Ray woke up in a familiar white room. It was a room that he couldn't forget for a long time.
Finding himself sitting in a classroom chair, Ray pondered while looking at his hands stands on the table in front of him.
Looking to the side, he saw his red school bag, the one he usually used.
Looking up, he realized that the surrounding room was filled with white color.
Ray looked around and heard the noise. It was filled with people talking anxiously in their minds and the words they uttered. Crying and panicked voices were heard, disturbing Ray's ears.
The familiar feeling he was experiencing now was something he had felt before. Ray began to think about the fragments of memories he had and tried to match the events.
In the end, Ray came to a conclusion that he didn't want to believe.
Am I back in the past after death?
He asked himself, even though he already knew that his own question was the answer to his own question. He was not confused by the situation anymore. He just doubted what he thought. But the memories of suffering he had made that answer stronger.
Ray smiled because he felt happy. But he fell silent again, remembering his unwanted actions. The fact that the decisions he had made were driven by fear. He was angry at himself, overwhelmed by guilt, uncomfortable with the pile of sadness, and haunted by relentless regret.
While he was lost in thought, he remembered his encounter with a white-haired man named Anderson. His facial expression changed 180 degrees from despair to the angry face of someone who had been oppressed for a long time.
Seeing his friends come back to life made him slightly happy with the current situation. But thinking about the future that awaited them made Ray unable to express his happiness. And deep down, he still wondered why he felt sad about the death of his classmates.
Ray didn't worry too much about anything else at the moment. He was now only thinking about how to overcome the problems he was facing.
For the first time in years, Ray felt a sense of emptiness and deep loneliness. This was the first time he felt what people called "ambition" again. His youthful spirit burned, even though it was ignited by a desperate path that awaited him.
Suddenly, someone approached Ray who seemed lost in deep thought. It was Cecilia, Ray's younger sister who had also been transported to another world. Although Ray was not aware that his sister was also brought along. Ray only knew that 25 students, including himself, were currently in another world.
Cecilia observed Ray's face seriously, making Ray feel disturbed by it.
Ray wanted to look at Cecilia's face now, but he felt unworthy to do so. Considering that he had caused Cecilia mental distress, he felt uncomfortable being near her. Although Ray knew for sure that Cecilia didn't have those memories.
"Lia, what have you been doing all this time?"
Cecilia remained silent while continuing to observe her brother attentively. After she was satisfied with what she wanted to see, she nodded with pride. Confusing Ray with her actions.
"Hey Lia, what have you been doing? Stop doing that, it's giving me a headache."
"Oh, sorry, I was just surprised, Ray."
"Surprised? Why?"
"Why? Why was I surprised? I don't really know, actually."
"Huh? That's weird."
Ray felt like he was wasting his time and started to enter his own thoughts and tried to think again. But before that happened, Cecilia smiled and responded to Ray's words.
"What if I say that your facial expression has changed? Would it be normal for me to be surprised by that?"
Cecilia's words made Ray fall silent as he looked at Cecilia intently.
"What's wrong with my facial expression?"
Cecilia seemed to be thinking, clasping her hands under her chest, her hands interlocking with each other.
"Your facial expression looks better than usual, Ray."
"Than usual?"
"Are you aware of the expression you always make? Ray?"
Ray pondered for a moment, thinking about it.
My facial expression? What's wrong with my facial expression?
Ray sighed deeply.
It's impossible for me not to be aware of it. I can't possibly not be aware of how people around me see me. I just don't want to acknowledge it and pretend not to know.
"Sadden?" Ray answered slowly with a sad expression on his face.
"Not entirely wrong," Cecilia replied.
"Ugh..." Hearing her little sister's response felt like being hit by a baseball bat.
"But you're wrong about something. You don't just look like sadden, Ray. You look like someone filled with sadness.
Your facial expression always shows everyone that you are mentally tortured.
That looks sadden, you're not entirely wrong about how people see you. But more precisely, you look like someone who is always with sadness, wherever and whenever.
Don't you realize that too, Ray?"
Although all of Cecilia's words hurt his feelings, Ray knew and remained silent, holding back his anger. Because he knew that Cecilia only wanted her brother to change for the better. Realizing all of that made him smile slightly.
This time, Ray tried to look at Cecilia again, and he succeeded. He finally managed to look into his sister's eyes with his own will.
He smiled at Cecilia and said, "Thank you, Lia."
"Huh? Thanks for what?"
"You may not feel it, but you opened my eyes."
Cecilia, with a confused expression, asked, "What do you mean?"
"It doesn't matter if you don't understand, it's my own problem."
In the end, Cecilia felt confused because many questions in her mind were left unanswered by Ray. Meanwhile, Ray felt relieved with his current situation.
I've wanted to change, but I haven't made an effort. The habit of laziness ingrained in my soul made me give up before taking action.
But it seems that this situation forces me to keep moving forward. Making my laziness gradually turn into a determined ambition.
The fear, sadness, and despair that still haunt me now also push me to not be lazy.
I feel it's enough for me to give up.
Isn't it okay if I want to make an effort this time?
I want to make an effort this time!
Because I want it.