Her lips trembled as she took the picture in her hands and looked at it. A fresh stream of tears flowed down her face, her chest heaving up and down as she desperately tried to hold back her woeful sobs. But she couldn't do it. She collapsed on her knees, the picture buried in her chest as she hugged the cherished memento of the first outing with her friend.
Because right on the bottom was written…
S & C
Best Friends Forever
August 7, 1981
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|DxD|
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Baraquiel walked down the corridor with heavy steps. His emotions were a mix of relief and apprehension at having to see his daughter. He just wished he could've seen her under much better circumstances.
He imagined a scene where once he came back the following year, he could truly start to teach her about her heritage for her tenth birthday. He had everything planned and would even start to slowly train her how to use her holy lightning.
Unfortunately, things did not pan out like he truly wished. Shuri was dead and there was nothing he could do. A part of him just wanted to run, just disappear for a few decades and grieve. Few people could understand just how much Shuri meant to him, how much her presence impacted his life.
For centuries, all Baraquiel knew was doing missions for Grigori. He was not smart like Azazel or organised and logistical like Shemhazai. He was not politically smart like Kokabiel nor could garner followers like his crazed brother. All he had were his lightning and his fists and so he voluntarily decided to be the muscle for Grigori. Each brother had their roles and he did his perfectly. Decade after decade, century after century, and millennium after millennium, his life was to simply receive intel, infiltrate, and exterminate.
He was content with being the brute force of his family until one fatal day, he got injured on a mission and with a hasty teleportation, landed in her path. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps it was manipulation. Or maybe it was sheer coincidence. But under her care, his heart that had turned to stone slowly crumbled under her radiance. His mind that only knew how to kill slowly began to yearn for her presence.
For months, he kept contact with her. It did not matter in what dimension his missions took him. He would always, ALWAYS, pass through Kuoh to see her before returning to Grigori. Sometimes he deliberately injured himself just to have an excuse to see her. These strange feelings he had, the simple notion of just being content in her presence, of taking joy in simply seeing her smile, hearing her voice, feeling her touch, confused him. It wasn't until he confided with Azazel that he finally understood that what he was feeling, was love.
He found it nonsensical at first. She was a human. How could he fall in love with a human? It made no sense in his mind. But as the months slowly turned into a year, his continued presence around her completely melted his preconceptions. He did not mince words. He was not poetical. As a quiet guy, he was relatively awkward with words, especially when it came to admitting what he felt to the woman who caused his heart to thrum with her very presence. But he did eventually confess. He did not know what to expect, but a kiss was certainly not one of them.
And so began their relationship, one where he felt the most joy in his life. But none of it compared to the time when she gave birth to Akeno, his one and only daughter. It was the happiest he had ever been. She gave birth to a beautiful daughter for him and with the three of them, they became a family.
Fourteen years had passed since he met her. He never imagined that he would lose her so soon. She was only in her early thirties, far too young for a woman of her calibre to die. But she did, and it was because of him…because of his presence. And now, he had to tell his daughter that she lost her mother, that she would never see her again. It pained him. It pained him truly to the point that he felt he would go insane. But as Cleria said, Akeno needed him.
So reaching the door to her room, he knocked twice before entering.
*Dakaang*
Pushing the door open, he was subjected to the sight of Akeno sitting on the edge of the bed while swinging her little legs. At first notice, one would think she was bored. With a sullen face supported by her hands, she did seemingly appear like an un-entertained child. But if one looked closer, they could see that her eyes seemed glazed over, a sign that she was deep in thought.
With a cute white dress with flowered patterns, Baraquiel felt his heart bleed a bit. She was the epitome of purity, the little star that brightened his day everytime he saw her. But remembering Cleria's words, he feared what the Himejima said to his little girl, what cruelty she was subjected to through his period of absence. Akeno was like a husk, a puppet without strings. But upon hearing the door open, she looked up. The moment she saw her father, a sliver of life seemed to enter her body.
Immediately, she got up from bed and ran towards him.
"Daddy!"
She galloped towards him and threw herself into his embrace. Her arms wrapped around his legs, her mind finally feeling ease that her father, her source of protection was here. Emotions that were repressed immediately came out.
Tears streamed out of her eyes as she tried to speak.
"I-*hik* I…I-"
"I'm here now, Akeno."
He picked her up and held her tightly in his arms, her warmth helping to ease his mind a bit. But her next question made his heart suddenly beat faster.
"M-mom…where's m-mom?"
"..."
The moment had come. He expected it, even mentally prepared himself for it, but he found his spirit waver in the face of this moment. Akeno looked at him with pleading eyes which served to make him feel even more guilty, more useless.
"She…"
He found himself hurting, the words he wanted to say failing to escape his mouth. But he had to. She had to hear it from his mouth.
"Your mother…has left this world."
He said it, but she didn't process it.
"What…?"
Her words weren't from disbelief, but from confusion. She didn't understand what her father meant by his words.
"Did mama go somewhere? Can we go to her?"
The way she held onto his coat almost excitedly made Baraquiel feel even more sorrow…sorrow at the fact that he now had to explain what death was. She had a smile on her face, her jubilance only making it that much harder for him to speak.
But he had to.
"No, my child. We cannot go and see your mother."
She tilted her head in confusion.
"...Why?"
Baraquiel looked at her with a solemn gaze.
"Because…she's dead, Akeno. We can never see her again."
"..."
It took a while for his words to process in her head. But eventually, they did.
"No…"
She shook her head.
"NO!"
She shook her head vehemently as tears came out of her eyes.
"You're lying! YOU'RE LYING!!"
She began trying to get out of his grasp, but Baraquiel held her tightly.
"I'm sorry-"
"NO!"
She began pounding her chest, her screams of refusal serving to hurt him much more than her tiny fists could.
"I'm so-"
"NOOOOOOO!!!"
Her wails were loud as tears of pain gushed down her cheeks. She could comprehend, but couldn't believe. She couldn't believe that her mother had left them alone in this world. Akeno knew what death meant, except she only ever saw it in the TV dramas she watched with her mother. She never imagined that the scenes she saw on television would actually happen to her too. It was too much for her to handle, too much for her to accept. But seeing the pained look on her father's face, she had to accept that this…wasn't a joke.
She collapsed onto his chest, her tears soaking through the fabric. Baraquiel held on to her tightly, her wails constricting his heart with guilt. Never had he felt so much guilt and anguish before in his life.
Everytime Akeno cried on his chest, Cleria's words would run through his head.
'She died because of you, Baraquiel.'
"MAMAAAA!"
'She died…and you are responsible.'
"Daddy I want mommaaaaa!"
"..."
He couldn't restrain his pain anymore. The tears poured out of his eyes, the pain he tried so desperately to bottle up releasing itself through his silent tears.
"My fault…it's my fault."
He cried silently, the weight of the future now on his shoulders. Akeno would have to grow up without a mother and he didn't have the confidence to raise her properly. As old as he was, this was the first time he was ever this unsure about something. Even choosing to follow Azazel out of heaven never gave him this much pressure.
And this pressure, this fear was heightened because…everything happened because of him.
"I'm sorry, Akeno. I'm truly sorry, my daughter. Everything…everything happened because of me."
Akeno who was crying on his chest couldn't help but look up, her eyes filled with pure disbelief.
"Momma died…because of you?"
Baraquiel looked at her in the eye. His answer alone could change everything between them. A simple no, and they could remain as father and daughter. If he answers in the affirmative, then the chances of his own daughter hating him would be terribly high. All he had to do was say no. It was a very simple choice, a choice that even a man woken up from a drunken stupour would be able to make. Life was multiple choice but this time, he had the answer sheet…and all he had to do was choose Option A.
But…
"Yes. If it wasn't because of me, your mother would still be alive. If it wasn't because of me…they wouldn't have killed her…wouldn't have hurt you."
He couldn't lie to her. Even if he was confident that he could convince Cleria and everyone else to hide the truth, he couldn't do it. Lying to his daughter was something he didn't want to do. And so he told her the truth.
And the result was just as he expected.
"No!"
She began trying to scramble away from him.
"Aaaa!"
Baraquiel could only watch on with pain as his daughter freed herself of his grasp and stepped away from him.
"They were right! Fallen Angels are the worst!"
She brought her wings out and began trying to tear them off. But Baraquiel couldn't let her.
"NO!"
He rushed towards her and restrained her arms. But she struggled desperately.
"Don't do-"
"LET GO OF ME! L-LET GO OF ME!!!"
Baraquiel could only watch with a pained gaze as the outcome of his absence once again revealed itself. He could only imagine what the Himejima said to his little girl that made her resent her own blood so much. As a hybrid, Baraquiel tried to protect his daughter from the racism the supernatural has against half-breeds. Yet just like now, he failed.
Despite that, he couldn't let her tear off her own wings.
"Akeno-"
"I HATE YOU!"
"..."
Her words were like the final straw that broke the camel's back. Baraquiel had endured, but he couldn't endure his daughter releasing such harsh words against him. Her words hurt much more than the words he received from his father. Her words hurt much, much more than the worst wound he ever received. His own flesh and blood, his only daughter…declared that she hated him. And he could see it in her eyes that this wasn't a tantrum. Oh how he wished it was. But the tearful gaze directed at him with every hint of animosity couldn't be faked. She genuinely held hatred towards him.
Baraquiel found himself unconsciously back away from her, the pain of her words reaching towards the deepest depth of his heart.
"I…I'm sorry, Akeno."
"GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!!!"
"..."
Seeing his daughter glare at him with such hatred, Baraquiel couldn't hold on anymore.
"I…see."
With his heart torn to pieces, he couldn't bring himself to stay any longer. With tears in his eyes, a teleportation circle formed beneath his feet before he vanished.
Vwong!
It was cowardly, but he felt that if he stayed any longer, he would lose his mind.
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AN
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