bad omen, and it was my fault that she became that way. I made her that way with my empty promises, I misled her and eventually, she grew a dark heart. I don't want to do that to you...please understand."
I withdrew my hand, "So, instead of telling me all of this and we work through it together, you chose to run?", I asked calmly,
"I knew you would have tried to convince me and you told me you would never let me go-", he tried to justify, but it felt like he was blaming me, "And you ran?!", I asked with a hint of annoyance
He sighed heavily, "After seeing Angela that way, I couldn't stop picturing your face in her, I couldn't do it. So yeah, I ran. It was the only way to protect you and make you forget about me...oh so I hoped. I guess it didn't work because here you are...right now."
"Walter...Do you love me?"