There is a funny thing about us youths, sinning away in the dark as it slowly fills our hearts with a void.
In the eyes of my blood, stood before her was her daughter who she assumed was made of deception and lies. She was a heedless youth who was sixteen messing around and then buried her remorse with distortions.
"How could yuh be so fatuous?" Grandmother cried holding onto her chest, "I cyah live knowing my daughter could do such a thing!" Today was the day I was just born and if I only knew this world was not as it seemed, I would have crawled back into my mother's womb as it was much safer in there.
My mother just sat back on the settee and yawned loudly. How could she have been so blithe, nonchalantly reclining on the settee, in the midst of such a serious situation?
"Relax...I could put that kid up for adoption or something I don't need that little brat." Mother replied sardonically, and with that, my grandmother's eyes almost popped out of her eye socket. This world is new to me but I could tell that grandmother was not agreeing with a word mother spoke.
She posed no threat to my mother however as she was growing older all she looked like was a somnolent middle-aged woman. Grandmother trudged over to me and placed me into her arms. As a newborn, I cooed, thinking they were having a good time.
Mother's face darkened when she heard me. It was as if I triggered something in her, but back then if I had known, perhaps I could have run away; I would have ran away."Yuh lil so called boyfriend gone with another woman!" Grandmother scuffs and strolled into her bedroom to put me to rest.
Mother came bashing into the room, "Mum, adoption is a thing." she growled. Things were getting worse so grandmother pointed at the door. Mother was about to open her mouth to speak but immediately hushed when she realized that grandmother was being serious.
Grandmother sighed, "Evelyn, so yuh saying that my grandchild should never see me again because of you?." Mother glanced back at grandmother with teary eyes which immediately faded away as she exited grandmother's home.
Grandmother smiled sheepishly as I tugged up safely in her bedsheets, "I always wanted a grandchild," Grandmother sighed, "I'll call you...Amara."
As years passed by, I admired my grandmother's self-image although many others were flabbergasted by the fact Ms. Hernandez, my grandmother, was a maid. Someone must have thrown a dagger right through my heart, salty liquid streamed down my face and it was beginning to become rather challenging to breathe.
There was a day she could not rely on me staying home alone so she pleaded with her boss if she could have me help out around her mansion.
Whenever I entered that lady's mansion, thunderous clouds whirled around my head. "Hernandez! Hurry up you old crook!" Her boss would yell while patting me on my head as if I was some sort of creature. That woman is going to get what she deserves but now was not the right place or time.
Grandmother would be rather upset if she realized her grandchild was the reason for the loss of her job and we could not rely on my mother who wanted to get rid of me and my father who was with a woman who is not my mother. If I ever showed up at any of their doorstep they would surely belittle me.
Oh, how I wish I could rewind and spend time with my mother and father whose faces all seemed to be a blur. Everything is so unsettled. Why is this happening? Have I done something to offend someone on the day of birth? How I long for my mother to just acknowledge reality and make up for all her wrongdoings. This is what makes me soulless! As if sensing my distress, Grandma brushed her dress and calmly said, "My dear, let's return home and prepare you dinner."
In her eyes, I noticed a look of sorrow begging to be released but she was the type of person to conceal than to reveal. On the way home, a question burned into my cranium although there was a possibility grandmother may not answer I persisted in asking.
"Grandma? How could you work for someone so disgusting and crude?" I nagged. She changed the subject by replying with, "Amara, there are many more things in life to fret about," she grinned ear to ear, "Besides, this was the first day we got to spend time together at my work."
I hope someone and somewhere could flip our life upside down. It is a shame some people live a luxury while those who truly need it are treated like peasants.
From this day forward, I declared if anyone decides to psychologically torment my grandmother there is going to be a tremendous issue.