[Includes spoilers if you have yet to read the entire story.]
Thank you for journeying this far.
If it leads you to reflect on your sexual ripples and memory associations— the novel's job is done.
To construct a story non-chronologically presents a dense backward and forward narrative.
Memory, though, is multi-faceted — fragments jostle out of sequence, unlike a neat novel.
My narrative reflects everyday flash human thinking — as complex as the layered skeins in Jackson Pollock's Lavender Mist and the lass beneath Jenny's fanning pubes.
The most authentic but unwritable novel would be endless looping hyperlinks, related pages, and spin-off links. Yet, it would include dead-end pages with no options but to backtrack —the 404 pages - the broken links in life.
Yet more connects than we often realise in the immediate living. It comes in hindsight.
Also, our individual, partner, family and friendship lives don't occur in a vacuum — what happens around us has an impact — social, cultural, economic, political, religious, natural disasters and human-generated emotions on a spectrum from petty selfishness to major war- these would be like a myriad of Wiki page links in our story.
Too dense.
—And what to do as a writer with ever-expanding Sonder, the person we met once at a hotel reception, an airline hostess, or the individual who excuses themselves cramming in a crowded lift or bumping into you in a rush in a busy mall.
Individuals, their emotions, their daily stories in a community, national and international context - a life lived- it is why novels can only present slices of a cake.
We revisit the same incidents in our minds more often than we admit and don't look at them the same way twice.
They also alter as they are recalled over time.
Seemingly disconnected pieces of memory come together in illuminating and soul-stirring ways — even street curbs— kissing Ruby's sealed lips, leaving Patsaporn on the curb —and Mother's advice — don't step off the curb.
Gold and Golden may be overplayed images in the narrative. Yet Klimt's sensuous, sumptuous gold leaf and toe curling poignantly join with Patsaporn's heart-shared tattered gold leaf in a Buddhist temple and Luke's gold-wrapped empty gift box as a child.
Trains —A train leaving Paris, a train leaving Bangkok, a train at Granville.
Historic homes — Sonder — echoes of lives lived and living — The demolished historic homestead the troupe trespass, the one Jenny and Luke visit, the mansion Josh restores.
Photocopies: Rhea's in a line-up of twenty-five girls on an A4 page, Patsaporn's on the wall of the missing.
Water— Luke's childhood water misadventure in the stream. Abby, playing hide and seek, nearly dies. In the waves with Jenny, the water pitcher at the chess game, the wet T-shirts at the car wash, Patsaporn's death, Luke's legs circling in the Spring.
And so on…
My novel is full of constructed spaces that you are left to pair —like—Luke meets Ruby, then Coral years later in the same but modified cafe.
Ruby meets Jenny; Coral meets Jenny- the reader weighs how and what both say.
Ruby takes two gents home the night Michael is shot at Pulse. Coral steadies and declines two men at the surf club wedding.
Both Ruby and Patsaporn have ruby pendants- both dangle at the point of anal sex- one an invitation- the other a proposed taking.
Josh and Brit's boobs at a beach, Luke and Jenny's breasts at a beach.
Luke learns gentleness from Patsaporn, which he takes and transfers into his relationship with Jenny.
Jenny doesn't let Luke undress her; Rhea does.
And the bookends of the novel — Luke rolls out of bed, leaving Rhea at the start — to write. At the end of the story, he rises early but returns to bed in commitment to Rhea.
And so on….
Then, returning to places that have changed—Luke goes to the boathouse after it is sold[ losing Ruby] and the spring when it is fenced off [Patsaporn's death]. The mulberry is also chopped down. The school library at the start of the novel becomes a community hall at the end.
Told with an ongoing reverse chronology, it allows the astute reader to go —ah, we know this event—but here is the wealth of enriching detail, the character's soul, the gradations of response— What happened in the storeroom at Halloween? What happened at the beach between Josh and Brit? Luke's last phone call with Jenny — is told long after she left. Luke and Ruby's teenage interactions are framed by what we already know happened later in Paris.
And so on….
An unfixed chronology allowed endless irony to play out.
Like in the boathouse- Coral to Luke- Ruby's butt is one you will never kiss!
The cake Ruby bakes for Coral for Josh's birthday- And it is a long-term no; I'll never make your wedding cake.
Joshed joked he would be an old man before he touched Coral's skin.
And so on…
Some ripples unfurled like magic for the author; Ruby's beautiful milk chocolate hair, fair skin, and watermelon scarf counterpoised with what becomes horrid Neapolitan ice cream.
Luke — often looking at or gripping his car keys when unexpectedly meeting Ruby — which are eventually revealed to be the Eiffel Tower ring from the Paris apartment.
— Author Character thoughts:
Arianna is a forgiving saint, and God bless her Catholicism; she profoundly cares for Ruby's soul. And forgives her husband's endless philandering. Developed beyond a stereotype, I hope. I love her cooking, waving hands and her Italian expressions.
Gabriel got the bi-libertine role —something had to trigger Ruby's sassy, selfish, overly adult worldview at thirteen. His cameo at the chess game and not staying for dinner — deepen character suspicions. As the narrative progresses, his scenes darken — the strip club. I hope this progressively makes the toe-sucking in the sports car believable.
His restaurant Il Piacere translates as The Pleasure.
The Bangkok Pimp — is seedy, grubby. [Luke should have punched him and gone looking for and married Patsaporn. Romance fiction, not Urban Reality fiction.]
Josh — often just a boy growing up. All action- cars and girls. The bear that got Goldilocks and didn't realise his just right. A delight to write about as a maturing adult. Yes, his middle name reflected his doubt- Doubting Thomas.
Parents and family— characters as the story needed. Sandy is rounded. Coral's dad remains a vague character. Josh's parents have brief roles. Luke's mum is religious, a homemaker, and has strong values— her salted caramel slice blows any shortcomings away. Oh, Luke deserved his grounding.
Luke's dad — the family guy— has small snippets, but they add up to an interesting character and viewpoint of life and experiences.
James and Mary are on the story margins. James has his day at the races.
Brittany and Max — are on the fringes, too— but they have significant impacts. I admit they are not explored characters. Brit's presence in any scene instantly raises the heat.
Parson Dean- the cliche fire and brimstone Preacher— I have some fun with him— and he doesn't get everything his way. Jenny cuts him off at his knees nicely, as does Coral's waste paper basket.
Rhea means earth mother. God, she is the story's gem— maybe its true heroine — Shakespeare's — love moderate— build a relationship — love consistently and awesome bonding results. She's too perfect.
Luke's kids - Miranda asks the big relationship question and echoes all three of Ruby, Jenny and Coral's — What's a girl to do?
Michael's role is small, but Pulse makes it pivotal to Rubes story.
The twins and Phoebe — generally have lighter moments in the story. I enjoyed writing the twins' pairing as they disappeared along Ruby's old kissing haunt at the stadium.
Rubetta Eva Marre — ah Ruby! So much tattooed under her skin. Swishing through the story generating raunch. She has all the sassy lines like — Be Adam sin with Eve. A buzz to write her scenes. Yet so poignant to craft her vulnerability in her toe reveal.
Daniel and Bianca — cameos leading to 404 pages.
Coraline Ruth Pearson — the giver who nearly doesn't get what she deserves. Ruth is ironic. She doesn't follow her boy to Ballarat. Coral, the graceful sharer. I don't know if her faults were convincing. I shed tears with her when I wrote about Granville. Her freckles were a writers delight.
Her complexities are on par with Jenny's. But Ruby might be the most complex character, even as she appears a predictable winner.
To have a flowing spirit in your life like Jennifer Frances [ means free] Taylor — is life-defining. Her post-sex reflections ripple through the story. And thank god she believed in second chances. The amber-eyed, raven-haired lass, perhaps not given her full voice, is way more complicated than her genitalia. Never abominable.
If you are unfamiliar with Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater — look it up — it's Jenny encapsulated.
Patsaporn— Sui generis — utterly unique — denied her one chance. What a gentle soul. The scenes around Luke's butt desires I found hard to write. But with his decision to respect Patsaporn, his anal reticence with Ruby is fully understood. Parting Patsaporn from an indecisive Luke was gut-wrenching writing. Her death —a personal maelstrom of tears.
Luke — a selfish young prick- Judas- and Pilate— to Coral and Josh at eighteen, the shy watcher — lets down Josh, lets down Coral, leaves Patsaporn on the curb- yet participates in reuniting Josh and Coral. He saves Abby.
— Oh, so lucky to find Rhea in the universe and grow into Rhea's love - as he should -as she re-connected him to the pulse of life. Luke shows what he could and should have done for his bestie and mate at the beach when he rings Josh's doorbell for Coral.
The Giscards — in the apartment above Ruby's in Paris - writer's fun.
Lena and Leise — fantasy, holiday material. A role in hiding early story references to Patsaporn. But seriously, broader themes are at work in these two chapters- the nature of remembering sexual encounters- successful and those less so— and cultural respect - the snake temple- contrasts to Patsaporn and Luke in the Buddhist temple. And Lena and Leise ripple the theme about Luke and how he approaches girls - oh hell!
To give the story a flow, I tried to link it by words, images, locations, gestures, smell, touch, and recollection, especially at the chapter's ending.
Several chapter endings hint at the future story of Patsaporn.
—morphing into slender olive fingers tracing over the faintest of cheek scarring,
—And musing; a temple, and swirling above a hotel room, a ceiling fan. [ both Lena and Leise and Patsaporn]
—A daiquiri, a shell, a skylight, a passport photo, olives, and ravioli. Who was the girl for me? [ The daiquiri and passport photo include Patsaporn, and yes, the German Girls, and Jenny by association to the daiquiri, and the passport photos, Rhea too]
And so on…
Including the heart-rending lines ending chapter 31 —Now my memory peels my quintessential thoughts to saffron. The spice remains forever intense and nuanced. Arousing, the most bittersweet of yearnings unredeemed.
Often, links between chapters flow on images or words — Coral's butterfly hand gestures in the school play leading to Jenny's butterfly labia and then ripple later in the story — Patsaporn's unfurling hands on a bus.
And so on…
An endless array of fruits, objects, spices, colours and smells loop through the story.
Olives, Apples, Watermelon, Strawberries, Pistachio, Freckles, That gorgeous scarf, a yo-yo, a spinning top, rainbows, a carousel, artworks and books, Musk, a dildo, condoms— and unforgettable Prosciutto!
For example, Nutmeg was shared by Jenny and Luke and later by Ruby and Luke.
Scars — Luke's from the crash. Jenny's faint acne. Only Luke notices Jenny's lines. Only Patsaporn notices adult Luke's. While Luke observes his father's war scars in the garage, learning woodturning.
The text plays with words constantly. No word more so than — Porn. Its literal meaning and on re-reading — it's intended to mean also Patsaporn — being referenced by Luke— while retaining a double meaning.
—Yet, you are certain of yourself with Porn, an instant sex expert.
—My limited experiences seemed far off and unadaptable. Coral and filched sex in the boathouse. Lena and Leise, a fortunate adventure. Porn, too, offered guidance, yet I let it float flimsy through my thoughts like a tattered piece of gold leaf.
—Porn floated through my life. [ When Luke watches Carmen strip in the men's club]
And so on…
Porn in Thai means blessing - well, that was the writer's luck - Luke and Coral are blessed to be the best of friends- but wow -what a selfish mess at eighteen from the troupe!
And here Lena and Leise became the writer's wily ruse — just a girl in a hotel room— Luke's words to Jenny -the reader thinks the German pair- but the text does say girl, not girls, and Luke later references a ceiling fan rotating fast- with Lena and Leise it was slow- and endless other wordplay ruses I use— if you re-read —Porn as a character flickers more often than you may be are aware of on a first reading throughout the text before her central role in memory at the start of part four.
With re-reading, the two Thai prints are mentioned earlier in the story by Jenny- looking around Luke's bedroom.
Ah, bedrooms — Coral's, Luke's, Josh's, and Ruby's are described in detail. Even the rooms Luke and Patsaporn share. Not Jenny's bedroom — yes, it was deliberate— leaving a gap unfilled.
Also, as Luke looks around his bedroom at the story's end - there is a connection to every woman in his life.
All the lead female characters, even Lena and Leise, have art and architecture associations. Except for Patsaporn— who is given nature- the spring. Not Brittany yet- I may need to find her artwork.
For example, Coral starts as the Parthenon perfection but ends flying as the Quadracci Pavilion. Her artwork is Primavera — described by Ruby on the opening night of the school play.
My images are often created and used as hints of what will unfold- for example- in the second paragraph of the story—recollections flood back like a surge of ocean waves. [Patsaporn]
—Toes curl in a kiss- the holy grail of lovers-the flawless pash- well, it takes Coral the whole novel, but her toes curl on the jetty.
—The mind can be a well-disciplined, selfish prick.
The word daiquiri reappeared in the novel.
This time, it rolled off my tongue without meaning, like downing a straight double shot.
[ Luke reading to Jenny, Luke downs a double shot to prepare to take Porn's butt. Yes, he drinks a daiquiri with the German girls but shares one with Patsaporn, too.]
And so on… endless images in the novel are double entendre.
One theme related to Sonder may lie too deep. I hope not.
The epigraph to the novel is all those kids - referring to Hiroshima in 1945.
As he leaves Paris, Luke connects Sodom and Gomorrah to Hiroshima. Friendship left forever a moment away from starting — eternally. Luke, aged six, meets Coral for the first time on a Monday morning in August at about 8.15 am. [ Hiroshima bomb time] The sun shines as an atomic halo behind Coral's golden hair- the what if- Luke and Coral get to live rich, complex lives- whilst Sonder reflects on those who didn't- Luke in the Paris subway- the synagogue bombing- The Asaba massacre in the boathouse — Childhood games of bang bang your dead, get up when you count to one hundred versus the Vietnam and Iran-Iraq wars. The Darwin Cyclone. Granville and Coral — Michael and Pulse — Patsaporn and the Boxing Day Tsunami. And Schiele and his pregnant wife died young of Influenza. Rhea's dad died when she was a child.
I can only suggest that embarking on a re-read enhances the story's nuances— re-read the first two chapters— the whole story is told there- the outline will jump out.
Rhea, Gold Leaf, Toes, Porn, Curbs, Tattoos, Jenny, Our sexual signatures, Goldilocks, Puppy Boy, Rubes, Sonder etc.
Re-read the story one day— its denseness expands and ripples constantly as it mirrors human thinking in memory— intentional and spontaneous— plus unexpected recall and the tangent associations.
For example — Jenny's word- bugger echoes and ripples through the story.
Ruby and toes- Toes, Coral, I'm out of here, the horse kick reaction to Luke in Paris, her flipping Luke's chin when dancing, Rubes' discomfort holding Coral's toes before the water pistol fight, etc. Ruby's endless shoe scuffing.
Though it is not all toe negative- Luke thinking of Patsaporn at the Spring.
Then, while my eyes flowed with grief, my toes moved out in gentle lapping circles to the rhythm of her name.
Nice — an underrated word. It can be trite, but equally, it expresses a lot. Mmm, that's nice- in bed.
Rubes — Coral's in-name for Ruby, off limits to Luke as a teenager. The girl we want to know.
Thank you — said or left unsaid.
The whole theme of sexual signatures as our bona fide life gift is built around Klimt's sketch of himself as genitalia. Coral gives her insights late in the story.
Gifts - a huge rippling novel theme in itself. What is given, by whom, why and when and how it is received.
The gifts that are not physical are the pivotal ones.
Fingernails —gifting pleasure by Patsaporn, Luke rejects Ruby's nipple play in Paris, Ruby's fingernail manicure ruse before Luna park, Luke and fingernail biting.
And music — Classical- The Trout, Pop-The Rubettes — Sugar Baby Love, Beach Boys- Then I Kissed Her.
Copyright in an unpublished text stopped me from adding lines at the tennis match and in Josh's garage store.
And Ruby Tuesday - The Stones
But in a self-review, I can give a snippet of Sugar Baby Love
All lovers make
Make the same mistakes
Yes they do
Yes, all lovers make
Make the same mistakes
As me and you
Coral's humming of the lyrics references herself and Josh, herself and Luke, and references Luke's and Jenny's lack of deeper communicated thinking to each other.
And poetry —you shall above all things be glad and young by e e cummings - copyright stopped me using the whole poem at the spring with Coral's fairy wings and Coral's wedding- but in a review, I can quote some here:
you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you're young,whatever life you wear
it will become you;and if you are glad
whatever's living will yourself become.
Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:
i can entirely her only love
whose any mystery makes every man's
flesh put space on; and his mind take off time
There is a lot in this poem that relates to human sexuality and maturity in life. Luke is a better person when in touch with both his male and feminine sides after leaving Patsaporn.
As is a mature Josh after losing Coral.
The poem hints at the vulnerable, desirable mysteries of Jenny Taylor — their time together — when Luke's mind took off time. Luke recalls the poem in bed with Jenny.
Once Jenny is gone- and then Ruby- his mind takes on time with lost love. Until Rhea reattaches him to life, lived day to day.
And art — I describe the artwork, but I would have liked to include images in the story. Pollock's Lavender Mist, Klimt's three masterpieces, Anticipation, The Kiss, and Fulfilment.
And no more so than Marin's Sunset — chapter 34 — when Luke dances with Ruby after the Regatta sabot race — this artwork was considered for the cover.
—I thought of his watercolour titled Sunset. No dusk ever looked like Marin's, even post Sodom and Gomorrah. Five circles compose his sun. There is unpolished ruby red at the centre. Around this, a softer watermelon hue. Jade green, moving wider in the image, is surrounded by a delicate, thin charcoal line. Finally, the outer expanded orb is a frame within the frame of the work.
Here are all the key women in Luke's life in an image.
Ruby red at the centre- think Ruby and Patsaporn. Then next, the watermelon hue, again Ruby's scarf, Patsaporn and the fruit, and also Jenny's bikini. Jade Green- worn by Patsaporn and Coral. Green in various hues is associated with Coral, especially her eyes.The charcoal line — Jenny's eyebrows. The Frame within the frame is Rhea, in particular. But also Coral stepping out of a frame and Jenny disappearing into a picture-framed horizon.
And books — two are pivotal. E M Forster's Howards End — in the boathouse waiting for Coral and at Luke's bedside at the end of the story- again, I couldn't quote it in the story, but I can in a self-review.
The section underlined by Sandy.
Only connect! … Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect,
It takes the entire story for Luke to join and accept the fragments of everyone's essence as a whole community in his mind as he makes love to Rhea at the end of the story under her finished patchwork quilt.
And Proust — In Search of Lost Time— the book Luke reads after sealed lips.
Jenny is his actual Albertine parallel.
The famous line — "Mademoiselle Albertine has gone!"
This leads to Proust writing tens of thousands of words on passion, loss, jealousy, longing and memory.
My homage — the opening line of my novel— For a long time, I used to wake up early.
Proust's three volumes — over 4000 pages, the longest and regarded the best book of the twentieth century — commences — "For a long time I used to go to bed early."
Pappus and Sonder ripples words like gone, looking back or not looking back — like Lot's Wife as referenced in Vonnegut's Slaughter House 5.
The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis — Contrition- the act of showing you are sorry- oh boy, that became a forty-year journey for our troupe!
The Bible — a trove for all writers. Corinthians is beautiful.
Ruby Eva — Eve means life, as well as her temptress role.
Rubetta has fuller, more passionate name connotations.
Luke Peter- Easter Sunday, Peter denies Jesus - Luke thinks he will never deny a friend —he does — both Coral and Josh.
Patsaporn Kamon- Kamon means from the heart.
And so on…
Not every name has additional meanings in the story.
Because the story was first person narrated - it presented challenges on how to include material- Luke basically has to be in every scene - I think only once -do Josh and Coral report on the science excursion he missed with illness. Where Ruby flings Coral's bathers out of the bus.
He has to see things or overhear them, like Ruby and Coral at the Spring, and when his mum uses the word Agnostic to his sister.
Though equally, it allows others — Ruby and Coral to tell their stories of meeting Jenny. Coral unfolds Granville. Josh, the hot details with Brit.
Though, as a watcher, I think Luke often appears like he is looking at or into a scene. He participates at the frame edge of events that even involve himself.
The original draft was written more like a tell-all sex diary- yes, it was continual steam, but it lacked character depth and what became the constant ripples.
Two rewrites with editing enhanced the story.
Nikki confronted a whirlpool of ideas, run-on material, and endless coarse language but found a few gems and liked the ripples of Ruby's scarf. From this one ripple, all the rest developed.
Jennifer helped me lift the dialogue, to include more of it, and improve scene clarity within chapters and the linking flow of the story.
To both, I am thankful.
Initially, the novel was titled Our Lives as Genitalia — a play on Jenny's name -Jenny Taylor/Genitalia.
I think the mature title, Pappus and Sonder, is more intriguing and poignant.
As you read Luke's final memory stream that never sleeps, the whole novel holds as one spreading thought at its conclusion with how Luke and Coral met at age six. Everything that happened at school, college and their mature lives is given clarity framed by the events that commenced a continual enduring friendship.
Agree or disagree!
Leave a comment.
I never set out to create an easy read. An intriguing, engaging one, yes.
And to use the power of memories weave — hoping you — begin to mull your own connecting ripples in life.
#Material that Luke couldn't have known:
Is presented as a series of bonus short stories.
These short stories emerged as I wrote the main narrative.
These stories are explicit R18+ compared to the novel, which attempted a lush, not prurient approach in the context of sexual smush and romance, especially in married life.
Also, they present material that may be inconsistent with the novel in its current form.
They are included as insights into the writing process and what gets left aside or can't be told by a first-person narrator.
Bonus stories:
Ruby and Coral: The Boathouse
Ruby and Coral: Riding
Ruby and Coral: Sunflowers
Coral and Simon: Il Piacere
—There may be something in the story Pappus and Sonder that you feel is underdone- I'm open to suggestions to improve chapters continually.
Coral's wedding perhaps deserves a chapter. It could counterpoise the surf club wedding.
I'm also interested in story threads I may improve or even missed that you may have noticed.
Current 404s that can skein through the story, like Rhea's patchwork quilt. [ Yet to be developed by the author.]