The rain fell relentlessly outside the window, mirroring the storm within my heart. My eyes, fixed on the droplets sliding down the glass. It's been a few days since I came back with Yamazaki from our bizarre search for Yuuto, and I have noticed something rather strange. Ever since I helped Tachibana carry her bags that evening, and after the carnival event, she has been acting weird when we meet. The reason behind that change in her attitude towards me is still a question I struggle to answer myself. I'm not sure if it's too arrogant to say this, but I'm confident that I didn't do anything wrong that day or behaved rudely towards her. Nevertheless, whenever I attempt to greet her or initiate a conversation, she looks for an excuse to leave me, at least it looks like that. Does she dislike me? What kind of question is that, she surely does. I wish with all of my heart to be wrong about it, but all the evidence speaks against me.
Why do I think that it's my fault anyway?! I did nothing wrong, I have to stop blaming myself over such ridiculous topics.
Right…?
But, if I think over it again, there is a small possibility that I might be the villain in this story… Just a small one… perhaps.
Right, perhaps it was a mistake to recklessly take her shopping bags. Someone could consider it an act of underestimation of a woman's strength, an assumption made by me of her being too weak to carry the bags. Could it be that deep inside, I am a sexist? It's not like I ever had any negative thoughts about the opposite sex, but, what if it's inside our DNA to be like that? That we are coded this way particularly, to view females as something inferior to us, even if unconsciously. Societies all over the world, for most of their existence, tended to be sexist. Is this a coincidence, or a fair pattern? Me the conscious is clearly not a sexist, but what about Me, the unconscious? What are my true, deep thoughts and values?
A small possibility, right? Ugh…
Is it possible that… I am indeed a sexist?
Think about it, Fukuhara Kazuya! Try to remember every social interaction with a female you had in your life! There must be at least one hint if it's all true!
But no matter how much I think about it, nothing comes to my mind. I mean, we, the boys, certainly did fight with our female classmates over childish things and teased each other, but, can someone really call it misogyny or sexism? It's rather a lack of maturity.
Although… That one time in junior high, when I made fun of our obese female teacher in front of her, does it count? It still fits the category of immature actions, but still, I am not really proud of that… Sorry, Ms. Sugimoto…
After all, I still don't think any of my actions are worthy of being accused of being sexist. I am innocent, your honor!
In any case, I don't wish to let everything remain like that. If my behavior indeed insulted her, then I must apologize. I'll make sure to apologize the next time I see her.
"Sir Fukuhara."
Right, there is no other solution, but an apology.
"Sir Fukuhara!"
Even if I didn't insult her, it's better to apologize…
clap
suddenly, a hand slapped my face.
"Oi! The hell you're doing, monkey?!"
"Stop daydreaming, senior, there is someone looking for you."
"Huh?" — I turned myself and saw a female employee, approximately my age, standing in front of me. She looked at me with a sort of disgust in her eyes.
"How can I help you?" — and stop looking at me like that, please.
"Sir Fukuhara, the branch manager has sent me to bring you along to the conference room."
"To the conference room?"
"Yes."
Sigh…
What amazing journey awaits me this time? Give me a break, all of you…
I asked which conference room it was and told her I'll come in a few minutes.
"Tsk, tsk. Kazuya, you may have to think over your behavior." — told Ogawa, sitting next to me.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"That lady…"
Hm? Yes, what is wrong with her? I mean, she did look strange at me, but I don't mind her.
"Sigh… You forced her to awkwardly stand in front of you and wait for a response and then sent her off with a casual 'yeah I'll be there in a moment'…"
"…"
"Right! Senior sometimes forgets about how to be polite to strangers!"
Who is talking… I don't wish to hear any lecture about politeness coming out of your mouth, Saru.
Tsk…
Screw you all. I don't intend to be rude, I am just like that, like it or not.
"Nakamura, tell them they are wrong! I have always been nice to you, haven't I?"
"Erh… well, senior, actually…"
"…"
"I don't mind if you are rude towards me, but… I have to admit that sometimes you are very rude towards Ms. Fujiwara and Ms. Ishida."
"What?! No! I-it's not my fault! Th-they always do something that provokes me!"
Ogawa put his hand on my shoulder.
"It's alright, even if you can't admit your wrongdoings, we know that deep inside your heart is pure."
"…"
What do you mean I can't admit my wrongdoings?! Of course, I can! It's just that Fujiwara is always… and Ishida! She messed up in that exhibition! Argh… screw you all!
I stood up and left for the conference room.
Does it mean that my conclusion was incorrect? It seems I really am a bad person after all…
"Ah! Ms. Tachibana!"
I was blessed with the opportunity to meet my Angel on my way. This is my chance to clear everything once and for all! I must tell her that I had no bad intentions!
"Hello, Kazuya-kun… excuse me, I have to hurry!"
"Wait! Ah…"
Sigh…
What have I expected? Once again, she found an excuse to leave. She dislikes me just that much. I nor am worthy, nor do I wish to live any further minute in this world full of pain, misery, and disappointment…
…
"Ah! Fukuhara-kun! How are you?"
Apart from the plenty of unknown faces inside the room, there were two that I am familiar with, the pig manager and Yamazaki. Are those other managers as well? I wonder why they need me here.
"Come sit here!" — the branch manager waved his hand.
"Oi, oi, why do you look like an undead? Smile a little!"
Ironically enough, the only free chair was that next to Yamazaki. The team-leader was looking at me with joy in his eyes. What is he scheming?
"Fukuhara-kun, we are pleased to tell you that you were proposed to become a team-leader."
"Huh?"
Out of the blue? And what is going to happen to Yamazaki?
"What are your thoughts about it? Are you happy?" — the pig asked me with a proud face.
What sort of response does he expect? Should I praise him for wanting to promote me? Anyway, this promotion is… not a promotion at all.
"I would like to decline your offer, Sir."
"He~?! Why?"
Heh — I heard Yamazaki releasing a small laugh, a laugh of self-confidence. He most likely knew what my response would be from the very beginning.
How do I explain myself…
"Cough, cough. Being a manager takes a lot of responsibility. I am not sure if I am ready for that."
Not ready, my ass. I am not that stupid to voluntarily make my life worse. The bigger the position in a company, the more responsibility you have to take, the more work that has to be done, which means less freedom and fewer opportunities to just stare at the ceiling and do nothing. Nah, I refuse.
"But!"
"Sir, let me explain to him myself" — Yamazaki interrupted him.
"Everything basically remains the same, I still am your manager, you just have to report to me every so often how good your small team of max 5 consultants is doing.
"I don't know…"
"+$5,000 to your salary, and a couple of more days off."
Twitch
"…"
What did he say? +$5,000 and more days off? Hm… very tempting… alright.
"I sincerely accept your offer."
***
Sigh…
"Hey, hey, what is going on with our recently promoted junior manager?" — Yamazaki followed me after I left the conference room. He approached me and patted my shoulder.
"Hm?"
"Aren't you happy you got a salary raise?"
He suddenly stopped and looked at me, shocked.
"Don't tell me it's not enough yet?"
I have other worries besides my salary, you know? Am I a mercantile scum to you?
"Sigh… Kazuya-kun, you are quite greedy for your age, don't you think so?" — he smirked.
As we walked through the corridor, two familiar figures were walking towards our direction. It was Tachibana and Fujiwara… Heavens, decide already whether you bless me or make fun of me! I am tired of your scheming!
"Hm? Oi~, Yukiko-chan, Kasumi-chan, how are you doing?" — Yamazaki greeted them.
"Sir Yamazaki! We are fine, how are you?" — Fujiwara greeted him back.
He waved his hand twice.
"Ah, fine, fine, hear out the news! Our Mr. Best Employee was promoted to junior manager a couple of minutes back."
"He~, that's spectacular news, Mr. Best Employee~."
The way you say it is rather unpleasant, stop it.
Sigh… and then they blame me for being rude towards you, when you are the one who has to be blamed, Fujiwara. This life is nothing but unfair.
Tachibana was silent. I don't know how her face looked at that moment, since I was looking away to the side the whole time. Was she surprised by the news? Maybe disgusted? Nah, he probably had a poker face. Why would she care for me or have any feelings about it?
"Hm?" — Yamazaki noticed me, came closer to my face, covered his mouth with his palm and whispered — "Oi, did you two fight?"
The day gets only greater…
"I don't know…" — I whispered back.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"Quite literally, the meaning of not knowing, you dumbass."
"Seriously?"
I looked away again and nodded twice.
Yamazaki pulled back and didn't say a thing.
I slowly turned my face and looked at him and… saw the face of a man who clearly was looking with disgust at something pathetic, at trash, particularly.
Can you please not look at me like that…
He wiped off that face of his, came closer to me again and whispered — "Alright, I'll see what I can do."
Huh? What does he mean?
"Yukiko-chan, will you join me for a cig?"
After that, they both left, letting me and Tachibana awkwardly stand alone in the center of the corridor.
It's my chance to apologize… this time for sure.
I raised my eyes to call her name, but right at that moment, she made a small bow and left rushing.
"…"
Ah, how familiar this smell of the misery of life is. I almost forgot about it, glad I was slapped by the harsh reality before it got out of hand. What have I expected?
The quote, "Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.", indeed, fits me perfectly. I am disqualified as a human being, I am not worthy of living. Screw this day, I'll go home.
"Oh, you are back? How was it? What did they tell you?"
"Did ya get scolded, senior?"
"Sorry, but let's keep that talk for tomorrow?"
I took my bag and went off the building.
…