"….You're…leaving?" Her hands pulled out from under his arms, trembling from the cold shiver of the space he'd laid between them with those few words. Leaving? Emris couldn't imagine a word any crueler; she'd never been abandoned, and yet the thought of someone she cared about walking out on her terrified her to death; it made her believe that it was just part of her lonely nature that sprouted from her constant loneliness of the past.
Not a single person befriended her in the past. That was all thanks to her brother and sister, who tricked the students into their falsified rumor about Emris being a woman consumed by jealousy of her family. No one approached her; she never received an invitation of friendship, and not even a single kind glance was spared for her; she was completely and utterly all alone.
The scent of garbage mixed with her wounds heavily lingered as remnants of what she'd had to endure in the past. The laughter as the garbage from the tilted trash can landed on her head constantly dawned on her as a piece of the curse she believed she had, a curse which made no one able to love her.
Conan was a friend she hoped she would make of her own accord, but…
"What's with the face? You're acting stupid all of a sudden. Eventually, I would have to visit my home, so it shouldn't come as a surprise. What's the matter with you, Lady Fallow?" Conan's cold words pierced her aching heart, blackening it with a throbbing pain of indirect betrayal. His eyes were black without a presence of waver when Emris hung her head low, and the cords of her voice palpitated with a higher and choked pitch.
"… You're right. I'm sorry; my stupidity got the best of me. Anyway, how long will you be gone." A gust of wind blew from the well-conditioned room as her head came upright with a shining smile, as opposed to the numbness of her dimmed eyes. The leftover petals used in his bath floated gracefully across her lit face from the shine of the mounted lanterns.
Ignoring the subtle signs, Conan turned his eyes away from the face he found ridiculous and scoffed, "A week, maybe longer, but I don't depart for at least a month."
"I see…" Had Emris not turned away and kept her back toward him, the clench of her nails would have torn the dress to shreds. "I shall take my leave then, considering my father needed me. Congratulations, I am sincerely happy for you, Conan; please enjoy my gift."
No later than a second, the tears from her held-back ducts began to spill out before she could leave his space. Her head and heart began to throb and pound in pain, which caused her fear of a heart attack from the way it pounded irregularly.
'Stop crying! It's all your fault. Don't expect anything. Don't get your hopes up when you already know the outcome. It's okay…It doesn't hurt at all. It's okay, so stop crying.' The streaks of her tears wiped away with her sleeve as she quickly sped away from Conan, not knowing that his long, outstretched, soft hand reached out for her hesitantly.
Once out of the room, she sped down the hall with her lips bitten by her teeth until she reached her office in the desolate hall, which became gloomy with the rain pouring down the large windows.
Her office door slammed shut, with no one nearby to hear its loud thud. Again, shrouded in loneliness, Emris let a few tears vent out from her weak state. They dripped down to the marble floor, not touching her cheeks, and her head drooped at an angle.
Regret and sadness swelled in her throat, as did the regret of not wanting Conan to leave despite having every right to do so. The sadness was that the person she wanted to get close to was going to disappear for a while.
She suppressed deep down the festering emotions, thinking them to be the selfish desire within her, hating herself for their existence. Her tears sucked back in, and her thoughts crushed to the back where they'd be locked in behind a wall; she took a deep breath and mustered a sweet, profoundly curved smile.
"If Conan misses his home so much, I'll do my best to be supportive. I have to work twice as hard so that Conan doesn't worry while away on his trip; that's the least I can do to help him." Emris moved on and focused more on the idea of being of assistance to someone she found to be important to her.
***
Her mountains and piles of collected research and relevant articles filled her office to the brim as she worked with fiery efficiency, not sparing her focus on a single distraction. Thanks to the Duke's help, she acquired helpful information regarding the Empire's trends and needs for improvement.
Hours passed, and lunchtime came by. Her father, who waited for her, ate alone as she did not show up or step out of her office at all today. Emris was hard at work, worrying about her father and the staff who cared for her.
"Magical engineering seems to be quite popular and on the increase in funding for its valuable contribution to the Empire's development. It looks like even the highest status of aristocrats have invested in the magic towers magicians as well as the temple to provide impeccable results. "
Emris rubbed her chin and curled her full lips upward, "Hmm, maybe I can use this as the focus for the basis of my product."
'Knock, Knock,'
"Come in." The white wooded door swished open with the familiar set of heavy footsteps stepping slowly on the marble.
"What are you up to, Lady Fallow?" Conan's deep voice of mystery spoke with a high ring echoing within the office walls.
Emris' mouth gaped open widely; a bomb dropped in her heart while the cold shivers of panic sent her body to a below-freezing temperature. "Conan!?" She arose from her seat in a jolt and yanked Conan while Slamming the door closed behind them.
"What are you doing in human form!? What if you'd gotten caught by the maids or guards?! You're being highly reckless, do you realize that!" Unaware, her hand still clutched Conan like an anchor hooked to a rock. Her eyes shifted from the different points of his face, but her gaze remained with a look of worry held out for others.
"Haaa….relax, no one's out there at the moment. There's no need to cause such a fuss over something trivial. Besides, since when did I need you're concern?" Harshly, he pushed her concern for him away in a defensive way that refused to allow him to look her in the eyes.
"Still, you must admit you acted without hastily. Have a seat first so we can discuss what your reason is for coming to see me." A bitter taste outlined her lips, but her worry was still not shut down. Instead, it showed in a way that did not overstep the obvious boundary Conan had set between them.
Conan took a seat on her nice, cushy sofa that hugged his body; he folded his arms and leaned back. "The reason for my visit is because I wanted to ask if you'd accompany me into town to eat at a restaurant I've had my eye on for a while."
Silence enveloped the room as Conan patiently waited to respond, with no punchline, with no trick but a wholehearted question directed toward Emris, an invitation from him that she craved to receive. Emris reached out, wanting to grasp the rope he'd thrown to her immediately, anxious that it would disappear before she could even react.
"I—"
"Hold it," Conan pushed his hand in front of her face directly the place between her eyes, across the coffee table to the other couch she was sitting upon, "before you try to reject my ask, I'd like to rephrase it into a form, not in a question but an order. You will come with me into town, so don't dare to say no."
Ordering her around, Emris didn't find it annoying or infuriating but ignored it, blinded by the invitation she had always yearned for.
'Conan invited me to have lunch with him…' Emris' heart fluttered, the feeling of warmth melting away the tension she felt within her mind. 'I never imagined he'd let me eat with him so soon. I'm grateful to have Conan; if it weren't for him, I would go crazy having to act around every person I come across. That would be tiring…'
"It's a miracle you haven't developed a fever yet with that weak body of yours," Conan laid his hand across her forehead, pressing her puffy, voluminous bangs against her skin to feel her temperature.
Emris smiled and held onto the moment, though it only lasted those few short seconds. "Yes, it is lucky. Let's go grab a meal, then. That way, I can add a little strength to my weak constitution."
When everything became tiring from the acting, Emris held onto the one person who knew she was a fake, the one person whom she wanted to stay by her side with lest she go crazy from everything.
(no subject)InboxJul 29meBeowulf Assignment 6 Questions Question 1 Beowulf's Ascension to the Throne: Becoming King of the Geats Beowulf's journey to becoming the king of the Geats is a gradual and complex process,Story Materialkimberly villalpandoto me
10 days agoDetails"….You're…leaving?" Her hands pulled out from under his arms, trembling from the cold shiver of the space he'd laid between them with those few words. Leaving? Emris couldn't imagine a word any crueler; she'd never been abandoned, and yet the thought of someone she cared about walking out on her terrified her to death; it made her believe that it was just part of her lonely nature that sprouted from her constant loneliness of the past.
Not a single person befriended her in the past. That was all thanks to her brother and sister, who tricked the students into their falsified rumor about Emris being a woman consumed by jealousy of her family. No one approached her; she never received an invitation of friendship, and not even a single kind glance was spared for her; she was completely and utterly all alone.
The scent of garbage mixed with her wounds heavily lingered as remnants of what she'd had to endure in the past. The laughter as the garbage from the tilted trash can landed on her head constantly dawned on her as a piece of the curse she believed she had, a curse which made no one able to love her.
Conan was a friend she hoped she would make of her own accord, but…
"What's with the face? You're acting stupid all of a sudden. Eventually, I would have to visit my home, so it shouldn't come as a surprise. What's the matter with you, Lady Fallow?" Conan's cold words pierced her aching heart, blackening it with a throbbing pain of indirect betrayal. His eyes were black without a presence of waver when Emris hung her head low, and the cords of her voice palpitated with a higher and choked pitch.
"… You're right. I'm sorry; my stupidity got the best of me. Anyway, how long will you be gone." A gust of wind blew from the well-conditioned room as her head came upright with a shining smile, as opposed to the numbness of her dimmed eyes. The leftover petals used in his bath floated gracefully across her lit face from the shine of the mounted lanterns.
Ignoring the subtle signs, Conan turned his eyes away from the face he found ridiculous and scoffed, "A week, maybe longer, but I don't depart for at least a month."
"I see…" Had Emris not turned away and kept her back toward him, the clench of her nails would have torn the dress to shreds. "I shall take my leave then, considering my father needed me. Congratulations, I am sincerely happy for you, Conan; please enjoy my gift."
No later than a second, the tears from her held-back ducts began to spill out before she could leave his space. Her head and heart began to throb and pound in pain, which caused her fear of a heart attack from the way it pounded irregularly.
'Stop crying! It's all your fault. Don't expect anything. Don't get your hopes up when you already know the outcome. It's okay…It doesn't hurt at all. It's okay, so stop crying.' The streaks of her tears wiped away with her sleeve as she quickly sped away from Conan, not knowing that his long, outstretched, soft hand reached out for her hesitantly.
Once out of the room, she sped down the hall with her lips bitten by her teeth until she reached her office in the desolate hall, which became gloomy with the rain pouring down the large windows.
Her office door slammed shut, with no one nearby to hear its loud thud. Again, shrouded in loneliness, Emris let a few tears vent out from her weak state. They dripped down to the marble floor, not touching her cheeks, and her head drooped at an angle.
Regret and sadness swelled in her throat, as did the regret of not wanting Conan to leave despite having every right to do so. The sadness was that the person she wanted to get close to was going to disappear for a while.
She suppressed deep down the festering emotions, thinking them to be the selfish desire within her, hating herself for their existence. Her tears sucked back in, and her thoughts crushed to the back where they'd be locked in behind a wall; she took a deep breath and mustered a sweet, profoundly curved smile.
"If Conan misses his home so much, I'll do my best to be supportive. I have to work twice as hard so that Conan doesn't worry while away on his trip; that's the least I can do to help him." Emris moved on and focused more on the idea of being of assistance to someone she found to be important to her.
***
Her mountains and piles of collected research and relevant articles filled her office to the brim as she worked with fiery efficiency, not sparing her focus on a single distraction. Thanks to the Duke's help, she acquired helpful information regarding the Empire's trends and needs for improvement.
Hours passed, and lunchtime came by. Her father, who waited for her, ate alone as she did not show up or step out of her office at all today. Emris was hard at work, worrying about her father and the staff who cared for her.
"Magical engineering seems to be quite popular and on the increase in funding for its valuable contribution to the Empire's development. It looks like even the highest status of aristocrats have invested in the magic towers magicians as well as the temple to provide impeccable results. "
Emris rubbed her chin and curled her full lips upward, "Hmm, maybe I can use this as the focus for the basis of my product."
'Knock, Knock,'
"Come in." The white wooded door swished open with the familiar set of heavy footsteps stepping slowly on the marble.
"What are you up to, Lady Fallow?" Conan's deep voice of mystery spoke with a high ring echoing within the office walls.
Emris' mouth gaped open widely; a bomb dropped in her heart while the cold shivers of panic sent her body to a below-freezing temperature. "Conan!?" She arose from her seat in a jolt and yanked Conan while Slamming the door closed behind them.
"What are you doing in human form!? What if you'd gotten caught by the maids or guards?! You're being highly reckless, do you realize that!" Unaware, her hand still clutched Conan like an anchor hooked to a rock. Her eyes shifted from the different points of his face, but her gaze remained with a look of worry held out for others.
"Haaa….relax, no one's out there at the moment. There's no need to cause such a fuss over something trivial. Besides, since when did I need you're concern?" Harshly, he pushed her concern for him away in a defensive way that refused to allow him to look her in the eyes.
"Still, you must admit you acted hastily. Have a seat first so we can discuss what your reason is for coming to see me." A bitter taste outlined her lips, but her worry was still not shut down. Instead, it showed in a way that did not overstep the obvious boundary Conan had set between them.
Conan took a seat on her nice, cushy sofa that hugged his body; he folded his arms and leaned back. "The reason for my visit is because I wanted to ask if you'd accompany me into town to eat at a restaurant I've had my eye on for a while."
Silence enveloped the room as Conan patiently waited to respond, with no punchline, with no trick but a wholehearted question directed toward Emris, an invitation from him that she craved to receive. Emris reached out, wanting to grasp the rope he'd thrown to her immediately, anxious that it would disappear before she could even react.
"I—"
"Hold it," Conan pushed his hand in front of her face directly the place between her eyes, across the coffee table to the other couch she was sitting upon, "before you try to reject my ask, I'd like to rephrase it into a form, not in a question but an order. You will come with me into town, so don't dare to say no."
Ordering her around, Emris didn't find it annoying or infuriating but ignored it, blinded by the invitation she had always yearned for.
'Conan invited me to have lunch with him…' Emris' heart fluttered, the feeling of warmth melting away the tension she felt within her mind. 'I never imagined he'd let me eat with him so soon. I'm grateful to have Conan; if it weren't for him, I would go crazy having to act around every person I come across. That would be tiring…'
"It's a miracle you haven't developed a fever yet with that weak body of yours," Conan laid his hand across her forehead, pressing her puffy, voluminous bangs against her skin to feel her temperature.
Emris smiled and held onto the moment, though it only lasted those few short seconds. "Yes, it is lucky. Let's go grab a meal, then. That way, I can add a little strength to my weak constitution."
When everything became tiring from the acting, Emris held onto the one person who knew she was a fake, the one person whom she wanted to stay by her side with lest she go crazy from everything.
***
Flowers hung down in twirled vines from the stained glass roof, allowing the sun to shine in a prism of color. The restaurant itself was sweet in decor, with things resembling nature and purity. The tables were spread a couple of feet apart and covered with a red tablecloth that stood out most deeply in the light color of the room.
Emris' mouth was slightly gaped while looking at the chiseled ceiling, reminding her of Moon Hollow's nickname as the 'Rose Tinted City.' The windows of colored crystallized glass light aglow the text of the menu. Emris and Conan both looked over.
A cold sweat broke unto Emris' milky skin, discoloring it to a pale corpse-looking color. Her thin legs shifted around underneath her dress as she lightly pinched the skin of her lips with her teeth. The paper menu began to crumple and crease in the tightened clench of her tense fingernails.
'…As expected, the menu is full of only pictures of their most fatty foods on the front page. Those fatty, strong-smelling foods taste like garbage! They're garbage; they only mess up your body and destroy everything!' As if Emris would tear away the flesh from her bones, she pinched her arm with the tip of her nails, embedding the skin cells underneath her nails. She gasped for breath, her eyes turning the darkest black of an emotionless void, along with her dooming frown.
"Have you decided yet? You're staring at the menu as if there's so many options to choose from." Conan flicked the menu onto the table, and it puffed a sound like air coming to a deflation. Leaning back in his chair with crossed arms and legs, analyzing the long pause, attempting to predict their facial expression from behind her held-up menu.
"….Yes!" Emris's rabbit-like smile and star-filled eyes bounced off Conan's gray, smug, nonchalant expression. "I want a salad with croutons! Croutons are so good, so I'll share some with you, okay, Conan?"
"No, you're going to eat up every last bit of your salad. Besides, I'm not the kind of person who eats purely collared greens. I prefer meat, especially steak." Adamantly, he leaned forward and firmly spoke with a demanding military tone that startled Emris, who had yet to fathom his response. "You understand, correct?" His finger tapped against the center of her hard skull on her exposed forehead as she flinched, her eyes closed while he pulled back and tapped each time.
"I understand; enjoy your steak, Conan. I'm sure it'll be delicious!" Emris' low pigtails hung to the side while she swung her head to the right and smiled. "Oh! That's right!" Emris jumped forward, grabbing Conan's outstretched palm, surprising him, and invoking goosebumps on his skin.
"Would you like to know the details of the project I'm working on?" Stars pulling towards the idea of success flashed in the pupils of her big eyes. Conan realized that saying no was not an option once he met those determined eyes thriving in life.
"Go ahead." Conan backed away, leaning in his chair, and waved his hand swiftly, signaling that he was listening to Emris' words.
"Well, I've decided that in order to breach the black market and get close to the nobles and businessmen of society, we need to generate a massive amount of wealth to catch their eyes. To do this, I've begun researching the field of magical transportation; apparently, it's the most invested point of interest, so with my inventing skills, I'm going to try and develop the technology for a magic portal to shorten the length of trips here in Riphulon." Emris scooted the chair forward and put her balled fist up to her chin as her elbows supported her head from the table.
Conan didn't feel the solidifying faith Emris had in her plan; he questioned its holes and still found her to be someone who was naive and needed to be protected, like a lamb from a wolf. "If I may be frank, some things don't make sense." Conan unfolded his arms and leaned forward, putting his pointer finger up. "First, the Black Market is known for its small circles; only those within the enclosed social circle of those men can enter as they are frightened of the Emperor. Second, as I said before, it's a social circle of men; how do you expect to breach it as a woman? Sure, you'll catch their attention, but for all the wrong reasons. Lastly, those men won't be captured by magical transportation. As you said before, they only have an interest in the accumulation of enchanted weapons for this suspected treason."
Emris smirked with all explanation of his worries; her eyes were thirsty for success, and she was determined never to let herself fail when her knowledge of business was lengthy from her past life endeavors of freeing herself from her father's grasp. Clearly, Conan didn't realize that Emris hadn't spent all that time in her office for nothing; she had been planning a full-scale plan of attack on the black market.
"Good points, Conan, of course, those are all things I've taken into consideration. To answer your first and second concerns, who said I was going to make these accomplishments as a woman?" A twinkle of schemes was brewing in the pupils of Emris' sparkling eyes.
Unlike how he'd seen her before, Conan was shocked to know she had a side of passion and tenacity; it was as if the water he'd drank just a second ago would burst from his mouth. Continuing in her explanation, Conan's golden-cut eyes and sharp analytical attention were captured by her resolve.
"Under a title of nobility, I can pretend to be a man, and obviously, when I go out…" Emris linked her fingers together, intertwining them like a bridge for her hovered head to rest upon. She smiled deviously, "You'll be the face I hide behind. The face of our operation."
Conan coughed up the inhaled air, and the saliva gathered in his mouth when he heard Emris' abrupt action, which was unlike the fragile woman he knew and first met. "…So I'm basically a pawn in this plan of yours?" He wiped away with his sleeve the few droplets of saliva that stuck to his lips.
"Of Course! Now…" — Shamelessly, she rebutted any chance of him refusing the plan she poured her blood, sweat, and tears to come up with, hoping it would give her the chance she needed to return home. — "I'm definitely not going to hope for an invitation from them with my magical teleportation, but rather, this is phase one in catching their attention with my capabilities and then blowing them away with my next invention that's sure to hook their greed." She was never someone of confidence, but when it came to escaping this world, she held passion deep in her soul that reflected through her adamant eyes.
Conan closed his eyes for a second to gather his thoughts, leaving Emris in her thoughts as well. While she sat and carefully glanced at the interior of the two-story building and its hanging vines with flowers, Conan peeked at her and puzzled.
'She's quick when it comes to solidifying her position in this world. She must want to make something of herself if she's going to live here for the rest of her life. Before, I was going to return to my home once this was all said and done, but…' His eyes lock on Emris' rosy, plump cheeks as she falls in love with the restaurant theme and patiently waits for Conan. 'For a long time, I'll stay with this dummy and visit my hometown when I can. She'll need me if she wants to survive, so for her sake, I'll stay.'
"Your plan is ingenious; you've managed to knock out every area of concern and worked hard. Good Job. I'm proud of you; I will do my best to support this plan of yours." Unbeknownst to him, the sweet words he said with the slight smile on his handsome face could astound a crowd, hit Emris's heart, and explode the dam that held the emotions she hid behind a smile.
Streams of tears began to stain her rosy cheeks, enhancing them to a reddish color while her eyes rippled and expanded as if absorbing those tears. Acknowledgment was all she never knew she wanted; she wanted her efforts to be recognized even if it meant she would become an attention seeker despised by most. She bit her pink, plump lips and crinkled her eyebrows.
"What the!? Why are you suddenly crying!?" His muscles stiffened, and out of confusion, he raised his voice, panicking. He quickly stood up and pushed away his chair, making his way over to her side of the table.
"I'm sorry…I-I don't know why I'm suddenly crying…" Vertically, she brushed away the tears and steadied the shakiness of her feeble voice, all while trying to maintain a lighthearted smile for Conan. She didn't know the reason for her tears but felt all the throbs of her heart and the resurfacing of memories.
His hand gripped her chair while he extended a handkerchief to her, scattered tears streaming down all the parts of her cheeks. "Pull yourself together; you're crying as a child would! I never imagined this many tears could be shed by you from a single compliment." His brows furrowed, His level of patience snapping from the fragile look of her angelic eyes that glowed once she stared up in the angle of the beaming colored light.
"….Phew, I'm okay; I was just overwhelmed for a second. Thank you for the handkerchief, Conan." Emris dabbed her watery eyes with the soft, silky fabric embroidered with a bird. Peacefully, she sniffled the runs of her nose and balanced her voice to stillness once again.
"Thank you for acknowledging me, Conan, but, and I apologize for asking, I would like for you to grant me a request." Crinkling the handkerchief, she locked her eyes on his golden eyes, which almost distracted her. She threw him a calm face flushed with red color under her eyes, on her cheeks and nose the most.
Her lips parted, sighing a sigh of relief and a release of her slight anxiousness. Peeking over after evading his eyes, the sight of his blank stare didn't change, and his position remained the same. She took a deep breath and clenched the thick layer of her dress, spitting out what daunted her.
"Conan, I would like you to teach me swordsmanship and other defense tactics! This is my request."
"Not a chance." His response was immediate and resolute, as if he didn't even have to think about it. Rather, this response was absolute and without discussion.
Emris's puffed, reddened eyes twitched and forcefully opened in sync with her jaw. "Why not?! You said no so quickly without even thinking!"
"Because I don't need to." — He lifted his glass cup full of crystal clear water to his lips, indifferently taking a short sip to quench the dryness of his throat from all the talking. His eyes glanced back at Emris, who looked as though she would burst into tears of anger rather than sadness this time. — "You'll get hurt because your body is weak and not made for the extensive training that comes with being a swordsman. As the daughter of the Duke, capable knights will follow you around when alone, so there's no need for you to study swordsmanship at all."
Her eyebrows twitched and shook while crinkling in absurdity. Eyes that shined before in radiance became daggers of anger and desperation she shot out into Conan's skull. Though she cared for him, she found his decision of her life unfair.
'Protect!? Why can't I just protect myself!? I'm tired of my life having to be in the hands of others. I lived that way before, and it brought me to death's door more than once! I won't. I refuse to live that way!!' Emris unconsciously slammed the table with her trembling fists, her eyes buzzing and her flooding of emotions bubbling within her.
"That's so easy for you to say when your life isn't the one on the line! Can you guarantee they will save me every time I'm attacked?" Conan and everyone in the restaurant stared in silence, murmuring not long after about the unrefined woman who raised her voice in an unladylike manner, but Emris couldn't care less as those people would never understand the impossible situation she'd been put through.
Conan could see the uncertainty that caused fear in her emotion-stricken eyes. He wondered how much more she would say and how she would say it, but he knew that the words that would come out of her mouth would be hard for her to say out loud; nonetheless, he patiently waited for her to muster her courage.
"I don't want to depend on people who might not always succeed. I'm not doubting their abilities; I'm merely saying that accidents happen and mistakes are possible. I know that me knowing swordsmanship won't change that, but even so, I want to be the one to make the mistake because I know that I at least tried to save myself." Emris panted while unable to catch a grip of reality before she was eaten up by her emotional burst. Those words that were difficult to get off of her chest had been piling on her like bricks suffocating her all day.
Conan understood the distress and anxiety that continuously haunted her, but to teach her swordsmanship not only caused him unease but worry at the same time. He clenched his fists as they rested on his silk pants, sweating enough for drops to glide down his cheeks and chin to his balled fists.
Though the chances were low, his overthinking mind brought him back to the term he had been all too familiar with. 'Death' could she die? All because he was too careless, she would get hurt, and it would be all his fault all over again. Conan fell deep into the darkened parts of his mind that echoed in loneliness and agony.
"Conan!?" — A voice called out to him from the infested part of his mind he felt to be inescapable — "Conan!? Are you okay!? Emris' concerned-filled voice rang of salvation and brought him back to his senses.
"… I'm fine." He rubbed his dried eyes, which rusted like iron from being opened as wide as a canyon. The blurry blob of lavender and milky white, pale skin became clear, shaping a worried Emris who bit the tips of her nail rapidly as if she were chewing a celery stick.
' Sigh,' Conan patted her hand that gripped onto his arm as she bent over next to his seat. "Training will be grueling, but to understand swordsmanship, you not only have to know the moves but must also get your body into shape, alright?"
'Who am I to dictate her choices? If she wants this with everything in her, then I'll stand by her as the guardian I was forced to be.' Conan scoffed, but a slight smile formed on his lips when Emris' arms drooped and her mouth along with it.
"Really!? You'll really teach me!? Thank you, Conan! I promise I'll try my hardest to be a good student!" Emris' heart caught the jitters; sitting back in the chair, she felt she could not contain her happiness, but her relief tamed her well enough to keep calm.
"You must be careful, okay?" Conan's interruption of her excitement caught her attention since this was the first time she'd seen him so serious about her well-being.
"Conan, can I ask you why you're so worried at the idea of me learning swordsmanship?"
"I don't want you to get hurt." Bluntly as he usually spoke, his words came of ease and entered Emris' mind to be engraved in as a sign of their friendship. She had long been waiting for a friendship, the first friend she had ever made that was free of influence from her siblings who slandered her name and dragged her reputation through the mud.
Touched by his words, Emris smiled and folded her eyes to down-turned half-rounded circles as she let the moment of his words seep into her heart.
'If she gets hurt, it means I failed my assignment. That's all this is…an assignment. Whether she's happy or not is none of my concern; she means nothing to me, and that's how it will stay. She's only a distraction from my horrid reality; I don't care about her at all.' Conan saw as she fiddled with the glass of water in front of her and the silver utensils with the brightest and clueless smile on her face as they waited for their food.
She was nothing and would continue to be nothing. Those were the words he repeated in his mind, planting the idea in his head until they grew into a forest of belief, but those trees unknown to him wilted the moment they touched the soil.
"I apologize for the delay in your meal! We're a little short-staffed today. Please forgive us and our discourtesy." A female waitress, stubby in height and skinny from all the labor having to be done as the restaurant experienced one of its busiest days. She bowed her head after placing the platters of salad and steak onto Conan and Emris' table. Her pigtail fell over her round yet small head as she clenched her eyes and bit her tongue.
"That's okay! The beautiful decorations of the restaurant distracted from the long wait. Thank you for the apology, but there's no need to apologize for something out of your control." Emris beamed her angelic smile that could knock anyone into a state of elation. Her kindness and tender look of appreciation drove the waitress into complete admiration of Emris as the mere sight of her brought a deep red blush to her pale cheeks.
"Thank you! Thank you so much for understanding!" — After being yelled at all day, the waitress was indebted to the one person who showed her nothing but politeness and, rather than blame her, thanked her for the apology she gave. So much so that she wanted to weep with happiness but couldn't bear to in front of an elegant woman like Emris— "I'm sincerely grateful, so I'll bring a complementary dessert for you both!"
She ran off in a flash, leaving Emris and Conan to enjoy their food or, rather, Conan to enjoy his food as the sudden strong scent of the steak made Emris queasy. Emris watched as Conan took bites of the fleshy piece of wet meat in front of him; her stomach turned into knots as the burning sensation in her throat increased the urge to vomit.
Her teeth grind against each other, and her nails attempt to chip away the silver from the fork as if it were wallpaper. Garbage, hot garbage boiling in front of her, taunted her and made the taste buds on her tongue numb and lifeless.
'Eat a portion! I have to take a few bites, just a nibble, and I'll be okay. Go!' Emris stabbed the salad to the point of almost scratching the porcelain plate and shoved the stack of lettuce into her mouth. Unable to control, she ate her fear away, stuffing as much as possible into her mouth, hoping Conan wouldn't become the wiser.
"Hey!" Conan's sudden shout stopped her from gorging the salad platter before her. Emris gulped the large salad amount camping in her mouth and timidly answered with a casual smile. "Yes?"
"This steak is amazing! Here, have some. I don't want to be the only one enjoying this!" Out of character, he cut a small portion and laid it on the edge of her half-eaten plate. His face showed the most emotion she had seen from her time of knowing him. Eyes of golden thread shined as if they were carved from the sun, perked up ears as if he was a dog and a smile of utter amazement that livened up the bleak restaurant of angry customers.
'So he didn't find me out, but…do I really have to eat this? I don't want to.' Reluctantly, she wanted to inform Conan she was full, using this excuse to curve the possibility of consuming the heavy-smelling meat. However, his expression of pleading weakened her heart and made it throb. 'Haaa…guess I have no choice.'
The meat reminding her of the rotten food from the garbage she'd been covered with at a young age made her eyebrows furrow, and her stomach churn as the distortion of meat began to get to her. Pushing through for Conan, she forced the mushy meat slice into her mouth and chewed it, trying hard to block out the taste and feeling.
"It-it's sooo good! I like it!" Clearly, she'd been lying, but desperately, she wanted Conan to continue smiling even for a second longer. She wondered as she felt the feeling of wanting to throw up the rotten garbage she'd swallowed if friendship was supposed to feel this way.
'I have never had a friend before, so I don't know any of the rules, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure Conan doesn't regret having me as his friend. This time, it'll be different because my siblings aren't around to turn the opinion of the people around me against me. They won't; they can't manipulate everyone into thinking that I harassed them in a fit of jealousy.'
She was an outcast, a misfit of society, a child who never once had a moment of peace. Not only was she berated with words of extreme hatred, but she was forced to undergo abuse from the friends of her siblings whom they paid to attack her.
Emris clenched her eyes lined with tears, covering her mouth, holding back the urge to cry while the flood of those painful scars invisible to the eye imprinted within her mind once again. She'd been branded and unable to uncage herself from those events.
On the verge of giving in and running away, she'd laid on the street of that alleyway crying, covered in the dirty garbage water and the scraps of rotten food those kids had dumped on her after inflicting her with pain infecting the bruises and open bloody wounds on her already wounded skin. Alone with no one and no hope of a savior, she thought her first thought of giving in, losing all hope.
"… I'm tired."
Vividly, the memory came to mind and burned her nose with the smell of the garbage still tanked within her. Conan, who sat in front of her, now became her only hope in a world she was forcibly dragged into.
'I'll be kind to you, so please accept me. Please come back soon, or else I'll be lonely all over again without you. Please be on my side…'