I want to claim Fray Von Garoff as mine.
I won't tolerate anyone else possessing him but me.
When did these thoughts start invading my mind?
At first, all I wanted was someone with a formidable sword by my side, someone who could provide what I desperately needed and serve as a valuable ally in a world where allegiance is hard to come by if not for my royal status...
Yet, as the days passed, a subtle transformation unfolded. I could sense a shift within myself.
A growing greed, driven by more than just practical considerations.
Revealing my true self to others has always been a challenge, considering my true nature is far from pleasant.
Yet, with him, I found a rare sense of liberation that I dared not share with anyone else.
I was drawn in observing the abrupt shifts in his expressions or witnessing his tendency to dive so deep into overthinking that the rest of the world faded away...
I found myself growing fond of the person known as Fray Von Griffon.
Initially, our training sessions were fueled by my desire to surpass my sister, to claim the recognition that always seemed to be hers. However, strangely enough, such aspirations began to lose their grip on me.
Were the praises of those people truly worth enduring endless torment?
Honestly, I couldn't give a definite answer, but I grasped why I persisted.
The reason I found myself clutching my sword and pushing through, even when it felt like I was at the brink of collapse, was my desire to stand shoulder to shoulder with him.
I desire more than just a one-sided beating. I want a thrilling duel where our blades clash until our blood mingles on the ground. I want him to take me seriously, to see me as an equal...
And strangely, these emotions seem to seep into my Swordsmanship as well.
At the start, I unconsciously mimicked everything I learned from watching over my sister. Yet, over time, I found myself trusting my instincts more.
My sword style evolved into my own version, shedding elements that didn't quite fit and embracing a better adaptation...
---
As our swords clashed in a final exchange, fatigue threatened to overpower me. My knees trembled, and with each breath, I felt the weight of exhaustion pressing down on me.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't muster the strength to continue. I dropped my sword, conceding defeat for now.
I may not have managed to best him once again, but the time I lasted kept increasing. I now stood at a whopping 9 minutes and 41 seconds since the fight began.
Although he was not serious, since he didn't even use his [Sky Slash], progress was still progress.
I can't deny that his influence on me is more profound than I anticipated. But strangely, I find myself embracing this change.
As he lowered his sword, a faint smile graced his lips, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of something unfamiliar stir within me.
Yet, I quickly pushed aside the fleeting emotion.
"You have just died for the 8th time. How does that feel, Alexia?"
"I feel awful. But strangely, I'm happy. I can finally see a path for myself."
I see the mountain you're standing on. I want to carve a path to reach there, using my own strength instead of copying someone else's.
"Well, that's natural. You are not trying to copy your sister anymore. I can see you are trying to give birth to something new, which is good. But remember, you also need theoretical knowledge to put what you got through training in practice without making foolish errors..." He continued with his usual nagging.
Shut up and just become mine, would you?
"...I know, I know. This is like 10th time you tell me that. I'll study, alright? I'll also read some books in the Library from now on, although I do admit it was fun to be there just to tease you. Anyway, would you be so kind as to help me now? You need to take responsibility after beating a lady up like that," I replied, trying to sound innocent.
"You... why do you find that so fun? Should I beat you harder to tame you?"
He mumbled under his breath as I couldn't help but smile, feeling a warmth spreading through my cheeks.
I tried to hide it, but how could I, when my simple request for help resulted in him scooping me up effortlessly? His hand supporting my back, the other beneath my calves.
In that moment, enveloped in his warmth, I felt a sense of security I had never experienced before in my life.
I know what he told me is a valid point. No one had ever noticed anything about me, and as such, all these emotions I'm feeling may not actually be true, as I'd end up feeling this sort of thing for anyone who did the same things he did, but...
I want to believe, that is not the case. His personality is actually what contributed the most to me ending up feeling this way.
I was covered in sweat and blood, so I was probably anything but presentable at the moment, but he didn't complain once about it. Instead, he just averted his eyes like he didn't want to look straight into mine at the moment.
I embraced him, knowing the truth better than anyone else.
'You don't want to grow closer than this, do you?'
I was not that dumb.
He erected high walls around himself, shielding him from all angles, and while I could catch glimpses over the top, breaching them was out of the question.
Was it trauma, or something darker still?
I couldn't say, and the thought of probing further never crossed my mind.
He's already doing so much for me, and I don't want to cause him any pain.
If only we had crossed paths sooner. Maybe I could've been the one by your side, helping mend your wounds, just as you unknowingly mend mine.
But, you can't make someone open up if they're not ready. I need to rein in these feelings before they become too much. Right now, they'd just be a burden on his shoulders.
Just for a moment longer, please keep me wrapped in your arms.
That is all I ask.
---
Author's Note:
Well, Alexia has found what's her reason to get stronger. The 'spark' Akira was talking about.
This chapter is mostly an explanation as to why she becomes stronger later down the line.
I believe Alexia had so much potential in the novel, but she was kinda put aside.
Although I will also focus on Shadow Garden and the Cult much more from now on, I still think she'd be able to become a key character in Eminence in Shadow had she met Cid earlier in the series.
If you didn't notice this detail, Alexia had never called Fray(Akira) by just his name, and will probably not do so unless something really serious happens(hehehe).
She knows Akira doesn't want them to grow closer, so she wanted to assure him she thought nothing of him by doing that.
Akira doesn't care much and just calls her either Princess or Alexia. Albeit he's japanese, he doesn't think calling her Alexia or Princess will make them closer. He's currently in his own bubble and won't allow anyone from the Trials in.
This will change in the future, but for now, it is what it is.
Anyway, I will post another chap today to make up for the one I couldn't post yesterday, so don't worry! :)