(AN: Foob/Foober/Foobing = F**k/F**ker/F**king)
Audio Log - Sentencing Hearing - Space Navy Tribunal - USS Bellerophon - June 18th, 287 PNE (2289 C.E.)
Capt. Xantis: "Call to order this 18th day of June, 287 post-nine-eleven. Space Navy Tribunal convening to sentence the accused, 1st Petty Officer Callahan O'Shea, in the matter of the murder of 3rd Petty Officer Huang Qiu.
"Ship, Union Star Ship Bellerophon. Mission, en route to TRAPPIST-1 for terraforming survey. Distance to destination, 19 light years with travel time remaining at 4 years 5 months."
Executive Officer Thompson: "My client is ready to hear the sentence."
O'Shea: "No, you foober! I'm no--" [unintelligible]
Xantis: "Quiet! You and your counsel had your opportunity to refute the evidence presented by the Judge Advocate General. You've already been found guilty."
O'Shea: "It was all lies! I'm being foobing set up!"
Counselor Al-Amir: "Unfortunately, we cannot believe that. There is a mountain of evidence against you."
O'Shea: "But--"
Xantis: "What is the JAG's recommendation in regard to the sentence?"
JAG Roberts: "Given the length of the mission, we're recommending death by firing squad and body dissolution for water and nutrient recovery."
O'Shea: "Foob!--You can't be se--"
Xantis: "Silence!--One more outburst and you will have waived your right to rebuff the recommendation."
O'Shea: [unintelligible]
Xantis: "Good, Thompson, what is your client's response to the recommendation of the JAG?"
[whispering]
Thompson: "My client would prefer solitary confinement with waiver of right to life-style or at least consciousness back up."
Roberts: "Was Qiu's consciousness backed--"
Xantis: "Quiet!--I don't know why you have such a stick up your ass about this. I know Qiu was your friend but I need you to remain objective. I don't want this proceeding questioned when we return to Earth."
Roberts: "Sorry, Sir."
Xantis: "The tribunal will adjourn for deliberations."
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Xantis: "Tribunal reconvening in the case of the murder of Qiu, accused O'Shea. Dated 18th of June, 287 PNE."
Counselor al-Amir: "Callahan, we on the tribunal have a duty to maintain law and order on these long voyages away from Earth. We take your claims of being set up very seriously. Captain Xantis and myself reviewed the evidence multiple times, looking for anything that would support your claims. We unfortunately found none. You yourself had no evidence to contribute to this claim and your representative, the XO, did their best to convince us that you were innocent despite the evidence against you. Based on these facts we must conclude that you did kill 3rd Petty Officer Qiu. Do you agree with that assessment?"
O'Shea: "I agree that I had a fair trial, but I don't foobing agree that I'm guilty."
al-Amir: "Noted."
Xantis: "Good, with that out of the way. 1st Petty Officer O'Shea, you have been found guilty of murder in the first degree. The JAG officer recommended death by firing squad and body dissolution. You pleaded for confinement with a waiver of certain life-style rights. Unfortunately, based on the supplies available even that would be a serious problem. So, we have no choice and have--"
O'Shea: "No!"
Xantis: "--sentenced you to death by firing squad and body dissolution."
O'Shea: [unintelligible]
al-Amir: "However, we have heard your plea for consciousness back up and have granted your request. I took the liberty and petitioned for genetic material storage for later cloning, should this verdict be overturned at a later date."
O'Shea: [unintelligible]
Thompson: "My client thanks you for your generosity."
Xantis: "Sentence to be carried out in 1 hour."
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Xantis: "June 18th, 287 PNE. Execution of criminal 1st Petty Officer Callahan O'Shea. Firing squad consisting of JAG officer Roberts and 1st Petty Officer Jones. Weapons, two standard-issue scorpion plasma rifles. Firing Squad, are you ready?"
JAG Roberts: "Yes, sir."
Al-Amir: "Any final statement, O'Shea?"
O'Shea: "Only that some foober has set me up! This is all bullshit!"
JAG Roberts: "What's bullshit is how--"
Xantis: "Quiet!"
[whispers]
XO Thompson: "My client has nothing further to say, Captain."
Xantis: "Understood, firing squad, arm!"
Roberts: "ARMED!"
Xantis: "Aim!"
Roberts: "AIMED!"
Xantis: "Fire!"
[plasma rifle shots]
O'Shea: [unintelligible]
[thunk]
Roberts: "Good riddance!"
Xantis: "That's it! Roberts, OUT!"
Thompson: "Counselor, please confirm consciousness back up."
Al-Amir: "Confirmed. Back up is stable at 99.91% data retention."
Thompson: "Whew, it's finally over. The insufferable bastard's dead."
Xantis: "Hey! We're still recording!"
Thompson: "Sorry, Sir!"
Xantis: "Thus completes the tribunal, finalize file and compress for long term storage."
Ship AI: "Acknowledged, finalizing file. Captain, as requested I am notifying you of a change in odds of mission success. Current calculations have increased from 1 in 3,686,058 to 1 in 129."
Xantis: "God, forgive us. End recording."
…
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Everything faded into an abyss. A sense of peace, then nothingness.
Suddenly, a chilling sensation surged. He was... somewhere.
His thoughts were foggy, but a word surfaced – cold. As if laying on something hard and freezing, the cold seeping the life out of him. Struggling to move, his body felt out of his control, limbs flailing like a newborn turtle flipped on its shell.
"A baby?!" a voice exclaimed, echoing in the vast emptiness.
"That can't be right!"
"Have we disappointed Shani in some way?"
"What do we do now?"
"What went wrong?!"
The cacophony of voices seemed to come from all directions, and then a singular voice cut through, "Quiet!"
In the ensuing silence, his mind raced. They said something about a baby. Was he reborn? Was this some ancient cycle of life and death? His body felt tiny, alien. And in his confusion, a looming figure appeared above him. His vision was blurry, but he made out an older face.
"Well, are you a baby or a summon?" The man's question was punctuated by a sudden, surreal notification in his field of vision.
Tutorial Quest Received!
Do something cute to endear yourself to your mysterious benefactor.
Reward: 10 EXP
What in the hell is going on?