"Ouch, did I land on my head?" Ana used his hand to check.
He had fallen with surety, towards the land that he believed would guarantee him relief from the obligation of having to continue his tortuous and loathsome single life.
But after raising himself and looking around, Ana found that the afterlife was quite green. He had personally expected to see some darkness or maybe the opposite, but definitely not grass.
"A blue sky?"
Ana wondered since when did hell have a blue sky, or such a scenic environment for that matter.
"Ok what do we have here?" A guy with a bandana on his forehead, carrying a checklist of sorts walked towards him.
Without any amicable introductions, the stranger man started mumbling Ana's life history.
"Former delinquent Anna. Multiple accounts of brutality and vandalism, multiple accounts of stalking your ex, multiple accounts of siphoning off company money, multiple-"
He had an aura about him like that of a punchable nerd but Ana was a bit nauseous to throw hands right now.
"Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but where is this?" Ana asked him a very natural question while standing in the middle of a very natural place people encountered after their deaths.
"Girl, you got to say 'present'." The bandana guy taught Ana the formalities.
Ana swung his fist straight into him and punched him in the face.
"Absent." Ana proudly declared.
Every man had his patience, and Ana was running thin on his.
"Chillax girl, no need for violence." The stranger got up and brushed his clothes.
"So, let me ask again. And I'll only ask one more time. Where am I?"
"You're inside the world of Pure Pure Lovers Paradise." The bandana man smiled like a geek at him.
Ana again punched him and knocked him off his feet.
"Pure pure what?" Ana was tired of jokes and just wanted to quietly move on in peace.
"Girl, why are you angry? I thought you wanted to be here." The man got up like before and repeated his previous dry cleaning moves.
Ana definitely wanted to go to paradise, and if possible a paradise full of women, since he firmly believed it was outrageous to reject a chance at having a little happiness in his forced bachelorette occupation but he found it hard to convince himself that this place, in which he was standing with a weird guy speaking with an accent, was heaven.
"Welcome to Pure Pure Lovers Paradise!" The bandana man raised his hands and jumped like a mascot. "This is the world where your vanilla dreams come true!"
"Yeah man, my last relationship ended kind of badly, so I'm not sure…" Ana was a bit skeptical.
"Oh your ex? Don't worry about her! The women in this game are very different from the hoes in your world!"
"Game?" Ana voiced out something peculiar that he heard.
"Game." The man infront of Ana sang welcome wagon.
"What?" Ana was startled.
"What?" The man was startled too.
"What game?" Ana asked him.
"Pure Pure Lovers Paradise." The man made an X-pose with his body.
Ana rammed his knuckles into the mascot man's jaw and exposed his shenanigans by laying him flat on the ground again.
"Girl, I like the violence! You'll survive just fine here!" But the man just got up and repeated his routine as usual.
"Stop calling me a girl! I'm not a freaking girl!" Ana raised his veiny fist and hissed with his tongue.
"Eh? But here it says…" The man showed Ana the checklist that he was carrying.
In the white page that Ana saw, he found his name Anna Viktor Kramling written.
[Pure Pure Lovers Paradise
Human: Anna Viktor Kramling
Designation: Female Player
Player name: Ana ]
"That's right. My name is Anna. Don't ask why." Ana face palmed himself and massaged his brows.
"So you're a girl, right?" The bandana man asked him.
"Does it look like I'm a girl?" Ana winced at the stupid question.
"I mean, yeah. You're kinda hot." The man lewdly licked his lips.
Bam Bam Bam
Ana rained down his fists one after the other on the angelic man.
"How in the world does it look that I'm a girl?!" Ana was furious at this ridiculous insult that supposedly reinforced his shallow insecurities.
"Woah, chillax dude. I'm just kidding." The man pleaded with Ana.
Ana finally halted the assault and moved away, before rubbing his temples that were aching with all the ridiculous hurdles he was having to face after killing himself.
"Anyway, I guess there must have been some miscommunication on our side." The man flicked his fingers and his dress that had gotten dirty magically cleaned itself.
"What the-" Ana was shocked at what he just witnessed.
"Anyway, let's start this from the beginning!" Smiling with his teeth shining like headlamps, the stranger finally introduced himself. "I'm Behrman! And I'm here to introduce you to the game of Pure Pure Lovers Paradise!"
"Hey, I have a question." Ana raised his hand.
"Yeah what is it dude?" Behrman entertained the newbie question.
"Am I dead?" Ana asked him outright, slight tension seeping into his voice as he, in the back of his mind, slowly started fearing that his journey to salvation was somehow interrupted.
"You have died in your original world and ya have been brought here to complete the game Pure Pure Lovers Paradise!" Behrman answered Ana like a proper newbie helper.
Ana's head ached tremendously when he realized that his suspicions were indeed correct.
"Hah…man, I don't know what's the deal with you all and this world, but I just want to move on-"
"Ya have to play now since ya signed up! If you do not achieve one hundred percent completion, your soul will be penalized for breach of contract!" Behrman indignantly laid out Ana's future.
"What!? I didn't sign up for any of this-" Ana protested at this imposition.
["Like for example, in your afterlife, there could be a tyrannical and dangerous Empress ruling an extremely powerful military empire armed to the teeth with mythical beasts and magical cavalry, and you could be asked to fight her."
"Better late than never."
"And she could possibly feel threatened by you so she might try to remove you-"
"Yeah well if that happens, I'll just dominate her first."
"Really?"
"Really."]
Behrman showed Ana a video recording on his phone.
"But dude, you clearly said that you wanted to do this."
"Is that what it meant?!" Ana was blown away that his careless words to an unremarkable addict girl had come to bite him back.
"No, no way." Ana raised his fist again. "I'm not making a stop to play this game."
Ana had to make sure that he was properly dead and no pure pure game was going to stop him from dying.
"Yeah dude. Ya can quit but then you'll have to work as a slave for eternity." Behrman showed him the checklist again.
[In case of Breach of Contract: Eternal Damnation will be imposed upon the player]
Ana really wanted to cuss the living Bahamas out of Behrman, but being a man with proper intelligence, he refrained himself and asked something intellectual instead.
"Sigh…so can I die in peace after I finish this game?"
Gobsmacked at Ana's question, Behrman replied.
"Ofcourse, if ya want to."
"Fine, let's get this over with quickly then. What do I need to do?"
"First, choose your physical body!" Behrman jumped back and opened up a dimensional showcase.
And infront of Ana, Behrman laid out multiple beautiful naked female figures all at once.