"Tsunade..." Sarutobi sighs, sounding old and tired. Well, if he was too old and tired to act like an actually shinobi, let alone a Hokage, then he should resign. "Just do as you're told."
She scoffs.
"Disappointing." She snarls once again, storming out of the office and paying no heed to how the door shattered into pieces on impact when she slammed it behind her.
-The next day-
Tsunade cloaks her presence surreptitiously as she walks through the Academy halls. She casually sends a whisper of chakra to her ears, honing her senses until she could hear...
"-suke-kun is mine!"
"You won't be able to heal his heart like I do-"
"Get away from him!"
"Sasuke-kun is mine!"
Annddd, she already hated that class. The noise gets progressively louder as she nears the door.
"Sasuke-kun will be my husband one day-"
"Like Sasuke-kun would want to have babies with you!"
"What are you talking about? We would have beautiful Sharingan babies!"
Tsunade opens the sliding door, presence still cloaked but if someone pays attention, they would notice. She stands by the lectern, eyeing and picking at the atrociously light-beige-green painted wood. Tsunade tries to zone out on the fangirls' screeching but she felt her control nearly waver in anger with every passing sentence. She waits and waits and waits.
Of course, no one notices.
"Disappointing." She says again, uncloaking her chakra and she can feel every student freeze at the sudden presence. Tsunade holds back a groan of despair because- even though the extent she had hidden her presence was very advanced, as long as if someone actually used their eyes, they would notice. Some were even facing her, though staring off into space.
A platinum blonde haired girl opens her mouth in indignation.
"Who do you think you are?" The Yamanaka- though she hates using the term with such an undistinguished brat- continues false saccharinely. "If you're lost, I'll tell you where you are. This is the Academy for shinobi. You know who they are right?"
Tsunade finally relents to sighing, and if she did it extra loudly, then she wouldn't deny to it.
"Excuse me?" The girl yells, flinging her blonde fringe away from her face. The blonde let out a little smirk at the shouts of agreements. "Did you just sigh at me? Do you know who I am? I am-"
"The heiress of the Yamanaka clan." Tsunade looks up from where she was commiserating with the lectern and she doesn't even relish in the stunned silence at the familiar appearance of her face. The famed Sannin's profiles were probably handed out like candies in Academy. It was ludicrous how they could aspire to be like her while... screaming over a traumatised boy.
"I say again." She bites out harshly. "Disappointing."
The girl flinches and this time, no one shouts in defence of her. It might seem mean of Tsunade but she was just dishing out the facts. If they couldn't take the truth, how could they be reliable shinobi?
"When are you graduating?"
There are half-hearted murmurs of 'next week', 'next year' and 'this week' and she felt her patience drawing a thin line. She exhales loudly and for some reason, it came out like a growl.
"Do you know why I'm here." It wasn't a question. Certain that they couldn't answer that, Tsunade forged on. "Can anyone guess why I'm here?"
"U-um, to talk to us about the life of shinobi?" The pink haired one raises an arm hesitantly before clasping her hands in front of her chest, tilting her head in a purposeful way that was probably a pathetic attempt to look cute.
"Clasping your hands is the act of a suicidal idiot. Exposure to the carotid artery and the jugular vein, one kunai for others, one finger for me- easy kill." She intones in a dull voice, not even blinking as she jolts out of her posture.
"Wha- what?"
"Don't tell me you didn't learn that the neck was vulnerable to fatal attacks in Academy? You know, to become a shinobi, you first need to learn what could kill you. And I can name more than dozen things in the classroom that can." Tsunade hushes slowly in a superficially sweet tone before her voice lowered again, a strict meanness dosing her words like poison. "Myself being the first on the list. You're off to get killed, honey."
"W- well, if you aren't here to teach us about shinobi-"
"Do you think I would come here to give you a lesson on shinobi?" Tsunade felt offended. "I would think the top 'kunoichi' of the class would know better than that. You really think any shinobi above the calibre of a B-Rank would give kids a lecture?"
At the tense silence, Tsunade stared at each student, eyeing them like one would weigh a bag of flour- testing their strength, their potential, their guts.
The only redeeming fact about the decision to meet the students in person was the notion that they'd probably be too scared or annoyed to want to be her student.
"...You were observing us. Talking to the Senseis." The Uchiha boy suggested quietly. "Sannin would have no reason to do anything under an A or S-Rank mission and visiting the Academy would mean that you were... looking for people with potential to take on as a student?"
By the shocked stares of some boys, he was no doubt acting out of character, perhaps he was less haughty than usual. No one would dare to be self-confident in front of a Legend after all.
"Correct," She gifts him a small tilt of a lip. Not a smile- but for the first time, not a look of disdain. "I'm glad that someone actually uses their brain here."
"I will not!" Tsunade had slammed her hand onto the table.
"Preposterous." Homura had snapped. "Who do you think you are?"
"A Legendary Sannin." She had countered just as meanly. "You should be glad that I hadn't turned Nuke. You couldn't handle Orochimaru, who do you think you are?" Tsunade had thrown back.
"Handling you would be easy," Homura had growled. "As long as you have the Kato by your sid-"
"Homura!" Sarutobi had cut in as killing intent flooded room, radiating with pure bloodthirst as Tsunade had glared at the man. "You will not threaten Tsunade or Shizune. The audacity to speak as so to my student!"
"Tsunade," Koharu had cautiously approached. "We will provide you with triple the income for each of you, your ward and your disciple. You will have enough ryo to live luxuriously on the account that you do not gamble. Take on an apprentice, pass down the Slug contract-"
"Then I want no hand in helping the hospital. Apprenticeship in lieu of running a building."
"...Fine. Don't make this more difficult for the both of us."
"I was recommended to take on one of three students in this class, though right now, I'm greatly regretting my decision." Tsunade's eyes dart from person to person- the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, the Inuzuka, Aburame, Hyuuga, Uchiha... so many clan heirs and all of them- Utterly. Useless.
Zero guts. Zero passion. There was no way for her to evaluate their true potential if they didn't have the determination, the battle or the Will of Fire.
After the Uchiha Massacre, she didn't doubt that countless civilian parents withdrew their children- finally understanding what the life of a soldier was like. She had expected mature clan heirs and persevering shinobi-to-be civilians with bright goals... but instead she got...
She had thought that at least the Haruno girl was promising- zero capacity yet a hundred control, disadvantageous circumstances yet the knowledge that placed her high, civil born yet named top kunoichi- but it took a single glance at her and the class to dismiss that thought. Clearly the standards had gone down.
"Sarutobi-" A few heads jerked at the informal title. She normally called him 'Sensei' but as soon as she read the letter, that moniker had long since been trampled on, "-told me that you had potential."
She sees the self-absorbed arrogance well up in quite a few people. "He had probably said that to convince me to take on an apprentice. I can now see that it was a lie."
The ballooned egos popped in their faces.
"Yamanaka-" The blonde snaps to attention, "Haruno," the pinkette tilts her head again and blinks prettily, "And Hyuuga." The heiress yelps quietly before turning a bright shade of red. "You three were supposedly good at chakra control. Promising candidates for apprenticeship."
The three had different expressions on their faces: the Yamanka- poorly hidden pride, the Haruno- disgustingly fake bashfulness and the Hyuuga- who was shaking her head aggressively and hunching her shoulders.
"Obviously, I am not taking any of you three as apprentices." She presses her lips together in a fake grim smile. "The Yamanka heiress? Fawning over an Uchiha? Talking about how 'mysterious and cool' he is because of his circumstances? Pray tell, are you even considering your own name?"
Tsunade leans in with a facsimile expression of curiosity before she swings to look at the pink haired girl. "And you, Haruno. Highest grading kunoichi? How did you manage to do that? With that repulsive farce of a sweet girl you are trying to pull?"
"I- I'm n-"
"I could bet my wallet that you wanted to become 'best' solely so that you could have the Uchiha's attention."
At the sudden violent flush on her face and the not-at-all subtle glances to the Uchiha, Tsunade sneers.
Taking one look at the Hyuuga girl who looked like she was about to curl into her intestines, she relented at giving her a jab. The heiress clearly had her psychological issues to deal with- as unfitting of a heir as it would be.
Taking another sweep of the room, Shikaku's mini-me looking disturbingly attentive, Chouza's son- eating chips (she gave a mirthful, good-natured scoff at that, gaining many surprised looks), the Aburame looked unreadable as usual and the Inuzuka was scarily contemplative. The Uchiha looked somewhat approving, vindicated and satisfied- the reprimands of their current Academy Sensei had probably never driven home in the fangirls' minds. Poor boy, having to deal with half a class of squealing girls.
Seeing the deer in the headlights look from the Hyuuga, the mortified and ashamed look from the Yamanaka and the confused and frustrated look from the Haruno, Tsunade gave a sigh. She might've been too hard- after all, she had to take an apprentice in the end. If the next class was just as bad...
Tsunade opens her mouth to start talking again when the window slammed open and a bright orange blur darted behind Tsunade. Feeling no malicious intent, she let him, feeling slightly curious.